My secret for “doing it all”

As you may know or may not know, I’ve been married to a wonderful husband for four years, I’m a mother to an eight-and-a-half-month old son, I teach yoga classes around my city, and I run my life coaching business. On top of that I make homemade baby food, vegetarian meals and treats, and fit in regular exercise.

I’m not sharing this to brag, I’m sharing this with you so you can learn how I do it, so here it is:

I don’t do it all ALL the time.

I do a lot of the things some of the time, a few of the things most of the time, and none of the things the way I did pre-baby.

Here are a few key tips I want to share with you of how you can do the things you want and NEED to do when you are struggling to “do it all:”

Prioritize

I cannot stress this enough. We only have 24 hours in a day and 7 days in that week to do all the things we feel are important. If your days are anything like mine, your attention is constantly pulled in multiple directions and unexpected interruptions are the norm.

If you don’t know what is important to you then you can’t do them. Why? Because we will fill our day with the next most immediate demand instead.

All of us have things in our lives that are important. These are the things we are willing to stand behind and put time into no matter what.

I invite you so spend some time evaluating what those things are for you so you can put them at the top of your To-Do list.

You will feel more in control, a larger sense of accomplishment at the end of your day, and you will be happier for it, I promise.

For me, some of those things are: making my baby’s food and our food, not working when my baby is awake, walking the dog everyday (or some other form of exercise), getting in a bit of work time, teaching yoga, and having a few solo hours with my hubby every evening.

Because I am clear on what is important to me, I can implement the systems and routines that allow me to do them.

My baby needs to nap and sleep well for a lot of the above to happen, so we worked with a sleep consultant early on. I leave the house to teach yoga, so I found reliable childcare with someone I trust. My husband has picked up some of my previous tasks like grocery shopping so we can spend the evenings together once Magnus has gone to bed.

Being clear on your priorities will make it easier to plan your day around them, instead of trying to fit them in. Because as we all know, things we try to fit in don’t happen.

Create a “Semi”-Structured Routine

Habits are what run our lives.

Imagine if you had to think about throwing your feet to the floor when you got out of bed, and then placing one foot in front of the other as you walked to the bathroom, only to concentrate on each brush stroke as you brushed your teeth? You’d be fucking exhausted before you even left your house!

Habits allow us to do things automatically so we can use our energy and brainpower elsewhere.

This also means that habits use the least amount of energy and are the easiest to maintain. Routines, are a few habits grouped together in a sequence.

For example, my mornings look like this: Magnus and I get up at 6am. He nurses and cuddles until 6:30am we have a story and then I get in the shower and eat while he plays. He eats again at 7am and then I wear him as we take the dog for a walk. We get home around 8am, he eats again and then he has breakfast. 9am is his naptime.

He naps usually from 9am to 10:30am which is “my time.” I typically use this time to work, however, some days I go back to bed for a nap myself or do laundry, make food, or other domestic shit.

My whole day is cut up like this with chunks of time devoted to specific things, and specific days also have specific task during “my time.” For example, Mondays I write my blog, Tuesdays I prepare for upcoming events, the end of the week I most likely am doing laundry.

Routines are the secret for high productivity.

As an entrepreneur, I learned early that if I didn’t have a regular routine I would get jack shit done.

Needless to say, routines have been a part of my life for a long time and they are how I make sure I work, exercise, and most importantly, have focused time with my baby an family.

What routines can you implement in your own life to do the things that are most important to you?

Be Flexible

This is where being a yogi has been a huge help for me, because it has taught be not to be too rigid and to be willing to make space for things as they come up.

Sometimes this requires me to let go of my plans, like if Magnus doesn’t nap well or he’s sick.

Sometimes, like when my husband is home, it opens up space for me to go for a run or get in a workout.

And a lot of times, it means letting myself have a break and laying down for a guilt free nap.

Everything is in constant change, and being stuck on things having to be only one way doesn’t allow us to see the opportunities available to us now.

(Also, if you have or had a baby, you know that routines are always changing anyways. Good luck fighting it!)

These three principles are what have allowed me to be a fulltime mom and work part-time at the jobs I love AND take care of me and my family the way I want to.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you feel like you have to do it all? How do you juggle all your demands?  What are your “most important things?” I’d love to read them in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this email to anyone who might benefit from it.

Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. <3

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The one quality you need to make any meaningful change, and it’s not what you think.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week my live video on Facebook was about the one quality you need to create meaningful change (feel free to watch it here), and because it is such an important topic I felt it warranted a little more explanation.

Many of us are into personal development and truly want to become better versions of ourselves.

We buy self help books and go to seminars and hope that some of it will sink in and then FINALLY we will become the person we want to be.

I want to tell you something really important:

You can’t perfect yourself.

As Jack Kornfield says, “You can’t perfect yourself, you can only perfect your love.”

