3 questions you should ask yourself every morning

Like you, I have limited time and a lot of stuff to do.

My days start at 6am shuffling into my toddler’s room for snuggles and stories, followed by a day juggling work, childcare, and all the other things that come with managing a family and business.

The biggest challenge I’ve had to overcome since having my son is how to get a lot more done on way less time.

Early on, I decided that I wanted a clear division between work and family time. I know that if I’m trying to “squeeze things in” or trying to multitask, nothing gets done and if it does, it’s definitely not going to be done well.

Not too long ago, I felt like I was running from one task to another and constantly putting out fires trying to stay on top of my life.

I’d drop my son of at the babysitters and eat in the car on my way to my next appointment. Then I’d run up the sitters driveway to pick him up on time to get him home for his nap. Once he was down, I’d quickly tidy up, then try to get some work done in the half our I’d have left while he slept. And on and on it went, running from one thing to another, and feeling like I was sucking at everything.

I was spread out, scattered, and overwhelmed with life.

I realized that what I wanted most was to be present with what’s most important to me. I had to shift my energy from trying to “fit it all in” to prioritizing what’s most important right now, and committing to being fully present with it.

So, I now choose to be present with my family when I’m with them so I can be the best wife and mother I can be. I choose to be focused on my work without distraction so I can fully devote myself to making women’s lives better. I choose to take care of myself because my well being is important for all the reasons.

But I’m also the primary caregiver to my son, which means I have way less time to work and just as much stuff to do.

I learned quickly that I needed to figure out a system to support my choices and my time, so I developed a simple but powerful strategy to help me get more done in less time without the guilt. These are the questions I began to ask myself daily:

  • What do I want to accomplish?
  • What can I leverage to get there faster?
  • What do I need to let go of to make it happen?

These questions help me choose what to focus on to make the biggest impact, in less time, without adding more stuff to do.

Absolutely I use this for my business, but I ALSO use this strategy in all aspects of my life, whether it’s how I’m going to structure my day, how I want to feel, resolving conflicts (seriously, read the questions again, they really do work if your aim isn’t only to win), and taking care of myself.

I can’t control all the circumstances of my life, but I can control how I approach them. Using these 3 simple questions has allowed me to have more control, clarity, and freedom.

I have stopped treading water. As a result, I have time for the things that are most important to me: my family, my work, and what fills me up.

It started with asking myself a few simple questions to clarify my focus, leverage the time I have, and do the things I want, and do them well.

That time I wasn’t very nice, and how to sleep better.

Not long after my son Magnus was born started experiencing symptoms of PPD.

I didn’t talk about it because I felt it shouldn’t have happened to me. I mean, I’m a Life Coach for fuck’s sake, and I specialize in POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY!!

I should have been safe.

I cried A LOT. I’d burst into sobbing tears for no reason.

Singing to my baby. Reading him stories. Looking at his toes. Commercials. Or “just because” like a Hallmark card: waterworks.

I couldn’t seem to handle life. Everything seemed hard and overwhelming and that there was no end in sight.

I’d sit on the couch with glazed eyes watching endless reruns of “Friends” (or whatever mindless thing on Netflix that I didn’t have to concentrate too hard on), boob out in my hideous nursing bra with a tiny baby with tonnes of hair glued to my breast.

If you ask my husband, you could also add that I wasn’t very nice.

It took too much energy to add “please” and “thank you” to my requests in my exhausted state. I was just trying to make it through each hour.

And not surprisingly, I was extremely sleep deprived.

My beautiful Buddha baby who came into this world holding his own head up from birth and alert as could be, did NOT sleep.

He would be up for 9 hours straight during the day. He would maaaaybe fall asleep nursing for 20 minutes at a time. Sometimes he would fall asleep in the swing. He always fell asleep in the car.

Although he would sleep for 3 or 4 hour stretches at night, it would sometimes take me 2 and a half hours to get him back to sleep, and then I couldn’t fall asleep fast enough before I had to feed him again.

The average day for me was 3 to 5 hours of sleep total (not consecutive) in 24 hours.

I was a zombie, and I was spiralling.

There are 3 pillars to health: exercise, nutrition, and sleep.

