Easy Button Anybody?

It’s been a while.

As some of you already know, I am juggling my business and teaching yoga with being the primary caregiver to my almost one-year-old baby (can somebody tell me where the hell time has gone?).

Which means I get to prioritize what I do with the little bits of time I have for working and I’ve had some WONDERFUL things that have been prioritized over writing my blog as of late.

I’ve started an online meditation class (which is freaking amazing, I must say! You should totally sign up for the next one!), I’m working with incredible clients, and yesterday I was the keynote for the Pink Earth Angels breast cancer support group’s event The High Tea of Hope.

The High Tea of Hope was a girly event with triangle cut sandwiches, a yummy lunch, and beautiful little dainties. We got to dress up and I met some of the most wonderful women!

What I want to share with you this morning though, is how I almost wrecked my speech, and a simple tool (that you too can use) which saved it and made it great.

I’m one of those funny people who really loves public speaking.

I love bringing people together and sharing ways to inspire them and make their lives better.

I do this daily as a yoga teacher, and also through group coaching, workshops, and the few speaking gigs I’ve had.

But I gave myself a LOT of pressure for this talk, and it didn’t take long for this talk to spiral out of control into the abyss of awful-dom.

I wanted to be sooooo good for these women.

I wanted to inspire them, support them, and make them laugh. I wanted this talk to be perfect.

I also didn’t want to offend anyone by being too careless with my language. I wasn’t afraid of cussing so much, but I didn’t want to say something well meaning that could be interpreted as callous, if you get my drift.

(That being said, I was reminded SEVERAL times NOT to drop an f-bomb…and yes, I am pleased to report that no f-bombs were dropped during this talk. However, “shit” definitely was.)

I spent all my work time and free evenings writing, and rewriting, and then researching, and then researching and writing, and ended up with this big disjointed, mess of things I didn’t really know about and didn’t flow, like at all.

It sucked.

The talk was Sunday, and that mess hot sticky mess was Thursday.

And then Friday morning, I had a moment of insight:

How can I make this easy?

Immediately I realized that in my efforts to make this talk good enough, inspiring, and (hopefully) funny, I blasted me away to an unknown third dimension and away from what I knew best.

I needed to talk about what I know.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “no shit, Sherlock.” In my desire to make it great, I went to other sources, as though somehow my knowledge wasn’t enough.

Ping!

This was a lightbulb moment for me, because this isn’t the first time I’ve done this.

I also did this on my very first talk I did, The Hero’s Journey. I did a bunch of research, but a bunch of random stuff together, and although it was a great learning experience for me to speak, it wasn’t a great speech by any means.

I wasn’t asked to speak at the High Tea of Hope to talk about other people’s stuff or ideas, I was hired to share MY knowledge, MY experiences, and MY expertise, because I really know my shit.

I’ve been doing this work for a decade, and I STILL struggle sometimes with owning that, and it was obvious to me when I was writing this speech.

As soon as I made it easy, it poured out of me like chocolate in a hot lava cake.

I had it written in under an hour, and it was great.

I rehearsed a few times to make sure it flowed, and that there were no gaps in the information, and by the time Sunday arrived, I was SO excited to speak to these 130 beautiful women.

I put on my favourite coral lace dress, with sapphire blue shoes. I spent a whole hour curling my hair and putting on make up and finished it off with a cranberry lip. I felt beautiful, confident, and ready.

When I walked up to the stage I felt a good nervous, excitement coursing through me, and genuinely happy to share.

And do you know what? It went perfectly!

I had fun, they laughed, and I had so many women come up to me after to thank me and tell me how much they enjoyed my talk. I couldn’t have been happier!

I had overcomplicated things initially in the interest of making it “better.”

What I’ve learned though, is that when I choose “easy” it’s usually the right way.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you overcomplicate things? Do you sometimes forget that you also know your shit? What are your tools to curb the “I’m not enough” voice? Please share your wisdom below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share the hell out of it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might benefit from this post.

Thank you for being the light that you are. Shine bright lovely.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

4 Tips for a Better To-Do List

This week, I’m going to share with you how I do my own To-Do lists. This is not only how I do my To-Do lists, but also how I coach my lovely clients to do theirs.

I LOVE lists, and I love crossing off my lists, and I love making more lists. I love listing, and I love finding more ways to feel accomplished and successful.

The great thing about To-Do lists is the sense of immense satisfaction and accomplishment of crossing things off as they are completed. I’m super visual, so I LOVE crossing things off.

However, until I learned this important shift of how to do my To-Do’s, I often felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. It felt there was always so much more to do than was accomplished each day.

Maybe you are as zealous about lists as me, and in your excitement of creating lists, never really seem to complete them.

At the end of the day, all the things that weren’t completed were moved onto the next day, and then those things, get moved onto the next day, and it goes on and on.

Soon, you start to feel the anxiety of ALL the things that aren’t done and more unsuccessful than satisfied. Am I right?

This is the dark side about To-Do lists (particularly the ones that keep growing and morphing into some huge crazy uncontrollable hungry monster):

They never seem to be DONE.

