3 questions you should ask yourself every morning

Like you, I have limited time and a lot of stuff to do.

My days start at 6am shuffling into my toddler’s room for snuggles and stories, followed by a day juggling work, childcare, and all the other things that come with managing a family and business.

The biggest challenge I’ve had to overcome since having my son is how to get a lot more done on way less time.

Early on, I decided that I wanted a clear division between work and family time. I know that if I’m trying to “squeeze things in” or trying to multitask, nothing gets done and if it does, it’s definitely not going to be done well.

Not too long ago, I felt like I was running from one task to another and constantly putting out fires trying to stay on top of my life.

I’d drop my son of at the babysitters and eat in the car on my way to my next appointment. Then I’d run up the sitters driveway to pick him up on time to get him home for his nap. Once he was down, I’d quickly tidy up, then try to get some work done in the half our I’d have left while he slept. And on and on it went, running from one thing to another, and feeling like I was sucking at everything.

I was spread out, scattered, and overwhelmed with life.

I realized that what I wanted most was to be present with what’s most important to me. I had to shift my energy from trying to “fit it all in” to prioritizing what’s most important right now, and committing to being fully present with it.

So, I now choose to be present with my family when I’m with them so I can be the best wife and mother I can be. I choose to be focused on my work without distraction so I can fully devote myself to making women’s lives better. I choose to take care of myself because my well being is important for all the reasons.

But I’m also the primary caregiver to my son, which means I have way less time to work and just as much stuff to do.

I learned quickly that I needed to figure out a system to support my choices and my time, so I developed a simple but powerful strategy to help me get more done in less time without the guilt. These are the questions I began to ask myself daily:

  • What do I want to accomplish?
  • What can I leverage to get there faster?
  • What do I need to let go of to make it happen?

These questions help me choose what to focus on to make the biggest impact, in less time, without adding more stuff to do.

Absolutely I use this for my business, but I ALSO use this strategy in all aspects of my life, whether it’s how I’m going to structure my day, how I want to feel, resolving conflicts (seriously, read the questions again, they really do work if your aim isn’t only to win), and taking care of myself.

I can’t control all the circumstances of my life, but I can control how I approach them. Using these 3 simple questions has allowed me to have more control, clarity, and freedom.

I have stopped treading water. As a result, I have time for the things that are most important to me: my family, my work, and what fills me up.

It started with asking myself a few simple questions to clarify my focus, leverage the time I have, and do the things I want, and do them well.

My super simple 3 question year in review…with sprinkles on top.

Well, it’s officially 2017 as of yesterday and I’m still trying to figure out where 2015 went.

Last year was a doozy for me and I’m SUPER excited about this year! When I reflected on what my word would have been for 2016, it would have been “expectations,” because fuck did I have a lot of them, and they sure kicked my ass right back to Sunday.

If you’re new to me and my blog, I have a new(ish) baby, and have been working on balancing being the primary caregiver and running my business.

Well, it ended up that I couldn’t do both very well with full attention, so I have been spending less time on here and more time with my cute, adorable, sweet, funny, and now walking (how did that happen????) little baby.

This year, I will have more time to devote to YOU (hooray!), and I couldn’t be more stoked!

I missed you and have been planning like mad of how we are going to spend more time together, and then it occurred to me that you might be interested in how I plan my year ahead.

Like you, I get excited about fresh starts so New Year is one of my favourite times to take stock, revisit the past year, and set my sites on shaping the year ahead.

I don’t do resolutions, but I do something else that I’d love to share with you.

It’s a super simple 3 question year in review with a little strategy sprinkled on top, and it’s a beautiful way to move into a fresh year.

Click here to read the rest over on the blog…

  • What worked?

List all your achievements (no matter how small, it all counts), what made you proud, your wins, and what made you feel happiest and most satisfied.

We can often get focused on fixing things that aren’t working, and this is a great way to shift that mindset. We can only build upon our successes, and choosing to acknowledge and celebrate them gives us a solid base to expand upon.

  • What didn’t work?

List all the things that held you back, sucked, and left you feeling unfulfilled.