The funny thing is that many people don’t like eating healthy and exercise, but really LIKE sleeping.

So why aren’t we getting enough sleep and what does it have to do with my experience with PPD?

On Saturday I was driving to Saskatoon listening to CBC and on CBC’s Quirks and Quarks part of the episode was on sleep.

They mentioned a study that showed that even one night of sleep deprivation led to forgetting about half of the positive information learned, half of the neutral, and remembering ALL of the negative.

Imagine if you couldn’t remember the positive events of your life and only remembered the negative for extended periods of time.

You’d have a strong negativity bias where all you could see is what’s wrong, instead of all the amazing things that are right in your life.

This is how the brain functions with depression.

Also, because the amygdala isn’t inhibited properly when we are sleep deprived, our emotions can’t be toned down to a reasonable level.

This affects our ability to deal with life and it’s setbacks. Even small things seem like a really big deal.

I knew sleep deprivation was a huge contributor to PPD, but more than likely it was what CAUSED it.

As Dr. Robert Stickgold said: “…If you don’t get enough sleep you could end up fat, sick, depressed, and stupid.”

That pretty much sums up how I felt during those first few months.

Like many of us, I have had a long history with shitty sleeps and this was not the only time I struggled with it.

I struggled with insomnia for years in my late twenties. I often pulled all nighters in school. Stress kept me up at night, and racing thoughts often kept me from falling asleep and then I’d wake up unable to fall back asleep.

A big part of our struggle with sleep is related to how little down time we have because we work more hours, and then it even follows us home through our phones.

Something has to give to have at least a bit of downtime, and it can feel like the easiest thing to do is go to bed later. But by then our minds are racing, stressful thoughts burrow their way in, and the little bit of sleep we’ve allowed ourselves gets highjacked again.

Now, I’m lucky to have an arsenal of tools to get back on track when I’m having a hard time. Here’s a few of my best ones:

  • Move daily – Our bodies are meant to move. They need movement not just for weight management, bone density, and strength, but also for it to function properly internally. It helps with regulating sleep, mood, and even digestion.
  • Have a regular bedtime and wake time – Not everyone is a morning person or a night person, but knowing where to make YOUR appropriate bedtime and wake time is key to getting enough sleep. The average person needs 7 to 9 hours.
  • No screens 2 hours before bed – Screens emit a blue light which is similar to sunlight and tricks the brain to want to stay awake rather than sleep.
  • Create a bedtime routine – Routines prep us for what’s coming next. Just like my son knows that bath time means bedtime, our routines help us subconsciously wind down.
  • Meditate – Mindfulness meditation helps lower stress, manage racing thoughts, and improves the quality and duration of sleep.

Guess what dragged my ass out of my PPD and transformed me into the bright ray of yellow sunshine streaming through the clouds like an inspiring Facebook quote that you see now?

Well, the biggest thing was working with a sleep consultant to teach my baby how to sleep, so I could sleep.

But aside from that, it was: daily exercise and naps, and short mindfulness meditations so I could deal with life again.

Mindfulness Meditation is what keeps me calm, relaxed, happy, and emotionally resilient…and that translates into falling asleep easier, longer, and better.

PS If you’re sick of feeling like an exhausted grumpy pants, or sucking at life (you’re not, btw!) I’ve got something for that: The 6 week online Mindfulness Meditation Class starts this week, click here to check it out.

I’d love to hear from you now: Have you ever been so tired “please” and “thank you” were too much to ask? What are your best sleep tips? Please share in the comments, or email me, I love hearing from you.

Also, if you want a fun, easy, meditation class led by me that will make YOU a sunshiny Facebook quote, click here.

And here’s one more reason why:

“I loved learning more about meditation with Tina. Her ability to assist me to visualize and feel is amazing. After each meditation I would feel like I’d have maximum clarity in my mind, I felt calmer and was able to tackle even the most daunting tasks. I would strongly recommend taking anything Tina has to offer, she has a very special way of getting through to people.”

-Allison Gartner, Administrator, Adair’s Demolition and Yoga Instructor at Yoga Ally, Southey, SK

Yeah, what she said. J

Love and Light,

t

3 Easy steps to stop stress in it’s tracks

All of us seem to have too much to do, with never enough time, while dealing with the challenges and unpredictability of life.