So how do we create a To-Do list that we can feel successful, accomplished, and satisfied at the end of the day?

Start creating lists that we can accomplish.

It sounds crazy right? To good to be true?

Once you start doing them this way I promise you will never want to go back because not only will you feel better, you will complete MORE, and more of the things that will make a difference in your life.

Tip #1 – Be realistic about how much you can do in one day.

If you don’t do anything else, do this: only choose 3 things to put on your To-Do list per day, and they MUST be 3 things you can accomplish within your day with ease.

Having unfinished items that we move over to tomorrow’s list is a confidence crusher and creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. And over what? Nobody died over unfinished items on a To-Do list, unless you’re maybe a brain surgeon that uses To-Do lists in surgery. In that case, please finish ALL the things!

Tip #2 – Break it down.

Break big tasks into smaller manageable chunks.

A long time ago, I actually had “website” as one of my tasks. Seriously, like that was something I would be able to do in even a month! It became this huge daunting thing that I was super resistant to tackle. I felt like I was never getting anywhere with it no matter how much time I spent on it.

If I were to approach that again, I would divide it up into little bitty pieces like this:

  • Write home page first draft.
  • Choose colours.
  • Choose fonts.

Breaking the big stuff into smaller stuff adds up really quickly. It helps push through resistance, and builds momentum and confidence.

Tip #3 – Edit your list.

Do you ever notice that some things are way more important to do on your list than others? In fact, some of those things are on the list for no good reason other than you are obsessed with lists and doing things and you like to cross off lists so you just keep adding more? Good, so am I!

Choose the items that are going to make the biggest difference in your life/work. Prioritize, and let the other stuff go.

Or, you can do what I do with things that I want to do but aren’t important now: make a separate list for later. The great thing about this, is that I can write those ideas down somewhere, and then later when I go back to it, I can check to see if they are still relevant without losing them.

Tip #4 – Remember what the list is for.

If you are like me and are obsessed with To-Do lists because of the immense joy and satisfaction you get from crossing items off, then remember the point of the list is not just DO things just for the sake of doing them.

This attitude not only contributes to the disease of busyness, but creates unnecessary stress and anxiety, creates more resistance, and does the very opposite of what the list is intended for.

The point of a To-Do list is that awesome feeling you get crossing it off while getting the important things done.

Now, I’d love to hear from you: Do you love a good To-Do list? What are your best tips for a great list? What tip are you going to try today? Please share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your besties. You never know who might benefit from this!

Thank you for shining your light, beautiful.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stop Putting Yourself on “The List”

Hello Gorgeous,

It’s been a while now, hasn’t it? I hope you are doing well and are as excited to connect with me as I am with you!

I had big plans to maintain AT LEAST my blog after Magnus was born, and I did pretty good for a while, and then my plans went to shit. Sorry about that.

I started doing it all, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was even doing, and subsequently my sweet Magnus wasn’t putting on weight because my supply dropped so drastically. Shit got real, and my main focus was on him and me and getting the T&M team nursing team back on track.

Everything worked out fine after a shit tonne of pumping, supplementation, tears (from both of us), and cuddly nursing time. But damn it was a lot of work!

My husband has been away the past few weeks seeding at his friend’s farm (my husband not so secretly wants to be a farmer when he grows up!), so Magnus and I have been largely on our own.

This week I’ve been taking Magnus running with me in the jogger, and when I got home sweaty and happy on this sunny morning I panicked as I looked at the time (babies are on a schedule if you didn’t know) and thought to myself exasperatedly:

“There’s just not enough time to do everything!”

I mean how do we put ourselves on “The List” when there are so many things that demand our attention?

I’m teaching yoga, taking care of a baby and our brown dog, making baby food, the never ending heaps of baby puke covered laundry, planning two new Soul Strategy Sessions, doing a very bad job of looking after the house and yard, and did I mention taking care of a baby?

There is only so much time after all.

Exactly.

Almost immediately after I had complained that there’s not enough time, I realized that there has never been a time in my life that I have not said those words.

I have said them when I was a student, when I worked one job, two jobs, no jobs. I have said them on vacation and in the office. I have said them with a baby and without a baby. I have said those words most of my life, and I would put money on it that you have too, regardless of your circumstances.

So what’s this nonsense about putting yourself on the list?

I hate that term.

Why? Because you ARE the goddamn list!

To say anything else is evil, disempowering, and buying into victim mentality…and if you read my blog, I know you aren’t a victim. You are a grown ass woman who handles shit!

Remember: There is no list without you.

You are the creator and the completer of the list. You are the only one in control of that list, so why WHY do you need to put yourself on it.

Time is limited, it’s true, so we all need to prioritize where we want to focus our time.

Your To-Do list is not where you should be putting your needs and self care, because To-Do lists are fluid and most often never completed (don’t tell me it’s not true, I know how you roll).

So guess what gets moved to the bottom of that list? You guessed it: YOU.

Notice how eating isn’t on the To-Do list? Neither is bathing, brushing your teeth, going to work, or picking up your children. They are givens. So should taking care of you.

