What does “the spaces in between” have to do with overwhelm?

Everyday I walk my dog at 8am. I put my toddler in the carrier on my back and we head out together rain or shine looking for blue cars, bunnies, and anything else interesting on the way.

No matter what my morning was like before my walk, or how little sleep I had the night before, I always feel better. But yesterday was different.

When I came in I unhooked Walter from his leash, sat on the couch to release my son, grabbed the vacuum and started cleaning. My mind was on overdrive and I was overwhelmed with all the things I had to do before my parents came to visit later that day.

I could see the To-Do list climbing bigger and bigger, thoughts were racing, and I was starting to feel panicked and anxious at the impossibility of doing it all.

And then, something happened.

I stopped and realized I hadn’t thanked Walter or my son Magnus for the walk. I hadn’t created a space in between.

One of the beautiful aspects of yoga is the nurturing of the spaces in between. The spaces in between the breaths, between the poses, even between the practice and the end: shavasana.

I remember hearing a quote years ago that said, “God can be found in the space between two breaths.” And if you do this yourself, you’ll sense this quiet in the gap. It is a place of non-doing and completeness of being.

These gaps are not only opportunities to slow down, become present, and regroup, but they are also a transition between where you are and where you are going. These transitions are important because they signal the end of something and the beginning of something new.

Yesterday, I woke up overwhelmed and rushed from one task to the next before we even went for our walk and it continued when we got home. Typically, once we walk in the door, I thank my dog and my son for our walk and it is the transition from one activity to the next. It serves as a completion.

Without it, there is no closure and as I flung myself into the next thing on my To-Do list, it created this momentum of doing without the sense of completing which is overwhelming. The bar just kept getting further away instead of closer.

It’s the equivalent of having a To-Do list that you keep adding to and never cross off.  Creating clear transitions is the equivalent of crossing them off.

There are many ways you can implement this into your life.

At work, before changing activities, like going from doing research to going to a meeting, take a moment to connect to your breath to get present and let go of your research so you can be present for your meeting. This can be an opportunity to also get clear on what your objectives are and how you want to serve in this new space.

If you take the stress of work home with you, it’s helpful to do this before you walk in the door. Maybe turning the light off at the office will be your space in between, or opening your car door, or your front door, so that you can let go of work and now show up more present and relaxed with your family.

Creating clear transitions are key to managing feelings of overwhelm.

So, what did I do when I realized I was overwhelmed while vacuuming? I stopped and thanked my son and dog for a beautiful walk.

I’d love to know your thoughts, what might be some great ways you find your “spaces in between?” Tell me in the comments below!

Be Kind to Everyone You Meet, or Else…

So much of who I am is influenced by my mom’s teachings. Some lessons she taught me have been tattooed into my operating system and have become my way of being. She taught be to be interested in people and their cultures (my parents are landed immigrants), to always buy clothes on sale but NEVER cheap out on skincare, and to appreciate homemade everything (baking, food, socks, crafts, you name it).

I remember one morning going to Safeway with my mom as a preschooler. The cashier had long blonde hair down to her waist like a princess and I tapped my mom to bend down, push her short brown permed hair aside and whisper in her ear, “Mom, she’s so beautiful.”

Then, to my horror my face burned hot with embarrassment as my mom TOLD her what I had said. I was livid and felt betrayed. How could she embarrass me like that? And my mom smiled and simply said that it’s kind to tell people the nice things we think about them, and my comment probably made her day.

There isn’t a day now that I don’t tell people the good I see in them. In fact, for many years now every yoga class I teach I ask for guidance to be a lamp to show my students the goodness and beauty that they are. True story.

Some of the lessons my mom taught were more like a stern finger wagging and furrowed brow warning. Like that you should be kind to everyone you meet, because they might be your boss one day. This is still relevant to me, but I’ve put a different spin on it.

I believe it’s important to be kind to everyone we meet, but not because it might come back to us in a bad way if we don’t. I like to look at it in a more positive way, like: be kind to everyone you meet because they might be your new best friend, advocate, business partner, spouse, investor, client, supporter, who knows right? This interaction could be lucky for a million reasons.

Yesterday morning I stopped our letter carrier on the sidewalk curious because I’d seen her and a few others on this route and was wondering if it was a shared walk. I told her about my experience as a letter carrier for Canada Post over a decade ago, she brought me up to speed on the changes, and we chatted about the virtues and challenges of the job. We also discovered we have people in common, and the conversation went on easily like that.