And news flash my beautiful friend: there’s nothing WRONG with you!

Yes, you might have some not so skillful behaviors like yelling at other drivers on perfect blue sky afternoons when you should be happily basking in the sunshine and enjoying your commute.

Or your impatience with your little one because you’ve asked them ten times to put on their shoes, and you’ve given them tonnes of warning, and now your happy lilting voice is turning into a gritted tooth monster voice and you are ready to lose your lid any second.

Or the fact that every single day you vow to squeeze in some exercise, eat more vegetables, and get to sleep earlier. And everyday you guzzle down a gallon of coffee, work through lunch, and drag your ass to bed far too late.

Or maybe there’s just not enough time in the day, and it’s a constant battle to frantically fit in “one more thing” resulting in you being late for everything. All. The. Time.

But these are just behaviors, they’re not who you really are.

All spiritual practice ultimately comes down to knowing ourselves.

It is by turning our gaze inward that allows us to understand our inner workings, beliefs, and motivations.

When we can see our unskillful behaviors and understand them, we can then work with them.

Often the action of simply looking is enough for some of those unskillful patterns to drop away from us.

But we can’t change what we don’t see, so the willingness to look is super important.

If we don’t, we continue to sleepwalk through life wondering why things keep happening to us, not realizing that we are making them happen through our unconscious thoughts, words, and behaviors.

Now back to the important quality, because it’s not enough only to turn inside.

The HOW we turn inside is just as important and it’s with…dum-dum-dadummmm…drumroll please….

Compassion.

No, I’m sorry to disappoint you, it’s not willpower, self-control, or discipline (although they have their place too).

Compassion is the super power which allows you to look at yourself without judgement.

Judgment kills any possibility of real growth and understanding.

Try this: Imagine a time when you were at a place with a group of people where you felt people were judging you. Were you able to be yourself in that situation? Were you able to be relaxed or open?

Probably not.

It’s the same thing within ourselves.

When we judge what’s happening within ourselves we contract making it difficult to see what’s really going on.

Compassion encourages curiosity and an attitude of openness allowing us to relax to see more deeply.

It is nurturing and loving, and growth can only take place with love at it’s core.

One of my favorite definitions of compassion also comes from Jack Kornfield:

Empathy + Love = Compassion

We seek with the intention to understand, rather than to judge or fix ourselves.

I have said this many times, and I’ll say it again:

You cannot hate yourself better.

The very nature of hate is diminishing. The practice of looking in with compassion and love is the invitation to become the fullest version of ourselves.

You may have heard of people becoming “more of themselves” and that’s what happens when we look inward with compassion:

We shine brighter.

Now I’d love to hear from you: Do you struggle with judging yourself? How do you maintain a compassionate heart? What’s your favorite personal development book, seminar, course? Please share in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to someone who needs this right now.

Thank you for being a constant source of joy and inspiration.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stubborn Gratitude

Hello Gorgeous,

You may not know this about me, but I am not always positive…or cheerful…or optimistic.

Sometimes I am sad, and miserable, and stressed, and lonely. Sometimes even all at the same time…ask my poor husband.

Today, this post is a little late. My sweet boy was up at 2:30am this morning for a snack and then didn’t feel it was necessary to fall back asleep until 5:30am. Our alarm goes off at 6am.

It was a hard start for today, and because of that I opted for a nap instead of writing, so I could manage the day and still teach two yoga classes coherently.

Some days are hard, this one felt like it for lots of reasons. And its days like today that I NEED my gratitude practice.

It is not optional for me, because otherwise in my fatigue I lean towards being weepy and focused on all the things that could possibly be hard right now, and all the things that need attending to.

Yes, me. That’s what I do.

Gratitude is easy when things are easy. We can take for granted the abundance of blessings and feel blessed in those moments, thinking that things will always be this way.

Gratitude can be challenging when things are not easy.

When things are hard, and I am tired, or sad, or all of the above, I stubbornly turn towards gratitude to change what I see.

Gratitude can be hard, and it is not for the faint of heart. Yet it is one of the most powerful tools to shift us from all the shit we may be marinating in, to a place of abundance and joy.

So today, I am choosing to be grateful.

Grateful for the weight of my son in my arms as I sing to him before he sleeps. I am grateful for a man who loves our family so much that he will fight like hell for us. Grateful for a body strong enough to handle what life throws at it. Grateful for spandex that makes me look better than I feel (thank you Lululemon). Grateful for the many women in my life keep me inspired, accountable, laughing, and holding each other together. And I am forever grateful for another day and another chance to do my life better in grace.

If you didn’t already know, you can join me in a free 30 Day Gratitude Practice which starts July 1st.

You don’t need anything but a willing heart and a Facebook account (no journal required, thank goodness!). You can sign up for it by clicking here.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you are grateful for today. Please share it in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The worst thing you can say to yourself.

