What do Nioka and Jesus have in common?

You know those times that something happens that makes you angry, and you haven’t had the chance to confront it yet, so you’re just going over and over all the scenarios of how you’re going to handle it?

And all of the situations of “handling it” has to do with losing it and making the person/situation understand how mad you are?

Or maybe it’s not something that makes you see red, but something that has hurt your feelings?

Or maybe you feel taken advantage of?

Or maybe you feel like you have to say something and you know it’s not going to come out right because there are too many feelings in the way?

In those moments you may not know be able to figure out the best way to handle it because you know you are too emotional to respond effectively.

Here’s what you need to do, ask yourself:

“What would Nioka do?”

Or Jesus, if you don’t know Nioka.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) things happen, and we get very caught up in our emotions and may not have the capacity to bring our best self to the surface to handle situations.

I know that my first reaction is blame, and I want them to KNOW that it’s their fault, why, and have a temper tantrum about it.

I want them to GET how I feel, and have them feel very bad for making me feel that way.

Then, I want to have them feel so bad that they get down on their knees and beg for my forgiveness for notputtingthedishesinthedishwasherinsteadofthesinkwhichisrightfuckingnexttoitforfuckssake!

Or something like that…

When you imagine the situation with Nioka (or Jesus, Quan Yin, Mother Teresa, Buddha, or whomever) in your place, you will be able to see another less emotion driven possibility that accesses your higher self and an alternative option that you may not have been able to see in your hurt state.

So instead of losing my mind over something trivial like dishes in the sink, I might imagine Nioka in that situation and what she would do.

I would see her notice the dishes, and keep walking because she doesn’t care enough about them and she cares A LOT about her wonderful husband who does a billion other things for her every single day.

So many things in fact, that she often takes them for granted because he’s just that thoughtful and kind.

In my self righteous angry state, I wouldn’t be able to see that possibility because in anger (and the tail of anger: hurt) is “all about me.”

In Nioka’s or Jesus’s state, I can see things with more clarity and balance.

The other benefit, is that it gives enough space that we can take a moment to decide what kind of outcome to we really want, rather than reacting to a situation in a way we may later regret.

Space is good when we are fired up.

Do you know what else is good?

Babies.

And Soul Strategy Sessions.

They are full of great conversations, tools, and insights to empower you to live with more clarity, courage and confidence to live a happier and more meaningful life.

There’s a reason over a hundred women have gone through them, referred their family and friends, and continue to take them again themselves: they work, they’re fun, and they are life changing.

The Sessions start tomorrow and I have a spot left just for you!

Learn more and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Who would you imagine to be, and why? What else do you think is good besides space and babies? Share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you liked this post please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this right now. You are the light, shine brightly my friend.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Why your goals don’t make you happy.

I pretty lucky that I tend to attract incredible women, and you are one of them if you are reading this.

You are probably the type of woman who knows that your happiness and wellbeing are up to you. You want more positivity and love in the world, and you know it starts from within.

You might be a woman who is also goal driven and ambitious like so many of us.

You might want to know your purpose and live with meaning. You want to feel like you know your way and have more clarity about your path. You want to feel that spark in your life, and the confidence that you can handle what’s coming.

You might also be one hell of a goal crusher.

Many of the women I work with are high achieving, successful, smart, and driven women. They can accomplish a lot, and have accomplished a lot.

Yet so many of them are still not happy.

We are taught that if we do certain things our lives will matter and we will be happier.

We are taught that our happiness is OUT THERE so we set extrinsic goals that are motivated by reward or avoiding negative consequences.

My first extrinsic goals had to do with education.

I went back to school five times hoping to find the right fit that would have the status I craved and the happiness I wanted. Apparently commerce was not that fit, shocking I know.

I loved learning when I leaned into what I was interested in, instead of chasing a title.  

I also thought my happiness relied on a partner.

As a woman, we are taught that our relationships and their milestones will make us happy. Once we find that special someone we can finally let go and just be happy right? Yeah…not so much.

I learned I could be just as unhappy in a relationship, and until I learned to be happy alone no one could make me happy in a relationship either.

As an aside, do you know many people about to get married that are happy? It becomes such a shit show that most couples find this to be one of the most stressful times of their relationship. If you are engaged, here’s my advice: forget about making the day perfect. The perfect part is not in the details, it’s the fact that at the end of the day you will be married to the love of your life, and that’s fucking awesome. Let that shit go.

Then there’s kids.

I honestly had people tell me that I HAD to have kids!

I’m thrilled to be a mom now and wouldn’t change a thing, and I also would have been happy being child free.

