When should you listen to fear?

I was at a yoga workshop led by the fabulous Ryan Leier a few years ago and he said something that has stuck with me ever since.

“There’s the fear that keeps you alive, and the fear that keeps you from living.”

Whoa, mind blown.

Fear is totally healthy.

We should be afraid of things that can be harmful to us and use caution when they are near.

However, how many of us live with the fear that keeps us from living?

I want to tell you about how I fell in love with my husband.

My relationship to my now husband, Dave, started out completely differently than any other I’ve ever had.

I had RULES, you know?

I never made the first move. I made them wait. I wouldn’t get too close too fast. They had to say I love you first. They had to chase me. I kept my hand close and protected my heart. I was in control of how things were going to go.

Sounds like fun to date me, huh?

When I met Dave, all those rules went out the window.

We met while he was visiting friends in Calgary, and I knew within days that he was going to be my husband and that I was now learning who he was.

It was thrilling, exhilarating, and it made me bold and fearless.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the pressure of needing to “know where this relationship was going.”

It didn’t matter.

If he was truly meant to be my life partner, there was no rush because we were meant to be. If not, it was the most alive I’ve ever felt and I wouldn’t regret a damn thing.

I was able to be open with my heart and vulnerable with my feelings. I said I love you first. I was completely myself all the time. I didn’t hold back, and loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.

If I had held on to my fear, and my fearful rules, I may never have had the guts to let myself be seen and pursue our relationship.

I would have been too concerned with keeping myself safe.

Keeping ourselves safe from things that we want is where fear keeps us from living.

Fear of failure fear of rejection fear of the unknown fear of judgement fear of being seen and heard fear of intimacy fear of success fear of happiness fear of letting go fear of starting.

Fearfearfear.

All of these fears hold us back from who we are meant to be and shining our lights out into the world.

Imagine if I had held onto my silly fear-filled rules?

I wouldn’t be having a baby in a few weeks with the greatest man I have ever known.

I wouldn’t have moved to Regina and created a life and business that makes me jump out of bed every morning because it makes me that happy.

And most importantly: I wouldn’t be who I am now.

It takes guts to grow.

And it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, and often painful.

Yet the only way to escape fear is go through it. 

And you will emerge on the other side, promise.

I’d love to hear from you now! When have decided to move past your fear and do it anyways? What nuggets of wisdom did you get from it? How did you meet your partner? Please share it in the Soul Sisterhood or in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share the shit out of it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to someone who might need to read this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

I have something important to tell you…

You may have noticed that I was absent from your inbox last week. Or maybe you didn’t, but I in any case, I was, and I am excited to tell you why:

My best friend flew in to surprise me this weekend (yes, I am so lucky!) and I decided to hang out with her on Monday morning instead of writing to you.

Sometimes you just have to roll with what’s given, you know?

The best part of her visit, is that she also inspired this post for you today, so you can thank Nioka for this one!

One of the side effects of being pregnant is that you are often the topic of conversation.

People ask me frequently how I’m doing, I often get advice (solicited or not, all well-meaning of course), and I’m told multiple times a day how great I look (the BEST part of being pregnant for SURE!).

While Nioka was here we were chilling on the couch and discussing my pregnancy, my life, my fears, and all the other stuff that is in transition.

She listened intently and then she wrapped her arms around me and said:

I’m proud of you for doing this.

There have been no words that have touched me more deeply.

It validated my experience, made me feel seen and understood, and I really felt supported and even held up by that one simple sentence.

I can’t remember the last time someone has said to me that they were proud of me, and it made me think maybe you haven’t heard it in a while either.

So here it is, I’m proud of you for doing this, whatever THIS is.

I’m proud of you for getting up and making the best of things when days are hard.

I’m proud of you for listening to your heart sometimes, instead of always following your head.

I’m proud of you for constantly striving to live better, happier, and more in line with who you truly are.

I’m proud of you for saying no.

I’m proud of you for doing your best every day, and I’m equally as proud of you for taking breaks because you need it.

I’m proud of you for being a compassionate person in a sometimes cruel and unfair world.

I’m proud of you for saying things that are hard and having those conversations.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be seen and shining brightly.

I’m proud of you for being afraid and deciding to do it anyways.

I’m proud of you for taking risks that challenge you and help you grow.

I’m proud of your honesty and realness in a world that celebrates a carefully constructed veneer.

I’m proud of you for fighting for your family and what you believe is right.

I’m proud of you for making the best decisions you can with what you know is true.

I’m proud of you for choosing love even when it’s the hardest choice you can make.

I’m proud of you for leaving shitty situations so you can thrive.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be heard even when you are scared.

I’m proud of you for being imperfect and allowing yourself be seen anyways.

I’m proud of how far you have come and how far I know you will go.

I’m proud of you for wanting to make a difference, no matter how small because it’s meaningful to you.

I’m proud of you for being the brilliant, beautiful, and miraculous you…weird moles, bad sweat pants, hairy toes and all. J

On this day of thanks I am so thankful for you and the sisterhood of women who are bravely working to create a better world for themselves and each other by choosing to live in alignment with who they are.

I love and admire you for all that you are…and gorgeous…know that I’ve got your back.

