Stubborn Gratitude

Hello Gorgeous,

You may not know this about me, but I am not always positive…or cheerful…or optimistic.

Sometimes I am sad, and miserable, and stressed, and lonely. Sometimes even all at the same time…ask my poor husband.

Today, this post is a little late. My sweet boy was up at 2:30am this morning for a snack and then didn’t feel it was necessary to fall back asleep until 5:30am. Our alarm goes off at 6am.

It was a hard start for today, and because of that I opted for a nap instead of writing, so I could manage the day and still teach two yoga classes coherently.

Some days are hard, this one felt like it for lots of reasons. And its days like today that I NEED my gratitude practice.

It is not optional for me, because otherwise in my fatigue I lean towards being weepy and focused on all the things that could possibly be hard right now, and all the things that need attending to.

Yes, me. That’s what I do.

Gratitude is easy when things are easy. We can take for granted the abundance of blessings and feel blessed in those moments, thinking that things will always be this way.

Gratitude can be challenging when things are not easy.

When things are hard, and I am tired, or sad, or all of the above, I stubbornly turn towards gratitude to change what I see.

Gratitude can be hard, and it is not for the faint of heart. Yet it is one of the most powerful tools to shift us from all the shit we may be marinating in, to a place of abundance and joy.

So today, I am choosing to be grateful.

Grateful for the weight of my son in my arms as I sing to him before he sleeps. I am grateful for a man who loves our family so much that he will fight like hell for us. Grateful for a body strong enough to handle what life throws at it. Grateful for spandex that makes me look better than I feel (thank you Lululemon). Grateful for the many women in my life keep me inspired, accountable, laughing, and holding each other together. And I am forever grateful for another day and another chance to do my life better in grace.

If you didn’t already know, you can join me in a free 30 Day Gratitude Practice which starts July 1st.

You don’t need anything but a willing heart and a Facebook account (no journal required, thank goodness!). You can sign up for it by clicking here.

In the meantime, I’d love to hear what you are grateful for today. Please share it in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The worst thing you can say to yourself.

Hello Gorgeous,

All of us have an inner dialogue that is going on all the time. Sometimes it is commenting on what’s happening. Sometimes it’s deciding what to say next. Sometimes it’s judging or comparing, and sometimes it’s very mean to us.

Our inner dialogue is like the white noise operating in our background and don’t often hear it until we get quiet and then it can feel like it’s screaming at us!

This is one of the biggest hurdles for new meditators because once you notice the noise, like noticing a noisy eater, it can feel impossible to tune it out and become extremely annoying.

We can also be taken aback by some of the thoughts the we notice. As Jack Kornfield says,

“Thoughts have no shame; they will go anywhere.”

Our thoughts, and the language that we us frame our reality. The words we use reveal our beliefs, our models of the world, and our inner life.

What we say and the words we use matter.

What do you think is the most disempowering statement you can make to yourself?

I’ve said all of them for sure:

I’m not good enough.

Who the fuck do I think I am to even try?

I’m too (insert fat, ugly, stupid, young, old, or any other mean thing in here).

I’m a fraud, I don’t know anything.

I’m sure you get the picture.

(By the way, if you catch yourself saying these awful things to yourself, please stop when you catch yourself. Stop, and counter those thoughts with something positive about yourself. They are terrible and don’t belong in your beautiful mind!)

But none, NONE of these are as disempowering as this one sentence:

I have no choice.

As soon as you utter those words you have given your power away and become the victim of your very own life.

Here are some other ways we say those words:

I should.

I can’t.

I have to.

Yes (when I mean no).

No (when I mean yes).

All of these statements give away our power and our control.

And yes, I realize that there are consequences for not doing certain things. However, it’s not the “thing” itself that causes our suffering, it’s the way we are relating to it.

As much as we try, we can’t always control the circumstances of our lives, yet it’s possible to be empowered and free in the midst of it all.

Supposing maybe you don’t want to go to work, and it’s true that if you don’t go to work you will get fired and lose your income.