Stress is unavoidable and it’s important to learn tools to manage it so we don’t get rocked every time life kicks us in the pants. 

A few important things you should know about stress can make all the difference in how you deal with it.

First, stress starts in your mind from thoughts.

This might sound obvious, but what we think about affects our bodies. When we think about things that cause us stress it affects our bodies, such as raising blood pressure.

Second, stress and anxiety are future based thoughts.

They are characterized by worrying, planning, and playing out possible scenarios. All of them are based on the future, rather than what’s happening in the moment.

Third, stressful thoughts are invasive.

They tend to run through our minds over, and over, and over again, making us feel overwhelmed, and even cornered by them.

When you start to feel the weight of stress on your body, or the busy cluttered mess of your racing mind, here are 3 easy steps you can take before it spirals out of control:

  • Take a deep breath – I know this isn’t revolutionary, but taking a few deep breaths have a lot of positive benefits.
  • It creates space in your mind so you’re not overwhelmed by invasive thoughts.
  • It stimulates the vagus nerve which calms the nervous system down.
  • It gets your attention out of your head and into your body.
  • It brings you into the present moment.
  • Get out and move – When stress feels overwhelming leave your environment and get your blood moving. Changing locations helps your mind change gears, and exercise moves stress out of your body while increasing feel good neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine. As they say, “move a muscle, change a feeling.”
  • Meditate – All meditation is good, but Mindfulness Meditation is particularly helpful in lowering stress and anxiety because teaches you how to be with uncomfortable thoughts without buying into them.

I’d love to hear from you now: Which of these tips are you going to try first? What is your go-to tip for stopping stress? Please share in the comments below.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The Truth Will Set You Free

I have been thinking a lot about transformation lately.

What it really takes to change our lives and become who we most want to be, and really, who we are meant to be.

This is the best part of ourselves that when it is realized is happy, peaceful, creative, and capable of changing the energy of the world.

Yes, that is possible for all of us, it is our birthright and it begins with becoming honest.

This is the path to spiritual awakening, and is absolutely the catalyst to change.

It often starts in a moment of insight with a voice that says, “enough” and “I can’t live like this anymore” and “I’m done, it’s time to do something different.”

It can be small like a deep knowing, or it can be so loud it fills your brain screaming so its impossible to be ignored.

And it is always about getting honest and real with what’s here.

Too often we try to fix the symptoms of our unhappiness, in hopes that it will create the shift we long for.

So we diet, exercise, try to find a partner, work harder, do more, and over extend ourselves to fix what we feel is inherently wrong with us.

Or worse, we try to numb ourselves with addiction, food, shopping, sex, anything to avoid looking at what is causing the pain.

But that’s just the band aid covering over the symptoms, and not the cure, and what we resist continues to persist.

Those feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, shame, and fear will continue to come back until they are examined.

To change those feeling we need the willingness to look deeper at ourselves and our lives through an honest lens. One that is compassionate, accepting, loving, and truthful.

We cannot change what we do not see. It is by seeing that we can start the process of change.

One of my first moments of truth, and the beginning of my spiritual awakening happened when I was 17.

My dad drank a lot when I was growing up, and if you’ve lived with an alcoholic you know it is a shame filled environment and fertile breeding ground for denial and secrets.

We habitually lied to protect ourselves and each other from what was happening at home and I became so used to lying that eventually I lied about everything.

Even things that were inconsequential like what music or clothes I liked. I lied so much that it felt like I didn’t know what the truth was anymore, or if I did, that it didn’t matter anyways.

I still remember the moment when the truth exploded my brain and changed my life.

I was struggling huge at that time. I had moved out at 17, dropped out of high school, had been on anti-depressants for years, and felt utterly black inside and hopeless.

The shame, lies, and denial were pulling me deeper and deeper into a dark dank well, and I knew in my bones that it was only me that was going to pull me out of the hell I was living in.

It was then that I KNEW my freedom began with becoming honest. Becoming honest about me, my life, and the choices I was making. I HAD to start telling the truth in all ways.

