What does Randy Travis and negative thoughts have in common?

Yesterday as I was painting the baby’s room, my husband was outside shoveling rock for our backyard.

He had his music playing and I could hear Randy Travis crooning, “I’m gonna love you forever. Forever and ever, amen…”

And then it stuck in my head like an earworm.

It’s a catchy song that just kept replaying over and over and OVER in my head, until it started to get annoying. But by then, I couldn’t get it out.

Earworms are similar to invasive or negative thoughts, and this leads me to a great question I received last week from a Soul Sister.

She asked: “I’m wondering if you would consider writing something about what to do when you have negative thoughts or when you can’t seem to get something off your mind?”

Maybe you’re like me and the first thing you try to do is ignore it? Or try and think about something else? Then I usually get to the mad place where I’m arguing at my thoughts to “shut the F#UK up already!”

There’s a Buddhist saying that states: whatever we resist persists.

So how do you control your thoughts then?

Simple answer: You can’t.

But you can learn to work with thoughts so you don’t have to suffer from them.

Jack Kornfield explains that the mind secretes thoughts like salivary glands secrete saliva. It just happens. They have no shame, and will go anywhere!

The good news about this is that thoughts are aren’t personal. They don’t mean anything, and just because they are there, doesn’t mean they are true. Thoughts are just what the mind is secreting.

Try this:

Close your eyes and bring your attention to your breath.

Imagine that you can see your thoughts floating by through your mind’s eye like clouds in the sky.

Notice, that you can notice your thoughts without engaging with them, or actively thinking about them. They are just there floating by like subtitles across a movie screen.

Every once in a while, you will get hijacked by thoughts and start engaging (thinking) with them. When that happens bring your attention back to your breath and notice that you can notice your thoughts once again.

You’ll notice that by viewing your thoughts like this, you create space between you and them. You can watch without getting tangled up in their nonsense.

So, what about the annoying earworm of Randy Travis, or invasive and negative thoughts?

If you begin to meditate regularly (the above exercise is one form of this), you’ll start to notice that your thoughts tend to repeat themselves. In fact, I’ve heard that we have something like 60,000 thoughts running through our minds every day, and 80% of them are reruns from yesterday.

There’s not much new in there.

Our minds tend to repeat the same old tired record over and over again.

When you understand this, it can lessen the suffering of resisting your thoughts which is really what causes the suffering.

Your mind is on a loop no matter what, but some thoughts within that loop seem to cause more suffering than others. Not because some are better or worse, but because of our relationship to them.

We like the thoughts that make us feel good, we don’t like that thoughts that bring us down.

But all thoughts are just what they are: thoughts.

Thoughts aren’t real and have no gravity or power, unless we give it to them by believing them or buying into the story they are telling us.

Now you might say, well that’s all good Tina, but what the heck do I do when I’m spiraling down and can’t seem to get enough space to see them without being sucked into them?

In my course 21 Days to Calm, each day has different bite sized exercises that help shift this kind of thinking.

One of those exercises which is particularly helpful is inspired by the work of Byron Katie:

When you have invasive or negative thoughts that are persistent, ask yourself: Is this actually true?

Most of the time we don’t question our thoughts, we just believe them.

This is another tool to create space between you and your thoughts. Let yourself question the thought or belief and pick it apart. Is it true? Is there a real likelihood of this happening or coming true? Is there any evidence to support this thought? Would other people see this as true? What’s the worst case scenario, and realistically, would this happen?

This exercise is even more powerful if you write it all out and then reading it out loud to yourself.

Thoughts have the most power when they are general and kept silent internally.

For example, say I had a day where I was feeling really bad about myself.

I was feeling ugly, fat, incompetent, and generally not good enough. My mood was low and I couldn’t seem to shake these terrible thoughts.

Here’s the process:

  1. Create space. Notice that I’m noticing. Create space by noticing these are thoughts, not facts and have no bearing on reality.
  2. Question the thoughts. Then, pull out my journal and ask myself: Is this actually true?
  3. Poke holes in the story. If I’m not convinced, I might choose to look at this through a good friend’s point of view: would they agree with my thoughts? Of course not.
  4. Look for evidence. Is there any evidence to support these thoughts, aside from feeling that they are true? Nope again.
  5. Worst case scenario. What’s the worst case scenario? (Most of us never actually go here. We just have this general dread of what could When we don’t name it, it becomes something huge and looming rather than something you can face head on.) So, worst case scenario is: that I will be like this forever and no one will love me and I’m going to be sad and lonely for the rest of my life.
  6. Read it out loud. Umm, crazy town, right?