There is a difference between saying to yourself, “I have no choice but to go to work,” and “I’m choosing to go to work so I can make money,” have a very different feel to them.

You are still going to work, the circumstance doesn’t need to change, but the latter statement empowers you to be in the driver’s seat of your life, instead of the victim of it.

Learning to shift your language into one of choice, even if it’s as simple as how you choose to feel about something, frames your reality as one where you are powerful and free.

Also, this is your last week to sign up for the Soul Strategy Sessions! They start next week on Tuesdays from June 14th – July 19th from 7-9pm at Astra Financial inside A Balanced Approach.

Some of the many fabulous side effects you can expect from the Sessions are:

Not giving so many fucks about shit that doesn’t matter.

BS free friendships with women who genuinely want you succeed.

Living more authentically and honestly aligned with what you ACTUALLY give a shit about.

Lower anxiety, a higher sense of purpose, and totally feeling like you got this!

These groups are popular for a reason, and so much fun to do with a friend! You can learn more and sign up by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you notice your self-talk, and how do you relate to it? Is there a “favorite” disempowering statement that your mind tends to use, and if so which one? What is your best advice for dealing with a “shameless mind”? Post your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please click the little buttons below and share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

4 Tips for a Better To-Do List

This week, I’m going to share with you how I do my own To-Do lists. This is not only how I do my To-Do lists, but also how I coach my lovely clients to do theirs.

I LOVE lists, and I love crossing off my lists, and I love making more lists. I love listing, and I love finding more ways to feel accomplished and successful.

The great thing about To-Do lists is the sense of immense satisfaction and accomplishment of crossing things off as they are completed. I’m super visual, so I LOVE crossing things off.

However, until I learned this important shift of how to do my To-Do’s, I often felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. It felt there was always so much more to do than was accomplished each day.

Maybe you are as zealous about lists as me, and in your excitement of creating lists, never really seem to complete them.

At the end of the day, all the things that weren’t completed were moved onto the next day, and then those things, get moved onto the next day, and it goes on and on.

Soon, you start to feel the anxiety of ALL the things that aren’t done and more unsuccessful than satisfied. Am I right?

This is the dark side about To-Do lists (particularly the ones that keep growing and morphing into some huge crazy uncontrollable hungry monster):

They never seem to be DONE.

So how do we create a To-Do list that we can feel successful, accomplished, and satisfied at the end of the day?

Start creating lists that we can accomplish.

It sounds crazy right? To good to be true?

Once you start doing them this way I promise you will never want to go back because not only will you feel better, you will complete MORE, and more of the things that will make a difference in your life.

Tip #1 – Be realistic about how much you can do in one day.

If you don’t do anything else, do this: only choose 3 things to put on your To-Do list per day, and they MUST be 3 things you can accomplish within your day with ease.

Having unfinished items that we move over to tomorrow’s list is a confidence crusher and creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. And over what? Nobody died over unfinished items on a To-Do list, unless you’re maybe a brain surgeon that uses To-Do lists in surgery. In that case, please finish ALL the things!

Tip #2 – Break it down.

Break big tasks into smaller manageable chunks.

A long time ago, I actually had “website” as one of my tasks. Seriously, like that was something I would be able to do in even a month! It became this huge daunting thing that I was super resistant to tackle. I felt like I was never getting anywhere with it no matter how much time I spent on it.

If I were to approach that again, I would divide it up into little bitty pieces like this:

  • Write home page first draft.
  • Choose colours.
  • Choose fonts.

Breaking the big stuff into smaller stuff adds up really quickly. It helps push through resistance, and builds momentum and confidence.

Tip #3 – Edit your list.

Do you ever notice that some things are way more important to do on your list than others? In fact, some of those things are on the list for no good reason other than you are obsessed with lists and doing things and you like to cross off lists so you just keep adding more? Good, so am I!

Choose the items that are going to make the biggest difference in your life/work. Prioritize, and let the other stuff go.