I’d love to hear from you now! Tell me who you are proud of and why in the comments below or the Soul Sisterhood and then share it with THEM. We are beacons for each other my dear, shine your light to illuminate the darkness.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to anyone you think would benefit from reading this.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

A simple trick to ride the waves of tough times.

Hello gorgeous,

I just got in from a walk with my puppy in the fresh fall air. I love this time of year. The cool mornings that bite my pink cheeks, the warm afternoons where I can smell the sun warm the fallen leaves, and the bright gold and amber leaves against a bluebird sky, it’s all magical!

The changing of the seasons is a wonderful reminder to reflect and take stock of what is also changing within ourselves.

As I’m getting more and more pregnant (I’m officially 34 weeks now), I notice I’m also in transition. I’m getting slower, more fatigued, and also craving being at home more as I’m preparing for my son to arrive.

Most of us are also uncomfortable with change, myself included.

A few weeks ago I was totally overwhelmed.

I felt like there was ALL the things to do, and it was never going to get done.

The To-Do list felt a mile long, and with baby coming, I definitely felt a deadline, or at least a very limited time to do things and the progress felt slow and overwhelming with my declining energy.

I had also been feeling this way for a while, so the anxiety was climbing every day my due date got nearer.

It felt like this was going to go on forever and I was starting to panic.

Maybe you can relate to something in your own life?

Like when it seems like one thing after another keeps piling up and you can’t seem to get a break?

Or maybe you’re in the midst of learning something new and it all feels hard and it’s like trying to learn string theory in Chinese?

Sometimes it all feels overwhelmingly too much and never ending.

In Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage he states that when we:

“…start to “overestimate the significance and permanence of the problems they encounter,”(it’s) the fastest route to depression and anxiety…”

Isn’t this the truth?

We tend to view our problems as significant and permanent, which can quickly encourage invasive thoughts leading to anxiety and depression.

Buddhist philosophy believes that the only constant is change.

Just like the constant changing of the seasons, our lives are in a constant state of change, and we too are a part of that because everything is temporary and shifting.

So you can take comfort that even the most uncomfortable times are temporary too.

Just like my rib that’s been out for almost two months.

Just like my To-Do list.

Eventually it will be over and there will be something else in its place.

A beautiful child.

Other things to focus on.

So if you are going through something right now like overwhelm, grief, anger, confusion, stuckness, depression, anxiety or frustration:

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

This too shall pass, as they say and soon enough you won’t even remember this moment because you will already be onto the next.

Learning to get comfortable with change, even simply accepting it, makes it easier to deal with the challenging times and appreciate the good ones.

One of the easiest ways I know how to do this is just to name it and acknowledge that this is now I’m feeling right now, for example:

This feels overwhelming for me right now.

Instead of: I’m overwhelmed.

I’m feeling exhausted with this right now.

Instead of: I’m exhausted with this.

I’m feeling frustrated right now.

Instead of: I’m frustrated.

There’s a few language cues that are important here:

“I’m feeling”, “I’m experiencing”, “this is” rather than “I am.”

When we use“I am,” it implies that this is a way of being which is permanent, fixed, or a part of your identity. This increases our feelings of and helplessness to the situation.

Adding “Right now” instead of ending the sentence as fact.

“Right now” acknowledges that this is being experienced in the moment, and therefore not a persistent situation. We can have confidence that the situation will change and that this is truly temporary (because it is!).

Both of these language cues shifts our perspective to feel more in control and empowered by riding the waves of what is.

This moment may be uncomfortable, but don’t panic, everything is temporary.

I’d love to hear from you now! What’s your best tip for managing tough times? Please share it in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood. I love hearing from you!

If you liked this post, then please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to someone who could use some love today. We are all a light for each other.

I hope you enjoy this glorious fall day and I look forward to reading your comments!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Click here to find your true purpose.

Hi Gorgeous,

So, did you bite? Do you want to find out your one TRUE purpose in life?

If you’re anything like I was, you might be desperately trying to find the RIGHT thing.

The perfect job, the perfect path, the perfect cause that would be your life’s purpose.

That thing that you are meant to devote your life to.

Here’s what I said in this last week’s Soul Strategy Sessions that was followed by silence and then cheers:

Fuck your purpose.

Okay, so that might sound harsh, but hear me out.

Why would we believe that we have only ONE true purpose in life?

What if we didn’t figure it out, does that mean that our whole life was meaningless, that we missed the point?

Or that it was somehow wasted?

I call bullshit.

It’s crazy to believe that we are hardwired for one thing, and one thing only, and then have the impossible task of also having to figure out what it is.

Our purpose is simple: to be happy.

“I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” – Dalai Lama

We are most content and happy when we are living in alignment with our values, and there is not just one, but hundreds of ways to do this.

Whether our values are integrity, freedom, love, learning, or any of the many others, we are always trying to fulfill them in our lives.

When we allow our values guide us to happiness, our lives become meaningful and we feel most fulfilled.

We are most unhappy, disconnected, and unfulfilled when we are living out of alignment with our values.

For example, if one of your values is acceptance, you might notice how happy you feel when you reach out to others and make them feel welcome.