You are the most important person in your life, and if you have a family, your family’s life.

The health of everyone around you is affected by your wellbeing.

Please, stop waiting until there’s time to do what makes you feel whole because there will never be enough time.

Make it a habit that is built into your day. Whether it’s first thing, last thing, at noon, it doesn’t matter. Make that time non-negotiable and do what makes you feel good daily.

In the brief time I have been a parent, I can tell you that I am 100 times nicer, more patient, present, productive, creative, and more fun to be around if I’ve had even a short workout or run. It’s never been about appearance for me, it is essential for my mental health and now the health of my family.

I AM the list and I OWN the list.

Nothing gets done until I do me first, then everything else is figure-out-able.

Some might say it’s selfish, but have you ever met a happy martyr? I sure haven’t! So I call it being “self-full” which is a much nicer term, isn’t it?

Next week, I’ll tell you more about my magic list making abilities and how you can become more productive in your own life!

I also have some good news! I’m launching another round of the Soul Strategy Sessions Tuesdays 7 – 9pm June 14th to July 19th.

This is one small step to becoming your list by setting dedicated time for you in a big loving super fun environment with women just like you. You will learn what drives you, your purpose, and gain major insights about yourself and beliefs which is where all meaningful change starts.

There’s a reason The Soul Strategy Sessions have been going on for 2 years, and continue to thrive: they work.

In our 6 weeks together you will gain clarity, confidence, and courage to live more authentically, aligned, and happier.

You can learn more and register by clicking here.

I also have one more surprise for you!

For those of you who have completed the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have created a continuing 12 week program called the Soul Sisterhood.

The Soul Sisterhood is designed with you in mind. It is self directed with a larger focus on coaching rather than teaching, so you can continue to sign up again and again without repeating the same content.

You already have the tools from the Soul Strategy Sessions.

The Sisterhood focuses on implementation and working through the resistance to strengthen the habits that will support the way you want to be and live in the world.

The Sisterhood is your journey of self discovery, living in alignment, and becoming your most authentic self.

If you completed the Soul Strategy Sessions and didn’t get a personal invite from me about the Sisterhood, email me and I will send you everything you need to know!

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you make To-Do lists, and do you put yourself on it? Does it work for you? How do you make sure you take care of your needs everyday? Do you love lists, or hate them? Tell me all about it either in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group here.

Thank you for letting me into your inbox and your life. I am so excited to see your beautiful self again so soon! I missed you like crazy and I hope you did too!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How mentally strong people handle failure.

I’m going to tell you about one of my most epic failures, and it has to with my coaching business.

When I was a new coach, I tried doing everything I could to build my business. I was fresh, inspired, and I wanted to make an impact in peoples lives.

This was back in the day before social media and the online world as we know it.

As a new coach, I knew I had to get in front of people somehow so I thought I would start doing lunch and learns. I’d never done one before, but I was willing to give it a try.

My mom had been a real estate agent and she said realtor offices regularly held them, so maybe focus on them. That day I emailed every single realtor office in Calgary.

Good news! A few weeks later I got a bite!

It was a small office, and a date was set for the following week.

I worked all week on this presentation. I got an easel, flip chart, wrote inspiring quotes, and practiced in front of all my friends.

Then the day arrived.

I put on my best dress, smart heels, did my hair and makeup, and then nervously drove to their location.

I was there 15 minutes early, and the manager came to get me 10 minutes later than our set time.

While he was walking me into the boardroom, he happened to mention that the realtors didn’t know I was coming until just now.

“Oh,” I said. I had no idea what to do.

So I proceeded ahead with my presentation through their glares, judgment, and apparent boredom.

It was awful.

Afterwards I passed around feedback forms (because I guess I like abuse).

When I got back to my car I went through the forms and read some of the meanest things anyone could have said. They totally picked me apart, right down to claiming I didn’t look professional because I wasn’t wearing pantyhose.

Just so you know, some of them were wearing zip up hoodies.

I was devastated.

This was all new to me, and it was hard, and it was a huge leap of faith for me to even do this talk because I had never done any public speaking before.

I cried all the way home and called my coach.

Thank GOD she was there and available to talk. She was, and still is one of my angels.

I explained what happened through my sobs and she asked me the same 3 questions she always asked me:

“What worked?”

Nothing, I said. The whole thing was terrible. The talk sucked, and I sucked doing it.

“What didn’t work?”

Everything. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t prepared enough for it. They didn’t like me.

“What would you do differently next time?”

I said there’s never going to be a next time!

This is where she gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever received about public speaking, and didn’t know how to handle a crowd:

They didn’t know you were coming, so they weren’t enrolled from the beginning with what you were saying. Acknowledge the white elephant in the room and give them the opportunity to leave if they want to. Then they would feel that they had a choice in staying for the talk, and would be enrolled in what you have to say.

She also said that this happens to everyone at some point, and that she was sorry it happened to me on my first one.

She gave me a few other pointers, but most importantly she helped me reframe what was theworstthingever to a learning experience that I could build on.

This was almost 10 years ago now, and this phone call is still one of the most powerful memories I have.