Or, you can do what I do with things that I want to do but aren’t important now: make a separate list for later. The great thing about this, is that I can write those ideas down somewhere, and then later when I go back to it, I can check to see if they are still relevant without losing them.

Tip #4 – Remember what the list is for.

If you are like me and are obsessed with To-Do lists because of the immense joy and satisfaction you get from crossing items off, then remember the point of the list is not just DO things just for the sake of doing them.

This attitude not only contributes to the disease of busyness, but creates unnecessary stress and anxiety, creates more resistance, and does the very opposite of what the list is intended for.

The point of a To-Do list is that awesome feeling you get crossing it off while getting the important things done.

Now, I’d love to hear from you: Do you love a good To-Do list? What are your best tips for a great list? What tip are you going to try today? Please share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your besties. You never know who might benefit from this!

Thank you for shining your light, beautiful.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Stop Putting Yourself on “The List”

Hello Gorgeous,

It’s been a while now, hasn’t it? I hope you are doing well and are as excited to connect with me as I am with you!

I had big plans to maintain AT LEAST my blog after Magnus was born, and I did pretty good for a while, and then my plans went to shit. Sorry about that.

I started doing it all, even though I didn’t know what the hell I was even doing, and subsequently my sweet Magnus wasn’t putting on weight because my supply dropped so drastically. Shit got real, and my main focus was on him and me and getting the T&M team nursing team back on track.

Everything worked out fine after a shit tonne of pumping, supplementation, tears (from both of us), and cuddly nursing time. But damn it was a lot of work!

My husband has been away the past few weeks seeding at his friend’s farm (my husband not so secretly wants to be a farmer when he grows up!), so Magnus and I have been largely on our own.

This week I’ve been taking Magnus running with me in the jogger, and when I got home sweaty and happy on this sunny morning I panicked as I looked at the time (babies are on a schedule if you didn’t know) and thought to myself exasperatedly:

“There’s just not enough time to do everything!”

I mean how do we put ourselves on “The List” when there are so many things that demand our attention?

I’m teaching yoga, taking care of a baby and our brown dog, making baby food, the never ending heaps of baby puke covered laundry, planning two new Soul Strategy Sessions, doing a very bad job of looking after the house and yard, and did I mention taking care of a baby?

There is only so much time after all.

Exactly.

Almost immediately after I had complained that there’s not enough time, I realized that there has never been a time in my life that I have not said those words.

I have said them when I was a student, when I worked one job, two jobs, no jobs. I have said them on vacation and in the office. I have said them with a baby and without a baby. I have said those words most of my life, and I would put money on it that you have too, regardless of your circumstances.

So what’s this nonsense about putting yourself on the list?

I hate that term.

Why? Because you ARE the goddamn list!

To say anything else is evil, disempowering, and buying into victim mentality…and if you read my blog, I know you aren’t a victim. You are a grown ass woman who handles shit!

Remember: There is no list without you.

You are the creator and the completer of the list. You are the only one in control of that list, so why WHY do you need to put yourself on it.

Time is limited, it’s true, so we all need to prioritize where we want to focus our time.

Your To-Do list is not where you should be putting your needs and self care, because To-Do lists are fluid and most often never completed (don’t tell me it’s not true, I know how you roll).

So guess what gets moved to the bottom of that list? You guessed it: YOU.

Notice how eating isn’t on the To-Do list? Neither is bathing, brushing your teeth, going to work, or picking up your children. They are givens. So should taking care of you.

You are the most important person in your life, and if you have a family, your family’s life.

The health of everyone around you is affected by your wellbeing.

Please, stop waiting until there’s time to do what makes you feel whole because there will never be enough time.

Make it a habit that is built into your day. Whether it’s first thing, last thing, at noon, it doesn’t matter. Make that time non-negotiable and do what makes you feel good daily.

In the brief time I have been a parent, I can tell you that I am 100 times nicer, more patient, present, productive, creative, and more fun to be around if I’ve had even a short workout or run. It’s never been about appearance for me, it is essential for my mental health and now the health of my family.