Hello Gorgeous,

All of us have an inner dialogue that is going on all the time. Sometimes it is commenting on what’s happening. Sometimes it’s deciding what to say next. Sometimes it’s judging or comparing, and sometimes it’s very mean to us.

Our inner dialogue is like the white noise operating in our background and don’t often hear it until we get quiet and then it can feel like it’s screaming at us!

This is one of the biggest hurdles for new meditators because once you notice the noise, like noticing a noisy eater, it can feel impossible to tune it out and become extremely annoying.

We can also be taken aback by some of the thoughts the we notice. As Jack Kornfield says,

“Thoughts have no shame; they will go anywhere.”

Our thoughts, and the language that we us frame our reality. The words we use reveal our beliefs, our models of the world, and our inner life.

What we say and the words we use matter.

What do you think is the most disempowering statement you can make to yourself?

I’ve said all of them for sure:

I’m not good enough.

Who the fuck do I think I am to even try?

I’m too (insert fat, ugly, stupid, young, old, or any other mean thing in here).

I’m a fraud, I don’t know anything.

I’m sure you get the picture.

(By the way, if you catch yourself saying these awful things to yourself, please stop when you catch yourself. Stop, and counter those thoughts with something positive about yourself. They are terrible and don’t belong in your beautiful mind!)

But none, NONE of these are as disempowering as this one sentence:

I have no choice.

As soon as you utter those words you have given your power away and become the victim of your very own life.

Here are some other ways we say those words:

I should.

I can’t.

I have to.

Yes (when I mean no).

No (when I mean yes).

All of these statements give away our power and our control.

And yes, I realize that there are consequences for not doing certain things. However, it’s not the “thing” itself that causes our suffering, it’s the way we are relating to it.

As much as we try, we can’t always control the circumstances of our lives, yet it’s possible to be empowered and free in the midst of it all.

Supposing maybe you don’t want to go to work, and it’s true that if you don’t go to work you will get fired and lose your income.

There is a difference between saying to yourself, “I have no choice but to go to work,” and “I’m choosing to go to work so I can make money,” have a very different feel to them.

You are still going to work, the circumstance doesn’t need to change, but the latter statement empowers you to be in the driver’s seat of your life, instead of the victim of it.

Learning to shift your language into one of choice, even if it’s as simple as how you choose to feel about something, frames your reality as one where you are powerful and free.

Also, this is your last week to sign up for the Soul Strategy Sessions! They start next week on Tuesdays from June 14th – July 19th from 7-9pm at Astra Financial inside A Balanced Approach.

Some of the many fabulous side effects you can expect from the Sessions are:

Not giving so many fucks about shit that doesn’t matter.

BS free friendships with women who genuinely want you succeed.

Living more authentically and honestly aligned with what you ACTUALLY give a shit about.

Lower anxiety, a higher sense of purpose, and totally feeling like you got this!

These groups are popular for a reason, and so much fun to do with a friend! You can learn more and sign up by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you notice your self-talk, and how do you relate to it? Is there a “favorite” disempowering statement that your mind tends to use, and if so which one? What is your best advice for dealing with a “shameless mind”? Post your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please click the little buttons below and share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

4 Tips for a Better To-Do List

This week, I’m going to share with you how I do my own To-Do lists. This is not only how I do my To-Do lists, but also how I coach my lovely clients to do theirs.

I LOVE lists, and I love crossing off my lists, and I love making more lists. I love listing, and I love finding more ways to feel accomplished and successful.

The great thing about To-Do lists is the sense of immense satisfaction and accomplishment of crossing things off as they are completed. I’m super visual, so I LOVE crossing things off.

However, until I learned this important shift of how to do my To-Do’s, I often felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. It felt there was always so much more to do than was accomplished each day.

Maybe you are as zealous about lists as me, and in your excitement of creating lists, never really seem to complete them.

At the end of the day, all the things that weren’t completed were moved onto the next day, and then those things, get moved onto the next day, and it goes on and on.

Soon, you start to feel the anxiety of ALL the things that aren’t done and more unsuccessful than satisfied. Am I right?

This is the dark side about To-Do lists (particularly the ones that keep growing and morphing into some huge crazy uncontrollable hungry monster):

They never seem to be DONE.

So how do we create a To-Do list that we can feel successful, accomplished, and satisfied at the end of the day?

Start creating lists that we can accomplish.

It sounds crazy right? To good to be true?

Once you start doing them this way I promise you will never want to go back because not only will you feel better, you will complete MORE, and more of the things that will make a difference in your life.

Tip #1 – Be realistic about how much you can do in one day.

If you don’t do anything else, do this: only choose 3 things to put on your To-Do list per day, and they MUST be 3 things you can accomplish within your day with ease.