To move past the things that didn’t work, we need to first see them through a compassionate lens. Then ask yourself: what lessons can I leverage moving forward? We can’t change what we don’t see, looking back gives us freedom from continuing patterns that aren’t working for us so we can create new ones that do.

  • What can I do differently next time? What am I willing to let go of?

Now that you have your achievements to build on and you are aware of what was holding you back, you can choose how you are going to move forward. What strategies do you need to consider, and most importantly, what do you need to let go of to move forward? Are there some embarrassments, failure, stories that need to be flushed down the 2016 toilet? Is it time to start building a new habit? What small steps can you take that will give you the biggest results?

Well, that’s it. My quick and dirty 3 questions to start your year off right.

Now I’d love to hear from you: what were your proudest moments of 2016? What was your biggest a-ha for what didn’t work? (Mine was that I didn’t make enough time for friends. Totally changing that this year!) What is the teeny tiniest little thing you can do to start moving towards what you want? Please feel free to share it in the comments below, or over in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

I hope you continue to feel the joy of hope and possibility throughout the year, and that it is filled with loving connections, meaningful moments, and the most delicious eats with people who fill you up!

To you, and 2017!

Love and Light,

t

Easy Button Anybody?

It’s been a while.

As some of you already know, I am juggling my business and teaching yoga with being the primary caregiver to my almost one-year-old baby (can somebody tell me where the hell time has gone?).

Which means I get to prioritize what I do with the little bits of time I have for working and I’ve had some WONDERFUL things that have been prioritized over writing my blog as of late.

I’ve started an online meditation class (which is freaking amazing, I must say! You should totally sign up for the next one!), I’m working with incredible clients, and yesterday I was the keynote for the Pink Earth Angels breast cancer support group’s event The High Tea of Hope.

The High Tea of Hope was a girly event with triangle cut sandwiches, a yummy lunch, and beautiful little dainties. We got to dress up and I met some of the most wonderful women!

What I want to share with you this morning though, is how I almost wrecked my speech, and a simple tool (that you too can use) which saved it and made it great.

I’m one of those funny people who really loves public speaking.

I love bringing people together and sharing ways to inspire them and make their lives better.

I do this daily as a yoga teacher, and also through group coaching, workshops, and the few speaking gigs I’ve had.

But I gave myself a LOT of pressure for this talk, and it didn’t take long for this talk to spiral out of control into the abyss of awful-dom.

I wanted to be sooooo good for these women.

I wanted to inspire them, support them, and make them laugh. I wanted this talk to be perfect.

I also didn’t want to offend anyone by being too careless with my language. I wasn’t afraid of cussing so much, but I didn’t want to say something well meaning that could be interpreted as callous, if you get my drift.

(That being said, I was reminded SEVERAL times NOT to drop an f-bomb…and yes, I am pleased to report that no f-bombs were dropped during this talk. However, “shit” definitely was.)

I spent all my work time and free evenings writing, and rewriting, and then researching, and then researching and writing, and ended up with this big disjointed, mess of things I didn’t really know about and didn’t flow, like at all.

It sucked.

The talk was Sunday, and that mess hot sticky mess was Thursday.

And then Friday morning, I had a moment of insight:

How can I make this easy?

Immediately I realized that in my efforts to make this talk good enough, inspiring, and (hopefully) funny, I blasted me away to an unknown third dimension and away from what I knew best.

I needed to talk about what I know.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “no shit, Sherlock.” In my desire to make it great, I went to other sources, as though somehow my knowledge wasn’t enough.

Ping!

This was a lightbulb moment for me, because this isn’t the first time I’ve done this.

I also did this on my very first talk I did, The Hero’s Journey. I did a bunch of research, but a bunch of random stuff together, and although it was a great learning experience for me to speak, it wasn’t a great speech by any means.

I wasn’t asked to speak at the High Tea of Hope to talk about other people’s stuff or ideas, I was hired to share MY knowledge, MY experiences, and MY expertise, because I really know my shit.

I’ve been doing this work for a decade, and I STILL struggle sometimes with owning that, and it was obvious to me when I was writing this speech.

As soon as I made it easy, it poured out of me like chocolate in a hot lava cake.

I had it written in under an hour, and it was great.