I AM the list and I OWN the list.

Nothing gets done until I do me first, then everything else is figure-out-able.

Some might say it’s selfish, but have you ever met a happy martyr? I sure haven’t! So I call it being “self-full” which is a much nicer term, isn’t it?

Next week, I’ll tell you more about my magic list making abilities and how you can become more productive in your own life!

I also have some good news! I’m launching another round of the Soul Strategy Sessions Tuesdays 7 – 9pm June 14th to July 19th.

This is one small step to becoming your list by setting dedicated time for you in a big loving super fun environment with women just like you. You will learn what drives you, your purpose, and gain major insights about yourself and beliefs which is where all meaningful change starts.

There’s a reason The Soul Strategy Sessions have been going on for 2 years, and continue to thrive: they work.

In our 6 weeks together you will gain clarity, confidence, and courage to live more authentically, aligned, and happier.

You can learn more and register by clicking here.

I also have one more surprise for you!

For those of you who have completed the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have created a continuing 12 week program called the Soul Sisterhood.

The Soul Sisterhood is designed with you in mind. It is self directed with a larger focus on coaching rather than teaching, so you can continue to sign up again and again without repeating the same content.

You already have the tools from the Soul Strategy Sessions.

The Sisterhood focuses on implementation and working through the resistance to strengthen the habits that will support the way you want to be and live in the world.

The Sisterhood is your journey of self discovery, living in alignment, and becoming your most authentic self.

If you completed the Soul Strategy Sessions and didn’t get a personal invite from me about the Sisterhood, email me and I will send you everything you need to know!

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you make To-Do lists, and do you put yourself on it? Does it work for you? How do you make sure you take care of your needs everyday? Do you love lists, or hate them? Tell me all about it either in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group here.

Thank you for letting me into your inbox and your life. I am so excited to see your beautiful self again so soon! I missed you like crazy and I hope you did too!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What do Nioka and Jesus have in common?

You know those times that something happens that makes you angry, and you haven’t had the chance to confront it yet, so you’re just going over and over all the scenarios of how you’re going to handle it?

And all of the situations of “handling it” has to do with losing it and making the person/situation understand how mad you are?

Or maybe it’s not something that makes you see red, but something that has hurt your feelings?

Or maybe you feel taken advantage of?

Or maybe you feel like you have to say something and you know it’s not going to come out right because there are too many feelings in the way?

In those moments you may not know be able to figure out the best way to handle it because you know you are too emotional to respond effectively.

Here’s what you need to do, ask yourself:

“What would Nioka do?”

Or Jesus, if you don’t know Nioka.

Sometimes (or a lot of times) things happen, and we get very caught up in our emotions and may not have the capacity to bring our best self to the surface to handle situations.

I know that my first reaction is blame, and I want them to KNOW that it’s their fault, why, and have a temper tantrum about it.

I want them to GET how I feel, and have them feel very bad for making me feel that way.

Then, I want to have them feel so bad that they get down on their knees and beg for my forgiveness for notputtingthedishesinthedishwasherinsteadofthesinkwhichisrightfuckingnexttoitforfuckssake!

Or something like that…

When you imagine the situation with Nioka (or Jesus, Quan Yin, Mother Teresa, Buddha, or whomever) in your place, you will be able to see another less emotion driven possibility that accesses your higher self and an alternative option that you may not have been able to see in your hurt state.

So instead of losing my mind over something trivial like dishes in the sink, I might imagine Nioka in that situation and what she would do.

I would see her notice the dishes, and keep walking because she doesn’t care enough about them and she cares A LOT about her wonderful husband who does a billion other things for her every single day.

So many things in fact, that she often takes them for granted because he’s just that thoughtful and kind.

In my self righteous angry state, I wouldn’t be able to see that possibility because in anger (and the tail of anger: hurt) is “all about me.”

In Nioka’s or Jesus’s state, I can see things with more clarity and balance.

The other benefit, is that it gives enough space that we can take a moment to decide what kind of outcome to we really want, rather than reacting to a situation in a way we may later regret.