Yet we’ve all been there.

Thoughts can be very compelling and they don’t fight fair, because they are already inside of us and know our worst fears.

Yet it doesn’t make them true, and you don’t have to give them any more attention than the thoughts that notice the sky is blue, or that your co-worker has cool hair today.

And Randy Travis’ earworm?

Same thing, notice that I’m noticing and let it run through my mind without attachment.

Eventually it gets tired because I’m not giving it energy by fighting it, so it moves on to something else.

I’d love to hear from you now! How do you work with negative or persistent thoughts? What’s the song that always gets stuck in your head? You can share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who could use a little light right now.

Thank you for letting me in your inbox and your life my sweet friend.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What’s it all for?

If you are anything like me, you can get really focused on “doing” by putting your head down and pushing forward.

I’ll get something in my head, and push towards it at all costs focusing solely on getting it completed.

And yes, sigh, I teach yoga and meditation, and should be “in the moment.”

I’m also incredibly human.

I’m driven, ambitious, and I love the learning that comes from challenging myself.

Sometimes though, I realize that something feels off.

I’m no longer enjoying what I’m doing. I feel like I “have” to do it.

I get resistant, procrastinate, and just want to stay in bed or clean the house to avoid it.

Other times it feels off because I almost feel manic.

It consumes me and I am obsessed with getting it done. I will eat, sleep, and breathe it.

When I feel off, my tool to get a clearer perspective is to ask myself a very simple question which gets to the heart of things very quickly:

What is this all for?

It’s similar to “why” which is what I blogged about last week, but with a perspective that’s closer to home for me.

What it’s really asking, me is: is this worth it?

I get the most joy and renewal from connection because I genuinely love and am interested in people.

If what I’m focused on disconnects me, I suffer.

I lose interest and motivation. I can get irritable and even feel depressed because I need a certain amount of contact to be well.

Maintaining balance is a big part of juggling a business and living a fulfilling, meaningful, and joyous life.

The real benefit of all the years of yoga and meditation isn’t that I’m Zen-like all the fricken’ time, it’s that I know myself well enough to see clearly when my behavior isn’t matching my intentions.

I notice sooner when I feel off, and am able to take a step back and re-evaluate what I’m doing, and why I’m doing it.  This has a lot of value for 2 reasons.

1) I might commit even stronger if it’s worth it but I’m losing momentum.

Resistance shows up within me as procrastination. So, it’s helpful for me to be clear that I’m resistant because I’m sick of doing it, but know that pushing through it will be worth it in the end. I will then recommit to my larger “why” and reignite the spark of inspiration to continue.

2) I might decide to change course, stop, or shift how I’m doing things.

The resistance might actually be a sign that what I’m doing isn’t right, or sustainable, so don’t continue like this any longer.

So how do I know when it’s time to shift gears or stop?

I look at my deal breakers:

  • My core values are my north star. They serve my highest good and always steer me in the right direction. (Take the free Clarity Crash Course to find yours by clicking here.) If what I’m doing brings me out of alignment with them, it’s time to change things up or stop.
  • Another, is if I’ve lost sight of my “why.” If I no longer can attach it to my bigger vision, and am just doing it to get done, it’s time to shift gears.
  • Lastly, if I feel I am sacrificing my quality of life such as: exercise, eating well, family, friends, learning, personal goals, it’s not worth it.

I believe our lives are meant to be lived and lived well. If I can’t balance my life with what I’m working on, my life will NOT be what is compromised.

So, I’d love to hear from you now: What are your deal breakers, and how do you know when it’s time to slow down, stop, or shift gears? Share your comments on the blog below, or feel free to share in the Soul Sisterhood!

If you liked this post, please share it! Share with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to someone who might need to read this.

I hope you have an incredible week ahead of you and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

8 Reasons why missing out is a good thing.

Today my cup is overflowing with gratitude.

This weekend has been another busy weekend for me. I have been busy finishing up the last details of 21 Days to Calm, and today 18 beautiful women are starting the course with me! Hooray!

I cannot express how excited I am to be sharing this with them, and to be able to help so many people struggling with anxiety. So blessed.

I also am a kind and loving wife. Yes, sometimes it happens.