Later that day she dropped off a few parcels (a new blue sun hat for Magnus, and new black Birkenstocks for me), and Walter stormed out like it was his first taste of freedom after 20 years in jail. He’s such a turkey! She asked if she could give him her peanut butter toast to goad him back, and he gobbled it up greedily while I coaxed him back into the house.

A few minute conversation and a funny interaction brightened both of our days and I am so excited to see her now, because everyday it’s like running into a friend, not just a nice person I wave to daily.

Be kind to everyone you meet, because you never know who this person might be to you OR how your life will be enriched by this new connection. Tell me now, what lessons did your mom teach you that still influence you?

Why I apologized to my husband.

I apologized to my husband today.

I started to feel a bit under the weather earlier in the week, but by sleeping in an hour and taking extra vitamins I was over it in a few days.

Towards the end of the week my husband started feeling sick. He was moaning and groaning about his head, and stayed in bed for 3 days.

Man cold, I said to myself.

We had company over during the weekend. My brother had come out with his family and I took care of all the meals and entertaining while my husband slept and only came out for the briefest moments to say hi or take a quick shower.

On one occasion he got up just to change the sheets because he said he sweated through them.

Woah, he’s laying it on thick I thought.

Then on Monday, I couldn’t get out of bed.

I had a splitting headache, hot stuffy sinuses, and exhausted like I couldn’t believe.

After getting my son up and ready, I asked my husband how he would feel if I went back to bed.

He looked at me like I was crazy for asking, and said, “I don’t care. Do what you need to do.”

What? I don’t care? His response woke me up.

Why did I care so much, if he didn’t? He didn’t look at soldiering on through sickness as a badge of honor or an alter to die on. In fact, he didn’t think about it at all.

It was ME who was asking permission from him to be sick and take care of myself.

Why?

Here’s the thing about beliefs: we don’t see them, we just believe them.

This belief that I don’t get sick days has gone on since I can remember.

I started examining my twenties when I worked 2 jobs, or worked full time and went to school full time, and the fact that with ALL of my jobs if I didn’t go to work, I didn’t get paid.

Or in the case of being self employed in the past decade: if I don’t go to work I don’t get paid AND have to pay someone else out of pocket to cover me.

But this isn’t all.

As women, we are tough. We can self sacrifice like nobody’s business. We will put everyone else first at all costs regardless of how shitty we feel…and if we become mothers, that amplifies times a hundred.

We tell ourselves that no one else can do what we do and that we are too needed to ever slow down.

So, we look at self-care as luxuries to pamper ourselves, instead of the gritty unsexy necessities of life like listening to our bodies when they are sick and resting when we need to.

That’s REAL self care.

I realized that I have drunk a Kool-Aid I am no longer interested in.

I want to feel like my husband.

He didn’t ask my permission to be sick, he didn’t feel bad about staying in bed when he felt like garbage and needed to take care of himself, and I can promise you that he did not think that it made him any less of a man, father, husband, or anything else.

He was sick, so he went to bed. End of story.

And when I was sick, he told me to do what he would do: go to bed, AND he was way nicer about it. He made me meals, rubbed my back, started my car for me when I had to go out, and made me feel cared for.

My belief around what I am allowed with sick days is bullshit, and not only that, it’s bullshit I was trying to push onto my husband.

I believed that if I’m not allowed to be sick, he sure as hell isn’t allowed to either, hence “the man cold.”

It’s not fair.

Our unrealistic expectations about ourselves is exactly that: unrealistic and they are keeping us small.

They encourage us to put our needs last, reinforcing that we are less worthy, less deserving, than those around us.

These subtle beliefs, the ones that we are constantly swimming in, are the ones which can wake us up the most because they are the foundation of all the others.

When I realized all this, I apologized to my husband.

I’ll be honest here, I felt a lot of resistance, but I also know that real connection requires a vulnerability to show up in ways that aren’t always comfortable.

I didn’t know if he was going to say, “I told you so,” or if it would start a long discussion of all the things I’ve done wrong, or really what he would do at all.

So while he was feeding my son I approached him placing my hand on his shoulder and said, “I’m sorry.”

I apologized for not being more understanding when he was sick, and explained my realization to him.

He looked at me surprised, and said, “Don’t worry about it. Go get some sleep, it was the only thing that made me feel better.”