Creating a family to BE happy isn’t a great reason to start one because it puts the responsibility of your happiness onto your family’s shoulders instead of your own.

And that shit is scary.

Those are the parents that live through their children’s achievements. Pageant moms anyone?

We’re taught that if we get more status or more stuff we’ll be happy, and sure there is a grain of truth to that.

Last fall I got a new car, and it was awesome.

I’ve never had a car newer than 8 years old ever, and when I got into my new Rav 4 and it smelled all chemically and new, I was happy.

Really happy.

And now four months later it’s dirty and full of shit because it’s now just my car.

Happiness from external stuff fades.

We have an immediate sense of happiness and then it’s done, until we get the next shiny thing.

Why do you think so many people shop to “treat” themselves, or to relieve stress? They do it to get that brief happiness high.

Maybe stuff isn’t the thing for you though, maybe it’s status, promotions, more education.

These are goals that often relate to validation, whether it’s for yourself or how you are seen by others.

None of these will make you happier either.

Your happiness can totally be goal driven by choosing goals that are intrinsic.

Intrinsic goals are motivated by self interest and personal growth. They are goals we choose because they make us happy to do them.

How many of us make time for intrinsic goals?

We make time for the second degree, online shopping, and dating, so why don’t we make more time for sitting in nature? Maintaining our current relationships? Meditating? Reading? Hell, any hobbies? Learning something just for the hell of it? Or being present with our lives?

I believe we all know on a deep level that our happiness cannot be found out there, yet maybe it’s easier for us to rationalize putting our time into those types of activities.

Most women don’t spend time on intrinsic goals for these reasons:

  • Lack of time. Who isn’t time starved these days? Many of us are so time starved that we want to feel like we’ve accomplished something even if we know it won’t contribute to our happiness.
  • We believe that we’ll have more time later. You know, when the kids are grown, after this promotion, after we’ve lost 10 more pounds. We imagine our happiness is somewhere in the future.
  • It seems too extravagant. For real, I’ve heard this, and I’ve done this. We are so busy looking after everyone else’s needs first that we feel it’s too luxurious to spend any of that time on own happiness.
  • It feels selfish. Looking after our own needs and happiness can feel selfish because that means also saying no to somethings to say yes to ourselves.
  • We may not know where to even start. You might feel like things are unsettled, and that you know something needs to change but you don’t know where to start.

I’ve been all of the above.

When I started on this path I was either in school full time and working full time or working two full time jobs. I put off my happiness to push through one more year, until I made more money, or until I figured out what I was “supposed” to be doing. It felt way too extravagant to spend any time on me because I was in survival mode ALL THE TIME, and if I had any time shouldn’t I be taking care of other things that are more important? I was stuck and I had forgotten who I was and what made me happy. I was looking out there, instead of putting the time to look inside and ask the questions that make our lives meaningful.

Everything shifted for me when I stopped looking outside for approval and started getting real about what was going to make me happy.

I spent time asking myself the big questions and started living aligned to my values.

I put me ON the list and took care of me first. I still do this with a newborn baby. (Magnus gets a way better mommy when she has a little bit of exercise.)

I surrounded myself with likeminded supportive women who cheered for each other.

But the most important thing I did was START.

Imagine how shifting a small amount of your time and energy to your own happiness and wellbeing would change your day? Transform your relationships? Your energy? How you impact the world around you?

Most of us don’t have an allotted time to focus on ourselves. It’s true, we are time starved, too busy to focus, and have a bajillion things on our plates.

One of the best ways to create that focus is to have a set time to focus just on you, and it’s even better when you can do it with a tribe of awesome women who also totally get it.

The Soul Strategy Sessions start in just over a week, and I don’t want you to waste one more minute on things that are sucking your energy instead of creating it.

I want you to feel the joy of knowing your purpose, living from a place of authenticity, and have the confidence to choose happiness every day.

Over 100 women have gone through this program and continue to refer their friends and colleagues because it works. Here’s what a few of them have to say:

Tina tells it like it is, but more importantly, she helps you figure out what “it” is for yourself. What is it that is giving you strength? What is it that is holding you back? What is it that you need to do today to be happy and peaceful, to live with ease and well-being? If you yearn for the answers, Tina is the life coach for you. “ – Faye Dokken-Bouchard, Plant Pathologist, Saskatchewan Ministry of Agriculture

“Tina and my ‘Soul Strategy Sisters’ have been there for me and helped support, challenge, and make me accountable for positive changes. Tina’s unique approach to coaching has pushed me to find clarity, strength, and happiness in my life again. The very first night I met her she told me “change has to happen somewhere” and I’ll never forget that because that was exactly what I needed to hear to move forward one step at a time. “ – Danielle Ash