My husband is away with a few of his besties (I’m sure he would use that word, no?) enjoying Kimberly’s finest. So, me being the exceptional wife I am, repainted and re-decorated the basement bathroom to take one more reno off his list! Please, go on, tell me how amazing and thoughtful I am. 😉

What did you get up to? Did you enjoy the beautiful sunshine? Eat ice cream outside? Tell me about it!

Okay, enough about me, here’s today’s post:

There’s this word out there called FOMO, perhaps you’re heard of it? It means “fear of missing out,” (I mostly like the word because it reminds me of MOFO), but apparently it’s a real thing.

It means: anxiety brought on by the constant influx of information from social media informing you that your friends are doing something way more fun than you are.

Well, here’s a list 8 reasons why missing out is a good thing and you totally should do it:

Specifically for the Soul Strategy Sessions which is the LAST one and starts tomorrow:

  1. You don’t have to worry about creating a meaningful life.
  2. You can let go of having clarity.
  3. You can keep being overwhelmed, being everything for everyone, and become more resentful for it.
  4. You can stay in a rut.
  5. You won’t have to meet some of the best women in the city who want to make their lives incredible.
  6. Tuesday’s won’t have to the best day of the week.
  7. You can keep your low confidence.
  8. You’ll never have to be clear on what truly makes you happy and actually go for it.

Yup, these are all things you WON’T be getting if you don’t join the Soul Strategy Sessions.

Now, if that gives you FOMO, then GOOD! It means its time.

Time for you to know what a meaningful life looks like, feels like, and how it would transform your life.

“Tina’s Soul Strategy Sessions helped me take action in my life and increase my vision for what I want my life to be.” – Lia Skaar

Time to get clear on what is most important to you.

“The Soul Strategy Sessions have empowered me to pursue my goals with focus and confidence. With the support of your soul sisters and Tina’s guidance and teaching you are able to uncover a clear path to success and live life to the fullest.” –Carly Graham, Graduate Student

Time to let go of the things that no longer serve you and streamline your life so you can be truly happy.

“Tina provided me with the much needed help to find ways to reduce the stress in my life, let go of things that really are no longer important and drive clarity to my goals and plans.  After 8 weeks, I left a much happier and confident person with a greater sense of clarity with my future vision.” – Tami Mitchell, Access Communications

Time to get into action and feel inspired about life again.

“Implementing Tina’s techniques throughout the 8 week strategy session has resulted in positive and healthy changes in my life.  Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology   

Time to meet cool women (yes, I only attract the best women in these groups, it’s true.), who are on this path WITH you.

“Being a part of such a supportive community with a common goal of becoming healthier, happier and fulfilled women was unlike anything I’ve experienced.” – Mackenzie, Student

Time for Tuesdays to be full of connection, laughter, and learning!

“During the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have been surrounded and encouraged by a room full of individuals who, like myself, want to be fully engaged and enjoy all that life has to offer.  The dynamics of our group discussions have brought about so many revelations for me and Tina’s approach to coaching has allowed me to see my aspirations with much more clarity, have stretched me to dream big and have given me the needed push and tactics to take steps towards my dreams each and every day.”  -Colleen Wruth (working mom of three young girls)

Time be the confident woman you are meant to be.

“Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

Time to know, deep down in your soul, what makes you happy and actively go for it!

“Every time I leave I am feeling inspired and excited about life again.” – Krista Culling, Corporate Sales – The Wireless Age, Owner/Teacher – Mind Body Soul Yoga

You have today ONLY to sign up and there’s only 3 spots available. Click here and start this fall with more clarity, confidence, and happiness than you ever have before!

Don’t hesitate to share this with the incredible women in your life. We rise together by sharing the good stuff, and sharing our light.

Enjoy your Monday and I look forward to connecting with your gorgeous self next week!

Love and Light,

t

Top 20ish rules to live by.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week was a whirlwind.

Dave’s family had three birthdays and two anniversaries last week, PLUS we worked on the basement most of the weekend. I’m getting super sick of working on that damn thing I have to say, but we are soooo close now to being finished that I can finally see the end is near.

THANK. YOU. GOD!