Having unfinished items that we move over to tomorrow’s list is a confidence crusher and creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. And over what? Nobody died over unfinished items on a To-Do list, unless you’re maybe a brain surgeon that uses To-Do lists in surgery. In that case, please finish ALL the things!

Tip #2 – Break it down.

Break big tasks into smaller manageable chunks.

A long time ago, I actually had “website” as one of my tasks. Seriously, like that was something I would be able to do in even a month! It became this huge daunting thing that I was super resistant to tackle. I felt like I was never getting anywhere with it no matter how much time I spent on it.

If I were to approach that again, I would divide it up into little bitty pieces like this:

  • Write home page first draft.
  • Choose colours.
  • Choose fonts.

Breaking the big stuff into smaller stuff adds up really quickly. It helps push through resistance, and builds momentum and confidence.

Tip #3 – Edit your list.

Do you ever notice that some things are way more important to do on your list than others? In fact, some of those things are on the list for no good reason other than you are obsessed with lists and doing things and you like to cross off lists so you just keep adding more? Good, so am I!

Choose the items that are going to make the biggest difference in your life/work. Prioritize, and let the other stuff go.

Or, you can do what I do with things that I want to do but aren’t important now: make a separate list for later. The great thing about this, is that I can write those ideas down somewhere, and then later when I go back to it, I can check to see if they are still relevant without losing them.

Tip #4 – Remember what the list is for.

If you are like me and are obsessed with To-Do lists because of the immense joy and satisfaction you get from crossing items off, then remember the point of the list is not just DO things just for the sake of doing them.

This attitude not only contributes to the disease of busyness, but creates unnecessary stress and anxiety, creates more resistance, and does the very opposite of what the list is intended for.

The point of a To-Do list is that awesome feeling you get crossing it off while getting the important things done.

Now, I’d love to hear from you: Do you love a good To-Do list? What are your best tips for a great list? What tip are you going to try today? Please share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your besties. You never know who might benefit from this!

Thank you for shining your light, beautiful.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stop Putting Yourself on “The List”

Hello Gorgeous,

It’s been a while now, hasn’t it? I hope you are doing well and are as excited to connect with me as I am with you!

I had big plans to maintain AT LEAST my blog after Magnus was born, and I did pretty good for a while, and then my plans went to shit. Sorry about that.

I started doing it all, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was even doing, and subsequently my sweet Magnus wasn’t putting on weight because my supply dropped so drastically. Shit got real, and my main focus was on him and me and getting the T&M team nursing team back on track.

Everything worked out fine after a shit tonne of pumping, supplementation, tears (from both of us), and cuddly nursing time. But damn it was a lot of work!

My husband has been away the past few weeks seeding at his friend’s farm (my husband not so secretly wants to be a farmer when he grows up!), so Magnus and I have been largely on our own.

This week I’ve been taking Magnus running with me in the jogger, and when I got home sweaty and happy on this sunny morning I panicked as I looked at the time (babies are on a schedule if you didn’t know) and thought to myself exasperatedly:

“There’s just not enough time to do everything!”

I mean how do we put ourselves on “The List” when there are so many things that demand our attention?

I’m teaching yoga, taking care of a baby and our brown dog, making baby food, the never ending heaps of baby puke covered laundry, planning two new Soul Strategy Sessions, doing a very bad job of looking after the house and yard, and did I mention taking care of a baby?

There is only so much time after all.

Exactly.

Almost immediately after I had complained that there’s not enough time, I realized that there has never been a time in my life that I have not said those words.

I have said them when I was a student, when I worked one job, two jobs, no jobs. I have said them on vacation and in the office. I have said them with a baby and without a baby. I have said those words most of my life, and I would put money on it that you have too, regardless of your circumstances.

So what’s this nonsense about putting yourself on the list?

I hate that term.

Why? Because you ARE the goddamn list!

To say anything else is evil, disempowering, and buying into victim mentality…and if you read my blog, I know you aren’t a victim. You are a grown ass woman who handles shit!

Remember: There is no list without you.

You are the creator and the completer of the list. You are the only one in control of that list, so why WHY do you need to put yourself on it.

Time is limited, it’s true, so we all need to prioritize where we want to focus our time.

Your To-Do list is not where you should be putting your needs and self care, because To-Do lists are fluid and most often never completed (don’t tell me it’s not true, I know how you roll).

So guess what gets moved to the bottom of that list? You guessed it: YOU.

Notice how eating isn’t on the To-Do list? Neither is bathing, brushing your teeth, going to work, or picking up your children. They are givens. So should taking care of you.

You are the most important person in your life, and if you have a family, your family’s life.

The health of everyone around you is affected by your wellbeing.

Please, stop waiting until there’s time to do what makes you feel whole because there will never be enough time.

Make it a habit that is built into your day. Whether it’s first thing, last thing, at noon, it doesn’t matter. Make that time non-negotiable and do what makes you feel good daily.