 

“I found the Soul Strategy sessions to be very enlightening. Being a part of such a supportive community with a common goal of becoming healthier, happier and fulfilled women was unlike anything I’ve experienced. I found the courage to fulfill my goal coming into the session- to make choices for myself and to stop being controlled by those around me. Tina gave me the skills to live a more balanced, happy life. I would highly recommend taking part in the Soul Strategy sessions, you won’t regret it.” -Makenzie, Student

You can learn more about the Soul Strategy Sessions and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: What types of goals do you normally set? How are you going to make more time for what makes you truly happy? Please share in the comments below, or in our super supportive Facebook group The Soul Sisterhood.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this today.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Can you have balance and a baby?

This morning I have started and stopped roughly four different blog posts and none of them are speaking to me.

They start off like a good idea, and then, well they don’t. I’m just not feeling any of them today.

So I’m going to tell you about Magnus the Magnificent, my beautiful 3-month old baby.

He has the most dazzling smile and he has started babbling endless stories to our delight!

I am also going to tell you about how I’ve been learning how to manage my new life with a baby.

It’s so easy to get consumed by his needs and let everything else fall away because he needs so much.

It also doesn’t help that I have such a strong desire to be with him ALL THE TIME because he’s so much fun to be around! I am crazy about that kid!

I’ve also learned that I don’t function very well when I do that. I am not very kind, generous, happy, or nice.

Yes, it’s true, ask my poor husband…on second thought, don’t.

The worst side effect was that I was losing the ability to enjoy the amazingness of my new family because I was so exhausted and depleted.

It didn’t take me too long to realize that I still needed a few pieces in my life for me.

Most days now I go to the gym for an hour to do something good for me and have an outlet. I teach a few yoga classes a week to stay in touch with what I love and my fabulous students who I love so much. I also work a few hours a week to feel like “me” and contribute to the world in my own way through my passion.

I don’t call this balance because that word insinuates that there is a final state where it all just falls together, and that doesn’t exist.

I like to use the word homeostasis which is a continued process to maintain equilibrium, and that is a better expression of how life actually works.

Everyday is working towards harmony, even though it might look different day to day, and even moment to moment…and its not perfect (as I write this I’ve got a baby on my boob to meet my deadline and get to class at noon). I also know it will change as my baby’s needs change.

As a new mom, I’ve realized that that mommy guilt starts early, and it doesn’t matter what I choose I’m going to feel something about it. I’ve also realized in a short period of time that if I don’t take care of me, I’m not very good at anything, and no good to anyone else.

Some days I feel terrible for leaving my smiling baby to run on the treadmill. Other days I feel great about it because he gets one on one time with daddy.

Some days I feel awful that he’s going to take a bottle because I’ll be teaching a class instead of being there when he wakes up to offer him a breast. Other days I’m so glad that I’m teaching him to take a bottle early so he can spend time with family sans mamma.

Some days I feel selfish for thinking about my business and what I want to create next for you. Other days I let the inspiration flow and know that I’m teaching my son the value of following your dreams.

My life is as it always was:

A work in progress.

Approaching this new chapter with the same compassion, kindness, and understanding as I would any other part has allowed me to enjoy ALL the parts of my life.

This approach has allowed me to be present with whatever I am doing, without feeling like I should be doing something else. I am now able to love it all, with only a “sprinkling” of guilt.

And truthfully, some days are just hard. 

Some days I’m late for appointments, I miss deadlines, I’m distracted, and totally sucking at life.

So be it. There’s always tomorrow!

I’d love to hear from you now: If you’re a mom, how do you deal with mommy guilt? If you are child free, how do you manage all the different areas of your life? If you know how to be totally guilt free, share your secrets with us! Please share in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you are struggling with your own lack of harmony, The Soul Strategy Sessions starts in three weeks on March 1st.

Some of the side effects include, but aren’t limited too: increased confidence, knowing your purpose, feeling inspired, knowing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing, and lasting friendships with incredible women just like you.

You can learn more and register by clicking here.

Thank you for letting me be a continued part of your life.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How mentally strong people handle failure.

I’m going to tell you about one of my most epic failures, and it has to with my coaching business.

When I was a new coach, I tried doing everything I could to build my business. I was fresh, inspired, and I wanted to make an impact in peoples lives.

This was back in the day before social media and the online world as we know it.

As a new coach, I knew I had to get in front of people somehow so I thought I would start doing lunch and learns. I’d never done one before, but I was willing to give it a try.

My mom had been a real estate agent and she said realtor offices regularly held them, so maybe focus on them. That day I emailed every single realtor office in Calgary.