I won’t keep you in suspense any longer about the top 20ish list though, so here it is:

  1. Don’t wait for permission before you act, or it may never come.
  2. Choose to see the light in others, and they will start to see it in themselves.
  3. Approach your life as though it matters, and it will.
  4. You are one of the few creatures in the whole world that can change their world simply by their will. Don’t forget that.
  5. You may never be totally free of fear, but you will always have enough strength to go through it.
  6. You were born already whole. There is nothing you need to do or get to earn it, it’s a done deal.
  7. It’s okay not to know. You don’t have to decide right now.
  8. There is a reason why you love what you love. If you follow it, you will always live with passion and sparkle.
  9. The greatest gift you can give another human being is to make them feel safe.
  10. Doubt is a natural part of the creative process. Keep going.
  11. The greatest gift you can give to another human being is to accept them exactly as they are.
  12. It doesn’t matter how long the dark has been there, once the light is on, it’s on.
  13. Your life is your message, make your choices count.
  14. Sitting for a few minutes quietly every day will change your life.
  15. Surround yourself with people you want to be like, because you become who you hang out with.
  16. Give freely and generously without expectation and it will feel like giving blessings. If you can’t, then don’t.
  17. Never forget that the BIG questions are not only your questions, they are OUR questions. They are humanity’s questions, we’re all trying to figure this thing out.
  18. You don’t need to know it all to start. The path is created by walking it.
  19. Forgive yourself a lot and apologize if you hurt someone. Making mistakes is a part of learning.
  20. It’s not our job to save each other, it’s our job to love each other as we awaken ourselves.
  21. Listen for life’s sweetness.
  22. You belong, you matter, and you are loved.

I’d love to hear what you’d add to the list! What’s do you live by, and what’s most important to you? Share it in the comments below, or feel free to join the conversation in the Soul Sisterhood and tell me what you’d add.

Did you like this post? Then please spread the love and share with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward to someone you love by clicking one of the buttons below.

Until next week, my friend…

#Daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

When everyone has an opinion, how do you decide among all the noise?

Hello Gorgeous,

This morning as I was running I was thinking a lot about why we don’t go after what we really want, or why we often say that we don’t know what we want.

Since I broke the news of our pregnancy, I’ve been getting a TONNE of advice.

Some solicited, and much of it unsolicited advice.

I’m an older mommy so I’m one of the last of my friends and peers to have a child and I regularly see my feeds plastered with mommy blogs, parenting advice, and people sharing their challenges.

There is a lot of noise when it comes to parenting because everyone seems to have an opinion.

In the weeks leading up to our 20 week ultrasound, I got a lot very strong opinions on if we should find out the sex or not.

We had decided early on that we wanted to know the sex if we could, and are proud to say that last week we found out that we are going to be the proud parents of a little BOY!

But it’s not just parenting, people have opinions on everything: what you should eat, what’s healthy, how you should exercise, the best kind of yoga, how to find a partner, what you should wear, how to have good relationships, a good sex life, how you should think, and really everything you should, or even could do. Right?

With so much noise out there in every aspect of our lives, how does one navigate the waters, especially when everyone seems to have an opinion, and often a REALLY strong opinion?

Read on my friend…

Do you know what do you want?

Aaaaaand HOW do you really know what you want?

Have you ever made a decision because you knew someone expected you to do it?

Whether it’s what to major in school, or what jobs to apply for? How did that make you feel, and looking back, how happy are you with that decision now?

Have you ever agonized over what to do because you knew deep down what you wanted, but felt you needed to ask everyone else first to validate your choice?

Did that empower you, or disempower you?

Have you ever purchased something at the store because the sales help were oohing and ahhing at how great you looked in it, even though you didn’t feel it was quite right?

Then once you got it home asked yourself: what was I thinking?

Or here’s a big one: when you look back on your life now, are there things you wish you hadn’t done but did anyways because others expected you too, or encouraged you too?

We are so easily influenced by each other because we are mammals which are emotionally driven creatures.

We are naturally tribal creatures who depend on each other for our well being and there is no worse punishment for us than not belonging.

We will do almost anything to be accepted.

There’s a reason Time Outs are so effective for disciplining children. Or if you have ever trained a dog, turning your back to them will stop an undesirable behavior. There is nothing more painful than not belonging to us and we will correct our behavior to be in good graces once again.

So, what about the big stuff, like your own hearts desires? Your right path? How do you make those choices without being drowned out by all the noise of what other’s want you to do?

Here are 3 things you need to know about how to deal with the noise around you:

1) Other peoples advice is a gift…and I’ll tell you why.