In the brief time I have been a parent, I can tell you that I am 100 times nicer, more patient, present, productive, creative, and more fun to be around if I’ve had even a short workout or run. It’s never been about appearance for me, it is essential for my mental health and now the health of my family.

I AM the list and I OWN the list.

Nothing gets done until I do me first, then everything else is figure-out-able.

Some might say it’s selfish, but have you ever met a happy martyr? I sure haven’t! So I call it being “self-full” which is a much nicer term, isn’t it?

Next week, I’ll tell you more about my magic list making abilities and how you can become more productive in your own life!

I also have some good news! I’m launching another round of the Soul Strategy Sessions Tuesdays 7 – 9pm June 14th to July 19th.

This is one small step to becoming your list by setting dedicated time for you in a big loving super fun environment with women just like you. You will learn what drives you, your purpose, and gain major insights about yourself and beliefs which is where all meaningful change starts.

There’s a reason The Soul Strategy Sessions have been going on for 2 years, and continue to thrive: they work.

In our 6 weeks together you will gain clarity, confidence, and courage to live more authentically, aligned, and happier.

You can learn more and register by clicking here.

I also have one more surprise for you!

For those of you who have completed the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have created a continuing 12 week program called the Soul Sisterhood.

The Soul Sisterhood is designed with you in mind. It is self directed with a larger focus on coaching rather than teaching, so you can continue to sign up again and again without repeating the same content.

You already have the tools from the Soul Strategy Sessions.

The Sisterhood focuses on implementation and working through the resistance to strengthen the habits that will support the way you want to be and live in the world.

The Sisterhood is your journey of self discovery, living in alignment, and becoming your most authentic self.

If you completed the Soul Strategy Sessions and didn’t get a personal invite from me about the Sisterhood, email me and I will send you everything you need to know!

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you make To-Do lists, and do you put yourself on it? Does it work for you? How do you make sure you take care of your needs everyday? Do you love lists, or hate them? Tell me all about it either in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group here.

Thank you for letting me into your inbox and your life. I am so excited to see your beautiful self again so soon! I missed you like crazy and I hope you did too!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What we all really want, and why we aren’t getting it.

Last week I saw a video posted on someone’s timeline that made me pause.

I don’t usually comment on videos like this, because I know my opinion won’t be popular and I’m not interested in arguing with someone I don’t know about something they will never change their mind about.

It was a video of a man obviously messed up on something acting erratically. Truthfully, it was kind of scary because he acting so far out of the norm, pushing on his hands to get around rather than walking, and talking nonsense.

The caption of the video was something like this:

This is what my dad had to deal with outside of his carwash this morning.

I know what this video was meant to do. This man was meant to shock, entertain, creep out, and create sympathy for the carwash owner for having to deal with such a vile human being.

I couldn’t help but comment how sad I was for the “scary” man in the video, that he is somebody’s child, and how much he must be suffering.

Someone responded to my comment about how he’s a grown up not a child, that he doesn’t feel sorry for him for his choices, and that he is responsible for fixing his life.

I didn’t bother responding back.

Here’s the thing, it’s so easy to judge each other. We see the result of where someone is, and judge them on it like that’s all they are.

Whether they are an addict, famous, thin, fat, whatever, we judge at face value.

Aren’t we all more complex than what can be seen?

Don’t you have a whole history that is invisible to the world, but alive in every choice you make and everything that you do?

The problem with judgement is that it comes from a view that the person we are judging has had the same life as us, and therefore would have the same perspective as us, same experiences as us, and the same opportunities as us.

If you were never taught that you mattered, would you still think you did?

If you were never taught that your choices will have consequences, would you think twice before acting?

If you were never treated with kindness, would you believe the world to be kind or would you be afraid of it?

If you were never taught you were worthy of love, would you choose relationships that reinforced that or would you respect yourself?

If you were never taught accountability, would you blame the world or would you change yourself?

If you were raised around addiction, would you know that it’s not “normal” behavior and learn other methods of coping or would you do what everyone else in your family and/or community is doing?

If you were raised with shame, would you take the risk of shining brightly or would you try to hide yourself so no one could see you?

We often think that our way of seeing ourselves and the world are universal, but they aren’t. They are taught to us through our families of origin, culture, communities, and experiences.

I have a world inside of me that no one has seen but me.

I have a history that no one lived but me.

I have hurts that no one has experienced but me.

I have strengths that grew from the dark places no one knows about but me.

We all do.

To judge another at their current state is to dishonoring the history that got them there, whether it’s the strong confident person we see, or the desperate one we want to turn away from.

And it is this very judgment that sabotages the one thing we all really want:

Connection.

From birth on we are dependant on each other. None of us came out of the womb driving a car and taking car of ourselves.

