the blame game

Hi Gorgeous,

Earlier last month I wrote a post on taking a stand and I want to share with you what happened while I took my own stand.

The past 6 months I have spent a LOT of time at a desk.

Far more than I have ever spent in my whole life, and it didn’t take long for me to put on some weight, get chronic low back pain, feel exhausted, and lazy.

So I took a stand for me.

I made a commitment to myself to do a minimum of 30 minutes of cardio for 30 days.

That’s it.

It has been just over 30 days now, and here’s my nugget of awesome learning that I want to share with you:

The only one who was making me feel less than awesome is me.

It’s always like that though isn’t it?

If we want things to change, we are the only ones who have the power to change them.

Here’s where I put my blame:

I blamed work.

There are just too many things to do, and only one of me to do it. I felt like everything needed to be done, like yesterday, and I was already working 60 hours a week. How could I possibly fit in anything else?

I blamed my schedule.

I’m one of those people who need routine and consistency or I am all over the place. I’m a creative and structure actually helps me thrive. So how could I possible have a structure when my schedule was all over the map?

I blamed my stress.

I said I was just too tired. I’ve had long days for a long time with lots of learning outside of my zone of genius. I felt tapped out, how could I find the energy when I was already exhausted?

In Brené Brown’s Ted Talk, she defined blame like this: a way to discharge pain and discomfort.

And I was in pain and discomfort for sure. Physically and emotionally and it was time to stop the crazy train before it got any further.

Want to know the slimiest most despicable thing about blame?

Blame gives away your power on a silver platter.

When we blame,  we make our situation is not our fault. So how could we possibly do anything about it?

As soon as I took responsibility for my life I could do something about it.

So how did I do it?

Work: I got more realistic about my timelines. I cannot do it all…at least all at once. I realized that my expectations of what I could do by myself in 6 months was insane and was going to make me crazier. I decided to give myself the time to learn and grow my business while living a life that was also wonderful instead of waiting for my life to catch up to my business.

Schedule: My schedule is what it is, and truthfully, I love it and wouldn’t change a thing about it. Also, one thing I have always known about myself is that if I don’t work out first thing in the morning, I won’t do it. So I got up earlier. Sometimes really early when I had 7am meetings. On days when I taught early morning classes, I drove straight to the gym and squeezed in a half hour run before coming home. I made it happen.

Stress: Well as we all know, stress is lowered by exercise, so that one was easy to convince me. Within my first week I started noticing a difference. Moving hard daily has boosted my creativity, energy, and my mood, all while lowering my stress levels. Totally worth the effort!

Now your turn:

1) Name it and claim it.

Where have you been playing the blame game? Where have you been giving away your power? Lovingly write it down and take responsibility for your life and where you are at with compassion. This is not about making you wrong, it’s about making things better.

2) Take a stand.

Decide what that stand is going to look like and make a commitment to do it. Get really specific of how you are going to do it and when. Intention is nothing without action so make a plan of how you will follow through. Make sure it’s doable!

3) Set a timeline.

I really enjoyed having a 30 day timeline. Not just to have an end date (I’ve recommitted to my intention with a few more tweaks for February), but because it gave me a date that I could reflect on my experience. Once you are at the end of your timeline: look at what worked, what didn’t, and how you’re going to do it differently next time (if it is continuing like mine), or would do it differently. Insight is power.

4) Celebrate!

Once my 30 days were over, I spent some time reflecting on my experience and celebrating all the wonderful things that happened because of it. The big one that I always get from these kinds of personal challenges is: confidence. Confidence is gained by taking risks and doing things that are hard. We prove to ourselves what we are capable of and that spreads into all areas of our lives. Once your timeline is over, write down all the wonderful successes you’ve gained and celebrate!

I want to hear what you are going to take a stand for this month!

Go through the first 3 steps and share your stand on the blog below. If you’re using social media and want to share your journey, use the hashtag #soulstrategy so I can follow you and cheer you on!

Did you like this post? Then please share the love on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to all of your friends. This may be exactly what they need to hear today!

With love and gratitude,

t

you need to hear this:

Hi Gorgeous,

I’m going to keep it short and sweet today, by telling you something you need to hear, and probably more often than you want to admit:

“Your problem is you are too busy holding on to your unworthiness.” – Ram Dass

Ouch. I needed to hear that one too.

You my friend were born already whole. There is nothing fundamentally wrong with you, or missing, and you are doing great at life.