Good news! A few weeks later I got a bite!

It was a small office, and a date was set for the following week.

I worked all week on this presentation. I got an easel, flip chart, wrote inspiring quotes, and practiced in front of all my friends.

Then the day arrived.

I put on my best dress, smart heels, did my hair and makeup, and then nervously drove to their location.

I was there 15 minutes early, and the manager came to get me 10 minutes later than our set time.

While he was walking me into the boardroom, he happened to mention that the realtors didn’t know I was coming until just now.

“Oh,” I said. I had no idea what to do.

So I proceeded ahead with my presentation through their glares, judgment, and apparent boredom.

It was awful.

Afterwards I passed around feedback forms (because I guess I like abuse).

When I got back to my car I went through the forms and read some of the meanest things anyone could have said. They totally picked me apart, right down to claiming I didn’t look professional because I wasn’t wearing pantyhose.

Just so you know, some of them were wearing zip up hoodies.

I was devastated.

This was all new to me, and it was hard, and it was a huge leap of faith for me to even do this talk because I had never done any public speaking before.

I cried all the way home and called my coach.

Thank GOD she was there and available to talk. She was, and still is one of my angels.

I explained what happened through my sobs and she asked me the same 3 questions she always asked me:

“What worked?”

Nothing, I said. The whole thing was terrible. The talk sucked, and I sucked doing it.

“What didn’t work?”

Everything. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t prepared enough for it. They didn’t like me.

“What would you do differently next time?”

I said there’s never going to be a next time!

This is where she gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever received about public speaking, and didn’t know how to handle a crowd:

They didn’t know you were coming, so they weren’t enrolled from the beginning with what you were saying. Acknowledge the white elephant in the room and give them the opportunity to leave if they want to. Then they would feel that they had a choice in staying for the talk, and would be enrolled in what you have to say.

She also said that this happens to everyone at some point, and that she was sorry it happened to me on my first one.

She gave me a few other pointers, but most importantly she helped me reframe what was theworstthingever to a learning experience that I could build on.

This was almost 10 years ago now, and this phone call is still one of the most powerful memories I have.

This experience could have been one of those times, where I said “fuck it,” and decided to never speak publicly again. Or worse, stop reaching out with my business all together and play small.

Instead, my coach expertly navigated me through the experience and helped me learn, and grow from it, so I COULD do it again and be more confident next time.

This is the number one thing strong people do when faces with failure:

They reframe the experience into one of growth and learning.

Strong people know that failure is just a starting point, not the end.

It is where true greatness starts from, because once you know what doesn’t work, you can build on it to create something wonderful.

Life has never had starts and stops, it is a constant flowing process of giving and receiving.

You giving of yourself and receive feedback, give again, and tweak again, until it shapes something closer to your aim.

This isn’t easy. It takes humility because your ego needs to be set aside for the important work to be done.

It also takes a hell of a lot of courage to get back up, clarity in your vision for motivation, and confidence to not take it personally and persevere.

It also helps when you have support along the way, just like I did and still do, because nobody does this alone.

The next round of Soul Strategy Sessions has been moved up to March 1st and I would love for you to join us! The effects of this group is far reaching, and many of these women are still enjoying the benefits of our time together long after the group is over.

In our 6 weeks together you will learn how to build confidence, live a more meaningful life, handle resistance, and live happier in a community of incredible women just like you.

Click here for more information and registration.

I’d love to hear from you now: how do you handle failure? What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned through failure? Please share it with me in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The big lie that holds us back

I know my biggest challenge has been with procrastination. I would have a light bulb moment, and then…you guessed it: wait.

You might call this “someday mentality.”

It might be that I’m inspired to call someone and tell them I love them.

I might have an idea for a program I want to create.

Or realize it’s time to clean up my eating and get moving more.

But more often than not, it’s about what I KNOW would make me feel more engaged and alive in my life, yet I wait.

I’m putting off the things I KNOW would make me happier, because I’m too busy (fuck I hate that word, it’s the disease of our generation) with shit that doesn’t really matter.

I’m too busy putting out fires. Putting one foot in front of the other. Keeping on top of things. Putting others needs ahead of my own.

Maybe you can relate to this insanity?

It’s the mentality that we’ll get to it someday. Maybe later today, maybe tomorrow, but definitely not right now.

Have I ever told you the myth of why the Buddha went on a quest for enlightenment?

Well, if I have, here’s a refresher for you because it’s a great story with an important message. You’re welcome.

Here it goes:

The Buddha was born of the Brahmin caste and his family was extremely wealthy. His palace was so huge it had a thousand doors, a thousand concubines, and every luxury of that time.