Everything around us is the fruits of someone else’s labour. Our roads, our computers, our clothing, our houses, our food, our education. Everything.

We cannot exist without each other and we are also desperate to belong to each other.

We exist because we belong not in spite of it.

Judgement destroys our sense of connection by separating ourselves from others which ultimately causes pain not only to the judged, but to ourselves.

I get it.

I don’t necessarily want to belong to the messed up man outside the carwash either.

But we already do.

If my life had a few different turns, maybe that man could be me.

(Minus the man part of course!)

What I saw was a life that was very sad, and a person who lacked the skills or support to cope with it.

He needed compassion, not a pointed finger.

That also goes for the person of a different size than you, different ethnicity than you, different socioeconomic status than you, different way of life than you.

In the end, we all want the same thing:

To love and be loved. To be connected.

And that begins with compassion.

I’d love to hear from you now: Would you have commented on that video? When you hear other people judging, do you join in, speak up, or ignore it, and why? Are you going to bring me cookies, and when? Share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you liked this post, then please share it! Share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this today.

Thank you for being a constant source of love and inspiration. You are a part of my tribe, and I am a part of yours.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What do Nioka and Jesus have in common?

You know those times that something happens that makes you angry, and you haven’t had the chance to confront it yet, so you’re just going over and over all the scenarios of how you’re going to handle it?

And all of the situations of “handling it” has to do with losing it and making the person/situation understand how mad you are?

Or maybe it’s not something that makes you see red, but something that has hurt your feelings?

Or maybe you feel taken advantage of?

Or maybe you feel like you have to say something and you know it’s not going to come out right because there are too many feelings in the way?

In those moments you may not know be able to figure out the best way to handle it because you know you are too emotional to respond effectively.

Here’s what you need to do, ask yourself:

“What would Nioka do?”

Or Jesus, if you don’t know Nioka.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) things happen, and we get very caught up in our emotions and may not have the capacity to bring our best self to the surface to handle situations.

I know that my first reaction is blame, and I want them to KNOW that it’s their fault, why, and have a temper tantrum about it.

I want them to GET how I feel, and have them feel very bad for making me feel that way.

Then, I want to have them feel so bad that they get down on their knees and beg for my forgiveness for notputtingthedishesinthedishwasherinsteadofthesinkwhichisrightfuckingnexttoitforfuckssake!

Or something like that…

When you imagine the situation with Nioka (or Jesus, Quan Yin, Mother Teresa, Buddha, or whomever) in your place, you will be able to see another less emotion driven possibility that accesses your higher self and an alternative option that you may not have been able to see in your hurt state.

So instead of losing my mind over something trivial like dishes in the sink, I might imagine Nioka in that situation and what she would do.

I would see her notice the dishes, and keep walking because she doesn’t care enough about them and she cares A LOT about her wonderful husband who does a billion other things for her every single day.

So many things in fact, that she often takes them for granted because he’s just that thoughtful and kind.

In my self righteous angry state, I wouldn’t be able to see that possibility because in anger (and the tail of anger: hurt) is “all about me.”

In Nioka’s or Jesus’s state, I can see things with more clarity and balance.

The other benefit, is that it gives enough space that we can take a moment to decide what kind of outcome to we really want, rather than reacting to a situation in a way we may later regret.

Space is good when we are fired up.

Do you know what else is good?

Babies.

And Soul Strategy Sessions.

They are full of great conversations, tools, and insights to empower you to live with more clarity, courage and confidence to live a happier and more meaningful life.

There’s a reason over a hundred women have gone through them, referred their family and friends, and continue to take them again themselves: they work, they’re fun, and they are life changing.

The Sessions start tomorrow and I have a spot left just for you!

Learn more and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Who would you imagine to be, and why? What else do you think is good besides space and babies? Share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you liked this post please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this right now. You are the light, shine brightly my friend.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Why your goals don’t make you happy.

I pretty lucky that I tend to attract incredible women, and you are one of them if you are reading this.

You are probably the type of woman who knows that your happiness and wellbeing are up to you. You want more positivity and love in the world, and you know it starts from within.

You might be a woman who is also goal driven and ambitious like so many of us.

You might want to know your purpose and live with meaning. You want to feel like you know your way and have more clarity about your path. You want to feel that spark in your life, and the confidence that you can handle what’s coming.

You might also be one hell of a goal crusher.

Many of the women I work with are high achieving, successful, smart, and driven women. They can accomplish a lot, and have accomplished a lot.

Yet so many of them are still not happy.

We are taught that if we do certain things our lives will matter and we will be happier.

We are taught that our happiness is OUT THERE so we set extrinsic goals that are motivated by reward or avoiding negative consequences.

My first extrinsic goals had to do with education.

I went back to school five times hoping to find the right fit that would have the status I craved and the happiness I wanted. Apparently commerce was not that fit, shocking I know.