It was awkward at first, because I was so habituated to lying that I would often catch myself in a lie, only to correct myself, saying “I’m not sure why I said that, what I mean is…”

The practice of being honest became my purification, burning away all that had held me down and suffocated me.

It was my liberation and set me free to create myself and everything I wanted in my life.

Even now, over twenty years later (don’t do the math please! Ugh.) I refuse to lie.

If I am late, I won’t blame the traffic (or my dog!) if I didn’t have my shit together in time. I take responsibility for it and apologize. I say no a lot, to avoid disappointing people in commitments I know I can’t fulfill. I don’t take credit for anything that isn’t mine, however minor. I do my very best to be impeccable with my word and say the truth as I see it.

The truth is what sets us free.

Being truthful has become my practice, and that practice now is through Mindfulness Meditation.

It is the practice of being unconditionally present with all that’s here in the moment: the body, breath, emotions, and thoughts that make up our experience.

Sitting still in the moment opens up the doorway to truth.

It lets us get to know ourselves better, it lowers stress, protects our brain from mental illness, boosts immune function (until I had a baby. Now it always seems like I’m sick!), makes us better people, and it even continues to help us when we’re not actually doing it.

 

I truly believe that I am the person I am today because of all the sitting around doing nothing I do, and I can’t recommend it enough!

I’d love to hear from you now: Has truth set you free? What impact has honesty had on your life? Do you get sick all the time too with children? Please feel free to comment below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please feel free to share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to someone who needs to read this today.

Thank you for being the light that you are, keep shining.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

3 Quick and Easy Ways to Tackle Overwhelm

Last Thursday my head was spinning. I had way too much stuff on my plate all with a tight deadline, and I’m also the primary caregiver to my baby.

Which means I have less than 3 hours total of mishmashed time to get it all sorted out. This was not even kind of enough time for the projects that I felt needed my attention.

Did I mention that my baby was also teething the night before and decided 4am was as good a time as any to start the day?

I was overwhelmed AND exhausted. Not the best combination for sure.

I could feel my head becoming more and more crowded and the heat of panic rising.

You know that feeling when you almost start vibrating, because it’s like all the stuff inside is trying to race out of you at once?

Yeah, that was happening.

I should tell you that overwhelm and I go waaaaay back, we have a long history together.

We used to date for years. I used to be a chronic work-aholic and I spent most of my 20’s either working two full time jobs or working full time and going to school full time.

(Somehow I still managed to party my ass off in between…)

Now that I’m a recovering work-aholic, overwhelm and I only have a quick make-out sesh before I’m done playing and onto the next thing.

I want to share with you my 3 super quick and dirty tips to get your own overwhelm under control:

1) Get back to homeostasis, asap.

One of my coach’s said to me years ago, “Overwhelm is one or two things over homeostasis.” Meaning, that if I can get one or two things off my plate quickly, I will immediately feel better. This means either delegating, finding something that can be completed quickly, or taking something(s) off the list altogether.

This is like a huge exhale and I can tell you that I instantly feel better.

2) Clear my headspace.

It is impossible to think clearly, make wise decisions, or access creativity when our minds are cluttered…and that’s exactly what overwhelm is: too many thoughts competing for our attention.

I sit quietly for a few minutes and connect to my breath. My thoughts may or may not slow down, it doesn’t matter, I still sit.

Then I lay a hand on my heart to access my inner wisdom and listen as though I’m waiting to hear an answer.

Sometimes I get an insight into exactly what needs to be done next. Sometimes I hear nothing at all, but almost always things have quieted down enough for me to move forward without spinning out or running around my ottoman in circles.

3) Take strategic action.

My coping mechanism for overwhelm, pressure, and stress is procrastination…and you can guess how effective that is…it’s the WORST!

I know that taking action is the only way to keep me from falling into that trap, and being strategic ensures that I am effective with my time.

A quick tip to know what your next best steps are, is to shift your perspective from YOU (the one in the middle of shit), to the larger you, or the “fly on the wall” (the one looking down at the shit).

This is like the old adage, “you can’t see the forest for the trees.”

Instead of looking at the trees, expand your perspective to see the whole forest, and this will give you a better insight of what might be some great possible next steps.