So I went back to bed.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you allow yourself sick days? And how sick do you have to be? Why do you think we’ve believed this nonsense for so long? Tell me in the comments below!

Stubborn Gratitude

Hello Gorgeous,

You may not know this about me, but I am not always positive…or cheerful…or optimistic.

Sometimes I am sad, and miserable, and stressed, and lonely. Sometimes even all at the same time…ask my poor husband.

Today, this post is a little late. My sweet boy was up at 2:30am this morning for a snack and then didn’t feel it was necessary to fall back asleep until 5:30am. Our alarm goes off at 6am.

It was a hard start for today, and because of that I opted for a nap instead of writing, so I could manage the day and still teach two yoga classes coherently.

Some days are hard, this one felt like it for lots of reasons. And its days like today that I NEED my gratitude practice.

It is not optional for me, because otherwise in my fatigue I lean towards being weepy and focused on all the things that could possibly be hard right now, and all the things that need attending to.

Yes, me. That’s what I do.

Gratitude is easy when things are easy. We can take for granted the abundance of blessings and feel blessed in those moments, thinking that things will always be this way.

Gratitude can be challenging when things are not easy.

When things are hard, and I am tired, or sad, or all of the above, I stubbornly turn towards gratitude to change what I see.

Gratitude can be hard, and it is not for the faint of heart. Yet it is one of the most powerful tools to shift us from all the shit we may be marinating in, to a place of abundance and joy.

So today, I am choosing to be grateful.

Grateful for the weight of my son in my arms as I sing to him before he sleeps. I am grateful for a man who loves our family so much that he will fight like hell for us. Grateful for a body strong enough to handle what life throws at it. Grateful for spandex that makes me look better than I feel (thank you Lululemon). Grateful for the many women in my life keep me inspired, accountable, laughing, and holding each other together. And I am forever grateful for another day and another chance to do my life better in grace.

If you didn’t already know, you can join me in a free 30 Day Gratitude Practice which starts July 1st.

You don’t need anything but a willing heart and a Facebook account (no journal required, thank goodness!). You can sign up for it by clicking here.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you are grateful for today. Please share it in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The new (old) thing, that puts my heart at rest.

This morning as I was nursing Magnus I almost started crying because he’s growing so fast.

As I watched his little jaws moving I could almost see into the future of the 5 year old who I will hold close to me because he lost his toy, the 10 year old who is fighting with his best friend, and the 16 year old who lost his first real girlfriend. Time is already moving too fast and he’s only almost 5 weeks old.

He will never be as small as he is today, and I want time to: Slow. The. Fuck. Down.

Last week one of my dear friends Kim came over and as we were chatting she said to me, “You are doing a great job. You’re so relaxed you wouldn’t think this is your first baby at all!”

I laughed, “Really? I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. But I can keep him fed, alive, and cuddled.”

And that leads me to my greatest fear: not being able to keep him alive.

I am scared shitless of him dying.

As I type these words, there has been nothing truer in the world.

I cannot bear to lose him and I am terrified that he will die of SIDS or some other awful thing and that I will never be able to hold him again.

I didn’t even know this kind of feeling could exist until he came along.

So I’ve started doing something that has surprised me:

I started praying.

Now, I don’t typically share my religious beliefs (primarily because I don’t have any), but this has been a source of real solace for me and I thought it might help you too.

I wasn’t raised with religion, and ironically enough, the only things I know about the bible are what I learned in public school.

Yet I am very spiritual.

I believe in something, but I can’t pray to “something,” and “higher power” or “life force” are too cumbersome to say even in my own mind so I use the word “God.”

It’s the most familiar to me, even if it may mean something a little different.

Every night now I pray in my own clumsy way.

As I go to sleep I pray for the health, happiness and safety of my family (among other things), and for Magnus to stay alive.

There is solace in prayer that I didn’t know before.

To me, it’s a combination of a loving kindness practice where I am well wishing for those I love, and also a way to give my worries to something bigger than me so I can let them go, even for a short while.

I also love that my last thoughts are loving my family and wishing them the best, while allowing me to sleep without running into my son’s room every 5 minutes to make sure he’s still breathing.

I’d love to hear from you now, what do you do with your worries? Do you pray? What helps put your heart at rest? Please share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Thank you for being a continued source of strength and inspiration. You are the light of the world, never forget what you are capable of.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

I have something important to tell you…

You may have noticed that I was absent from your inbox last week. Or maybe you didn’t, but I in any case, I was, and I am excited to tell you why:

My best friend flew in to surprise me this weekend (yes, I am so lucky!) and I decided to hang out with her on Monday morning instead of writing to you.