This experience could have been one of those times, where I said “fuck it,” and decided to never speak publicly again. Or worse, stop reaching out with my business all together and play small.

Instead, my coach expertly navigated me through the experience and helped me learn, and grow from it, so I COULD do it again and be more confident next time.

This is the number one thing strong people do when faces with failure:

They reframe the experience into one of growth and learning.

Strong people know that failure is just a starting point, not the end.

It is where true greatness starts from, because once you know what doesn’t work, you can build on it to create something wonderful.

Life has never had starts and stops, it is a constant flowing process of giving and receiving.

You giving of yourself and receive feedback, give again, and tweak again, until it shapes something closer to your aim.

This isn’t easy. It takes humility because your ego needs to be set aside for the important work to be done.

It also takes a hell of a lot of courage to get back up, clarity in your vision for motivation, and confidence to not take it personally and persevere.

It also helps when you have support along the way, just like I did and still do, because nobody does this alone.

The next round of Soul Strategy Sessions has been moved up to March 1st and I would love for you to join us! The effects of this group is far reaching, and many of these women are still enjoying the benefits of our time together long after the group is over.

In our 6 weeks together you will learn how to build confidence, live a more meaningful life, handle resistance, and live happier in a community of incredible women just like you.

Click here for more information and registration.

I’d love to hear from you now: how do you handle failure? What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned through failure? Please share it with me in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The big lie that holds us back

I know my biggest challenge has been with procrastination. I would have a light bulb moment, and then…you guessed it: wait.

You might call this “someday mentality.”

It might be that I’m inspired to call someone and tell them I love them.

I might have an idea for a program I want to create.

Or realize it’s time to clean up my eating and get moving more.

But more often than not, it’s about what I KNOW would make me feel more engaged and alive in my life, yet I wait.

I’m putting off the things I KNOW would make me happier, because I’m too busy (fuck I hate that word, it’s the disease of our generation) with shit that doesn’t really matter.

I’m too busy putting out fires. Putting one foot in front of the other. Keeping on top of things. Putting others needs ahead of my own.

Maybe you can relate to this insanity?

It’s the mentality that we’ll get to it someday. Maybe later today, maybe tomorrow, but definitely not right now.

Have I ever told you the myth of why the Buddha went on a quest for enlightenment?

Well, if I have, here’s a refresher for you because it’s a great story with an important message. You’re welcome.

Here it goes:

The Buddha was born of the Brahmin caste and his family was extremely wealthy. His palace was so huge it had a thousand doors, a thousand concubines, and every luxury of that time.

It was so huge that he was protected from ever having to engage with the outside world.

One day though, he became curious and asked his driver to take him out into the city.

As they were driving, the Buddha noticed something unusual and asked the driver, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver responded, “That is a sick person, all of us will eventually get sick. That is the nature of life.”

A while later the Buddha asked the driver, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver responded, “That is an old person, all of us will eventually get old. That is the nature of life.”

(I know, I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes and asking yourself how he could not possibly know this, but that’s why it’s a myth, right?)

The Buddha then saw something else and asked, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver again responded, “That is a dead person, all of us will eventually die. That is the nature of life.”

The Buddha saw one last person that he was unfamiliar with and asked, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver once again responded, “That is an ascetic.”

The Buddha had never seen anyone so at peace before and it inspired him to leave his palace in search of that kind of freedom.

These four encounters are known as the Heavenly Messengers. They are the moments in our lives that wake us up from our trance.  They remind us of the temporary nature of life and bring us back to what matters most.

We’ve all had those moments.

Perhaps it’s the pain of watching someone you love get sick, or your own illness that has brought you back to what’s truly meaningful to you.

Maybe it’s watching your loved one’s age, and realize that your time with them is getting shorter each day so you remember to cherish your time with them.

It might be the pain and loss when someone you love dies, reminding you of your own mortality and to reflect on how you want to be spending your time.

Or perhaps you’ve encountered someone who has ignited the spark for you to live more fully, more engaged, and inspired because of their own freedom and joy.

Each of these messengers are like a reminder from heaven to wake up and connect back to what really matters to us.

So why do we continue to wait?

Why do we keep going back to sleep believing that we can wait until tomorrow or next year to finally get our shit together, to put our happiness first, to get fit, to start a business, to say “I love you”, to forgive, to fully embody our lives, to make a difference?

I know I’ve used every excuse there is, from: I’m too young, too old, not thin enough, not ready yet, don’t know enough, it’s not the right time, I need a plan first, I need to feel it out more, and being scared of being judged.

“The trouble is you think you have time,” is one of my favourite quotes from the Buddha.

We live in the illusion that we are guaranteed more time, and it’s a lie.

It is the most insidious lie because it keeps us from sharing our gifts, keeps us small, and robs us of our happiness.

You have one life, and it passes by faster and faster with each coming year.

Why spend one more moment of your short precious life unfulfilled, unhappy, or uninspired?

Everything you need is already within you, all you need is to shift your focus from later, to now.

There is no “right” time. This is the time.