I’d love to hear from you now: What are your best tips for overcoming overwhelm? Do you run around your ottoman like a crazy person too? Tell me I’m not alone here! You can comment here on the blog, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook Group.

I hope you found these tips helpful, and if you did, please share this with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to someone who could use it right now.

I want you to know that I love you and I think you are amazing. Thank you for being you!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The one quality you need to make any meaningful change, and it’s not what you think.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week my live video on Facebook was about the one quality you need to create meaningful change (feel free to watch it here), and because it is such an important topic I felt it warranted a little more explanation.

Many of us are into personal development and truly want to become better versions of ourselves.

We buy self help books and go to seminars and hope that some of it will sink in and then FINALLY we will become the person we want to be.

I want to tell you something really important:

You can’t perfect yourself.

As Jack Kornfield says, “You can’t perfect yourself, you can only perfect your love.”

And news flash my beautiful friend: there’s nothing WRONG with you!

Yes, you might have some not so skillful behaviors like yelling at other drivers on perfect blue sky afternoons when you should be happily basking in the sunshine and enjoying your commute.

Or your impatience with your little one because you’ve asked them ten times to put on their shoes, and you’ve given them tonnes of warning, and now your happy lilting voice is turning into a gritted tooth monster voice and you are ready to lose your lid any second.

Or the fact that every single day you vow to squeeze in some exercise, eat more vegetables, and get to sleep earlier. And everyday you guzzle down a gallon of coffee, work through lunch, and drag your ass to bed far too late.

Or maybe there’s just not enough time in the day, and it’s a constant battle to frantically fit in “one more thing” resulting in you being late for everything. All. The. Time.

But these are just behaviors, they’re not who you really are.

All spiritual practice ultimately comes down to knowing ourselves.

It is by turning our gaze inward that allows us to understand our inner workings, beliefs, and motivations.

When we can see our unskillful behaviors and understand them, we can then work with them.

Often the action of simply looking is enough for some of those unskillful patterns to drop away from us.

But we can’t change what we don’t see, so the willingness to look is super important.

If we don’t, we continue to sleepwalk through life wondering why things keep happening to us, not realizing that we are making them happen through our unconscious thoughts, words, and behaviors.

Now back to the important quality, because it’s not enough only to turn inside.

The HOW we turn inside is just as important and it’s with…dum-dum-dadummmm…drumroll please….

Compassion.

No, I’m sorry to disappoint you, it’s not willpower, self-control, or discipline (although they have their place too).

Compassion is the super power which allows you to look at yourself without judgement.

Judgment kills any possibility of real growth and understanding.

Try this: Imagine a time when you were at a place with a group of people where you felt people were judging you. Were you able to be yourself in that situation? Were you able to be relaxed or open?

Probably not.

It’s the same thing within ourselves.

When we judge what’s happening within ourselves we contract making it difficult to see what’s really going on.

Compassion encourages curiosity and an attitude of openness allowing us to relax to see more deeply.

It is nurturing and loving, and growth can only take place with love at it’s core.

One of my favorite definitions of compassion also comes from Jack Kornfield:

Empathy + Love = Compassion

We seek with the intention to understand, rather than to judge or fix ourselves.

I have said this many times, and I’ll say it again:

You cannot hate yourself better.

The very nature of hate is diminishing. The practice of looking in with compassion and love is the invitation to become the fullest version of ourselves.

You may have heard of people becoming “more of themselves” and that’s what happens when we look inward with compassion:

We shine brighter.

Now I’d love to hear from you: Do you struggle with judging yourself? How do you maintain a compassionate heart? What’s your favorite personal development book, seminar, course? Please share in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to someone who needs this right now.

Thank you for being a constant source of joy and inspiration.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stubborn Gratitude

Hello Gorgeous,

You may not know this about me, but I am not always positive…or cheerful…or optimistic.

Sometimes I am sad, and miserable, and stressed, and lonely. Sometimes even all at the same time…ask my poor husband.

Today, this post is a little late. My sweet boy was up at 2:30am this morning for a snack and then didn’t feel it was necessary to fall back asleep until 5:30am. Our alarm goes off at 6am.