Don’t hang up! I know it’s hard to hear, because you’ve been operating like this for a while now, but it’s true…and deep down, you might be ready to admit it too.

I’m not saying that there aren’t things we can do to increase our happiness or make us more skillful at how we live, but that’s different than worthiness.

That’s all on the outside, that’s just what you do.

Worthiness cuts right down to the core of our being. It is the belief that we are at our very essence: enough.

What we DO (the roles we play, status, our identities), is separate from what we ARE (your soul, spirit, essence).

The fact that you are here the universe already approves of you.

Simple as that.

Imagine how your life would be different if you believed you were worthy:

What would be different in your life?

What would you be doing more of? Less of?

What would you have the courage to do now?

Well sweetheart, it’s time.

It’s time to start making those things different, and making more time for what you want in your life, letting go of what you don’t, and courageously living this blessing of a life you’ve been given.

It’s your birthright.

What’s the first thing you are going to do? Join me in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share the love around on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to a friend. We’re all in this together and you might make the difference in somebody’s day. 🙂

Love and Light,
t

go ahead, take a stand

Hi Gorgeous,

I made a huge mistake last week.

I put on jeans.

Jeans do not lie about the 5 extra pounds I put on over the holidays, unlike my stretchy Lululemon pants which will happily keep lying (and stretching) for probably another 15 if I’m lucky.

There’s a quote I heard from Tony Robbins that has stuck with me: “If you haven’t committed, you haven’t really decided.”

So decided, and I took a stand.

I took a stand for me.

I made a plan of what I’m going to do, and I’ve been doing it consistently for 10 days and will continue for the month of January, and recommit in February.

Why? Because I’m the most important person in my life. I am useless to everyone else if I am unhappy, tired, and sore every day.

Taking a stand is an important piece of commitment. It establishes boundaries, lets you know where you are, aaaand believes in something bigger than you.

Women are really good at taking a stand for their families, their work places, their friends, and their commitments…to others.

This year is a fresh start my friend, and I encourage you to start this year by taking a stand for yourself.

Take a stand for your health, your nurturing friendships and partnerships, take a stand for your career, and take a stand for what fills you up spiritually.

Here’s the rough, but honest truth: you cannot give to others what you don’t have for yourself.

You are your primary relationship so if you don’t have compassion for yourself, you can’t give it to others. If you don’t have kindness to others, you can’t give it to others. If you don’t love yourself….guess what?

So here’s to filling yourself up and taking a stand for your life, and here’s how:

1) Decide what you want.

There are roughly four areas of human lives: relationships, physical, career, and spirituality. There’s probably at least one of these areas that you feel you have not been nurturing for yourself.

Do you want to feel healthier? Do you want to feel more connected to your partner, your friends? Do you want to apply for a promotion, start a business, or uplevel your current business? Do you want to make more time for meditating, prayer, or spirituality?

If you focused on one area (that you know if you actually did it) would make you feel more confident and authentic, which would it be?

Write that down, and move on to number 2.

2) Get clear on your why.

This is big, and a very important piece of the puzzle for your success.

Your “why” must be so big that it will get your ass out of bed and onto the treadmill at 5am when it’s -40 and you slept like shit (my “why” is pretty freaking big apparently!).

It must be so big that when you are full of doubt at work and wondering what the hell you are doing, that you still work on applying for that promotion, or taking the next big leap in your business. It must be bigger than your fear, your doubt, and your laziness (just being honest).

Here’s a few questions to help you get clear:

What’s the real reason you want to do this? What is it that you truly want? What are you sick of and will no longer tolerate, and how will accomplishing affect that positively? How will you feel about yourself if you complete your goal? How will your life be different? What will be possible for you now? What is the big win underneath that will change everything for you if you just complete this one goal? Who will benefit from you succeeding at your goal? How will they benefit?

For me, it’s feeling good in my own skin. When I move daily I feel happier, more able to handle stress, stronger, more confident, and feel more capable in all areas of my life. Everyone in my life benefits because I’m less irritable and sore, and I’m happier so I’m a better wife, teacher, and coach. It’s never about the pants.

I can always buy more pants, but I can’t buy a better life for myself and everyone I love.

3) Create a plan.

Now that you’ve decided what you want, the next step is to make a plan to get there. Intentions are fabulous, but they are nothing without a plan to get you there.