Right now.

I want 2016 to be your best year yet.

I want for you to feel that “spark” every day of your life. I want for you to KNOW your purpose and feel courageous to go for it confidently.

The Soul Strategy Sessions are a fun way to connect with other amazing women like yourself while taking dedicated time to work just on you, and how you want to be spending your precious life.

Join us on Tuesdays for 6 weeks beginning February 2nd from 5:30 to 7:30pm.

Your life matters. Your happiness matters. Stop waiting, your time is now!

Click here for registration and to learn more.

I want to hear from you now: what have you been putting off that you are going to start doing now? What have you been too scared to do, so you’ve been waiting for the “right” moment? Share with me in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Is it possible that your dreams are holding you back?

I want to tell you about one of my most important dreams.

When I first started coaching, I was gung-ho to get my business started. I enrolled in a business building course for coaches and did my homework diligently. I spent hours in front of my computer (this is before the days of social networking) writing and figuring out systems for my business.

I was thoughtful and deliberate with everything I did while trying to make connections to expand my business.

And guess what?

Nothing happened.

Well, not really nothing, but not much, it was mostly crickets.

The one thing that I really needed to do to build my business I was resisting: putting myself out there and asking for the sale.

I would gladly talk about coaching all day long, even coach you for free to get the practice, but I was too nervous to ask people to hire me.

There was no reason for this. I have an internationally respected coaching certificate, my clients got great results, and I was passionate with big dreams of becoming a professional coach.

And that my friends, was the problem: I was passionate with big dreams.

Often the thing we want most, is the very thing that holds us back.

I was eager and happy to do the things in my business that kept me busy, giving me the feeling of moving forward without having to really put myself out there.

But when it came down to actually doing the stuff the would make an impact, I resisted like crazy.

It was too scary, so I created every reason in the book not to move ahead:

I was too young so I had to prove myself first because all the coaches I knew were 50-year-old women in suits.

I was too new, I needed more practice first and more clients under my belt.

Once I knew what I was doing with my business, I could put myself out there.

I hadn’t narrowed down my “ideal client” so I should wait until I figure them out before putting myself out there.

I wasn’t clear on my business model yet, once I got clear I would move forward confidently.

Can you see what I was doing?

I was creating objections to the very thing I wanted most.

I was saying no.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, and it definitely hasn’t been the last.

I have done this with every single thing that I really wanted but was too scared to admit. Thankfully, now I see it sooner and act faster.

We all do this to some extent.

I was talking to someone last week about their dream job, and as they were describing it to me they were simultaneously explaining to me why it wasn’t possible for them.

Really? It’s not possible?

This is what fear looks like in action.

It looks like resistance, even rational resistance, but it stems from the fear that the one thing you want most might not work out…and what then?

The fear of failing at something we want so badly is often enough to stop us dead in our tracks and create every excuse we can so we don’t have to try.

Isn’t that sad?

If you are wrestling with fear right now, I want you to try this:

  • Imagine your worst case scenario. Yes, I want you to go there. Most of us have a generalized fear, whether is of failure or worrying, and don’t look at what the worst outcome is. When you know what your worst outcome is, you can deal with it. When it’s a vague scary looming “something bad” you can’t face it which makes it feel that much worse.
  • Pay attention to how strongly you feel resistance. Resistance is good news! The stronger you resist, the more you want it. Your fear is telling you something, it’s saying “pay attention, there’s something important here.”
  • Let go have having the full picture to get started. Most of us feel like we have things figured out before we get started. This is just another trick from fear telling you need to know more, do more, be more, before you get started, and its bullshit. You can’t see the full picture because it will evolve and change as you take steps towards what you want. Each right action will reveal itself to you from action you’ve taken. So get moving and forget about need to “know” first, it’s just holding you back.

Fear is scary, and no one wants it, that’s why so many of us stay in a comfortable place where nothing grows and our lives lose their lustre.

But you are meant for more lovely, and you don’t have to do this alone.

You can join 15 other amazing women, just like you, who are all ready to courageously take action to become happier and more confident through the newly revamped Soul Strategy Sessions!

Here’s what other women have to say about it:

Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life. I have found my inner power through the encouragement and compassion from Tina and the wonderful women that I journeyed with during this session. When we find our inner power we truly ROCK as women.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

“Implementing Tina’s techniques throughout the 8 week strategy session has resulted in positive and healthy changes in my life.  Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.  I look forward to more of Tina’s coaching in the future.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology

 

“Tina has a special way of leading the way through the maze of tough questions and answers that often stand in the way of being the best that we can be.  I appreciate Tina’s inquiring nature, her courage in being able to ask the tough questions in a safe and sensitive way.  “– Lynn Armstrong, Sky Magazine

The Soul Strategy Sessions run Tuesdays, from February 2nd to March 8th from 5:30 – 7:30pm.

Space is limited to 15 amazing women and these always fill up fast!

I want to hear from you now, when has resistance stopped you from moving forward? What did you do to get into action? Share your comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Thank you for being the light that you are!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How to say no without feeling like a bitch.