Sometimes you just have to roll with what’s given, you know?

The best part of her visit, is that she also inspired this post for you today, so you can thank Nioka for this one!

One of the side effects of being pregnant is that you are often the topic of conversation.

People ask me frequently how I’m doing, I often get advice (solicited or not, all well-meaning of course), and I’m told multiple times a day how great I look (the BEST part of being pregnant for SURE!).

While Nioka was here we were chilling on the couch and discussing my pregnancy, my life, my fears, and all the other stuff that is in transition.

She listened intently and then she wrapped her arms around me and said:

I’m proud of you for doing this.

There have been no words that have touched me more deeply.

It validated my experience, made me feel seen and understood, and I really felt supported and even held up by that one simple sentence.

I can’t remember the last time someone has said to me that they were proud of me, and it made me think maybe you haven’t heard it in a while either.

So here it is, I’m proud of you for doing this, whatever THIS is.

I’m proud of you for getting up and making the best of things when days are hard.

I’m proud of you for listening to your heart sometimes, instead of always following your head.

I’m proud of you for constantly striving to live better, happier, and more in line with who you truly are.

I’m proud of you for saying no.

I’m proud of you for doing your best every day, and I’m equally as proud of you for taking breaks because you need it.

I’m proud of you for being a compassionate person in a sometimes cruel and unfair world.

I’m proud of you for saying things that are hard and having those conversations.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be seen and shining brightly.

I’m proud of you for being afraid and deciding to do it anyways.

I’m proud of you for taking risks that challenge you and help you grow.

I’m proud of your honesty and realness in a world that celebrates a carefully constructed veneer.

I’m proud of you for fighting for your family and what you believe is right.

I’m proud of you for making the best decisions you can with what you know is true.

I’m proud of you for choosing love even when it’s the hardest choice you can make.

I’m proud of you for leaving shitty situations so you can thrive.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be heard even when you are scared.

I’m proud of you for being imperfect and allowing yourself be seen anyways.

I’m proud of how far you have come and how far I know you will go.

I’m proud of you for wanting to make a difference, no matter how small because it’s meaningful to you.

I’m proud of you for being the brilliant, beautiful, and miraculous you…weird moles, bad sweat pants, hairy toes and all. J

On this day of thanks I am so thankful for you and the sisterhood of women who are bravely working to create a better world for themselves and each other by choosing to live in alignment with who they are.

I love and admire you for all that you are…and gorgeous…know that I’ve got your back.

I’d love to hear from you now! Tell me who you are proud of and why in the comments below or the Soul Sisterhood and then share it with THEM. We are beacons for each other my dear, shine your light to illuminate the darkness.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to anyone you think would benefit from reading this.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Practices to keep you sane in uncertain times

Hello Gorgeous,

I’m getting HUGE! Yup, I’m 32 weeks and definitely starting to feel it and show it.

Third trimester took no prisoners and hit me like a brick wall.

I went from feeling motivated, energized, and inspired to feeling exhausted and giving less and less shits about just about everything…except for napping.

I LOVE napping! Especially with all my pets in bed with me.

As I was thinking about what to write this morning I was feeling so grateful for all the amazing support in my life and how lucky I am.

People ask me about 50 times a day, “how are you feeling?” If I’m honest I tell them that I’m good, aside from pregnancy being uncomfortable and inconvenient.

Yes, it is also amazing and a miracle and I’m CREATING a life in my body, but most days it’s uncomfortable and just plain inconvenient.

Life doesn’t stop for pregnancy just like it doesn’t stop for any of the discomforts of life.

I still (just like most women) have all the same responsibilities and full life of pre-pregnancy (and yes I know once baby comes it’s only going to get busier!) and it’s getting harder and harder to maintain.

I read a quote to my Soul Sisters (from the Soul Strategy Sessions) last week from Jack Kornfields book Soul Food:

“It’s not easy for us to accept that there is no cure for living.”

So how do we face the uncomfortable and inconvenient times of our life? Or the ones that are just plain hard and challenging? The times when you just want to go back to bed and hope to wake up to a different reality?

It is possible to face uncertainty and challenges with grace and compassion.

These are the practices I use to keep me grounded and steady when everything else seems to be falling apart:

1) Focus on right now.