If you leave it to chance, or when you feel like it, you won’t do it. Period.

Or maybe I should be clearer: I won’t do it, and I’m pretty sure you won’t either.

Plan for success by getting crystal clear on what your plan would look like. If it’s eating better: when are you going to meal plan and grocery shop? If it’s spending more time with your friends: when are you going to see them? If it’s applying for a promotion: what do you need to do to apply, and when are you going to do it? If it’s meditating regularly, what days and times are you going to do it and for how long?

Know what you’re going to do, when, and for how long.

4) Make that time sacred.

If you wish you had more time to meal plan, take it. Set a time and do it. Set that time aside as sacred that cannot be given to anyone else.

This goes for anything that you are taking a stand for: date nights, prayer, meditation, yoga classes, gym, career goals or nurturing relationships. Decide what you want, and don’t negotiate on that time.

You spend 23 hours a day looking after everyone else, one hour a day for you is essential.  

5) Time is not finite.

You might believe that you don’t have enough time because you are already spread too thin, but it’s just not true.

We MAKE time.

There’s always enough time to do whatever we want to, we just can’t do everything. So be selective of what you are making time for.

Learn to say no to things that don’t align with you or cut into your sacred time. No is an important word to master.

Each time you say no, you say yes to something else.

6) Don’t tell anyone.

This probably goes against everything you’ve heard about goal setting, but here’s what the research says:

Telling others about your goal makes it less likely that you will complete it.

Yup. You see, when you share your goals out loud you get a good feeling, kind of like you’ve already done it. The mind mistakes talking for doing. When you keep it a secret you will likely work harder to attain that goal. If you want to see Derek Sivers Ted Talk on it you can do that here.

You are a beautiful, smart, and savvy women, make 2015 the year you don’t run on a depleted tank, spread out, and exhausted.

Take a stand for YOU because we need you to shine brightly!

I’d love to hear from you now: what are you going to stand for this year? What is going to make the difference for you in sticking to it? Please share your insights below, I love hearing from you!

Did you like this post? Then please share the love around on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to a friend. We’re all in this together and you might make the difference in somebody’s day. 🙂

Love and Light,

t

what to do with doubters

My biggest regret of my 20’s was that I didn’t have enough confidence to pursue what I really wanted until I was in my 30’s.

When I was 25, I knew I wanted to be a Coach. I didn’t know what that could look like but I knew that’s what I wanted to do. When I lived in Calgary, I even went to check out Haskayne School of Business’s Coaching program because that’s the only one I knew of.

But I didn’t sign up, and there’s 2 reasons why:

  • The college was a business college and I had no desire to get a business certification and had no experience in business at that point.
  • I was not a 50 year old woman in a grey suit, so I had no idea how I could possibly be a coach.

But the biggest reason, is that I was always encouraged to get a more ‘stable’ job.

You know what I mean: something with a steady income, benefits, and the fancier the title the more secure it would be.

So, kept going back to school and trying to find that right ‘fit’ which never came.

When I was 29, I finally did it, I took my coaching certification and my yoga teacher training!

Now don’t get me wrong, as much as I had pressure to get a more stable career, my mom has been a huge supporter of all my dreams.

Yes, even the one about becoming a famous fashion designer (I could have been a damn good one too. You should have seen the amazing shit I came up with at 9 years old!).

However, we never really escape the fears of our loved ones do we?

My mom supported us from the time I was 6 on commission. I know that was the hardest thing in the world for her to do and she wouldn’t wish that on me in a million years. So naturally she would want me to have a regular paycheck, with low risk, and less demands on my time.

Other people in my life just didn’t understand, because the things that interested me weren’t conventional.

Also the things that interested me didn’t have status, or even seem like a job. (Yes, yoga teaching is an actual profession!)

Here’s the thing about advice: other people’s cautions, are just giving voice to THEIR own fears. Feel free to Tweet that.

They aren’t just telling you what you should be afraid of, they are telling you what they ARE afraid of.

So if you have a dream, and you have doubters, here’s what you should know:

  • Doubters are giving voice to their OWN fears.

Understand that they are giving voice to their biggest fears: instability, fear of loss, what others might think of them, losing everything to pursue a dream, and of course failure. Chances are that if you have doubters, it’s because they love you and want to protect you, but you do NOT have to buy into their story. That’s their stuff, and you don’t have to own it.

  • Even if you have a ‘stable’ career, there are no guarantees.