I rehearsed a few times to make sure it flowed, and that there were no gaps in the information, and by the time Sunday arrived, I was SO excited to speak to these 130 beautiful women.

I put on my favourite coral lace dress, with sapphire blue shoes. I spent a whole hour curling my hair and putting on make up and finished it off with a cranberry lip. I felt beautiful, confident, and ready.

When I walked up to the stage I felt a good nervous, excitement coursing through me, and genuinely happy to share.

And do you know what? It went perfectly!

I had fun, they laughed, and I had so many women come up to me after to thank me and tell me how much they enjoyed my talk. I couldn’t have been happier!

I had overcomplicated things initially in the interest of making it “better.”

What I’ve learned though, is that when I choose “easy” it’s usually the right way.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you overcomplicate things? Do you sometimes forget that you also know your shit? What are your tools to curb the “I’m not enough” voice? Please share your wisdom below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share the hell out of it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might benefit from this post.

Thank you for being the light that you are. Shine bright lovely.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The one quality you need to make any meaningful change, and it’s not what you think.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week my live video on Facebook was about the one quality you need to create meaningful change (feel free to watch it here), and because it is such an important topic I felt it warranted a little more explanation.

Many of us are into personal development and truly want to become better versions of ourselves.

We buy self help books and go to seminars and hope that some of it will sink in and then FINALLY we will become the person we want to be.

I want to tell you something really important:

You can’t perfect yourself.

As Jack Kornfield says, “You can’t perfect yourself, you can only perfect your love.”

And news flash my beautiful friend: there’s nothing WRONG with you!

Yes, you might have some not so skillful behaviors like yelling at other drivers on perfect blue sky afternoons when you should be happily basking in the sunshine and enjoying your commute.

Or your impatience with your little one because you’ve asked them ten times to put on their shoes, and you’ve given them tonnes of warning, and now your happy lilting voice is turning into a gritted tooth monster voice and you are ready to lose your lid any second.

Or the fact that every single day you vow to squeeze in some exercise, eat more vegetables, and get to sleep earlier. And everyday you guzzle down a gallon of coffee, work through lunch, and drag your ass to bed far too late.

Or maybe there’s just not enough time in the day, and it’s a constant battle to frantically fit in “one more thing” resulting in you being late for everything. All. The. Time.

But these are just behaviors, they’re not who you really are.

All spiritual practice ultimately comes down to knowing ourselves.

It is by turning our gaze inward that allows us to understand our inner workings, beliefs, and motivations.

When we can see our unskillful behaviors and understand them, we can then work with them.

Often the action of simply looking is enough for some of those unskillful patterns to drop away from us.

But we can’t change what we don’t see, so the willingness to look is super important.

If we don’t, we continue to sleepwalk through life wondering why things keep happening to us, not realizing that we are making them happen through our unconscious thoughts, words, and behaviors.

Now back to the important quality, because it’s not enough only to turn inside.

The HOW we turn inside is just as important and it’s with…dum-dum-dadummmm…drumroll please….

Compassion.

No, I’m sorry to disappoint you, it’s not willpower, self-control, or discipline (although they have their place too).

Compassion is the super power which allows you to look at yourself without judgement.

Judgment kills any possibility of real growth and understanding.

Try this: Imagine a time when you were at a place with a group of people where you felt people were judging you. Were you able to be yourself in that situation? Were you able to be relaxed or open?

Probably not.

It’s the same thing within ourselves.

When we judge what’s happening within ourselves we contract making it difficult to see what’s really going on.

Compassion encourages curiosity and an attitude of openness allowing us to relax to see more deeply.

It is nurturing and loving, and growth can only take place with love at it’s core.

One of my favorite definitions of compassion also comes from Jack Kornfield:

Empathy + Love = Compassion

We seek with the intention to understand, rather than to judge or fix ourselves.

I have said this many times, and I’ll say it again:

You cannot hate yourself better.

The very nature of hate is diminishing. The practice of looking in with compassion and love is the invitation to become the fullest version of ourselves.

You may have heard of people becoming “more of themselves” and that’s what happens when we look inward with compassion:

We shine brighter.