It was so huge that he was protected from ever having to engage with the outside world.

One day though, he became curious and asked his driver to take him out into the city.

As they were driving, the Buddha noticed something unusual and asked the driver, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver responded, “That is a sick person, all of us will eventually get sick. That is the nature of life.”

A while later the Buddha asked the driver, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver responded, “That is an old person, all of us will eventually get old. That is the nature of life.”

(I know, I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes and asking yourself how he could not possibly know this, but that’s why it’s a myth, right?)

The Buddha then saw something else and asked, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver again responded, “That is a dead person, all of us will eventually die. That is the nature of life.”

The Buddha saw one last person that he was unfamiliar with and asked, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver once again responded, “That is an ascetic.”

The Buddha had never seen anyone so at peace before and it inspired him to leave his palace in search of that kind of freedom.

These four encounters are known as the Heavenly Messengers. They are the moments in our lives that wake us up from our trance.  They remind us of the temporary nature of life and bring us back to what matters most.

We’ve all had those moments.

Perhaps it’s the pain of watching someone you love get sick, or your own illness that has brought you back to what’s truly meaningful to you.

Maybe it’s watching your loved one’s age, and realize that your time with them is getting shorter each day so you remember to cherish your time with them.

It might be the pain and loss when someone you love dies, reminding you of your own mortality and to reflect on how you want to be spending your time.

Or perhaps you’ve encountered someone who has ignited the spark for you to live more fully, more engaged, and inspired because of their own freedom and joy.

Each of these messengers are like a reminder from heaven to wake up and connect back to what really matters to us.

So why do we continue to wait?

Why do we keep going back to sleep believing that we can wait until tomorrow or next year to finally get our shit together, to put our happiness first, to get fit, to start a business, to say “I love you”, to forgive, to fully embody our lives, to make a difference?

I know I’ve used every excuse there is, from: I’m too young, too old, not thin enough, not ready yet, don’t know enough, it’s not the right time, I need a plan first, I need to feel it out more, and being scared of being judged.

“The trouble is you think you have time,” is one of my favourite quotes from the Buddha.

We live in the illusion that we are guaranteed more time, and it’s a lie.

It is the most insidious lie because it keeps us from sharing our gifts, keeps us small, and robs us of our happiness.

You have one life, and it passes by faster and faster with each coming year.

Why spend one more moment of your short precious life unfulfilled, unhappy, or uninspired?

Everything you need is already within you, all you need is to shift your focus from later, to now.

There is no “right” time. This is the time.

Right now.

I want 2016 to be your best year yet.

I want for you to feel that “spark” every day of your life. I want for you to KNOW your purpose and feel courageous to go for it confidently.

The Soul Strategy Sessions are a fun way to connect with other amazing women like yourself while taking dedicated time to work just on you, and how you want to be spending your precious life.

Join us on Tuesdays for 6 weeks beginning February 2nd from 5:30 to 7:30pm.

Your life matters. Your happiness matters. Stop waiting, your time is now!

Click here for registration and to learn more.

I want to hear from you now: what have you been putting off that you are going to start doing now? What have you been too scared to do, so you’ve been waiting for the “right” moment? Share with me in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Is it possible that your dreams are holding you back?

I want to tell you about one of my most important dreams.

When I first started coaching, I was gung-ho to get my business started. I enrolled in a business building course for coaches and did my homework diligently. I spent hours in front of my computer (this is before the days of social networking) writing and figuring out systems for my business.

I was thoughtful and deliberate with everything I did while trying to make connections to expand my business.

And guess what?

Nothing happened.

Well, not really nothing, but not much, it was mostly crickets.

The one thing that I really needed to do to build my business I was resisting: putting myself out there and asking for the sale.

I would gladly talk about coaching all day long, even coach you for free to get the practice, but I was too nervous to ask people to hire me.

There was no reason for this. I have an internationally respected coaching certificate, my clients got great results, and I was passionate with big dreams of becoming a professional coach.

And that my friends, was the problem: I was passionate with big dreams.

Often the thing we want most, is the very thing that holds us back.

I was eager and happy to do the things in my business that kept me busy, giving me the feeling of moving forward without having to really put myself out there.

But when it came down to actually doing the stuff the would make an impact, I resisted like crazy.

It was too scary, so I created every reason in the book not to move ahead:

I was too young so I had to prove myself first because all the coaches I knew were 50-year-old women in suits.

I was too new, I needed more practice first and more clients under my belt.

Once I knew what I was doing with my business, I could put myself out there.

I hadn’t narrowed down my “ideal client” so I should wait until I figure them out before putting myself out there.