Do you hate disappointing people? Do you find yourself saying yes to too many things even though you really don’t want to do them?

I know I have.

For me, I remember a time almost 10 years ago (wow, that’s weird to say!) when I had first started teaching yoga and life coaching. I was so keen and eager that I would take on everything anyone asked of me.

“Can you sub my 4 classes this week?”

Sure I can!

“Can you teach weekends?”

Sure I can!

“Can you give up your whole life so you can run around like a crazy person making everyone else’s life easier?”

Sure I can!

It didn’t take long for me to start to burn out, feel resentful of all the things I had taken on, and worst of all: I didn’t do the tasks I had taken on very well.

I was often late, tired, and not happy to be there.

I’m not the typical person who doesn’t say no.

For me, it’s not about worrying that I’d upset people by saying no, or that I am a people pleaser, because that’s not my nature.

I have a hard time saying no when I get really passionate and want more of something.

At one point, I was teaching 22 regular yoga classes a week, aaaand I still subbed for other teachers!

It didn’t take too long for me to figure out that this wasn’t going to be sustainable.

I felt in my heart that I was not doing a good job teaching that many classes, and started saying no to subbing and let go of classes until I felt rejuvenated again.

For many of my clients, they have a hard time saying no for other reasons:

They want to be helpful, and don’t want to be seen as unhelpful or selfish.

They don’t want people to be disappointed, or upset with them.

They feel like they have to say yes, and no isn’t an option.

It’s uncomfortable for them to say no.

They worry how others will see them, or feel about them if they say no.

They like to make others happy, and will often do that at the expense of their own happiness.

Everyone has heard that the word “no” is a complete sentence, so why is it so hard for so many of us to say?

Here’s a few quick tools you can use to say no with more ease

1. Ask yourself what is the true cost of saying yes?

If you feel resentful, angry, or taken advantage of is it worth saying yes to? Imagine you are the person who asked you to do the favor. Do you think that if they knew this was how you felt that they would honestly want you to do it? Do you think it’s worth adding those poisonous feelings to your relationship just because you don’t want to say no?

2. Big picture thinking.

Think about how you want your life to be, what’s important to you, and what living in alignment with that looks like.  Does this request fit into this picture? If not, then it’s easy to say no because it not a fit for you right now.

3. Do not explain yourself.

This is the number one thing I hear people do when they finally do decide to say no, they explain the shit out of why they can’t do it. Don’t do that! Nobody wants to hear it! The only reason we explain our no’s is because WE are uncomfortable with saying it, and want to make OURSELVES feel better about it. They want to know, “are you in, or out?” not why. Also, the more information you give them, the more information they have to bargain with you. Just don’t do it.

4. When you say no, you say yes to something else.

You say yes to your time, your freedom, yourself.  I remember reading a quote that went something like this:

“The most successful people say no 80% of the time.” No shit?

The more you say no to things you don’t want to do, the more time you have to spend on the things you DO want to do.

In a world as time starved as ours saying no, is one of the easiest ways to make time for the things that are most important to us.

I’d love to hear from you now! Tell me, what’s your go-to line for saying no? When do find it most challenging to say no? Are you going to miss me, because I’m going to miss you! Please share it in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to all of your friends. You never know who could use your light today.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

When should you listen to fear?

I was at a yoga workshop led by the fabulous Ryan Leier a few years ago and he said something that has stuck with me ever since.

“There’s the fear that keeps you alive, and the fear that keeps you from living.”

Whoa, mind blown.

Fear is totally healthy.

We should be afraid of things that can be harmful to us and use caution when they are near.

However, how many of us live with the fear that keeps us from living?

I want to tell you about how I fell in love with my husband.

My relationship to my now husband, Dave, started out completely differently than any other I’ve ever had.

I had RULES, you know?

I never made the first move. I made them wait. I wouldn’t get too close too fast. They had to say I love you first. They had to chase me. I kept my hand close and protected my heart. I was in control of how things were going to go.

Sounds like fun to date me, huh?

When I met Dave, all those rules went out the window.

We met while he was visiting friends in Calgary, and I knew within days that he was going to be my husband and that I was now learning who he was.

It was thrilling, exhilarating, and it made me bold and fearless.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the pressure of needing to “know where this relationship was going.”

It didn’t matter.

If he was truly meant to be my life partner, there was no rush because we were meant to be. If not, it was the most alive I’ve ever felt and I wouldn’t regret a damn thing.

I was able to be open with my heart and vulnerable with my feelings. I said I love you first. I was completely myself all the time. I didn’t hold back, and loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.

If I had held on to my fear, and my fearful rules, I may never have had the guts to let myself be seen and pursue our relationship.

I would have been too concerned with keeping myself safe.

Keeping ourselves safe from things that we want is where fear keeps us from living.

Fear of failure fear of rejection fear of the unknown fear of judgement fear of being seen and heard fear of intimacy fear of success fear of happiness fear of letting go fear of starting.

Fearfearfear.

All of these fears hold us back from who we are meant to be and shining our lights out into the world.

Imagine if I had held onto my silly fear-filled rules?