Space is good when we are fired up.

Do you know what else is good?

Babies.

And Soul Strategy Sessions.

They are full of great conversations, tools, and insights to empower you to live with more clarity, courage and confidence to live a happier and more meaningful life.

There’s a reason over a hundred women have gone through them, referred their family and friends, and continue to take them again themselves: they work, they’re fun, and they are life changing.

The Sessions start tomorrow and I have a spot left just for you!

Learn more and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: Who would you imagine to be, and why? What else do you think is good besides space and babies? Share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you liked this post please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this right now. You are the light, shine brightly my friend.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How mentally strong people handle failure.

I’m going to tell you about one of my most epic failures, and it has to with my coaching business.

When I was a new coach, I tried doing everything I could to build my business. I was fresh, inspired, and I wanted to make an impact in peoples lives.

This was back in the day before social media and the online world as we know it.

As a new coach, I knew I had to get in front of people somehow so I thought I would start doing lunch and learns. I’d never done one before, but I was willing to give it a try.

My mom had been a real estate agent and she said realtor offices regularly held them, so maybe focus on them. That day I emailed every single realtor office in Calgary.

Good news! A few weeks later I got a bite!

It was a small office, and a date was set for the following week.

I worked all week on this presentation. I got an easel, flip chart, wrote inspiring quotes, and practiced in front of all my friends.

Then the day arrived.

I put on my best dress, smart heels, did my hair and makeup, and then nervously drove to their location.

I was there 15 minutes early, and the manager came to get me 10 minutes later than our set time.

While he was walking me into the boardroom, he happened to mention that the realtors didn’t know I was coming until just now.

“Oh,” I said. I had no idea what to do.

So I proceeded ahead with my presentation through their glares, judgment, and apparent boredom.

It was awful.

Afterwards I passed around feedback forms (because I guess I like abuse).

When I got back to my car I went through the forms and read some of the meanest things anyone could have said. They totally picked me apart, right down to claiming I didn’t look professional because I wasn’t wearing pantyhose.

Just so you know, some of them were wearing zip up hoodies.

I was devastated.

This was all new to me, and it was hard, and it was a huge leap of faith for me to even do this talk because I had never done any public speaking before.

I cried all the way home and called my coach.

Thank GOD she was there and available to talk. She was, and still is one of my angels.

I explained what happened through my sobs and she asked me the same 3 questions she always asked me:

“What worked?”

Nothing, I said. The whole thing was terrible. The talk sucked, and I sucked doing it.

“What didn’t work?”

Everything. I didn’t know what I was doing. I wasn’t prepared enough for it. They didn’t like me.

“What would you do differently next time?”

I said there’s never going to be a next time!

This is where she gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever received about public speaking, and didn’t know how to handle a crowd:

They didn’t know you were coming, so they weren’t enrolled from the beginning with what you were saying. Acknowledge the white elephant in the room and give them the opportunity to leave if they want to. Then they would feel that they had a choice in staying for the talk, and would be enrolled in what you have to say.

She also said that this happens to everyone at some point, and that she was sorry it happened to me on my first one.

She gave me a few other pointers, but most importantly she helped me reframe what was theworstthingever to a learning experience that I could build on.

This was almost 10 years ago now, and this phone call is still one of the most powerful memories I have.

This experience could have been one of those times, where I said “fuck it,” and decided to never speak publicly again. Or worse, stop reaching out with my business all together and play small.

Instead, my coach expertly navigated me through the experience and helped me learn, and grow from it, so I COULD do it again and be more confident next time.

This is the number one thing strong people do when faces with failure:

They reframe the experience into one of growth and learning.

Strong people know that failure is just a starting point, not the end.

It is where true greatness starts from, because once you know what doesn’t work, you can build on it to create something wonderful.

Life has never had starts and stops, it is a constant flowing process of giving and receiving.

You giving of yourself and receive feedback, give again, and tweak again, until it shapes something closer to your aim.