Now I’d love to hear from you: Do you struggle with judging yourself? How do you maintain a compassionate heart? What’s your favorite personal development book, seminar, course? Please share in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to someone who needs this right now.

Thank you for being a constant source of joy and inspiration.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stubborn Gratitude

Hello Gorgeous,

You may not know this about me, but I am not always positive…or cheerful…or optimistic.

Sometimes I am sad, and miserable, and stressed, and lonely. Sometimes even all at the same time…ask my poor husband.

Today, this post is a little late. My sweet boy was up at 2:30am this morning for a snack and then didn’t feel it was necessary to fall back asleep until 5:30am. Our alarm goes off at 6am.

It was a hard start for today, and because of that I opted for a nap instead of writing, so I could manage the day and still teach two yoga classes coherently.

Some days are hard, this one felt like it for lots of reasons. And its days like today that I NEED my gratitude practice.

It is not optional for me, because otherwise in my fatigue I lean towards being weepy and focused on all the things that could possibly be hard right now, and all the things that need attending to.

Yes, me. That’s what I do.

Gratitude is easy when things are easy. We can take for granted the abundance of blessings and feel blessed in those moments, thinking that things will always be this way.

Gratitude can be challenging when things are not easy.

When things are hard, and I am tired, or sad, or all of the above, I stubbornly turn towards gratitude to change what I see.

Gratitude can be hard, and it is not for the faint of heart. Yet it is one of the most powerful tools to shift us from all the shit we may be marinating in, to a place of abundance and joy.

So today, I am choosing to be grateful.

Grateful for the weight of my son in my arms as I sing to him before he sleeps. I am grateful for a man who loves our family so much that he will fight like hell for us. Grateful for a body strong enough to handle what life throws at it. Grateful for spandex that makes me look better than I feel (thank you Lululemon). Grateful for the many women in my life keep me inspired, accountable, laughing, and holding each other together. And I am forever grateful for another day and another chance to do my life better in grace.

If you didn’t already know, you can join me in a free 30 Day Gratitude Practice which starts July 1st.

You don’t need anything but a willing heart and a Facebook account (no journal required, thank goodness!). You can sign up for it by clicking here.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you are grateful for today. Please share it in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The worst thing you can say to yourself.

Hello Gorgeous,

All of us have an inner dialogue that is going on all the time. Sometimes it is commenting on what’s happening. Sometimes it’s deciding what to say next. Sometimes it’s judging or comparing, and sometimes it’s very mean to us.

Our inner dialogue is like the white noise operating in our background and don’t often hear it until we get quiet and then it can feel like it’s screaming at us!

This is one of the biggest hurdles for new meditators because once you notice the noise, like noticing a noisy eater, it can feel impossible to tune it out and become extremely annoying.

We can also be taken aback by some of the thoughts the we notice. As Jack Kornfield says,

“Thoughts have no shame; they will go anywhere.”

Our thoughts, and the language that we us frame our reality. The words we use reveal our beliefs, our models of the world, and our inner life.

What we say and the words we use matter.

What do you think is the most disempowering statement you can make to yourself?

I’ve said all of them for sure:

I’m not good enough.

Who the fuck do I think I am to even try?

I’m too (insert fat, ugly, stupid, young, old, or any other mean thing in here).

I’m a fraud, I don’t know anything.

I’m sure you get the picture.

(By the way, if you catch yourself saying these awful things to yourself, please stop when you catch yourself. Stop, and counter those thoughts with something positive about yourself. They are terrible and don’t belong in your beautiful mind!)

But none, NONE of these are as disempowering as this one sentence:

I have no choice.

As soon as you utter those words you have given your power away and become the victim of your very own life.

Here are some other ways we say those words:

I should.

I can’t.

I have to.

Yes (when I mean no).

No (when I mean yes).

All of these statements give away our power and our control.

And yes, I realize that there are consequences for not doing certain things. However, it’s not the “thing” itself that causes our suffering, it’s the way we are relating to it.

As much as we try, we can’t always control the circumstances of our lives, yet it’s possible to be empowered and free in the midst of it all.

Supposing maybe you don’t want to go to work, and it’s true that if you don’t go to work you will get fired and lose your income.