When people offer you advice (solicited or not), they are sharing something important and personal about themselves with you. They are sharing their model of the world, and what is important to THEM. It is not about you. If you can look at it from this perspective it’s easier to not get charged or influenced by the advice offered. Most often advice is well meaning, and is based on THEIR personal experience from their life’s history. It has nothing to do with what is right for you and your life’s circumstances, even if you decide to consider it when it aligns with your own beliefs.

2) If you don’t know about something, it’s useful to research it.

I often ask people I respect for their opinions and advice on things I know nothing about. Choose to ask with the intention of collecting information to understand the topic better and have more data to make a decision that fits with your life. I want to be clear, that this is different than asking what to DO, it is asking for the sake of collecting information only, not to influence what is inherently your decision to make.

3) Follow your inner compass.

There is a part of you that already knows the answers because everyone of your resources are within. Your life will not be answered by more money, status, or stuff. You already know this. This is the hardest one of all because it is entirely internal and it takes a lot of trust to follow through with choices that may be unpopular even when you know it is the right thing for you.

It takes courage and confidence to live authentically.

It’s not always easy or comfortable to stand in your truth and not to be drowned by the noise of expectation and the wants of everyone around you. It’s so natural for so many of us to want to be, and try to be, all things to all people….and it’s impossible and exhausting.

“The Soul Strategy Sessions have empowered me to pursue my goals with focus and confidence. With the support of your soul sisters and Tina’s guidance and teaching you are able to uncover a clear path to success and live life to the fullest.” –Carly Graham, Graduate Student

You can start living more authentically now.

“Soul strategies for me was about the building of a safe and supportive community of woman so we could explore the issues that hold us back from being the successful and the confident women we can be. Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life. I have found my inner power through the encouragement and compassion from Tina and the wonderful women that I journeyed with during this session. When we find our inner power we truly ROCK as women.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

The Soul Strategy Sessions offers tools to get clear on your inner compass and is the basis of how to live a more meaningful and happier life. This is the last Soul Strategy Session for 2015, and possibly ever, I’d love for you to join us. Read more about it here.

I sure hope I get to see you there!

Thank you for being the light that you are.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What’s your REAL dream life?

Hi Gorgeous,

What’s your dream life?

If you are planning on hiring a coach (or mentor for that matter), it’s recommended that you hire someone who’s already at where you want to be.

Everyone (at least in my coaching world) talk about 2 things that they are constantly trying to sell you:

  • Your dream life.
  • Creating a 6 figure business.

They are often sold with images of a luxurious lifestyle that include a LOT of money, plenty of travel, and a laptop lifestyle.

My problem with that, is that often these “dreams” are contingent on externals and having the “right” things, and THEN finally you can be happy.

I call bullshit.

Not only that, but most of these coaches that I know work 80 hour weeks and have a large support team to pay for so they only take home a fraction of what they say they do. Don’t even get me started on the happiness part of it, because I don’t see a lot of balance there.

I’ve been doing this work for 8 years, and never, and I mean NEVER have I had a client become happier once they got more stuff, better stuff, or more money.

Where I HAVE seen clients become happier is when they stopped looking at what they were missing, and started looking inside at what makes them feel happy and fulfilled and did more of that.

(If you haven’t done the Clarity Crash Course, Click her to get this great FREE resource to help you get clear on what actually makes you happy, and it doesn’t have anything to do with a new Marc Jacobs bag.)

Happiness is what we are all after when we are dreaming about our dream life. We want to feel inspired, content, at ease, confident, and like we are making a difference.

The problem is that happiness can’t be accomplished through stuff, or getting “somewhere” in life.

In fact, it’s the opposite.

Happiness comes from the inside out.

Looking to externals is looking to the outside to fill the inside, and it just doesn’t work. We’ve all tried it, and we don’t need to go there.

Happiness comes from what we give, not what we get.

Last night I completed a powerful group coaching session with women that I love and genuinely care for, had a cuddle with my sweet dog, and while I was brushing my teeth I could hear my wonderful husband downstairs working on renovations.

It was then that I had an insight that kind of rocked me: I was living my dream.

No, it’s not a 6 figure business that has me travelling glamorously around the world while I sipped expensive wine.

It’s not a high status job that has a tonne of people working under me.

It’s also not fancy, with luxurious stuff.

But it is MY dream, and absolutely my version of success.

I am blessed to have found and married the greatest man I have ever known. I adore, admire, and am truly crazy about him. He is more than everything I could have hoped for, and the best part is: he loves me just as much back and now we’re starting our family together.