It was a hard start for today, and because of that I opted for a nap instead of writing, so I could manage the day and still teach two yoga classes coherently.

Some days are hard, this one felt like it for lots of reasons. And its days like today that I NEED my gratitude practice.

It is not optional for me, because otherwise in my fatigue I lean towards being weepy and focused on all the things that could possibly be hard right now, and all the things that need attending to.

Yes, me. That’s what I do.

Gratitude is easy when things are easy. We can take for granted the abundance of blessings and feel blessed in those moments, thinking that things will always be this way.

Gratitude can be challenging when things are not easy.

When things are hard, and I am tired, or sad, or all of the above, I stubbornly turn towards gratitude to change what I see.

Gratitude can be hard, and it is not for the faint of heart. Yet it is one of the most powerful tools to shift us from all the shit we may be marinating in, to a place of abundance and joy.

So today, I am choosing to be grateful.

Grateful for the weight of my son in my arms as I sing to him before he sleeps. I am grateful for a man who loves our family so much that he will fight like hell for us. Grateful for a body strong enough to handle what life throws at it. Grateful for spandex that makes me look better than I feel (thank you Lululemon). Grateful for the many women in my life keep me inspired, accountable, laughing, and holding each other together. And I am forever grateful for another day and another chance to do my life better in grace.

If you didn’t already know, you can join me in a free 30 Day Gratitude Practice which starts July 1st.

You don’t need anything but a willing heart and a Facebook account (no journal required, thank goodness!). You can sign up for it by clicking here.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you are grateful for today. Please share it in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The worst thing you can say to yourself.

Hello Gorgeous,

All of us have an inner dialogue that is going on all the time. Sometimes it is commenting on what’s happening. Sometimes it’s deciding what to say next. Sometimes it’s judging or comparing, and sometimes it’s very mean to us.

Our inner dialogue is like the white noise operating in our background and don’t often hear it until we get quiet and then it can feel like it’s screaming at us!

This is one of the biggest hurdles for new meditators because once you notice the noise, like noticing a noisy eater, it can feel impossible to tune it out and become extremely annoying.

We can also be taken aback by some of the thoughts the we notice. As Jack Kornfield says,

“Thoughts have no shame; they will go anywhere.”

Our thoughts, and the language that we us frame our reality. The words we use reveal our beliefs, our models of the world, and our inner life.

What we say and the words we use matter.

What do you think is the most disempowering statement you can make to yourself?

I’ve said all of them for sure:

I’m not good enough.

Who the fuck do I think I am to even try?

I’m too (insert fat, ugly, stupid, young, old, or any other mean thing in here).

I’m a fraud, I don’t know anything.

I’m sure you get the picture.

(By the way, if you catch yourself saying these awful things to yourself, please stop when you catch yourself. Stop, and counter those thoughts with something positive about yourself. They are terrible and don’t belong in your beautiful mind!)

But none, NONE of these are as disempowering as this one sentence:

I have no choice.

As soon as you utter those words you have given your power away and become the victim of your very own life.

Here are some other ways we say those words:

I should.

I can’t.

I have to.

Yes (when I mean no).

No (when I mean yes).

All of these statements give away our power and our control.

And yes, I realize that there are consequences for not doing certain things. However, it’s not the “thing” itself that causes our suffering, it’s the way we are relating to it.

As much as we try, we can’t always control the circumstances of our lives, yet it’s possible to be empowered and free in the midst of it all.

Supposing maybe you don’t want to go to work, and it’s true that if you don’t go to work you will get fired and lose your income.

There is a difference between saying to yourself, “I have no choice but to go to work,” and “I’m choosing to go to work so I can make money,” have a very different feel to them.

You are still going to work, the circumstance doesn’t need to change, but the latter statement empowers you to be in the driver’s seat of your life, instead of the victim of it.

Learning to shift your language into one of choice, even if it’s as simple as how you choose to feel about something, frames your reality as one where you are powerful and free.

Also, this is your last week to sign up for the Soul Strategy Sessions! They start next week on Tuesdays from June 14th – July 19th from 7-9pm at Astra Financial inside A Balanced Approach.