I wasn’t clear on my business model yet, once I got clear I would move forward confidently.

Can you see what I was doing?

I was creating objections to the very thing I wanted most.

I was saying no.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, and it definitely hasn’t been the last.

I have done this with every single thing that I really wanted but was too scared to admit. Thankfully, now I see it sooner and act faster.

We all do this to some extent.

I was talking to someone last week about their dream job, and as they were describing it to me they were simultaneously explaining to me why it wasn’t possible for them.

Really? It’s not possible?

This is what fear looks like in action.

It looks like resistance, even rational resistance, but it stems from the fear that the one thing you want most might not work out…and what then?

The fear of failing at something we want so badly is often enough to stop us dead in our tracks and create every excuse we can so we don’t have to try.

Isn’t that sad?

If you are wrestling with fear right now, I want you to try this:

  • Imagine your worst case scenario. Yes, I want you to go there. Most of us have a generalized fear, whether is of failure or worrying, and don’t look at what the worst outcome is. When you know what your worst outcome is, you can deal with it. When it’s a vague scary looming “something bad” you can’t face it which makes it feel that much worse.
  • Pay attention to how strongly you feel resistance. Resistance is good news! The stronger you resist, the more you want it. Your fear is telling you something, it’s saying “pay attention, there’s something important here.”
  • Let go have having the full picture to get started. Most of us feel like we have things figured out before we get started. This is just another trick from fear telling you need to know more, do more, be more, before you get started, and its bullshit. You can’t see the full picture because it will evolve and change as you take steps towards what you want. Each right action will reveal itself to you from action you’ve taken. So get moving and forget about need to “know” first, it’s just holding you back.

Fear is scary, and no one wants it, that’s why so many of us stay in a comfortable place where nothing grows and our lives lose their lustre.

But you are meant for more lovely, and you don’t have to do this alone.

You can join 15 other amazing women, just like you, who are all ready to courageously take action to become happier and more confident through the newly revamped Soul Strategy Sessions!

Here’s what other women have to say about it:

Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life. I have found my inner power through the encouragement and compassion from Tina and the wonderful women that I journeyed with during this session. When we find our inner power we truly ROCK as women.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

“Implementing Tina’s techniques throughout the 8 week strategy session has resulted in positive and healthy changes in my life.  Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.  I look forward to more of Tina’s coaching in the future.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology

 

“Tina has a special way of leading the way through the maze of tough questions and answers that often stand in the way of being the best that we can be.  I appreciate Tina’s inquiring nature, her courage in being able to ask the tough questions in a safe and sensitive way.  “– Lynn Armstrong, Sky Magazine

The Soul Strategy Sessions run Tuesdays, from February 2nd to March 8th from 5:30 – 7:30pm.

Space is limited to 15 amazing women and these always fill up fast!

I want to hear from you now, when has resistance stopped you from moving forward? What did you do to get into action? Share your comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Thank you for being the light that you are!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The new (old) thing, that puts my heart at rest.

This morning as I was nursing Magnus I almost started crying because he’s growing so fast.

As I watched his little jaws moving I could almost see into the future of the 5 year old who I will hold close to me because he lost his toy, the 10 year old who is fighting with his best friend, and the 16 year old who lost his first real girlfriend. Time is already moving too fast and he’s only almost 5 weeks old.

He will never be as small as he is today, and I want time to: Slow. The. Fuck. Down.

Last week one of my dear friends Kim came over and as we were chatting she said to me, “You are doing a great job. You’re so relaxed you wouldn’t think this is your first baby at all!”

I laughed, “Really? I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. But I can keep him fed, alive, and cuddled.”

And that leads me to my greatest fear: not being able to keep him alive.

I am scared shitless of him dying.

As I type these words, there has been nothing truer in the world.

I cannot bear to lose him and I am terrified that he will die of SIDS or some other awful thing and that I will never be able to hold him again.

I didn’t even know this kind of feeling could exist until he came along.

So I’ve started doing something that has surprised me:

I started praying.

Now, I don’t typically share my religious beliefs (primarily because I don’t have any), but this has been a source of real solace for me and I thought it might help you too.

I wasn’t raised with religion, and ironically enough, the only things I know about the bible are what I learned in public school.

Yet I am very spiritual.

I believe in something, but I can’t pray to “something,” and “higher power” or “life force” are too cumbersome to say even in my own mind so I use the word “God.”

It’s the most familiar to me, even if it may mean something a little different.

Every night now I pray in my own clumsy way.

As I go to sleep I pray for the health, happiness and safety of my family (among other things), and for Magnus to stay alive.