I loved learning when I leaned into what I was interested in, instead of chasing a title.  

I also thought my happiness relied on a partner.

As a woman, we are taught that our relationships and their milestones will make us happy. Once we find that special someone we can finally let go and just be happy right? Yeah…not so much.

I learned I could be just as unhappy in a relationship, and until I learned to be happy alone no one could make me happy in a relationship either.

As an aside, do you know many people about to get married that are happy? It becomes such a shit show that most couples find this to be one of the most stressful times of their relationship. If you are engaged, here’s my advice: forget about making the day perfect. The perfect part is not in the details, it’s the fact that at the end of the day you will be married to the love of your life, and that’s fucking awesome. Let that shit go.

Then there’s kids.

I honestly had people tell me that I HAD to have kids!

I’m thrilled to be a mom now and wouldn’t change a thing, and I also would have been happy being child free.

Creating a family to BE happy isn’t a great reason to start one because it puts the responsibility of your happiness onto your family’s shoulders instead of your own.

And that shit is scary.

Those are the parents that live through their children’s achievements. Pageant moms anyone?

We’re taught that if we get more status or more stuff we’ll be happy, and sure there is a grain of truth to that.

Last fall I got a new car, and it was awesome.

I’ve never had a car newer than 8 years old ever, and when I got into my new Rav 4 and it smelled all chemically and new, I was happy.

Really happy.

And now four months later it’s dirty and full of shit because it’s now just my car.

Happiness from external stuff fades.

We have an immediate sense of happiness and then it’s done, until we get the next shiny thing.

Why do you think so many people shop to “treat” themselves, or to relieve stress? They do it to get that brief happiness high.

Maybe stuff isn’t the thing for you though, maybe it’s status, promotions, more education.

These are goals that often relate to validation, whether it’s for yourself or how you are seen by others.

None of these will make you happier either.

Your happiness can totally be goal driven by choosing goals that are intrinsic.

Intrinsic goals are motivated by self interest and personal growth. They are goals we choose because they make us happy to do them.

How many of us make time for intrinsic goals?

We make time for the second degree, online shopping, and dating, so why don’t we make more time for sitting in nature? Maintaining our current relationships? Meditating? Reading? Hell, any hobbies? Learning something just for the hell of it? Or being present with our lives?

I believe we all know on a deep level that our happiness cannot be found out there, yet maybe it’s easier for us to rationalize putting our time into those types of activities.

Most women don’t spend time on intrinsic goals for these reasons:

  • Lack of time. Who isn’t time starved these days? Many of us are so time starved that we want to feel like we’ve accomplished something even if we know it won’t contribute to our happiness.
  • We believe that we’ll have more time later. You know, when the kids are grown, after this promotion, after we’ve lost 10 more pounds. We imagine our happiness is somewhere in the future.
  • It seems too extravagant. For real, I’ve heard this, and I’ve done this. We are so busy looking after everyone else’s needs first that we feel it’s too luxurious to spend any of that time on own happiness.
  • It feels selfish. Looking after our own needs and happiness can feel selfish because that means also saying no to somethings to say yes to ourselves.
  • We may not know where to even start. You might feel like things are unsettled, and that you know something needs to change but you don’t know where to start.

I’ve been all of the above.

When I started on this path I was either in school full time and working full time or working two full time jobs. I put off my happiness to push through one more year, until I made more money, or until I figured out what I was “supposed” to be doing. It felt way too extravagant to spend any time on me because I was in survival mode ALL THE TIME, and if I had any time shouldn’t I be taking care of other things that are more important? I was stuck and I had forgotten who I was and what made me happy. I was looking out there, instead of putting the time to look inside and ask the questions that make our lives meaningful.

Everything shifted for me when I stopped looking outside for approval and started getting real about what was going to make me happy.

I spent time asking myself the big questions and started living aligned to my values.

I put me ON the list and took care of me first. I still do this with a newborn baby. (Magnus gets a way better mommy when she has a little bit of exercise.)

I surrounded myself with likeminded supportive women who cheered for each other.

But the most important thing I did was START.

Imagine how shifting a small amount of your time and energy to your own happiness and wellbeing would change your day? Transform your relationships? Your energy? How you impact the world around you?

Most of us don’t have an allotted time to focus on ourselves. It’s true, we are time starved, too busy to focus, and have a bajillion things on our plates.

One of the best ways to create that focus is to have a set time to focus just on you, and it’s even better when you can do it with a tribe of awesome women who also totally get it.

The Soul Strategy Sessions start in just over a week, and I don’t want you to waste one more minute on things that are sucking your energy instead of creating it.

I want you to feel the joy of knowing your purpose, living from a place of authenticity, and have the confidence to choose happiness every day.