Conversely, you might feel more terrible than others whose value is not acceptance, if you engage in gossip because it goes directly against your values.

We as humans are meaning seeking animals.

We try to make sense of a world that seems random and makes no sense, so we add meaning to it try to understand it the world around us.

Meaning is subjective not objective.

It is completely dependent on the viewpoint, not events.

It’s the same with our lives.

I was generously sent to take the Landmark Forum 2 years ago by Lululemon. (If you aren’t familiar with it it’s a 4 day personal development course in Vancouver.) At one point the facilitator announced:

Life is empty and meaningless.

Half of the audience gasped and started crying.

He continued to explain further that the only meaning this life has is the meaning we attribute it, so choose wisely.

Meaning can be found anywhere if you connect it back to your values.

You don’t need to find a different job, or path, all you need to do is understand how you can fulfill your values in what you are already doing.

Now, if one of your values is honesty, and your job relies on lying to people you may have a problem.

But most of our values can be fulfilled in jobs, paths, and roles that we are already in.

For me, when I was young I loved being a server.

Not because I liked working long hours late into the night, or that I thought it was my life’s purpose to wait tables, but because two of my main core values: connection and freedom were satisfied.

I love connecting with people, and serving for me was all about building relationships so I truly enjoyed doing it.

I also had a lot of autonomy, and tipped out more than my wage every night knowing that how much money I made was up to me.

I felt like an entrepreneur and that satisfied my value for freedom.

As Martin Luther King Jr. said:

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

If you aren’t sure of your own core values or you want to learn more about them, I’ve got a FREE tool for you called the Clarity Crash Course.

Once you are aware of your values, they become your North Star guiding you to your happiness and ultimately will make your life more meaningful.

I’d love to hear from you now: what are your core values, and how do they impact your life? How have your values shown you that you were out of alignment? Do you like cookies? If so, what’s your favorite kind, and when are you bringing them over? Share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood on Facebook.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to those who could use some light in their lives.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Practices to keep you sane in uncertain times

Hello Gorgeous,

I’m getting HUGE! Yup, I’m 32 weeks and definitely starting to feel it and show it.

Third trimester took no prisoners and hit me like a brick wall.

I went from feeling motivated, energized, and inspired to feeling exhausted and giving less and less shits about just about everything…except for napping.

I LOVE napping! Especially with all my pets in bed with me.

As I was thinking about what to write this morning I was feeling so grateful for all the amazing support in my life and how lucky I am.

People ask me about 50 times a day, “how are you feeling?” If I’m honest I tell them that I’m good, aside from pregnancy being uncomfortable and inconvenient.

Yes, it is also amazing and a miracle and I’m CREATING a life in my body, but most days it’s uncomfortable and just plain inconvenient.

Life doesn’t stop for pregnancy just like it doesn’t stop for any of the discomforts of life.

I still (just like most women) have all the same responsibilities and full life of pre-pregnancy (and yes I know once baby comes it’s only going to get busier!) and it’s getting harder and harder to maintain.

I read a quote to my Soul Sisters (from the Soul Strategy Sessions) last week from Jack Kornfields book Soul Food:

“It’s not easy for us to accept that there is no cure for living.”

So how do we face the uncomfortable and inconvenient times of our life? Or the ones that are just plain hard and challenging? The times when you just want to go back to bed and hope to wake up to a different reality?

It is possible to face uncertainty and challenges with grace and compassion.

These are the practices I use to keep me grounded and steady when everything else seems to be falling apart:

1) Focus on right now.

Often when we are faced with uncertainty and challenge, we try to control the situation by trying to think of all the possibilities and make a plan. This is also known as worrying, yes? When worrying and anxiety set in thoughts can spin out of control. The best way to work with moments of overwhelm and invasive thoughts is to focus on the task at hand, or the next step. Most of us try to see not just the whole picture, but ALL of the pictures and it’s not helpful. You don’t need to see the whole path to take a step. Focus on right now, and trust that the next best move will be available to you when the time arrives. You will feel calmer, and way more in control.

2) Maintain perspective.

All of our situations are temporary. The only certainty about life is that it is in constant change. The most challenging times of our lives will shift, just like the most joyful. Learning to see things as temporary allows space for challenges without resistance and anxiety, as well as being grateful for the beautiful times when they are here because they too are bound to change.

3) Ask for help, and accept it.

One of the greatest gifts we can give to each other is to ask for help and accept it with grace. It is a brave and bold move, and makes both parties feel good. It’s often hard to ask for help. We worry that we’ll be a burden, be judged, or be seen as less capable than we want to be seen. But the truth is that it is a privilege to be asked for help. I am always so grateful when my friends ask for support, advice, or a hand. I could not be happier than to be “their person” who they trust enough to be vulnerable and feel safe asking for what they need from me. We all need each other and there is nothing more sacred than the relationship of giving and receiving with open honest hearts.

4) Move your body, change a feeling.

My husband is a superstar. He can see when I’m not myself these days and always has a fun idea to get me out of the house, whether it’s to look at new cars or even just to walk through Costco. My back has been giving me a lot of grief and moving makes it better, and it absolutely makes my mind better. I’ve been diligent about walking our dog hard every morning hard and it not only keeps my pain levels down, but keeps my mind more focused and lifts my mood and energy up. When I feel off, moving changes it faster than anything else.