I wouldn’t be having a baby in a few weeks with the greatest man I have ever known.

I wouldn’t have moved to Regina and created a life and business that makes me jump out of bed every morning because it makes me that happy.

And most importantly: I wouldn’t be who I am now.

It takes guts to grow.

And it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, and often painful.

Yet the only way to escape fear is go through it. 

And you will emerge on the other side, promise.

I’d love to hear from you now! When have decided to move past your fear and do it anyways? What nuggets of wisdom did you get from it? How did you meet your partner? Please share it in the Soul Sisterhood or in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share the shit out of it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to someone who might need to read this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

A simple trick to ride the waves of tough times.

Hello gorgeous,

I just got in from a walk with my puppy in the fresh fall air. I love this time of year. The cool mornings that bite my pink cheeks, the warm afternoons where I can smell the sun warm the fallen leaves, and the bright gold and amber leaves against a bluebird sky, it’s all magical!

The changing of the seasons is a wonderful reminder to reflect and take stock of what is also changing within ourselves.

As I’m getting more and more pregnant (I’m officially 34 weeks now), I notice I’m also in transition. I’m getting slower, more fatigued, and also craving being at home more as I’m preparing for my son to arrive.

Most of us are also uncomfortable with change, myself included.

A few weeks ago I was totally overwhelmed.

I felt like there was ALL the things to do, and it was never going to get done.

The To-Do list felt a mile long, and with baby coming, I definitely felt a deadline, or at least a very limited time to do things and the progress felt slow and overwhelming with my declining energy.

I had also been feeling this way for a while, so the anxiety was climbing every day my due date got nearer.

It felt like this was going to go on forever and I was starting to panic.

Maybe you can relate to something in your own life?

Like when it seems like one thing after another keeps piling up and you can’t seem to get a break?

Or maybe you’re in the midst of learning something new and it all feels hard and it’s like trying to learn string theory in Chinese?

Sometimes it all feels overwhelmingly too much and never ending.

In Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage he states that when we:

“…start to “overestimate the significance and permanence of the problems they encounter,”(it’s) the fastest route to depression and anxiety…”

Isn’t this the truth?

We tend to view our problems as significant and permanent, which can quickly encourage invasive thoughts leading to anxiety and depression.

Buddhist philosophy believes that the only constant is change.

Just like the constant changing of the seasons, our lives are in a constant state of change, and we too are a part of that because everything is temporary and shifting.

So you can take comfort that even the most uncomfortable times are temporary too.

Just like my rib that’s been out for almost two months.

Just like my To-Do list.

Eventually it will be over and there will be something else in its place.

A beautiful child.

Other things to focus on.

So if you are going through something right now like overwhelm, grief, anger, confusion, stuckness, depression, anxiety or frustration:

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

This too shall pass, as they say and soon enough you won’t even remember this moment because you will already be onto the next.

Learning to get comfortable with change, even simply accepting it, makes it easier to deal with the challenging times and appreciate the good ones.

One of the easiest ways I know how to do this is just to name it and acknowledge that this is now I’m feeling right now, for example:

This feels overwhelming for me right now.

Instead of: I’m overwhelmed.

I’m feeling exhausted with this right now.

Instead of: I’m exhausted with this.

I’m feeling frustrated right now.

Instead of: I’m frustrated.

There’s a few language cues that are important here:

“I’m feeling”, “I’m experiencing”, “this is” rather than “I am.”

When we use“I am,” it implies that this is a way of being which is permanent, fixed, or a part of your identity. This increases our feelings of and helplessness to the situation.

Adding “Right now” instead of ending the sentence as fact.

“Right now” acknowledges that this is being experienced in the moment, and therefore not a persistent situation. We can have confidence that the situation will change and that this is truly temporary (because it is!).

Both of these language cues shifts our perspective to feel more in control and empowered by riding the waves of what is.

This moment may be uncomfortable, but don’t panic, everything is temporary.

I’d love to hear from you now! What’s your best tip for managing tough times? Please share it in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood. I love hearing from you!

If you liked this post, then please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to someone who could use some love today. We are all a light for each other.

I hope you enjoy this glorious fall day and I look forward to reading your comments!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What do the President and I have in Common that will make your life better?

Hello Gorgeous,

I was lucky enough to work with an incredible woman last Friday for a 3 hour Mastermind around her business.

She is like a lot of women I work with that have their own service based business.

It starts off as an inspiration with no plan, and then the business takes over and starts running their life.

I do these on Friday mornings, and make a yummy breakfast and snacks for us to enjoy as we work.

They are an intensive where we pick apart the business to see exactly what’s working and what’s not, mindsets of how you view money and your business, and how to design a business that works for you, instead of a business that has taken over your life.

Most of us start out in the work force working for someone else making an hourly wage.

Once we start working for ourselves it can be difficult to shake that idea, even though all entrepreneurs work way more “unpaid” hours than working with actual clients.

As small business entrepreneurs, we are responsible for our admin, marketing, bookkeeping, social media, product development, and a slew of other tasks depending on your business and its size.