Some of the many fabulous side effects you can expect from the Sessions are:

Not giving so many fucks about shit that doesn’t matter.

BS free friendships with women who genuinely want you succeed.

Living more authentically and honestly aligned with what you ACTUALLY give a shit about.

Lower anxiety, a higher sense of purpose, and totally feeling like you got this!

These groups are popular for a reason, and so much fun to do with a friend! You can learn more and sign up by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you notice your self-talk, and how do you relate to it? Is there a “favorite” disempowering statement that your mind tends to use, and if so which one? What is your best advice for dealing with a “shameless mind”? Post your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please click the little buttons below and share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stop Putting Yourself on “The List”

Hello Gorgeous,

It’s been a while now, hasn’t it? I hope you are doing well and are as excited to connect with me as I am with you!

I had big plans to maintain AT LEAST my blog after Magnus was born, and I did pretty good for a while, and then my plans went to shit. Sorry about that.

I started doing it all, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was even doing, and subsequently my sweet Magnus wasn’t putting on weight because my supply dropped so drastically. Shit got real, and my main focus was on him and me and getting the T&M team nursing team back on track.

Everything worked out fine after a shit tonne of pumping, supplementation, tears (from both of us), and cuddly nursing time. But damn it was a lot of work!

My husband has been away the past few weeks seeding at his friend’s farm (my husband not so secretly wants to be a farmer when he grows up!), so Magnus and I have been largely on our own.

This week I’ve been taking Magnus running with me in the jogger, and when I got home sweaty and happy on this sunny morning I panicked as I looked at the time (babies are on a schedule if you didn’t know) and thought to myself exasperatedly:

“There’s just not enough time to do everything!”

I mean how do we put ourselves on “The List” when there are so many things that demand our attention?

I’m teaching yoga, taking care of a baby and our brown dog, making baby food, the never ending heaps of baby puke covered laundry, planning two new Soul Strategy Sessions, doing a very bad job of looking after the house and yard, and did I mention taking care of a baby?

There is only so much time after all.

Exactly.

Almost immediately after I had complained that there’s not enough time, I realized that there has never been a time in my life that I have not said those words.

I have said them when I was a student, when I worked one job, two jobs, no jobs. I have said them on vacation and in the office. I have said them with a baby and without a baby. I have said those words most of my life, and I would put money on it that you have too, regardless of your circumstances.

So what’s this nonsense about putting yourself on the list?

I hate that term.

Why? Because you ARE the goddamn list!

To say anything else is evil, disempowering, and buying into victim mentality…and if you read my blog, I know you aren’t a victim. You are a grown ass woman who handles shit!

Remember: There is no list without you.

You are the creator and the completer of the list. You are the only one in control of that list, so why WHY do you need to put yourself on it.

Time is limited, it’s true, so we all need to prioritize where we want to focus our time.

Your To-Do list is not where you should be putting your needs and self care, because To-Do lists are fluid and most often never completed (don’t tell me it’s not true, I know how you roll).

So guess what gets moved to the bottom of that list? You guessed it: YOU.

Notice how eating isn’t on the To-Do list? Neither is bathing, brushing your teeth, going to work, or picking up your children. They are givens. So should taking care of you.

You are the most important person in your life, and if you have a family, your family’s life.

The health of everyone around you is affected by your wellbeing.

Please, stop waiting until there’s time to do what makes you feel whole because there will never be enough time.

Make it a habit that is built into your day. Whether it’s first thing, last thing, at noon, it doesn’t matter. Make that time non-negotiable and do what makes you feel good daily.

In the brief time I have been a parent, I can tell you that I am 100 times nicer, more patient, present, productive, creative, and more fun to be around if I’ve had even a short workout or run. It’s never been about appearance for me, it is essential for my mental health and now the health of my family.

I AM the list and I OWN the list.

Nothing gets done until I do me first, then everything else is figure-out-able.

Some might say it’s selfish, but have you ever met a happy martyr? I sure haven’t! So I call it being “self-full” which is a much nicer term, isn’t it?

Next week, I’ll tell you more about my magic list making abilities and how you can become more productive in your own life!

I also have some good news! I’m launching another round of the Soul Strategy Sessions Tuesdays 7 – 9pm June 14th to July 19th.