5) Give yourself a break.

Sometimes less is more. I’m a fire sign in everything: I’m an Aries in Astrology, a fire horse in Chinese Astrology, and a Pitta-Vatta in Ayurvedic Dosha’s (or constitutions). Everything about me knows how to move ahead, burn hard, and stay focused. I couldn’t even avoid it if I tried. One of the things I’ve had to learn how to do is to become sensitive to know when it’s time to take a break and balance my fire with ease. It was hard for me to give myself breaks, take naps, relax with a book (other than before bed), or even make time to do nothing. It has become a part of my mindfulness practice to pay attention to when it’s time for me to slow down, relax, and offer the kindness to myself that I would gladly offer anyone else. I’m certain this is why I’ve felt so good throughout my pregnancy and continue with my full life, all because I am present for what I need and am willing to give that to myself.

6) Gratitude

It always comes down to gratitude, doesn’t it? When times are challenging, it’s easy to get hyper focused on what’s not going “right.” Gratitude broadens our perspective and shifts the focus to all the millions of things that are going in our favor at any given moment. I am so grateful for my amazing husband who has been the most supportive, loving, kind, and understanding man I could ever ask for. He has made delicious meals for me 3 days in a row, rubs my back every time I ask, and seems to anticipate my needs while making me laugh all the time. I’m so grateful for the beautiful loving women in my life who have talked me down from the ledge, listened to my tears, and have made me feel so loved, held, and supported. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve so many amazing people in my life, and when I’m having a hard day, it’s certainly not hard to be grateful. My life has a never ending list of wonderful, beautiful, and amazing things in it all the time, and it never fails to change my mood from what’s not right to how almost EVERYTHING is right.

7) Compassion

This is the game changer for everything in life. Compassion for each other, and compassion for ourselves. As the Dalai Lama says:

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Compassion is the reminder that life is hard for everyone. Remember what I said earlier? There is no cure for living. Practicing compassion allows us to see each other, and ourselves, as the humans that we are, who are all doing the best that we can with what we have in the moment. Seeing through the eyes of compassion allows us to be kinder, gentler, and to give each other and ourselves, a break. As I often say:

Life’s hard, and shit’s real.

Compassion is what binds us together, and reminds us that we are not alone.

All of us are on this uncertain, scary, joyous, and beautiful ride together.

My deepest hope for you is that your life is on an upswing, that it feels easy, joyous, and free. And if it’s not, my hope is that these practices can be of some support and comfort to you.

You are not alone, my friend, we are all walking each other home.

If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this right now.

We are all lighting the way for each other.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What do the President and I have in Common that will make your life better?

Hello Gorgeous,

I was lucky enough to work with an incredible woman last Friday for a 3 hour Mastermind around her business.

She is like a lot of women I work with that have their own service based business.

It starts off as an inspiration with no plan, and then the business takes over and starts running their life.

I do these on Friday mornings, and make a yummy breakfast and snacks for us to enjoy as we work.

They are an intensive where we pick apart the business to see exactly what’s working and what’s not, mindsets of how you view money and your business, and how to design a business that works for you, instead of a business that has taken over your life.

Most of us start out in the work force working for someone else making an hourly wage.

Once we start working for ourselves it can be difficult to shake that idea, even though all entrepreneurs work way more “unpaid” hours than working with actual clients.

As small business entrepreneurs, we are responsible for our admin, marketing, bookkeeping, social media, product development, and a slew of other tasks depending on your business and its size.

The other challenge is that we often undervalue what we offer and undercharge for our work resulting in 60 hour work weeks for minimal pay.

So we try to work with more clients for little money hoping that will make up for it. Guess what? It doesn’t.

We need to work smarter, not harder.

I truly believe this is why so many businesses fail, not because of lack of hard work, but because of limiting belief systems and lack of planning that results in burnout.

You may not have a business, but you can easily translate this into almost every other area of your life.

Most of us feel like we are treading water trying to keep up with the life we’ve created, chasing after the dream of “once I  do X, I can relax and be happy.”

However if we don’t ever stop and take time and care to plan how we want to live and work, life will decide that for us, and we will continue to just try and keep our head afloat.

I’ve used these same systems with women in daily life and corporate jobs, just as much as those who are self-employed.

Whether you work with me one on one, in a 3 hour mastermind, or a group coaching session there are a four things we will always cover:

1) Clarity – What do you actually want?

Some people worry that they aren’t ready to work with a coach because they don’t know how to answer this. Most of us, if we’re really honest, know what we want. It’s often based on a feeling like: I want to be happy, I don’t want less stress and anxiety, I want more energy, I want to feel more connected. These are not only valid things to want, this is what our lives are based on!

Although many of us strive for money and things, they have no inherent value except the feelings and experiences they give us. That’s why we want stuff in the first place. They might give us status, make us feel like somebody we want to be, give momentary happiness or sense of accomplishment. It’s all based on feelings we want.

Sadly those feelings are short lived when we expect them to come from stuff. It makes way more sense to build your life upon how you want to feel and doing things that support those feelings, rather than accumulating things that lose their value almost the moment you get them.