There is a difference between saying to yourself, “I have no choice but to go to work,” and “I’m choosing to go to work so I can make money,” have a very different feel to them.

You are still going to work, the circumstance doesn’t need to change, but the latter statement empowers you to be in the driver’s seat of your life, instead of the victim of it.

Learning to shift your language into one of choice, even if it’s as simple as how you choose to feel about something, frames your reality as one where you are powerful and free.

Also, this is your last week to sign up for the Soul Strategy Sessions! They start next week on Tuesdays from June 14th – July 19th from 7-9pm at Astra Financial inside A Balanced Approach.

Some of the many fabulous side effects you can expect from the Sessions are:

Not giving so many fucks about shit that doesn’t matter.

BS free friendships with women who genuinely want you succeed.

Living more authentically and honestly aligned with what you ACTUALLY give a shit about.

Lower anxiety, a higher sense of purpose, and totally feeling like you got this!

These groups are popular for a reason, and so much fun to do with a friend! You can learn more and sign up by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you notice your self-talk, and how do you relate to it? Is there a “favorite” disempowering statement that your mind tends to use, and if so which one? What is your best advice for dealing with a “shameless mind”? Post your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please click the little buttons below and share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

4 Tips for a Better To-Do List

This week, I’m going to share with you how I do my own To-Do lists. This is not only how I do my To-Do lists, but also how I coach my lovely clients to do theirs.

I LOVE lists, and I love crossing off my lists, and I love making more lists. I love listing, and I love finding more ways to feel accomplished and successful.

The great thing about To-Do lists is the sense of immense satisfaction and accomplishment of crossing things off as they are completed. I’m super visual, so I LOVE crossing things off.

However, until I learned this important shift of how to do my To-Do’s, I often felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. It felt there was always so much more to do than was accomplished each day.

Maybe you are as zealous about lists as me, and in your excitement of creating lists, never really seem to complete them.

At the end of the day, all the things that weren’t completed were moved onto the next day, and then those things, get moved onto the next day, and it goes on and on.

Soon, you start to feel the anxiety of ALL the things that aren’t done and more unsuccessful than satisfied. Am I right?

This is the dark side about To-Do lists (particularly the ones that keep growing and morphing into some huge crazy uncontrollable hungry monster):

They never seem to be DONE.

So how do we create a To-Do list that we can feel successful, accomplished, and satisfied at the end of the day?

Start creating lists that we can accomplish.

It sounds crazy right? To good to be true?

Once you start doing them this way I promise you will never want to go back because not only will you feel better, you will complete MORE, and more of the things that will make a difference in your life.

Tip #1 – Be realistic about how much you can do in one day.

If you don’t do anything else, do this: only choose 3 things to put on your To-Do list per day, and they MUST be 3 things you can accomplish within your day with ease.

Having unfinished items that we move over to tomorrow’s list is a confidence crusher and creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. And over what? Nobody died over unfinished items on a To-Do list, unless you’re maybe a brain surgeon that uses To-Do lists in surgery. In that case, please finish ALL the things!

Tip #2 – Break it down.

Break big tasks into smaller manageable chunks.

A long time ago, I actually had “website” as one of my tasks. Seriously, like that was something I would be able to do in even a month! It became this huge daunting thing that I was super resistant to tackle. I felt like I was never getting anywhere with it no matter how much time I spent on it.

If I were to approach that again, I would divide it up into little bitty pieces like this:

  • Write home page first draft.
  • Choose colours.
  • Choose fonts.

Breaking the big stuff into smaller stuff adds up really quickly. It helps push through resistance, and builds momentum and confidence.

Tip #3 – Edit your list.

Do you ever notice that some things are way more important to do on your list than others? In fact, some of those things are on the list for no good reason other than you are obsessed with lists and doing things and you like to cross off lists so you just keep adding more? Good, so am I!

Choose the items that are going to make the biggest difference in your life/work. Prioritize, and let the other stuff go.

Or, you can do what I do with things that I want to do but aren’t important now: make a separate list for later. The great thing about this, is that I can write those ideas down somewhere, and then later when I go back to it, I can check to see if they are still relevant without losing them.