The average person will have at least 5 different careers, no jobs, careers. Any of us can get fired, laid off, or transferred at any time. Thinking that you have your career locked in just because you are paid by someone else is an illusion.

  • You have 1 life and you will spend the majority of your waking hours at work.

It’s not worth your life to sacrifice it to a job you resent, and/or doesn’t make the most of your talents and gifts. You are in fact ripping off the world. Stop it, we need you.

  • Your calling is a part of your make up.

What you are interested in, your talents, skills, history, inspiration, creativity is unique to you. If you start paying attention, it will start to materialize. Don’t worry if you don’t have it figured out yet, just start paying attention today.

  • Your life is your message.

What are you willing to get behind? The choices you make define your life. What are your choices saying about you, and where you are in your life right now? What do you want it to say? What choices can you make now to start becoming the person you are meant to be?

  • No one can truly know what is in your heart but you.

You are the only one you have to answer to at the end of your life. Will you have felt like you gave it your best? Will you feel like you contributed, like you were able to be used for something important? When you do what is right in your heart, the rest will fall into place. Trust me, there is a market for everything. Fulfillment comes from being used by a purpose larger than yourself.

  • Lastly, hire a coach.

Even if you never work with me, hire someone to be on your team, who gets your vision, and is determined to help you win. Coaches can see the larger picture, help you move through fear and doubt with grace, and keep you in action when you get stuck. You will get farther faster, with more ease and fun with a coach, I promise.

The New Year is fast approaching, and this is a time of renewed commitments and also creating inspired intentions for 2015. If you are ready to take on this year with heart, then I want to hear from you. I have a few spots opening up in the New Year for one on one clients to support them in creating clarity on their purpose, and creating a strategy to get there. Click here for a totally free Alignment Call and let’s create some magic for you this January!

If groups are more your thing, The Soul Strategy Sessions are incredible and filling up fast! The Sessions are for ambitious women who love to learn and grow together. You will learn how to create goals based on soul, reveal your light, and create action to get you where you are going.  Also, the price is going up $50 at 5pm tonight, and I don’t want you to miss out!

I always love hearing from you gorgeous: how do you deal with doubters, whether it’s your own or someone else’s? I can’t wait to see you in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet is out loud, and forward it to everyone you know! We all need support, and this might be exactly what someone you know needs to read today.

Thank you for continuing to let me into your inbox and your heart every week. I love you like a crazy person!

Love and Light,

t

can you defy logic, and why you totally should

I want to know, how do you make decisions?

Do you do a list of pro’s and con’s? Do you research all your options? How about ask other people for their thoughts and opinions?

Maybe you do all of the above to find the most logical answer?

I’m going to throw something out there for you:

What if the logical answer isn’t the right one?

Logic is based on making a decision through external factors: other people’s opinions, society’s norms and expectations, and if you think about it: logic is really based on conforming to something outside of you.

But is that what’s really best for you?

I want to share something very personal about me…I hate shopping.

I’ve been teaching yoga for so long that most of my clothes consist of spandex and sports bras with the odd 10 year old push up bra and little black dress crammed into the back of my closet.

So, that’s why I hate shopping, because I haven’t done it in so long I don’t feel like I know what to buy.

I used to love it.

When I was in elementary school I wanted to grow up to be a fashion designer. Before I taught yoga many years ago, I loved clothes, and loved creatively putting together outfits and feeling fabulously together. But it’s really hard to be put together with odds and ends, and I don’t love spending money on things I don’t have much use for: like normal clothes.

When I do go shopping (because let’s be realistic spandex is just not always appropriate), I feel like a deer in headlights.

I don’t get what’s going on in fashion, or what’s cool anymore, and feel largely too old for the clothes I used to gravitate towards.

So here’s what I did. I asked around. I looked at magazines. I started paying attention to what people are wearing and how.

I looked outside of myself for ‘my’ style.

And do you know what? It didn’t fit with me.

Honestly, I always have known what my style is.

I like very particular things, and I know what I feel great in, and what looks great on me. I even had a stylist tell me that!

So why was I looking outside of myself for the answer? The same reason you do: validation.

This summer I painted our front bench a vibrant aqua blue.

One of my family members came over a few days later poking fun at me asking “what did you do Tina?” like I made a horrible mistake and I should probably fix it, and fast. My response? Be nice.

I love that blue. I’m not afraid of colour and have lots of colour in my home also.