I feel like I make a meaningful difference for people every day so my heart overflows and I go to bed every night feeling blessed.

I love my career so much that it rarely feels like work and it consistently inspires and delights me…aaand pinch me: I get paid to do it.

I have time to do things that are important to me, like spending time with friends, reading books, fitness, yoga, meditation, and learning about anything that peaks my curiosity.

I am 100% authentic every single day. What you see is what you get and I never try to be someone else for anybody.

I live aligned with my values and what’s most important to me. I never compromise and never feel I have to.

My life is balanced with healthy boundaries and I am truly joyful.

I do what I want. This is HUGE for me!

I understand and love myself unconditionally and wholly. I am on my own side and am a great cheerleader for myself.

Every day I feel like I have meaningful interactions with people. Whether it’s with friends and family, my clients, or the server, I feel connected.

I remember daily, that I am also connected to something greater and that it is my privilege to serve others because we are all one and the same.

Is it glamorous? Probably not.

Am I so happy that I have a shit eating grin every night that I go to bed?

Absolutely. I feel like I’ve won.

Why do I share all this with you? It’s not to boast about how awesome my life is (although if you want to tell me that I won’t argue with you), but it’s to give you another perspective of success.

Is success really about having the right title, the right bank statement, or the right stuff?

Some people will tell you that. Go ahead and try it, I haven’t met a person yet who achieved happiness that way.

I’m going to ask you to go deeper.

When you really think about what a perfect day would look like to you, what comes up for you? Who would be there? What would you be doing? How would you be feeling? What values are being honored there?

THIS is where you access your key to happiness. This is how you start to work from the inside out.

So, I want to hear from you: tell me about your perfect day and what about it is different than your current life? Then share with me one thing that you are going to do to move towards it below or in the Soul Sisterhood (click here to join us!)

Before I go, I have a few other quick things you might be interested in:

FREE Webinar for Anxiety Wednesday June 24th 7pm. Click here to register. 

The Soul-O-Preneur Course is up for sale for only $47. Click to learn more.

The LAST Soul Strategy Sessions of 2015 is open for registration: Tuesdays August 4th to September 22nd, 5:30 – 7pm. Click to learn more before it’s sold out!

Thank you for being the incredible light that you are! Keep shining and #daretobeyou.

Love and Light,

t

2 easy ways to become more positive, and they’re not what you think…

Hello Gorgeous,

As I write this, I’m officially 19 weeks pregnant as of yesterday and am slowly starting to get my energy back. Fitness has always been important to me and being too tired to move my body has been one of the hardest challenges of pregnancy so far. The good news is that I’m starting to get out for power walks, jogs, and now finally the gym for the first time this morning! Hallelujah! Pregnancy has turned a corner!

As I was leaving the gym this morning, I was thinking how good it felt to move my body, what a beautiful morning it was, and feeling great about life in general.

However this positivity was not how I was feeling even a few short weeks before.

I was totally noticing everything that was not great: my shitty sleep, the never ending exhaustion, mourning the loss of control and my “freedom,” not having clothes that fit anymore, the weird things happening to my body, and all the things I wanted to do but didn’t have the energy for.

I was totally looking at the world through a negativity bias.

This is when we tend to give more weight to negative information than the positive.

As I understand it, negativity bias is a very primal way of thinking because its purpose at one point was to keep us out of danger.

After all, thousands of years ago we needed to scan our environment all the time to keep us safe. If we heard rustling in the jungle and didn’t consider it a potential threat we had the real risk of being eaten by something.

Even though we don’t have the same kinds of threats anymore, we still have inherited a tendency to look for what’s wrong, rather than what’s right.

This brings me to a study I heard on CBC a while ago with pessimists, and optimists, and their accuracy at determining outcomes.

So, how accurate were each group at predicting outcomes?

The pessimists, were waaaaay more accurate at predicting outcomes. They saw themselves more accurately and did better overall.

But here’s the interesting part: the optimists were happier overall in life.

It reminded me of something I often think about when I’m having an argument: Would you rather be happy, or right?

I don’t know about you, but I choose happy any day!

How do we start to lean more to a happiness bias instead of a negative one?