Tip #4 – Remember what the list is for.

If you are like me and are obsessed with To-Do lists because of the immense joy and satisfaction you get from crossing items off, then remember the point of the list is not just DO things just for the sake of doing them.

This attitude not only contributes to the disease of busyness, but creates unnecessary stress and anxiety, creates more resistance, and does the very opposite of what the list is intended for.

The point of a To-Do list is that awesome feeling you get crossing it off while getting the important things done.

Now, I’d love to hear from you: Do you love a good To-Do list? What are your best tips for a great list? What tip are you going to try today? Please share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your besties. You never know who might benefit from this!

Thank you for shining your light, beautiful.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stop Putting Yourself on “The List”

Hello Gorgeous,

It’s been a while now, hasn’t it? I hope you are doing well and are as excited to connect with me as I am with you!

I had big plans to maintain AT LEAST my blog after Magnus was born, and I did pretty good for a while, and then my plans went to shit. Sorry about that.

I started doing it all, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was even doing, and subsequently my sweet Magnus wasn’t putting on weight because my supply dropped so drastically. Shit got real, and my main focus was on him and me and getting the T&M team nursing team back on track.

Everything worked out fine after a shit tonne of pumping, supplementation, tears (from both of us), and cuddly nursing time. But damn it was a lot of work!

My husband has been away the past few weeks seeding at his friend’s farm (my husband not so secretly wants to be a farmer when he grows up!), so Magnus and I have been largely on our own.

This week I’ve been taking Magnus running with me in the jogger, and when I got home sweaty and happy on this sunny morning I panicked as I looked at the time (babies are on a schedule if you didn’t know) and thought to myself exasperatedly:

“There’s just not enough time to do everything!”

I mean how do we put ourselves on “The List” when there are so many things that demand our attention?

I’m teaching yoga, taking care of a baby and our brown dog, making baby food, the never ending heaps of baby puke covered laundry, planning two new Soul Strategy Sessions, doing a very bad job of looking after the house and yard, and did I mention taking care of a baby?

There is only so much time after all.

Exactly.

Almost immediately after I had complained that there’s not enough time, I realized that there has never been a time in my life that I have not said those words.

I have said them when I was a student, when I worked one job, two jobs, no jobs. I have said them on vacation and in the office. I have said them with a baby and without a baby. I have said those words most of my life, and I would put money on it that you have too, regardless of your circumstances.

So what’s this nonsense about putting yourself on the list?

I hate that term.

Why? Because you ARE the goddamn list!

To say anything else is evil, disempowering, and buying into victim mentality…and if you read my blog, I know you aren’t a victim. You are a grown ass woman who handles shit!

Remember: There is no list without you.

You are the creator and the completer of the list. You are the only one in control of that list, so why WHY do you need to put yourself on it.

Time is limited, it’s true, so we all need to prioritize where we want to focus our time.

Your To-Do list is not where you should be putting your needs and self care, because To-Do lists are fluid and most often never completed (don’t tell me it’s not true, I know how you roll).

So guess what gets moved to the bottom of that list? You guessed it: YOU.

Notice how eating isn’t on the To-Do list? Neither is bathing, brushing your teeth, going to work, or picking up your children. They are givens. So should taking care of you.

You are the most important person in your life, and if you have a family, your family’s life.

The health of everyone around you is affected by your wellbeing.

Please, stop waiting until there’s time to do what makes you feel whole because there will never be enough time.

Make it a habit that is built into your day. Whether it’s first thing, last thing, at noon, it doesn’t matter. Make that time non-negotiable and do what makes you feel good daily.

In the brief time I have been a parent, I can tell you that I am 100 times nicer, more patient, present, productive, creative, and more fun to be around if I’ve had even a short workout or run. It’s never been about appearance for me, it is essential for my mental health and now the health of my family.

I AM the list and I OWN the list.

Nothing gets done until I do me first, then everything else is figure-out-able.

Some might say it’s selfish, but have you ever met a happy martyr? I sure haven’t! So I call it being “self-full” which is a much nicer term, isn’t it?

Next week, I’ll tell you more about my magic list making abilities and how you can become more productive in your own life!