I don’t want a beige house any more than I want a beige life. It’s just not me, and I don’t need anyone’s permission.

Taupe or beige might be better for resale, says logic. But I have to live here says, my heart.

If we look inside, we always know.

We know the guy we like but maybe aren’t sure how others will react. We know what we should be charging for our services but are too afraid to ask for it. We know when something feels off. We know what paint colour we like, and we also know which one would be more practical and acceptable.

But practical and acceptable to others, doesn’t mean it’s the right choice for us.

Somewhere along the way we have learned to second guess ourselves, not trust our instincts, and rely on something or someone outside of ourselves for our choices.

Instead, try this next time:

When faced with a choice, or several choices, start by looking at one choice outside of your comfort zone that definitely would be wrong and openly consider it as a possibility. Then notice how your body feels, and there will be a feeling. It will actually feel wrong.

Once you get that feeling you’ll know what you don’t want.

Do the same thing with your other choices, and notice how they feel in your body. Eventually you will feel the right choice, just like when I feel great in the right outfit.

You will just know, and you can’t miss it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts: what do you do when you are faced with choices? Join me in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Sharing is caring my friend. Share this on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward this to those you love. You can be the light in somebody’s day…you always are in mine!

Thank you for being the light that you are. Keep shining!

Love and Light,
t

what are you waiting for?

I was lucky enough to give a talk to the beautiful Rethink Breast Cancer group yesterday, and have had some time to reflect on it. Let me share a little gem that popped out of my mouth that has had me thinking about ever since.

But before I get to that, I want to ask you:

Do you bargain with yourself about your happiness?

Do you promise yourself that you’ll start dating once you lose that 5 or 30 pounds? Or maybe you’ll apply for that job once you finish your next training? Perhaps you’ll start taking care of yourself once your kids are a little older? Eating healthier when you have more time? Or maybe when you feel better, have more energy?

Is there a part of you that maybe even believes you have to earn it, or maybe that you will get to it later?

Guess what?

Time is an illusion. You don’t have more of it, and it is finite for sure.

Now here’s my gem for you:

Don’t wait to be happy, your life is now, and this moment is the only one you are guaranteed. You can tweet that my friend.

Happiness is here for the taking, it is here now, and it’s who you are.

I’ll invite you to take action now.

  1. Take a look at what you are believing is holding you back from taking action in your life to being happy.
  2. Then make a choice to do 3 small things this week that you know will increase your levels of happiness. It doesn’t have to be crazy, going outside for a walk with the dog, calling a girlfriend, and meal planning all count as great action steps

Now here’s the most important one…

  1. Schedule those 3 things in. Make them specific actions that you would be able to know if you did them or not, and put a day and time to them.
  2. Then do them this week, and then repeat the exercise next week.

The jig is up my friend. Consider yourself called out. It’s time to enjoy the gift of life you’ve been given because that’s what you are meant to be: happy.

All of us choose our life and everything in it whether we are conscious of it or not, so why not start becoming an active participant in your own joy and happiness instead of hoping it will happen by chance one day.

Today is your day and you are more powerful than you know.

Here’s what I propose, let’s start a happiness revolution, where we all start choosing joy and making choices to contribute to happiness every chance we get.

Why? Because happy people make better choices, not just for themselves, but for each other and our planet.

So, now I want to hear from you: what are your 3 steps this week, and how are you going to choose joy? Share it with me below, I love hearing from you!

Also, the next Soul Strategy is coming up soon and people have already started asking about it, so I’ve decided to open up the January Session today! I expect this one to fill quickly with the New Year approaching so don’t wait too long to save your spot.

I’ve had the pleasure of hosting 3 Soul Strategy Sessions this year, and inspiration has punched me in the genius bone to create a system with even greater and faster results than before! You won’t want to miss it!

Sign up here for more information and to register.

If you liked this post, please click one of the little boxes below to share the love on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to all of your friends. Share the light gorgeous, and let’s illuminate the darkness together.

Love and Light,
t

Gossip getting you down? Here’s what to do about it:

I have something to share with you that uses some colourful language, so if you don’t like that spicy stuff, you may want to skip this post.

If you’ve had any face to face conversations with me, you probably already know that f#*k is one of my favorite words…next to mother#*ker of course, but only on special occasions.

Don’t let the colourful language fool you though, what I have to share with you today is quite serious.