Often when we are faced with uncertainty and challenge, we try to control the situation by trying to think of all the possibilities and make a plan. This is also known as worrying, yes? When worrying and anxiety set in thoughts can spin out of control. The best way to work with moments of overwhelm and invasive thoughts is to focus on the task at hand, or the next step. Most of us try to see not just the whole picture, but ALL of the pictures and it’s not helpful. You don’t need to see the whole path to take a step. Focus on right now, and trust that the next best move will be available to you when the time arrives. You will feel calmer, and way more in control.

2) Maintain perspective.

All of our situations are temporary. The only certainty about life is that it is in constant change. The most challenging times of our lives will shift, just like the most joyful. Learning to see things as temporary allows space for challenges without resistance and anxiety, as well as being grateful for the beautiful times when they are here because they too are bound to change.

3) Ask for help, and accept it.

One of the greatest gifts we can give to each other is to ask for help and accept it with grace. It is a brave and bold move, and makes both parties feel good. It’s often hard to ask for help. We worry that we’ll be a burden, be judged, or be seen as less capable than we want to be seen. But the truth is that it is a privilege to be asked for help. I am always so grateful when my friends ask for support, advice, or a hand. I could not be happier than to be “their person” who they trust enough to be vulnerable and feel safe asking for what they need from me. We all need each other and there is nothing more sacred than the relationship of giving and receiving with open honest hearts.

4) Move your body, change a feeling.

My husband is a superstar. He can see when I’m not myself these days and always has a fun idea to get me out of the house, whether it’s to look at new cars or even just to walk through Costco. My back has been giving me a lot of grief and moving makes it better, and it absolutely makes my mind better. I’ve been diligent about walking our dog hard every morning hard and it not only keeps my pain levels down, but keeps my mind more focused and lifts my mood and energy up. When I feel off, moving changes it faster than anything else.

5) Give yourself a break.

Sometimes less is more. I’m a fire sign in everything: I’m an Aries in Astrology, a fire horse in Chinese Astrology, and a Pitta-Vatta in Ayurvedic Dosha’s (or constitutions). Everything about me knows how to move ahead, burn hard, and stay focused. I couldn’t even avoid it if I tried. One of the things I’ve had to learn how to do is to become sensitive to know when it’s time to take a break and balance my fire with ease. It was hard for me to give myself breaks, take naps, relax with a book (other than before bed), or even make time to do nothing. It has become a part of my mindfulness practice to pay attention to when it’s time for me to slow down, relax, and offer the kindness to myself that I would gladly offer anyone else. I’m certain this is why I’ve felt so good throughout my pregnancy and continue with my full life, all because I am present for what I need and am willing to give that to myself.

6) Gratitude

It always comes down to gratitude, doesn’t it? When times are challenging, it’s easy to get hyper focused on what’s not going “right.” Gratitude broadens our perspective and shifts the focus to all the millions of things that are going in our favor at any given moment. I am so grateful for my amazing husband who has been the most supportive, loving, kind, and understanding man I could ever ask for. He has made delicious meals for me 3 days in a row, rubs my back every time I ask, and seems to anticipate my needs while making me laugh all the time. I’m so grateful for the beautiful loving women in my life who have talked me down from the ledge, listened to my tears, and have made me feel so loved, held, and supported. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve so many amazing people in my life, and when I’m having a hard day, it’s certainly not hard to be grateful. My life has a never ending list of wonderful, beautiful, and amazing things in it all the time, and it never fails to change my mood from what’s not right to how almost EVERYTHING is right.

7) Compassion

This is the game changer for everything in life. Compassion for each other, and compassion for ourselves. As the Dalai Lama says:

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Compassion is the reminder that life is hard for everyone. Remember what I said earlier? There is no cure for living. Practicing compassion allows us to see each other, and ourselves, as the humans that we are, who are all doing the best that we can with what we have in the moment. Seeing through the eyes of compassion allows us to be kinder, gentler, and to give each other and ourselves, a break. As I often say:

Life’s hard, and shit’s real.

Compassion is what binds us together, and reminds us that we are not alone.

All of us are on this uncertain, scary, joyous, and beautiful ride together.

My deepest hope for you is that your life is on an upswing, that it feels easy, joyous, and free. And if it’s not, my hope is that these practices can be of some support and comfort to you.

You are not alone, my friend, we are all walking each other home.

If you liked this post, I’d love for you to share it with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this right now.