This is one small step to becoming your list by setting dedicated time for you in a big loving super fun environment with women just like you. You will learn what drives you, your purpose, and gain major insights about yourself and beliefs which is where all meaningful change starts.

There’s a reason The Soul Strategy Sessions have been going on for 2 years, and continue to thrive: they work.

In our 6 weeks together you will gain clarity, confidence, and courage to live more authentically, aligned, and happier.

You can learn more and register by clicking here.

I also have one more surprise for you!

For those of you who have completed the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have created a continuing 12 week program called the Soul Sisterhood.

The Soul Sisterhood is designed with you in mind. It is self directed with a larger focus on coaching rather than teaching, so you can continue to sign up again and again without repeating the same content.

You already have the tools from the Soul Strategy Sessions.

The Sisterhood focuses on implementation and working through the resistance to strengthen the habits that will support the way you want to be and live in the world.

The Sisterhood is your journey of self discovery, living in alignment, and becoming your most authentic self.

If you completed the Soul Strategy Sessions and didn’t get a personal invite from me about the Sisterhood, email me and I will send you everything you need to know!

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you make To-Do lists, and do you put yourself on it? Does it work for you? How do you make sure you take care of your needs everyday? Do you love lists, or hate them? Tell me all about it either in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group here.

Thank you for letting me into your inbox and your life. I am so excited to see your beautiful self again so soon! I missed you like crazy and I hope you did too!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What do Nioka and Jesus have in common?

You know those times that something happens that makes you angry, and you haven’t had the chance to confront it yet, so you’re just going over and over all the scenarios of how you’re going to handle it?

And all of the situations of “handling it” has to do with losing it and making the person/situation understand how mad you are?

Or maybe it’s not something that makes you see red, but something that has hurt your feelings?

Or maybe you feel taken advantage of?

Or maybe you feel like you have to say something and you know it’s not going to come out right because there are too many feelings in the way?

In those moments you may not know be able to figure out the best way to handle it because you know you are too emotional to respond effectively.

Here’s what you need to do, ask yourself:

“What would Nioka do?”

Or Jesus, if you don’t know Nioka.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) things happen, and we get very caught up in our emotions and may not have the capacity to bring our best self to the surface to handle situations.

I know that my first reaction is blame, and I want them to KNOW that it’s their fault, why, and have a temper tantrum about it.

I want them to GET how I feel, and have them feel very bad for making me feel that way.

Then, I want to have them feel so bad that they get down on their knees and beg for my forgiveness for notputtingthedishesinthedishwasherinsteadofthesinkwhichisrightfuckingnexttoitforfuckssake!

Or something like that…

When you imagine the situation with Nioka (or Jesus, Quan Yin, Mother Teresa, Buddha, or whomever) in your place, you will be able to see another less emotion driven possibility that accesses your higher self and an alternative option that you may not have been able to see in your hurt state.

So instead of losing my mind over something trivial like dishes in the sink, I might imagine Nioka in that situation and what she would do.

I would see her notice the dishes, and keep walking because she doesn’t care enough about them and she cares A LOT about her wonderful husband who does a billion other things for her every single day.

So many things in fact, that she often takes them for granted because he’s just that thoughtful and kind.

In my self righteous angry state, I wouldn’t be able to see that possibility because in anger (and the tail of anger: hurt) is “all about me.”

In Nioka’s or Jesus’s state, I can see things with more clarity and balance.

The other benefit, is that it gives enough space that we can take a moment to decide what kind of outcome to we really want, rather than reacting to a situation in a way we may later regret.

Space is good when we are fired up.

Do you know what else is good?

Babies.

And Soul Strategy Sessions.

They are full of great conversations, tools, and insights to empower you to live with more clarity, courage and confidence to live a happier and more meaningful life.

There’s a reason over a hundred women have gone through them, referred their family and friends, and continue to take them again themselves: they work, they’re fun, and they are life changing.

The Sessions start tomorrow and I have a spot left just for you!

Learn more and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Who would you imagine to be, and why? What else do you think is good besides space and babies? Share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you liked this post please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this right now. You are the light, shine brightly my friend.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t