Here are 2 easy-peasy ways, and probably not what you think:

  1. Savour the good moments. Spending a little bit of time everyday recounting the positive moments of your day and savouring them, helps rewire your brain to look for the good. By remembering good moments and feeling them, makes our brains and bodies feel like it’s happening all over again which is like a double benefit to us.
  2. Conscious acts of kindness. This can be as simple as emailing someone to thank them for something you are grateful for or consciously making someone’s life better such as doing something kind just for the sake of it. Doing good, makes us feel good. Simple as that!

The best part of feeling good, is to share it! Tell me about a positive moment in your day or your conscious act of kindness either in the Soul Sisterhood or below in the comments. While you’re at it, share with us your tricks for staying positive.

Oh! One more way to get bonus positivity points? Share the good stuff around! So feel free to share this email to all your friends, on Facebook, Twitter, you name it! Happiness can only increase by being shared.

Thank you for being a part of my community and being the beautiful light that you are. I often imagine what a different world we would live in if we all spent more time on things that make us happy, instead of just busy. You are a part of that shift, and I love you for it!

Love and Light,

t

What do handstands and qualifications have to do with each other?

As a yoga teacher, I will often throw in challenging poses like handstands that I know are going to be too difficult for most of the people to master easily.

No, not because I’m mean and I want to see them fail, but because I think it’s good to get used to the feel and prep of harder poses so eventually they will be able to do them.

Almost every time though, there’s a few students who sit on the floor and just watch no matter how many beginner steps I give them.

They sit there contentedly smiling and cheering students on who are trying and failing, but never actually attempting it themselves, believing it’s not for them.

I believe that to grow we must be willing to try things that challenge us and see what we can do even if we suck at it, and yoga is no exception.

So when I ask the students on the floor why aren’t they trying, it’s rarely because of an injury, it’s because they believe they aren’t qualified yet.

These are the most common excuses I hear:

I’m not strong enough yet.

I don’t think I can do it.

I’m not ready to try it yet.

I’m scared.

No shit, so is everyone else.

But instead of even testing to see if they can, they wait on the sidelines until they’re going to feeeeel ready for it.

Here’s the thing, we will never feel ready or qualified enough for the things life throws at us.

Ready is a myth, and a shitty excuse for not participating in your life.

I am also willing to bet my car (don’t be too excited, it’s not that awesome) that these same people live their whole lives sitting on the sidelines waiting, and we are all the person at different times in our lives.

We watch opportunities slip through our fingers to protect ourselves so we don’t have to be uncomfortable or get hurt.

But then we never fully engage with life, and will be left with regret and a whole pile of should haves.

We want our dream vacation to be perfect so we put it off until all the details are just right and everything is all figured out and it may be YEARS before that happens. But at least it will be perfect, right?

We put off sharing our skills until we hone them to perfection so we don’t make a mistake so no one finds out that we don’t actually know enough and don’t really deserve to be doing it.

We don’t take the first steps in building a business because we need to get the right website up first even though we don’t know what that would be but at least it would make us look like we know what we’re doing.

We don’t take the training we want because we don’t know enough first and are afraid of looking stupid in front of others believing of course everyone else would know more than us.

We want to say no, but not yet, because even though we’re exhausted and spread way too thing already, we don’t want to burn any bridges or piss anyone off.

We don’t start working out because we don’t know what we’re doing and certainly don’t want everyone else to know that we’re new at this.

We don’t go for the promotion because we don’t have 100% percent of the skills yet so there’s no point even trying.

The deepest learning from life is not from a book explaining theory, it’s from jumping in and figuring shit out.

You don’t have to do this recklessly, but it does mean getting your hands dirty, understanding that failure is not a character flaw, and being a little vulnerable.

Aaand the rewards? Emotional resilience (one of the markers for happiness), confidence (which can only be attained by doing things that are hard), and acquiring abilities faster than your peers (you will be ahead of the game).

You are not put on this earth to make people like you, or even to not look stupid, you are here to make a dent in the universe and its impossible watching from the sidelines.

Go on, jump in and see what you can do!

I want to hear from you now. Do you like handstands, and what did it take for you to try it? What have you done that was hard, but you jumped in anyways? Where have you been waiting in your life until you were “ready”? Tell me all about it below!

Dare to be you.

Love and Light,

t

A simple tweak that changes everything

Hello Gorgeous,

One thing I read everywhere these days is why mindsets are important and rightfully so.

A mindset is your attitude, or inclination towards something. It shapes your beliefs of what is possible and how you will respond through your behavior.

As an entrepreneur, the popular one in my circles is money mindsets, and eeeeeeeveryone is trying to sell entrepreneurs a positive money mindset as a way to make more money.