There is solace in prayer that I didn’t know before.

To me, it’s a combination of a loving kindness practice where I am well wishing for those I love, and also a way to give my worries to something bigger than me so I can let them go, even for a short while.

I also love that my last thoughts are loving my family and wishing them the best, while allowing me to sleep without running into my son’s room every 5 minutes to make sure he’s still breathing.

I’d love to hear from you now, what do you do with your worries? Do you pray? What helps put your heart at rest? Please share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Thank you for being a continued source of strength and inspiration. You are the light of the world, never forget what you are capable of.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How to say no without feeling like a bitch.

Do you hate disappointing people? Do you find yourself saying yes to too many things even though you really don’t want to do them?

I know I have.

For me, I remember a time almost 10 years ago (wow, that’s weird to say!) when I had first started teaching yoga and life coaching. I was so keen and eager that I would take on everything anyone asked of me.

“Can you sub my 4 classes this week?”

Sure I can!

“Can you teach weekends?”

Sure I can!

“Can you give up your whole life so you can run around like a crazy person making everyone else’s life easier?”

Sure I can!

It didn’t take long for me to start to burn out, feel resentful of all the things I had taken on, and worst of all: I didn’t do the tasks I had taken on very well.

I was often late, tired, and not happy to be there.

I’m not the typical person who doesn’t say no.

For me, it’s not about worrying that I’d upset people by saying no, or that I am a people pleaser, because that’s not my nature.

I have a hard time saying no when I get really passionate and want more of something.

At one point, I was teaching 22 regular yoga classes a week, aaaand I still subbed for other teachers!

It didn’t take too long for me to figure out that this wasn’t going to be sustainable.

I felt in my heart that I was not doing a good job teaching that many classes, and started saying no to subbing and let go of classes until I felt rejuvenated again.

For many of my clients, they have a hard time saying no for other reasons:

They want to be helpful, and don’t want to be seen as unhelpful or selfish.

They don’t want people to be disappointed, or upset with them.

They feel like they have to say yes, and no isn’t an option.

It’s uncomfortable for them to say no.

They worry how others will see them, or feel about them if they say no.

They like to make others happy, and will often do that at the expense of their own happiness.

Everyone has heard that the word “no” is a complete sentence, so why is it so hard for so many of us to say?

Here’s a few quick tools you can use to say no with more ease

1. Ask yourself what is the true cost of saying yes?

If you feel resentful, angry, or taken advantage of is it worth saying yes to? Imagine you are the person who asked you to do the favor. Do you think that if they knew this was how you felt that they would honestly want you to do it? Do you think it’s worth adding those poisonous feelings to your relationship just because you don’t want to say no?

2. Big picture thinking.

Think about how you want your life to be, what’s important to you, and what living in alignment with that looks like.  Does this request fit into this picture? If not, then it’s easy to say no because it not a fit for you right now.

3. Do not explain yourself.

This is the number one thing I hear people do when they finally do decide to say no, they explain the shit out of why they can’t do it. Don’t do that! Nobody wants to hear it! The only reason we explain our no’s is because WE are uncomfortable with saying it, and want to make OURSELVES feel better about it. They want to know, “are you in, or out?” not why. Also, the more information you give them, the more information they have to bargain with you. Just don’t do it.

4. When you say no, you say yes to something else.

You say yes to your time, your freedom, yourself.  I remember reading a quote that went something like this:

“The most successful people say no 80% of the time.” No shit?

The more you say no to things you don’t want to do, the more time you have to spend on the things you DO want to do.

In a world as time starved as ours saying no, is one of the easiest ways to make time for the things that are most important to us.

I’d love to hear from you now! Tell me, what’s your go-to line for saying no? When do find it most challenging to say no? Are you going to miss me, because I’m going to miss you! Please share it in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to all of your friends. You never know who could use your light today.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

When should you listen to fear?

I was at a yoga workshop led by the fabulous Ryan Leier a few years ago and he said something that has stuck with me ever since.

“There’s the fear that keeps you alive, and the fear that keeps you from living.”

Whoa, mind blown.

Fear is totally healthy.

We should be afraid of things that can be harmful to us and use caution when they are near.

However, how many of us live with the fear that keeps us from living?

I want to tell you about how I fell in love with my husband.

My relationship to my now husband, Dave, started out completely differently than any other I’ve ever had.

I had RULES, you know?

I never made the first move. I made them wait. I wouldn’t get too close too fast. They had to say I love you first. They had to chase me. I kept my hand close and protected my heart. I was in control of how things were going to go.

Sounds like fun to date me, huh?

When I met Dave, all those rules went out the window.