The other challenge is that we often undervalue what we offer and undercharge for our work resulting in 60 hour work weeks for minimal pay.

So we try to work with more clients for little money hoping that will make up for it. Guess what? It doesn’t.

We need to work smarter, not harder.

I truly believe this is why so many businesses fail, not because of lack of hard work, but because of limiting belief systems and lack of planning that results in burnout.

You may not have a business, but you can easily translate this into almost every other area of your life.

Most of us feel like we are treading water trying to keep up with the life we’ve created, chasing after the dream of “once I  do X, I can relax and be happy.”

However if we don’t ever stop and take time and care to plan how we want to live and work, life will decide that for us, and we will continue to just try and keep our head afloat.

I’ve used these same systems with women in daily life and corporate jobs, just as much as those who are self-employed.

Whether you work with me one on one, in a 3 hour mastermind, or a group coaching session there are a four things we will always cover:

1) Clarity – What do you actually want?

Some people worry that they aren’t ready to work with a coach because they don’t know how to answer this. Most of us, if we’re really honest, know what we want. It’s often based on a feeling like: I want to be happy, I don’t want less stress and anxiety, I want more energy, I want to feel more connected. These are not only valid things to want, this is what our lives are based on!

Although many of us strive for money and things, they have no inherent value except the feelings and experiences they give us. That’s why we want stuff in the first place. They might give us status, make us feel like somebody we want to be, give momentary happiness or sense of accomplishment. It’s all based on feelings we want.

Sadly those feelings are short lived when we expect them to come from stuff. It makes way more sense to build your life upon how you want to feel and doing things that support those feelings, rather than accumulating things that lose their value almost the moment you get them.

2) Systems – What systems do you need in place to support what you want? I remember reading that the American President has a personal chef, and maybe that’s not surprising to you, but I found the reason why intriguing. The President has a chef so he doesn’t have to waste his energy thinking about what he eats every day. His mental energy is too precious to be wasted on deciding on Cheerios or Cornflakes.

This is one thing the President and I definitely have in common, not the personal chef, but I have a full life and cannot waste my time deciding on what to eat every day. For any of you who know me, I eat the same thing A LOT. I make a big batch of something (often the same thing every week) and eat it all week. I like variety, but I also don’t want to think about it. I want to heat up my breakfast and get to other stuff instead of spending my time looking up recipes, cooking, and then eating. I want to eat, and move on.

The White House apparently feels the same way. See, we all have a finite amount of mental energy, and it’s up to us to decide how we want to use it. This is an example of a system that buys the President (and me) more mental space to focus on what we deem important.

Systems are the routines and rituals that support our life, and if you are a business owner, the life of your business. They often are the small mundane routines that will eventually be the backbone of your life and business. They include time management, your physical and mental health, and automation.

3) Plan – What obstacles might get in your way?

For most of us we get inspired with a plan that is idyllic and are gung ho to start…until the following morning when you have to follow through with it. Sound familiar? Like going out for a 10km run every day at 6am when you have never run before and you are not a morning person. Or meditating every night for an hour even though you’re exhausted by the end of the day and you just fall asleep trying.

Asking the question, “what might get in your way?” will have you look at your intentions critically so you can make a plan that you will succeed at. Our aim is not to do a drastic overhaul on your life in a day, because it’s not possible. You are still you.  Aim to make small easily doable adjustments which make a bigger impact on your life. Small achievable goals lead to big (and even more importantly) long term results.

4) Objective – How will you know you got it or did it?

This is the question almost no one asks themselves. They set the goal and set out to do it but have no measureable way of knowing when they’ve completed it. So, they move the bar higher, or to the next thing, which leads to very highly accomplished women often feeling like they’ve never accomplished anything because in their mind, they haven’t. Make sure you answer this question before starting your goals, it is the most important thing to determine besides what you want. Without this, there isn’t any point because you wouldn’t know if you did it anyways.

Time is ticking before baby comes. I’m on the home stretch at 30 weeks and I want to give you an opportunity to work with me before he comes so I have opened up a few more spaces here:

Soul Strategy Sessions in 6 weeks, starting THIS Wednesday.

These classes will be condensed from 90 minute 8 week classes to 2 hour 6 week classes. This is your last opportunity to join us in this fun supportive community. Women love these classes because they are fun, and they work. Don’t worry if you aren’t clear right now on what you want, that’s what the class is for! I promise you will learn so much and have a great time doing it with amazing women just like you. I love the women so much that come to the Sessions, that I often say I want them all to be my best friends! Only 1 day left to sign up! Sign up now to save your space here.

3 Hour Mastermind

I have opened up a few more Friday mornings to work with me. If you are like so many women who offer a service based business and feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and starting to get resentful of the business you love, let’s chat. Together we can design a business that works for you, instead of you being a slave to your business. You can do this, and I can help. Set up an alignment call with me by clicking here to see if this is your next best step for you and your business.

I’d love to hear from you now: are you like the President, and if so how? Share your comments in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group or in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to a friend who could use it!

I hope you have an incredible week ahead of you and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Love and Light,

t