2) Systems – What systems do you need in place to support what you want? I remember reading that the American President has a personal chef, and maybe that’s not surprising to you, but I found the reason why intriguing. The President has a chef so he doesn’t have to waste his energy thinking about what he eats every day. His mental energy is too precious to be wasted on deciding on Cheerios or Cornflakes.

This is one thing the President and I definitely have in common, not the personal chef, but I have a full life and cannot waste my time deciding on what to eat every day. For any of you who know me, I eat the same thing A LOT. I make a big batch of something (often the same thing every week) and eat it all week. I like variety, but I also don’t want to think about it. I want to heat up my breakfast and get to other stuff instead of spending my time looking up recipes, cooking, and then eating. I want to eat, and move on.

The White House apparently feels the same way. See, we all have a finite amount of mental energy, and it’s up to us to decide how we want to use it. This is an example of a system that buys the President (and me) more mental space to focus on what we deem important.

Systems are the routines and rituals that support our life, and if you are a business owner, the life of your business. They often are the small mundane routines that will eventually be the backbone of your life and business. They include time management, your physical and mental health, and automation.

3) Plan – What obstacles might get in your way?

For most of us we get inspired with a plan that is idyllic and are gung ho to start…until the following morning when you have to follow through with it. Sound familiar? Like going out for a 10km run every day at 6am when you have never run before and you are not a morning person. Or meditating every night for an hour even though you’re exhausted by the end of the day and you just fall asleep trying.

Asking the question, “what might get in your way?” will have you look at your intentions critically so you can make a plan that you will succeed at. Our aim is not to do a drastic overhaul on your life in a day, because it’s not possible. You are still you.  Aim to make small easily doable adjustments which make a bigger impact on your life. Small achievable goals lead to big (and even more importantly) long term results.

4) Objective – How will you know you got it or did it?

This is the question almost no one asks themselves. They set the goal and set out to do it but have no measureable way of knowing when they’ve completed it. So, they move the bar higher, or to the next thing, which leads to very highly accomplished women often feeling like they’ve never accomplished anything because in their mind, they haven’t. Make sure you answer this question before starting your goals, it is the most important thing to determine besides what you want. Without this, there isn’t any point because you wouldn’t know if you did it anyways.

Time is ticking before baby comes. I’m on the home stretch at 30 weeks and I want to give you an opportunity to work with me before he comes so I have opened up a few more spaces here:

Soul Strategy Sessions in 6 weeks, starting THIS Wednesday.

These classes will be condensed from 90 minute 8 week classes to 2 hour 6 week classes. This is your last opportunity to join us in this fun supportive community. Women love these classes because they are fun, and they work. Don’t worry if you aren’t clear right now on what you want, that’s what the class is for! I promise you will learn so much and have a great time doing it with amazing women just like you. I love the women so much that come to the Sessions, that I often say I want them all to be my best friends! Only 1 day left to sign up! Sign up now to save your space here.

3 Hour Mastermind

I have opened up a few more Friday mornings to work with me. If you are like so many women who offer a service based business and feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and starting to get resentful of the business you love, let’s chat. Together we can design a business that works for you, instead of you being a slave to your business. You can do this, and I can help. Set up an alignment call with me by clicking here to see if this is your next best step for you and your business.

I’d love to hear from you now: are you like the President, and if so how? Share your comments in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group or in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to a friend who could use it!

I hope you have an incredible week ahead of you and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Love and Light,

t

What does Randy Travis and negative thoughts have in common?

Yesterday as I was painting the baby’s room, my husband was outside shoveling rock for our backyard.

He had his music playing and I could hear Randy Travis crooning, “I’m gonna love you forever. Forever and ever, amen…”

And then it stuck in my head like an earworm.

It’s a catchy song that just kept replaying over and over and OVER in my head, until it started to get annoying. But by then, I couldn’t get it out.

Earworms are similar to invasive or negative thoughts, and this leads me to a great question I received last week from a Soul Sister.

She asked: “I’m wondering if you would consider writing something about what to do when you have negative thoughts or when you can’t seem to get something off your mind?”

Maybe you’re like me and the first thing you try to do is ignore it? Or try and think about something else? Then I usually get to the mad place where I’m arguing at my thoughts to “shut the F#UK up already!”

There’s a Buddhist saying that states: whatever we resist persists.

So how do you control your thoughts then?

Simple answer: You can’t.

But you can learn to work with thoughts so you don’t have to suffer from them.

Jack Kornfield explains that the mind secretes thoughts like salivary glands secrete saliva. It just happens. They have no shame, and will go anywhere!

The good news about this is that thoughts are aren’t personal. They don’t mean anything, and just because they are there, doesn’t mean they are true. Thoughts are just what the mind is secreting.

Try this:

Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath.

Imagine that you can see your thoughts floating by through your mind’s eye like clouds in the sky.

Notice, that you can notice your thoughts without engaging with them, or actively thinking about them. They are just there floating by like subtitles across a movie screen.

Every once in a while, you will get hijacked by thoughts and start engaging (thinking) with them. When that happens bring your attention back to your breath and notice that you can notice your thoughts once again.