We are all lighting the way for each other.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Top 20ish rules to live by.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week was a whirlwind.

Dave’s family had three birthdays and two anniversaries last week, PLUS we worked on the basement most of the weekend. I’m getting super sick of working on that damn thing I have to say, but we are soooo close now to being finished that I can finally see the end is near.

THANK. YOU. GOD!

I won’t keep you in suspense any longer about the top 20ish list though, so here it is:

  1. Don’t wait for permission before you act, or it may never come.
  2. Choose to see the light in others, and they will start to see it in themselves.
  3. Approach your life as though it matters, and it will.
  4. You are one of the few creatures in the whole world that can change their world simply by their will. Don’t forget that.
  5. You may never be totally free of fear, but you will always have enough strength to go through it.
  6. You were born already whole. There is nothing you need to do or get to earn it, it’s a done deal.
  7. It’s okay not to know. You don’t have to decide right now.
  8. There is a reason why you love what you love. If you follow it, you will always live with passion and sparkle.
  9. The greatest gift you can give another human being is to make them feel safe.
  10. Doubt is a natural part of the creative process. Keep going.
  11. The greatest gift you can give to another human being is to accept them exactly as they are.
  12. It doesn’t matter how long the dark has been there, once the light is on, it’s on.
  13. Your life is your message, make your choices count.
  14. Sitting for a few minutes quietly every day will change your life.
  15. Surround yourself with people you want to be like, because you become who you hang out with.
  16. Give freely and generously without expectation and it will feel like giving blessings. If you can’t, then don’t.
  17. Never forget that the BIG questions are not only your questions, they are OUR questions. They are humanity’s questions, we’re all trying to figure this thing out.
  18. You don’t need to know it all to start. The path is created by walking it.
  19. Forgive yourself a lot and apologize if you hurt someone. Making mistakes is a part of learning.
  20. It’s not our job to save each other, it’s our job to love each other as we awaken ourselves.
  21. Listen for life’s sweetness.
  22. You belong, you matter, and you are loved.

I’d love to hear what you’d add to the list! What’s do you live by, and what’s most important to you? Share it in the comments below, or feel free to join the conversation in the Soul Sisterhood and tell me what you’d add.

Did you like this post? Then please spread the love and share with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward to someone you love by clicking one of the buttons below.

Until next week, my friend…

#Daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What’s your REAL dream life?

Hi Gorgeous,

What’s your dream life?

If you are planning on hiring a coach (or mentor for that matter), it’s recommended that you hire someone who’s already at where you want to be.

Everyone (at least in my coaching world) talk about 2 things that they are constantly trying to sell you:

  • Your dream life.
  • Creating a 6 figure business.

They are often sold with images of a luxurious lifestyle that include a LOT of money, plenty of travel, and a laptop lifestyle.

My problem with that, is that often these “dreams” are contingent on externals and having the “right” things, and THEN finally you can be happy.

I call bullshit.

Not only that, but most of these coaches that I know work 80 hour weeks and have a large support team to pay for so they only take home a fraction of what they say they do. Don’t even get me started on the happiness part of it, because I don’t see a lot of balance there.

I’ve been doing this work for 8 years, and never, and I mean NEVER have I had a client become happier once they got more stuff, better stuff, or more money.

Where I HAVE seen clients become happier is when they stopped looking at what they were missing, and started looking inside at what makes them feel happy and fulfilled and did more of that.

(If you haven’t done the Clarity Crash Course, Click her to get this great FREE resource to help you get clear on what actually makes you happy, and it doesn’t have anything to do with a new Marc Jacobs bag.)

Happiness is what we are all after when we are dreaming about our dream life. We want to feel inspired, content, at ease, confident, and like we are making a difference.

The problem is that happiness can’t be accomplished through stuff, or getting “somewhere” in life.

In fact, it’s the opposite.

Happiness comes from the inside out.

Looking to externals is looking to the outside to fill the inside, and it just doesn’t work. We’ve all tried it, and we don’t need to go there.

Happiness comes from what we give, not what we get.

Last night I completed a powerful group coaching session with women that I love and genuinely care for, had a cuddle with my sweet dog, and while I was brushing my teeth I could hear my wonderful husband downstairs working on renovations.

It was then that I had an insight that kind of rocked me: I was living my dream.

No, it’s not a 6 figure business that has me travelling glamorously around the world while I sipped expensive wine.

It’s not a high status job that has a tonne of people working under me.