I work with a lot of women. A LOT of WOMEN, and we have some common issues that are destroying us and smothering our genius from ever coming forth.

One statistic I read recently stated that women will only apply for promotions if they have 100% of the qualifications.

Men? 60%. Men assume that they will learn what they need to on the job if they get it…and they’re right.

I was chatting with a beautiful client of mine a while ago about a potential promotion. One of the concerns she had was that there was a fair amount of gossip at her work and she was concerned that her co-workers might start talking about her if she went for it.

“Don’t worry,” I said, “they’re already talking about you.”

“What?” she laughed. “What should I do then?” she asked.

“Fuck ‘em,” I said.

Nobody ever changed the world by asking permission. You can tweet that if you want by clicking here.

If women continue to people please to keep everybody else happy, then we are essentially asking permission to live our own lives.

We are giving away our power. And for what? They’re already talking about us.

Now I’m not saying that you don’t take consideration for others, or be kind. I’m all about that. But don’t let what you “think” other people are thinking of you stop you from doing what feeds your soul, or prevents you from sharing your gifts with the world.

So where do you start?

Put yourself out there.

Apply for promotions. Raise your hand in meetings. Let yourself be seen. Share your accomplishments with superiors. Not as arrogance, or conceit, but as a way of authentically contributing to the whole, and being an example of grace.

It takes some bravery. But when you do it, you show all of us what’s possible.

So, fuck ‘em and get out there and be the light that you are!

I always love hearing from you. Join me in the comments below.

Do you know of someone who should join our Sisterhood? Sharing is caring! Share this on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward to those you love. You can be the light in somebody’s day…you already are in mine!

Thank you for being the light that you are!

Love and Light,
t

the nasty P-word, and 3 things you should know about it

I want to talk to you about the ugly P-word: perfect, and how it holds us back.

I remember when I was young and just starting to experiment with make-up.

I would spend at least an hour each morning staring at myself trying to get my make up on right. I still remember how frustrated I would get trying to get it just perfect and have a specific memory of doing my eyeliner over and over again trying to make the line straight until my eyelids became red and puffy.

I was hot, angry and extremely frustrated.

My mom was yelling at me from the bottom of the stairs reminding me that it was time to go to school and I was feeling desperate and on the verge of tears just trying to get this damn eyeliner right. Of course no one would have noticed but me, but I definitely did and fought to get it right.

This was just the beginning of frustration, false starts, and pressure that started to build in order to be perfect.

Perfectionism reared its ugly head in all-nighters doing school work, body shame and insecurity. I think now at how many jobs I wanted to apply for, but never thought I had enough of what I thought the employer would have wanted to even hand in a resume. I believed that I had to pay my “dues”, or know more before I would be considered, even though somewhere inside I knew that other people doing the job weren’t a whole lot different than where I already was.

Even within my own business I held back.

I felt I needed to have already mastered something before trying it out (read that again, it makes zero sense and I know you do it too), or I felt I needed a larger audience before I could start writing (so tell me again where that audience comes from if you don’t engage with them? Again zero sense), and the worst sin of all was feeling like I had to have the full picture before I could start (we can never predict what’s going to come up, just start).

And all of those sad subconscious beliefs came from wanting everything to be perfect.

I remember early on in my coaching career, my coach Sandi would say to me, “who are you ripping off by not shining your light?” She always busted me with that one, and got me moving forward because it’s entirely true.

The world doesn’t need perfect. Feel free to tweet that.

It needs passion, it needs love, and people who are interested and engaged with the world, not just watching on the sidelines hoping no one’s sees how badly they are messing up.

Life is messy…and exciting. And everything you hoped it could be and more.

You absolutely can design your life and live it on your terms. It takes some bravery though, because it means letting go of some yucky beliefs and trying on new things.

It’s so easy to go crazy to perfect something that means a lot to you.

This year, I spent honestly 2 months writing a talk that I gave this spring. It was one of the hardest things I have done so far. Not the public speaking part, although that was an eye opener for me too, but the preparation. I had somehow made giving the talk about me and which made it personal and raised the stakes too high. Here’s what I learned through that process:

1) Perfectionism is the killer of joy.
Because I spent so much time trying to get this talk “right,” I was stressed out, and hating the process of something that should have been an exciting opportunity for me to share what I’m most passionate about. When we aim for perfection, we kill the fun factor no matter what we are doing. And besides, not one person would have known if this was “perfect” or not, except me.