Over 100 women have gone through this program and continue to refer their friends and colleagues because it works. Here’s what a few of them have to say:

Tina tells it like it is, but more importantly, she helps you figure out what “it” is for yourself. What is it that is giving you strength? What is it that is holding you back? What is it that you need to do today to be happy and peaceful, to live with ease and well-being? If you yearn for the answers, Tina is the life coach for you. “ – Faye Dokken-Bouchard, Plant Pathologist, Saskatchewan Ministry of Agriculture

“Tina and my ‘Soul Strategy Sisters’ have been there for me and helped support, challenge, and make me accountable for positive changes. Tina’s unique approach to coaching has pushed me to find clarity, strength, and happiness in my life again. The very first night I met her she told me “change has to happen somewhere” and I’ll never forget that because that was exactly what I needed to hear to move forward one step at a time. “ – Danielle Ash

 

“I found the Soul Strategy sessions to be very enlightening. Being a part of such a supportive community with a common goal of becoming healthier, happier and fulfilled women was unlike anything I’ve experienced. I found the courage to fulfill my goal coming into the session- to make choices for myself and to stop being controlled by those around me. Tina gave me the skills to live a more balanced, happy life. I would highly recommend taking part in the Soul Strategy sessions, you won’t regret it.” -Makenzie, Student

You can learn more about the Soul Strategy Sessions and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: What types of goals do you normally set? How are you going to make more time for what makes you truly happy? Please share in the comments below, or in our super supportive Facebook group The Soul Sisterhood.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this today.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Can you have balance and a baby?

This morning I have started and stopped roughly four different blog posts and none of them are speaking to me.

They start off like a good idea, and then, well they don’t. I’m just not feeling any of them today.

So I’m going to tell you about Magnus the Magnificent, my beautiful 3-month old baby.

He has the most dazzling smile and he has started babbling endless stories to our delight!

I am also going to tell you about how I’ve been learning how to manage my new life with a baby.

It’s so easy to get consumed by his needs and let everything else fall away because he needs so much.

It also doesn’t help that I have such a strong desire to be with him ALL THE TIME because he’s so much fun to be around! I am crazy about that kid!

I’ve also learned that I don’t function very well when I do that. I am not very kind, generous, happy, or nice.

Yes, it’s true, ask my poor husband…on second thought, don’t.

The worst side effect was that I was losing the ability to enjoy the amazingness of my new family because I was so exhausted and depleted.

It didn’t take me too long to realize that I still needed a few pieces in my life for me.

Most days now I go to the gym for an hour to do something good for me and have an outlet. I teach a few yoga classes a week to stay in touch with what I love and my fabulous students who I love so much. I also work a few hours a week to feel like “me” and contribute to the world in my own way through my passion.

I don’t call this balance because that word insinuates that there is a final state where it all just falls together, and that doesn’t exist.

I like to use the word homeostasis which is a continued process to maintain equilibrium, and that is a better expression of how life actually works.

Everyday is working towards harmony, even though it might look different day to day, and even moment to moment…and its not perfect (as I write this I’ve got a baby on my boob to meet my deadline and get to class at noon). I also know it will change as my baby’s needs change.

As a new mom, I’ve realized that that mommy guilt starts early, and it doesn’t matter what I choose I’m going to feel something about it. I’ve also realized in a short period of time that if I don’t take care of me, I’m not very good at anything, and no good to anyone else.

Some days I feel terrible for leaving my smiling baby to run on the treadmill. Other days I feel great about it because he gets one on one time with daddy.

Some days I feel awful that he’s going to take a bottle because I’ll be teaching a class instead of being there when he wakes up to offer him a breast. Other days I’m so glad that I’m teaching him to take a bottle early so he can spend time with family sans mamma.

Some days I feel selfish for thinking about my business and what I want to create next for you. Other days I let the inspiration flow and know that I’m teaching my son the value of following your dreams.

My life is as it always was:

A work in progress.

Approaching this new chapter with the same compassion, kindness, and understanding as I would any other part has allowed me to enjoy ALL the parts of my life.

This approach has allowed me to be present with whatever I am doing, without feeling like I should be doing something else. I am now able to love it all, with only a “sprinkling” of guilt.

And truthfully, some days are just hard. 

Some days I’m late for appointments, I miss deadlines, I’m distracted, and totally sucking at life.

So be it. There’s always tomorrow!

I’d love to hear from you now: If you’re a mom, how do you deal with mommy guilt? If you are child free, how do you manage all the different areas of your life? If you know how to be totally guilt free, share your secrets with us! Please share in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you are struggling with your own lack of harmony, The Soul Strategy Sessions starts in three weeks on March 1st.

Some of the side effects include, but aren’t limited too: increased confidence, knowing your purpose, feeling inspired, knowing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, and lasting friendships with incredible women just like you.

You can learn more and register by clicking here.

Thank you for letting me be a continued part of your life.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t