You’ll notice that by viewing your thoughts like this, you create space between you and them. You can watch without getting tangled up in their nonsense.

So, what about the annoying earworm of Randy Travis, or invasive and negative thoughts?

If you begin to meditate regularly (the above exercise is one form of this), you’ll start to notice that your thoughts tend to repeat themselves. In fact, I’ve heard that we have something like 60,000 thoughts running through our minds every day, and 80% of them are reruns from yesterday.

There’s not much new in there.

Our minds tend to repeat the same old tired record over and over again.

When you understand this, it can lessen the suffering of resisting your thoughts which is really what causes the suffering.

Your mind is on a loop no matter what, but some thoughts within that loop seem to cause more suffering than others. Not because some are better or worse, but because of our relationship to them.

We like the thoughts that make us feel good, we don’t like that thoughts that bring us down.

But all thoughts are just what they are: thoughts.

Thoughts aren’t real and have no gravity or power, unless we give it to them by believing them or buying into the story they are telling us.

Now you might say, well that’s all good Tina, but what the heck do I do when I’m spiraling down and can’t seem to get enough space to see them without being sucked into them?

In my course 21 Days to Calm, each day has different bite sized exercises that help shift this kind of thinking.

One of those exercises which is particularly helpful is inspired by the work of Byron Katie:

When you have invasive or negative thoughts that are persistent, ask yourself: Is this actually true?

Most of the time we don’t question our thoughts, we just believe them.

This is another tool to create space between you and your thoughts. Let yourself question the thought or belief and pick it apart. Is it true? Is there a real likelihood of this happening or coming true? Is there any evidence to support this thought? Would other people see this as true? What’s the worst case scenario, and realistically, would this happen?

This exercise is even more powerful if you write it all out and then reading it out loud to yourself.

Thoughts have the most power when they are general and kept silent internally.

For example, say I had a day where I was feeling really bad about myself.

I was feeling ugly, fat, incompetent, and generally not good enough. My mood was low and I couldn’t seem to shake these terrible thoughts.

Here’s the process:

  1. Create space. Notice that I’m noticing. Create space by noticing these are thoughts, not facts and have no bearing on reality.
  2. Question the thoughts. Then, pull out my journal and ask myself: Is this actually true?
  3. Poke holes in the story. If I’m not convinced, I might choose to look at this through a good friend’s point of view: would they agree with my thoughts? Of course not.
  4. Look for evidence. Is there any evidence to support these thoughts, aside from feeling that they are true? Nope again.
  5. Worst case scenario. What’s the worst case scenario? (Most of us never actually go here. We just have this general dread of what could When we don’t name it, it becomes something huge and looming rather than something you can face head on.) So, worst case scenario is: that I will be like this forever and no one will love me and I’m going to be sad and lonely for the rest of my life.
  6. Read it out loud. Umm, crazy town, right?

Yet we’ve all been there.

Thoughts can be very compelling and they don’t fight fair, because they are already inside of us and know our worst fears.

Yet it doesn’t make them true, and you don’t have to give them any more attention than the thoughts that notice the sky is blue, or that your co-worker has cool hair today.

And Randy Travis’ earworm?

Same thing, notice that I’m noticing and let it run through my mind without attachment.

Eventually it gets tired because I’m not giving it energy by fighting it, so it moves on to something else.

I’d love to hear from you now! How do you work with negative or persistent thoughts? What’s the song that always gets stuck in your head? You can share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who could use a little light right now.

Thank you for letting me in your inbox and your life my sweet friend.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What’s it all for?

If you are anything like me, you can get really focused on “doing” by putting your head down and pushing forward.

I’ll get something in my head, and push towards it at all costs focusing solely on getting it completed.

And yes, sigh, I teach yoga and meditation, and should be “in the moment.”

I’m also incredibly human.

I’m driven, ambitious, and I love the learning that comes from challenging myself.

Sometimes though, I realize that something feels off.

I’m no longer enjoying what I’m doing. I feel like I “have” to do it.

I get resistant, procrastinate, and just want to stay in bed or clean the house to avoid it.

Other times it feels off because I almost feel manic.

It consumes me and I am obsessed with getting it done. I will eat, sleep, and breathe it.

When I feel off, my tool to get a clearer perspective is to ask myself a very simple question which gets to the heart of things very quickly:

What is this all for?

It’s similar to “why” which is what I blogged about last week, but with a perspective that’s closer to home for me.

What it’s really asking, me is: is this worth it?

I get the most joy and renewal from connection because I genuinely love and am interested in people.

If what I’m focused on disconnects me, I suffer.

I lose interest and motivation. I can get irritable and even feel depressed because I need a certain amount of contact to be well.

Maintaining balance is a big part of juggling a business and living a fulfilling, meaningful, and joyous life.

The real benefit of all the years of yoga and meditation isn’t that I’m Zen-like all the fricken’ time, it’s that I know myself well enough to see clearly when my behavior isn’t matching my intentions.

I notice sooner when I feel off, and am able to take a step back and re-evaluate what I’m doing, and why I’m doing it.  This has a lot of value for 2 reasons.

1) I might commit even stronger if it’s worth it but I’m losing momentum.