I also have some good news! I’m launching another round of the Soul Strategy Sessions Tuesdays 7 – 9pm June 14th to July 19th.

This is one small step to becoming your list by setting dedicated time for you in a big loving super fun environment with women just like you. You will learn what drives you, your purpose, and gain major insights about yourself and beliefs which is where all meaningful change starts.

There’s a reason The Soul Strategy Sessions have been going on for 2 years, and continue to thrive: they work.

In our 6 weeks together you will gain clarity, confidence, and courage to live more authentically, aligned, and happier.

You can learn more and register by clicking here.

I also have one more surprise for you!

For those of you who have completed the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have created a continuing 12 week program called the Soul Sisterhood.

The Soul Sisterhood is designed with you in mind. It is self directed with a larger focus on coaching rather than teaching, so you can continue to sign up again and again without repeating the same content.

You already have the tools from the Soul Strategy Sessions.

The Sisterhood focuses on implementation and working through the resistance to strengthen the habits that will support the way you want to be and live in the world.

The Sisterhood is your journey of self discovery, living in alignment, and becoming your most authentic self.

If you completed the Soul Strategy Sessions and didn’t get a personal invite from me about the Sisterhood, email me and I will send you everything you need to know!

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you make To-Do lists, and do you put yourself on it? Does it work for you? How do you make sure you take care of your needs everyday? Do you love lists, or hate them? Tell me all about it either in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group here.

Thank you for letting me into your inbox and your life. I am so excited to see your beautiful self again so soon! I missed you like crazy and I hope you did too!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What do Nioka and Jesus have in common?

You know those times that something happens that makes you angry, and you haven’t had the chance to confront it yet, so you’re just going over and over all the scenarios of how you’re going to handle it?

And all of the situations of “handling it” has to do with losing it and making the person/situation understand how mad you are?

Or maybe it’s not something that makes you see red, but something that has hurt your feelings?

Or maybe you feel taken advantage of?

Or maybe you feel like you have to say something and you know it’s not going to come out right because there are too many feelings in the way?

In those moments you may not know be able to figure out the best way to handle it because you know you are too emotional to respond effectively.

Here’s what you need to do, ask yourself:

“What would Nioka do?”

Or Jesus, if you don’t know Nioka.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) things happen, and we get very caught up in our emotions and may not have the capacity to bring our best self to the surface to handle situations.

I know that my first reaction is blame, and I want them to KNOW that it’s their fault, why, and have a temper tantrum about it.

I want them to GET how I feel, and have them feel very bad for making me feel that way.

Then, I want to have them feel so bad that they get down on their knees and beg for my forgiveness for notputtingthedishesinthedishwasherinsteadofthesinkwhichisrightfuckingnexttoitforfuckssake!

Or something like that…

When you imagine the situation with Nioka (or Jesus, Quan Yin, Mother Teresa, Buddha, or whomever) in your place, you will be able to see another less emotion driven possibility that accesses your higher self and an alternative option that you may not have been able to see in your hurt state.

So instead of losing my mind over something trivial like dishes in the sink, I might imagine Nioka in that situation and what she would do.

I would see her notice the dishes, and keep walking because she doesn’t care enough about them and she cares A LOT about her wonderful husband who does a billion other things for her every single day.

So many things in fact, that she often takes them for granted because he’s just that thoughtful and kind.

In my self righteous angry state, I wouldn’t be able to see that possibility because in anger (and the tail of anger: hurt) is “all about me.”

In Nioka’s or Jesus’s state, I can see things with more clarity and balance.

The other benefit, is that it gives enough space that we can take a moment to decide what kind of outcome to we really want, rather than reacting to a situation in a way we may later regret.

Space is good when we are fired up.

Do you know what else is good?

Babies.

And Soul Strategy Sessions.

They are full of great conversations, tools, and insights to empower you to live with more clarity, courage and confidence to live a happier and more meaningful life.

There’s a reason over a hundred women have gone through them, referred their family and friends, and continue to take them again themselves: they work, they’re fun, and they are life changing.

The Sessions start tomorrow and I have a spot left just for you!