2) Aim for good enough.
I wrote and rewrote that talk I don’t even know how many times until the words flowed and it sounded more like how I wanted it to. Shockingly (sarcasm here), I got up there and of course didn’t read it word for word, I shared what was in my heart. What I learned from that is to aim for good enough, and let go of the rest.

3) Done is better than perfect.
A few weeks before this talk I was actually ready to cancel it. I even tried. I was so stressed out that I wouldn’t get it to come together in time that I was ready to walk away from a ridiculously awesome opportunity that was literally placed into my hands with a bow AND cherry on top. It took everything I had to push through and just get it done, even though I had massive resistance because it wasn’t perfect. Had I given up, I would have let myself down, and all the incredible people that made the event happen in the first place.

Here’s the thing, the talk was not perfect.

Far from it (my husband informed me that I dropped the f-bomb 15 times), but I learned A LOT both from the preparation and from the delivery. I would have never gotten that deep hands on learning had I not pushed through and just done it.

Learning how to do new things is hard, risky even, but if we aren’t willing to put our best efforts in and then let go, we limit our growth and our potential. 

Perfection keeps us small, and as Sandi would say: we rip the world off from our gifts and our light.

I implore you start creating your life, and walking your path now, you have 60 days before the New Year. 60 days to start something new, 60 days to complete something waiting to finish, and 60 days that you could get clear on your purpose. You don’t have to wait. Even if you never work with me, I invite you to start now and invest in your future. Don’t wait for perfection, or the perfect moment, it doesn’t exist. Just get moving!

Now, I want to hear from you: where is perfectionism limiting you in your life, and how do you work with it to push through? Join me in the comments below.

Do you know of someone who should join our Sisterhood? Sharing is caring! Share this on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward to those you love. You can be the light in somebody’s day…you already are in mine!

Thank you for being the light that you are!

Love and Light,
t

shifting your perspective can change everything

My mom has always called me “an old grandma.”

Seriously. Since I was a toddler, this has been my mom’s nickname for me. Somehow I’ve been blessed with a unique outlook that has been beyond my years from even when I was small. I am moved by the human experience, and have an immense compassion for, as well as intuitive understanding of people and why we do what we do.

This is evident in one of the special gifts I have which is the ability to see from different perspectives.

It has been an integral piece in mastering the art of my life and I am grateful to help to do the same.

My cousin recently shared one of my uncle’s favorite stories of me when I was probably around 3 and he was visiting us from Finland.

He said I quietly stood in his room and watched him pack, and then suddenly said, “It’s so sad to see someone you love packing to go away.”

When I was 21 and living in Jasper, I was asked if I would model in a lingerie show for a ladies night. Somehow stammered yes.

I remember someone asked why I said yes when I felt so shy and insecure, and my response was: “I may never look like this again, and I know when I get older I’ll regret not enjoying it.”

The person who asked me was shocked and said I shouldn’t say things like that, but I knew on a deep level that it was true. I understood that I would have regretted not appreciating my beauty and youth while I had it because I knew it was only for a short period of my life.

Both of the above stories are examples of a shift in perspective of from ‘I’ to a wider view.

The first one is from a ‘we’ perspective and the latter is from the ‘looking back’ perspective which I will explain in a moment.

Sometimes we get stuck with how to proceed because we are only seeing it from the perception of “I” and how we personally are feeling about it in the moment.

Although our singular perspective is true for us, it is incomplete and gaining a wider perspective helps us understand the situation more fully.

Taking other perspectives, provides a wider view to see more angles of any situation creating deeper insights than just looking from ours alone.

And THAT my friend, can propel us into courageous action!

Here’s 3 that you can use on your own to get out of your own way and get moving:

1)View of ‘we’.
Experience the whole system of ‘we’ from the inside out. This is a perspective of how the situation affects us as a whole. This is the story of my uncle and I when he was leaving.

2) Fly on the wall.
Look from “the fly on the wall” perspective of everyone involved, or even anyone from the outside looking in.

3)Looking back.
Imagine yourself far into the future looking back at this situation as a whole. I used this perspective in the Jasper modeling show.

As always, I love hearing from you and would love to know what you do to get out of your own way! You can post your comments below.

If you liked this post, please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward to all of your friends! Knowledge isn’t just power, its freedom, and we can be the vehicles of change for each other.