Resistance shows up within me as procrastination. So, it’s helpful for me to be clear that I’m resistant because I’m sick of doing it, but know that pushing through it will be worth it in the end. I will then recommit to my larger “why” and reignite the spark of inspiration to continue.

2) I might decide to change course, stop, or shift how I’m doing things.

The resistance might actually be a sign that what I’m doing isn’t right, or sustainable, so don’t continue like this any longer.

So how do I know when it’s time to shift gears or stop?

I look at my deal breakers:

  • My core values are my north star. They serve my highest good and always steer me in the right direction. (Take the free Clarity Crash Course to find yours by clicking here.) If what I’m doing brings me out of alignment with them, it’s time to change things up or stop.
  • Another, is if I’ve lost sight of my “why.” If I no longer can attach it to my bigger vision, and am just doing it to get done, it’s time to shift gears.
  • Lastly, if I feel I am sacrificing my quality of life such as: exercise, eating well, family, friends, learning, personal goals, it’s not worth it.

I believe our lives are meant to be lived and lived well. If I can’t balance my life with what I’m working on, my life will NOT be what is compromised.

So, I’d love to hear from you now: What are your deal breakers, and how do you know when it’s time to slow down, stop, or shift gears? Share your comments on the blog below, or feel free to share in the Soul Sisterhood!

If you liked this post, please share it! Share with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to someone who might need to read this.

I hope you have an incredible week ahead of you and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How to get unstuck now.

Hello gorgeous,

If you aren’t from Saskatchewan, or have never visited, you should know that we have incredible summers, and the week ahead is no exception.

We have consistently perfect blue bird days around 30 degrees. That’s why so many of us have a lake to go to, or a family cabin, to beat the heat.

Don’t ask me about the winters, but the summers are truly glorious!

I have been thinking about a few lovely clients I’ve worked with over the years who had big dreams of creating their own money as an entrepreneur but had an impossible time getting started.

I often saw a pattern like this:

They really need to start bringing some money in right away. They have a great idea, and are capable of launching it, but never really get it off the ground.

Often they are paralyzed with fear, and worried that they aren’t good enough, qualified enough, or know enough, to make it work. They also are overwhelmed because they have a To-Do list a mile long, and have no idea of where to actually start.

Now, you might not be an entrepreneur but perhaps you can relate to this in another area of your life.

The details may be different, but I’ve been in that stuck “not enough” place enough times to see it when it’s in my face.

I’ve seen it within myself when I wanted to ask for a promotion or raise, applying a new job, building my own business, taking a bit trip, and now I see it occasionally as a new soon-to-be-mother.

The “not enoughs” can affect all of us at different times of our lives and one of the first things I notice is the “why” isn’t big enough to overcome the “not enoughs.”

This is the best time to revaluate and realign with not only what you want, by most importantly to make your “why” big enough to keep you motivated to get you where you want to be going.

Here’s what you need to know to expand your “why”:

  • What do you want? This is the first question I ask every one of my clients, because you can’t get something if you don’t know what it is. Get clear on exactly what you want, how you want to be spending your time, and how you want to feel. Make sure that these all align with each other because if you want to feel free, but then work 80 hours a week, you are not going to feel free guaranteed. Get as specific as you can with what is important to you.
  • Get real with yourself. When you think of what you want, why aren’t you there yet? This isn’t meant to be an exercise to make you feel bad about not being where you wish you would be, but to help you get clear on exactly what is standing in your way of why you haven’t done it yet. What has stopped you from moving forward? Is it fear? Is it lack of action? Is it needing to get a few key pieces in place first? Once you have an idea of what has been holding you back, you can make a plan to work around it, or with it, to start moving forward quickly.
  • Your fear is actually a great sign! It means that this is important to you and that you are on the right track. If it wasn’t important, you wouldn’t feel as though you were risking something to get it. That’s great, keep going!
  • What is your REAL why? If your why is just about money, you’ll never be motivated enough to move through the inertia of fear to go for it. Your why needs to bigger than your fear which is always centered on you. Who, beyond yourself, would benefit? How is you moving forward with this going to change lives? What kind of world are you creating through doing this?
  • Core values. How does what you want align with your core values? The more congruent our wants are with our values the easier it is to go after what you want. If you aren’t sure what yours are, you can do the Free Clarity Crash Course to find out.
  • Now feel it. Imagine yourself having already done it maybe 3 years later. Imagine how it would feel to be there as though it was happening now. Feel it in your body. What does that feel like? Can you name it? What is important about it? This is another important piece of your why. We are always going after a feeling through an outcome.
  • One small step. Of course insight is nothing without action. So, what’s one small step you can take to move towards what you really want? Share it in the Soul Sisterhood so we can cheer you on!

Lastly, I have been thinking of creating one last offering for you before I go away on mat leave in November and this one is for the entrepreneurs out there:

Soul Strategy for Business

What you will get:

  • A business based on what is most important to you.
  • Get unstuck, and get moving faster than if you were trying to figure this out on your own.
  • Design your lifestyle rather than be a slave to your business aaaand still making money.
  • A plan of how to get where you want to be.
  • Feel confident in your offerings and services to execute sales with ease.
  • Accountability to create momentum.
  • Support and wisdom from like-minded women who truly want you to succeed.
  • No more overwhelm, know what to do and when.