We met while he was visiting friends in Calgary, and I knew within days that he was going to be my husband and that I was now learning who he was.

It was thrilling, exhilarating, and it made me bold and fearless.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the pressure of needing to “know where this relationship was going.”

It didn’t matter.

If he was truly meant to be my life partner, there was no rush because we were meant to be. If not, it was the most alive I’ve ever felt and I wouldn’t regret a damn thing.

I was able to be open with my heart and vulnerable with my feelings. I said I love you first. I was completely myself all the time. I didn’t hold back, and loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.

If I had held on to my fear, and my fearful rules, I may never have had the guts to let myself be seen and pursue our relationship.

I would have been too concerned with keeping myself safe.

Keeping ourselves safe from things that we want is where fear keeps us from living.

Fear of failure fear of rejection fear of the unknown fear of judgement fear of being seen and heard fear of intimacy fear of success fear of happiness fear of letting go fear of starting.

Fearfearfear.

All of these fears hold us back from who we are meant to be and shining our lights out into the world.

Imagine if I had held onto my silly fear-filled rules?

I wouldn’t be having a baby in a few weeks with the greatest man I have ever known.

I wouldn’t have moved to Regina and created a life and business that makes me jump out of bed every morning because it makes me that happy.

And most importantly: I wouldn’t be who I am now.

It takes guts to grow.

And it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, and often painful.

Yet the only way to escape fear is go through it. 

And you will emerge on the other side, promise.

I’d love to hear from you now! When have decided to move past your fear and do it anyways? What nuggets of wisdom did you get from it? How did you meet your partner? Please share it in the Soul Sisterhood or in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share the shit out of it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to someone who might need to read this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

I have something important to tell you…

You may have noticed that I was absent from your inbox last week. Or maybe you didn’t, but I in any case, I was, and I am excited to tell you why:

My best friend flew in to surprise me this weekend (yes, I am so lucky!) and I decided to hang out with her on Monday morning instead of writing to you.

Sometimes you just have to roll with what’s given, you know?

The best part of her visit, is that she also inspired this post for you today, so you can thank Nioka for this one!

One of the side effects of being pregnant is that you are often the topic of conversation.

People ask me frequently how I’m doing, I often get advice (solicited or not, all well-meaning of course), and I’m told multiple times a day how great I look (the BEST part of being pregnant for SURE!).

While Nioka was here we were chilling on the couch and discussing my pregnancy, my life, my fears, and all the other stuff that is in transition.

She listened intently and then she wrapped her arms around me and said:

I’m proud of you for doing this.

There have been no words that have touched me more deeply.

It validated my experience, made me feel seen and understood, and I really felt supported and even held up by that one simple sentence.

I can’t remember the last time someone has said to me that they were proud of me, and it made me think maybe you haven’t heard it in a while either.

So here it is, I’m proud of you for doing this, whatever THIS is.

I’m proud of you for getting up and making the best of things when days are hard.

I’m proud of you for listening to your heart sometimes, instead of always following your head.

I’m proud of you for constantly striving to live better, happier, and more in line with who you truly are.

I’m proud of you for saying no.

I’m proud of you for doing your best every day, and I’m equally as proud of you for taking breaks because you need it.

I’m proud of you for being a compassionate person in a sometimes cruel and unfair world.

I’m proud of you for saying things that are hard and having those conversations.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be seen and shining brightly.

I’m proud of you for being afraid and deciding to do it anyways.

I’m proud of you for taking risks that challenge you and help you grow.

I’m proud of your honesty and realness in a world that celebrates a carefully constructed veneer.

I’m proud of you for fighting for your family and what you believe is right.

I’m proud of you for making the best decisions you can with what you know is true.

I’m proud of you for choosing love even when it’s the hardest choice you can make.

I’m proud of you for leaving shitty situations so you can thrive.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be heard even when you are scared.

I’m proud of you for being imperfect and allowing yourself be seen anyways.

I’m proud of how far you have come and how far I know you will go.

I’m proud of you for wanting to make a difference, no matter how small because it’s meaningful to you.

I’m proud of you for being the brilliant, beautiful, and miraculous you…weird moles, bad sweat pants, hairy toes and all. J

On this day of thanks I am so thankful for you and the sisterhood of women who are bravely working to create a better world for themselves and each other by choosing to live in alignment with who they are.

I love and admire you for all that you are…and gorgeous…know that I’ve got your back.

I’d love to hear from you now! Tell me who you are proud of and why in the comments below or the Soul Sisterhood and then share it with THEM. We are beacons for each other my dear, shine your light to illuminate the darkness.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to anyone you think would benefit from reading this.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t