Thank you for being the courageous woman that you are.

I believe that when we clarify what we truly want for ourselves, how we want to feel, and the world we are creating, we can positively impact our lives and our world. Why? Because women who are happy are better leaders, mothers, partners and friends and are able to positively influence the people around them. We are the change!

Love and Light,
t

your dreams are your destiny

Do you have a dream that you would love to realize, but you are waiting for the right time, the right opportunity, or just ‘later’?

Maybe you don’t have a clear enough picture yet to get started, or you are just downright paralyzed with fear because you might not be successful at it? Or even that you might? Then this post is just for you.

Your dreams are your destiny. 

It’s no accident that you love what you love, and that you dream of your “wouldn’t that be nice someday?” vision. All of us have a special calling that is just waiting to be realized, and it is also waiting inside of you. I’m not saying you need to quit your job, or make some drastic change, or maybe you do. What I want you to understand is that if you do have a dream, it is your responsibility to bring that into the world.

Your life is too short to spend it doing things that don’t ignite inspiration, share your best self, and suck your soul. That is not who you are, and it is not what you are meant for.

You. Yes you, are meant for great things. You have been given a unique gift that the world will never have unless you take action to create it or to be it.

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor your business to compare it to other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly, and directly, to keep the channel going.” – Martha Graham

Yes.

Here’s how to get started:

1) Passion + skills = your genius.
If you are wondering where your sweet spot of purpose is, the above equation sums it up. Your passion, plus your skills (and you might need to acquire new ones or more) equals your unique genius that is your vehicle to create greatness in the world.

2) Be brave, even if you are scared. 
Being brave doesn’t mean that you don’t have fear. It means that you believe in the beauty of your dreams more than you believe the fear. You are choosing your life and how you want to live it instead of playing small. There are no guarantees in life no matter what you do, so you might as well play big and create something wonderful!

3) Take consistent action.
I personally don’t know of any overnight success stories. I’m not saying they don’t exist, I’m saying I don’t know of any. What I do know, is that small consistent action will get you in your direction much faster than burning yourself out in the beginning, and then giving up because you didn’t see results immediately. Make consistent action a part of your life’s practice and you will see results before you know it.

4) Figure out who you are serving.
“If you write for God you will reach many men and bring them joy. If you write for men–you may make some money and you may give someone a little joy and you may make a noise in the world, for a little while. If you write for yourself, you can read what you yourself have written and after ten minutes you will be so disgusted that you will wish that you were dead.” – Thomas Merton

Take some time to investigate really who you are serving, and how will they benefit from you living your dream. We are interconnected beings, and if you really want to have meaning and purpose in your life, your vision must include how others will benefit from your dream or you will “be so disgusted that you wish that you were dead.”

We all want to make a difference. We want to feel connected to each other. We can’t help it, it’s how we’re built as human beings. Imagine everyone who would benefit from you actualizing your dream, even if you are reaching, it doesn’t matter. We impact people in ways we will never know, this is being intentional about it.

5) Do it for the love.
Create your dream because you love it, not because it’s on your bucket list. Do it because it makes you tingle inside, and reminds you that you are a part of something bigger. Do it because it makes you feel free, and your hearts doors swing wide open whenever you talk about it. Do it because you love it and you can’t help bringing that love out into the world. Besides, love is what you were born to do anyways, so why not create something beautiful out of it?

If you are ready to start building your dream, I have some great news for you! 

The Soul Strategy Sessions and Fall Equinox Retreat are starting to fill, even though we’re still a month and a half away. If you are ready to start making your life happen, and love working in an inspiring supportive group setting, then sign up fast to save your space! Email me to reserve your space.

The Discovery Session is the best place to start if you would like to experience one on one coaching. This will give you an opportunity to experience me as a coach and see how coaching can specifically benefit you in your life right now. I only have space for 3 more clients right now, and I would love one of them to be you! Email me at tina@tinahnatiuk.com to book your Discovery Session and uncover what beautiful possibilities are there waiting for you!

Now I’d like to hear from you! Do you have a dream that is just waiting to manifest, or one that you are creating right now? What do you do to bring it into reality? What are your fears, and how do you manage them? Please share your insights here.

Did you like this post? Then please share the love! Forward it to a friend, share it on Facebook, or tweet it out loud! You never know whose life you might touch by passing this along.

Thank you for being the light that you are. We are all better for it.

Love and Light,
t