Who this is for:

Women who are either just starting, overwhelmed, shit scared, and feeling like they have no idea how to start getting momentum.

Or…

Women who have a business, but are feeling stuck, overwhelmed and need support realigning their business so that it serves THEM instead of the other way around.

What it looks like:

Group coaching for 10 women for 5 weeks, September 2nd -30th from 2-3:30pm.

If this interests you, email me and I’ll get something together to make it happen. I haven’t decided if I will do this in person, or via video conference yet, so your location isn’t an issue. If you want in, let me know, (also let me know if you live in Regina or not) because I’ll base my decision on demand.

Now, I’d love to hear from you: What has been holding you back? What’s your first step, and what’s your “why?” If you liked this post, then please share it on Facebook, tweet it out loud, and forward it to your friends. We all need a little light in our lives and you may be that for someone who needs you!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

8 Reasons why missing out is a good thing.

Today my cup is overflowing with gratitude.

This weekend has been another busy weekend for me. I have been busy finishing up the last details of 21 Days to Calm, and today 18 beautiful women are starting the course with me! Hooray!

I cannot express how excited I am to be sharing this with them, and to be able to help so many people struggling with anxiety. So blessed.

I also am a kind and loving wife. Yes, sometimes it happens.

My husband is away with a few of his besties (I’m sure he would use that word, no?) enjoying Kimberly’s finest. So, me being the exceptional wife I am, repainted and re-decorated the basement bathroom to take one more reno off his list! Please, go on, tell me how amazing and thoughtful I am. 😉

What did you get up to? Did you enjoy the beautiful sunshine? Eat ice cream outside? Tell me about it!

Okay, enough about me, here’s today’s post:

There’s this word out there called FOMO, perhaps you’re heard of it? It means “fear of missing out,” (I mostly like the word because it reminds me of MOFO), but apparently it’s a real thing.

It means: anxiety brought on by the constant influx of information from social media informing you that your friends are doing something way more fun than you are.

Well, here’s a list 8 reasons why missing out is a good thing and you totally should do it:

Specifically for the Soul Strategy Sessions which is the LAST one and starts tomorrow:

  1. You don’t have to worry about creating a meaningful life.
  2. You can let go of having clarity.
  3. You can keep being overwhelmed, being everything for everyone, and become more resentful for it.
  4. You can stay in a rut.
  5. You won’t have to meet some of the best women in the city who want to make their lives incredible.
  6. Tuesday’s won’t have to the best day of the week.
  7. You can keep your low confidence.
  8. You’ll never have to be clear on what truly makes you happy and actually go for it.

Yup, these are all things you WON’T be getting if you don’t join the Soul Strategy Sessions.

Now, if that gives you FOMO, then GOOD! It means its time.

Time for you to know what a meaningful life looks like, feels like, and how it would transform your life.

“Tina’s Soul Strategy Sessions helped me take action in my life and increase my vision for what I want my life to be.” – Lia Skaar

Time to get clear on what is most important to you.

“The Soul Strategy Sessions have empowered me to pursue my goals with focus and confidence. With the support of your soul sisters and Tina’s guidance and teaching you are able to uncover a clear path to success and live life to the fullest.” –Carly Graham, Graduate Student

Time to let go of the things that no longer serve you and streamline your life so you can be truly happy.

“Tina provided me with the much needed help to find ways to reduce the stress in my life, let go of things that really are no longer important and drive clarity to my goals and plans.  After 8 weeks, I left a much happier and confident person with a greater sense of clarity with my future vision.” – Tami Mitchell, Access Communications

Time to get into action and feel inspired about life again.

“Implementing Tina’s techniques throughout the 8 week strategy session has resulted in positive and healthy changes in my life.  Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology   

Time to meet cool women (yes, I only attract the best women in these groups, it’s true.), who are on this path WITH you.

“Being a part of such a supportive community with a common goal of becoming healthier, happier and fulfilled women was unlike anything I’ve experienced.” – Mackenzie, Student

Time for Tuesdays to be full of connection, laughter, and learning!

“During the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have been surrounded and encouraged by a room full of individuals who, like myself, want to be fully engaged and enjoy all that life has to offer.  The dynamics of our group discussions have brought about so many revelations for me and Tina’s approach to coaching has allowed me to see my aspirations with much more clarity, have stretched me to dream big and have given me the needed push and tactics to take steps towards my dreams each and every day.”  -Colleen Wruth (working mom of three young girls)

Time be the confident woman you are meant to be.

“Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

Time to know, deep down in your soul, what makes you happy and actively go for it!

“Every time I leave I am feeling inspired and excited about life again.” – Krista Culling, Corporate Sales – The Wireless Age, Owner/Teacher – Mind Body Soul Yoga

You have today ONLY to sign up and there’s only 3 spots available. Click here and start this fall with more clarity, confidence, and happiness than you ever have before!

Don’t hesitate to share this with the incredible women in your life. We rise together by sharing the good stuff, and sharing our light.

Enjoy your Monday and I look forward to connecting with your gorgeous self next week!

Love and Light,

t