It’s also not fancy, with luxurious stuff.

But it is MY dream, and absolutely my version of success.

I am blessed to have found and married the greatest man I have ever known. I adore, admire, and am truly crazy about him. He is more than everything I could have hoped for, and the best part is: he loves me just as much back and now we’re starting our family together.

I feel like I make a meaningful difference for people every day so my heart overflows and I go to bed every night feeling blessed.

I love my career so much that it rarely feels like work and it consistently inspires and delights me…aaand pinch me: I get paid to do it.

I have time to do things that are important to me, like spending time with friends, reading books, fitness, yoga, meditation, and learning about anything that peaks my curiosity.

I am 100% authentic every single day. What you see is what you get and I never try to be someone else for anybody.

I live aligned with my values and what’s most important to me. I never compromise and never feel I have to.

My life is balanced with healthy boundaries and I am truly joyful.

I do what I want. This is HUGE for me!

I understand and love myself unconditionally and wholly. I am on my own side and am a great cheerleader for myself.

Every day I feel like I have meaningful interactions with people. Whether it’s with friends and family, my clients, or the server, I feel connected.

I remember daily, that I am also connected to something greater and that it is my privilege to serve others because we are all one and the same.

Is it glamorous? Probably not.

Am I so happy that I have a shit eating grin every night that I go to bed?

Absolutely. I feel like I’ve won.

Why do I share all this with you? It’s not to boast about how awesome my life is (although if you want to tell me that I won’t argue with you), but it’s to give you another perspective of success.

Is success really about having the right title, the right bank statement, or the right stuff?

Some people will tell you that. Go ahead and try it, I haven’t met a person yet who achieved happiness that way.

I’m going to ask you to go deeper.

When you really think about what a perfect day would look like to you, what comes up for you? Who would be there? What would you be doing? How would you be feeling? What values are being honored there?

THIS is where you access your key to happiness. This is how you start to work from the inside out.

So, I want to hear from you: tell me about your perfect day and what about it is different than your current life? Then share with me one thing that you are going to do to move towards it below or in the Soul Sisterhood (click here to join us!)

Before I go, I have a few other quick things you might be interested in:

FREE Webinar for Anxiety Wednesday June 24th 7pm. Click here to register. 

The Soul-O-Preneur Course is up for sale for only $47. Click to learn more.

The LAST Soul Strategy Sessions of 2015 is open for registration: Tuesdays August 4th to September 22nd, 5:30 – 7pm. Click to learn more before it’s sold out!

Thank you for being the incredible light that you are! Keep shining and #daretobeyou.

Love and Light,

t

a pact we should make

Hello Gorgeous,

I’ve been thinking about you A LOT, and I have an idea…

I want to make a pact with you.

Yeah, yeah, you’re probably want to know what it is first, right?

What if today could be the day that you don’t beat yourself up for all the things you didn’t get around to?

What if you didn’t look for ways that you think you are not quite good enough, wrong, or imperfect?

What if today you didn’t have so many expectations that it would be impossible for anyone to complete even if we did have 36 hour days?

If you didn’t make yourself feel small or less than, to whatever silly standard you’ve been holding yourself to?

What if today was the day you counted your blessings and made yourself the very first one on the list?

What if instead you noticed how far you’ve come and how much progress you’ve made?

What if today your standard is one of holding yourself to a standard of kindness over perfection?

What if today you embraced the fullness of you? Your gigantic heart, your generous spirit, and how hard you try every single day?

What if today you saw yourself as you truly are:

Beautiful. Whole. Enough.

 

It takes courage.

You’ve been telling yourself something very different for a long time, so it can be scary to try this on. But I’m here with you, we’re going to do this together remember?

 

Right now you might be thinking:

But what if I’m actually not good enough?

What if I deserve to be hard on myself?

What will other people think of me if I think I’m already enough?

What will keep me from becoming complacent?

 

Here’s what I have to say to you my beautiful friend:

It’s not even possible for you to be less than enough. You are love, you are light, and you are the world’s wish wrapped up as a human being. All is possible through you, because you are potential itself. You are divine and you matter.

Thank you for being a part of my life, I truly cherish, and love you. So, are you going to join me in the pact? Let me know that you’re in on the comments below!

If you know anyone who needs to hear this message today, please feel free to be their light and share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your friends.

We are beacons for each other. By shining our light we bring each other home to their own.

Love and Light,

t