A poor money mindset for entrepreneurs shatters their confidence, limits their earning potential, and eventually will lead to burn out.

A positive money mindset creates possibility, action, and limitless earning potential.

The customer also benefits by often getting better service and products from someone who is excited and feels fresh about their work.

However, you don’t have to be an entrepreneur to have mindsets.

Mindsets are alive in everything we think and do.

The most common complaints I hear from women is that they feel overwhelmed, suffer from anxiety, and feel like they are treading water.

In the Soul Strategy Sessions we start early with mindset because this is one of the most powerful agents of change.

Everything begins with your thoughts.

Watch your thoughts; they become your words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become your character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
– Lao Tzu

Try this:

Right now grab a pen and paper and write down your biggest complaint about your life. Then write down what have you been believing about this situation. (Do you feel it’s out of your hands? Is it up to someone else? Are you worried about how others will see you? Is it too late? Are you waiting for something?) Then ask yourself: Is this actually true? If not, you’ve unmasked one of your beliefs that is contributing to your complaint. If you believe it to be true, what is in your power to begin to change your situation now? 

Once you complete this, tell me about what you discovered in the comments below.

Creating the right mindset puts you in control of your destiny which is empowering, exhilarating, and anything becomes possible.

It’s a simple tweak, and it is life altering.

This is why entrepreneurs can spend thousands of dollars to shift from a scarcity mindset to a more lucrative money mindset. It can be the difference between struggling to bring in cash to making tens of thousands aaaaaand having the life they want in the process.

If you’re treading water, it’s the difference of years of anxiety to becoming powerful and confident in your life.

With the right mindset:

You will be more confident in who you are, your choices, and your direction.

You will see yourself and your life more powerfully.

You will get into action with more ease to create the life you want. 

That’s huge, and the results are yours forever.

There’s only two weeks left before the next round of Soul Strategy begins and it’s filling up fast.

I love hearing from you, so go ahead and email me for more information or check out my website to learn more and register. 

If you know of a fabulous gal who needs to know about this, please forward this to them or share on social media by clicking the buttons below. 

I hope you are enjoying an incredible long weekend and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Dare to be you. 

Love and Light,
t

the two words that make me cringe

Hello gorgeous,

I really hate the words “personal transformation.”

It makes me think of Jeff Goldblum in 80’s movie “The Fly.”

Sick! It makes me cringe just thinking about it!

Why? Because Jeff Goldblum was creepy and the words themselves mean to change completely.

And what the hell is so wrong with us anyways that we need to change into another being?

And why do we even think that it would be better?

You my friend, were born perfect and whole.

It doesn’t mean that we don’t pick up a few unskillful behaviors, and sometimes do things that we feel bad about and regret.

That’s part of the path of being human and having free will.

But you don’t need to “transform” from who you are, you are just fine exactly as you are.

I promise.

True change in your life comes from small consistent efforts with your behaviors, it’s not a weekend kind of thing no matter what they’re trying to sell you.

As someone who has been on this path for most of my life, I can tell you that it’s more like peeling off the layers that are no longer serving you to reveal who you truly are:

Light and possibility.

The layers come off slowly, sometimes painfully, like a slow Band-Aid.

Or sometimes it’s a quick insight that changes how you think and behave in a specific situation forever.

In all cases, it takes self-awareness, vulnerability, and a whole lot of courage to walk this path, and it’s the only way to get the life you truly want and become the person you were always meant to be.

And the other important part?

We don’t do it alone.

The Lone Ranger myth is just that, a myth.

We are not independent.

We are interdependent.

And we need each other, like we need oxygen.

The key is to find your people, who are also on this path and you can walk alongside each other.

Don’t worry, I’ve done the hard part for you and found those people.

You just need to join us.

If you haven’t already come join me in the Lightmaker’s Mastermind. You will get loving support from other women just like you who are walking the path of living better, and shine brighter.

Aaaand I have weekly office hours that you can get free coaching from me in the group. Yup, ask me anything.

You can do that right here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1620467418175337/

Even if you don’t join us, know that you are already whole and beautiful just the way you are, and you are loved.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Does “The Fly” creep the hell out of you too? Or do you believe in transformation? Share your comments below, I love hearing from you!

We are beacons for each other. By shining our light we bring each other home to their own. Share this on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your friends.

You are a Lightmaker. 

Love and Light,
t