Learn more and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Who would you imagine to be, and why? What else do you think is good besides space and babies? Share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you liked this post please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this right now. You are the light, shine brightly my friend.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How mentally strong people handle failure.

I’m going to tell you about one of my most epic failures, and it has to with my coaching business.

When I was a new coach, I tried doing everything I could to build my business. I was fresh, inspired, and I wanted to make an impact in peoples lives.

This was back in the day before social media and the online world as we know it.

As a new coach, I knew I had to get in front of people somehow so I thought I would start doing lunch and learns. I’d never done one before, but I was willing to give it a try.

My mom had been a real estate agent and she said realtor offices regularly held them, so maybe focus on them. That day I emailed every single realtor office in Calgary.

Good news! A few weeks later I got a bite!

It was a small office, and a date was set for the following week.

I worked all week on this presentation. I got an easel, flip chart, wrote inspiring quotes, and practiced in front of all my friends.

Then the day arrived.

I put on my best dress, smart heels, did my hair and makeup, and then nervously drove to their location.

I was there 15 minutes early, and the manager came to get me 10 minutes later than our set time.

While he was walking me into the boardroom, he happened to mention that the realtors didn’t know I was coming until just now.

“Oh,” I said. I had no idea what to do.

So I proceeded ahead with my presentation through their glares, judgment, and apparent boredom.

It was awful.

Afterwards I passed around feedback forms (because I guess I like abuse).

When I got back to my car I went through the forms and read some of the meanest things anyone could have said. They totally picked me apart, right down to claiming I didn’t look professional because I wasn’t wearing pantyhose.

Just so you know, some of them were wearing zip up hoodies.

I was devastated.

This was all new to me, and it was hard, and it was a huge leap of faith for me to even do this talk because I had never done any public speaking before.

I cried all the way home and called my coach.

Thank GOD she was there and available to talk. She was, and still is one of my angels.

I explained what happened through my sobs and she asked me the same 3 questions she always asked me:

“What worked?”

Nothing, I said. The whole thing was terrible. The talk sucked, and I sucked doing it.

“What didn’t work?”

Everything. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t prepared enough for it. They didn’t like me.

“What would you do differently next time?”

I said there’s never going to be a next time!

This is where she gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever received about public speaking, and didn’t know how to handle a crowd:

They didn’t know you were coming, so they weren’t enrolled from the beginning with what you were saying. Acknowledge the white elephant in the room and give them the opportunity to leave if they want to. Then they would feel that they had a choice in staying for the talk, and would be enrolled in what you have to say.

She also said that this happens to everyone at some point, and that she was sorry it happened to me on my first one.

She gave me a few other pointers, but most importantly she helped me reframe what was theworstthingever to a learning experience that I could build on.

This was almost 10 years ago now, and this phone call is still one of the most powerful memories I have.

This experience could have been one of those times, where I said “fuck it,” and decided to never speak publicly again. Or worse, stop reaching out with my business all together and play small.

Instead, my coach expertly navigated me through the experience and helped me learn, and grow from it, so I COULD do it again and be more confident next time.

This is the number one thing strong people do when faces with failure:

They reframe the experience into one of growth and learning.

Strong people know that failure is just a starting point, not the end.

It is where true greatness starts from, because once you know what doesn’t work, you can build on it to create something wonderful.

Life has never had starts and stops, it is a constant flowing process of giving and receiving.

You giving of yourself and receive feedback, give again, and tweak again, until it shapes something closer to your aim.

This isn’t easy. It takes humility because your ego needs to be set aside for the important work to be done.

It also takes a hell of a lot of courage to get back up, clarity in your vision for motivation, and confidence to not take it personally and persevere.

It also helps when you have support along the way, just like I did and still do, because nobody does this alone.

The next round of Soul Strategy Sessions has been moved up to March 1st and I would love for you to join us! The effects of this group is far reaching, and many of these women are still enjoying the benefits of our time together long after the group is over.

In our 6 weeks together you will learn how to build confidence, live a more meaningful life, handle resistance, and live happier in a community of incredible women just like you.

Click here for more information and registration.

I’d love to hear from you now: how do you handle failure? What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned through failure? Please share it with me in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t