This isn’t easy. It takes humility because your ego needs to be set aside for the important work to be done.

It also takes a hell of a lot of courage to get back up, clarity in your vision for motivation, and confidence to not take it personally and persevere.

It also helps when you have support along the way, just like I did and still do, because nobody does this alone.

The next round of Soul Strategy Sessions has been moved up to March 1st and I would love for you to join us! The effects of this group is far reaching, and many of these women are still enjoying the benefits of our time together long after the group is over.

In our 6 weeks together you will learn how to build confidence, live a more meaningful life, handle resistance, and live happier in a community of incredible women just like you.

Click here for more information and registration.

I’d love to hear from you now: how do you handle failure? What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned through failure? Please share it with me in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The big lie that holds us back

I know my biggest challenge has been with procrastination. I would have a light bulb moment, and then…you guessed it: wait.

You might call this “someday mentality.”

It might be that I’m inspired to call someone and tell them I love them.

I might have an idea for a program I want to create.

Or realize it’s time to clean up my eating and get moving more.

But more often than not, it’s about what I KNOW would make me feel more engaged and alive in my life, yet I wait.

I’m putting off the things I KNOW would make me happier, because I’m too busy (fuck I hate that word, it’s the disease of our generation) with shit that doesn’t really matter.

I’m too busy putting out fires. Putting one foot in front of the other. Keeping on top of things. Putting others needs ahead of my own.

Maybe you can relate to this insanity?

It’s the mentality that we’ll get to it someday. Maybe later today, maybe tomorrow, but definitely not right now.

Have I ever told you the myth of why the Buddha went on a quest for enlightenment?

Well, if I have, here’s a refresher for you because it’s a great story with an important message. You’re welcome.

Here it goes:

The Buddha was born of the Brahmin caste and his family was extremely wealthy. His palace was so huge it had a thousand doors, a thousand concubines, and every luxury of that time.

It was so huge that he was protected from ever having to engage with the outside world.

One day though, he became curious and asked his driver to take him out into the city.

As they were driving, the Buddha noticed something unusual and asked the driver, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver responded, “That is a sick person, all of us will eventually get sick. That is the nature of life.”

A while later the Buddha asked the driver, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver responded, “That is an old person, all of us will eventually get old. That is the nature of life.”

(I know, I know, you’re probably rolling your eyes and asking yourself how he could not possibly know this, but that’s why it’s a myth, right?)

The Buddha then saw something else and asked, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver again responded, “That is a dead person, all of us will eventually die. That is the nature of life.”

The Buddha saw one last person that he was unfamiliar with and asked, “Driver, what is that?”

The driver once again responded, “That is an ascetic.”

The Buddha had never seen anyone so at peace before and it inspired him to leave his palace in search of that kind of freedom.

These four encounters are known as the Heavenly Messengers. They are the moments in our lives that wake us up from our trance.  They remind us of the temporary nature of life and bring us back to what matters most.

We’ve all had those moments.

Perhaps it’s the pain of watching someone you love get sick, or your own illness that has brought you back to what’s truly meaningful to you.

Maybe it’s watching your loved one’s age, and realize that your time with them is getting shorter each day so you remember to cherish your time with them.

It might be the pain and loss when someone you love dies, reminding you of your own mortality and to reflect on how you want to be spending your time.

Or perhaps you’ve encountered someone who has ignited the spark for you to live more fully, more engaged, and inspired because of their own freedom and joy.

Each of these messengers are like a reminder from heaven to wake up and connect back to what really matters to us.

So why do we continue to wait?

Why do we keep going back to sleep believing that we can wait until tomorrow or next year to finally get our shit together, to put our happiness first, to get fit, to start a business, to say “I love you”, to forgive, to fully embody our lives, to make a difference?

I know I’ve used every excuse there is, from: I’m too young, too old, not thin enough, not ready yet, don’t know enough, it’s not the right time, I need a plan first, I need to feel it out more, and being scared of being judged.

“The trouble is you think you have time,” is one of my favourite quotes from the Buddha.

We live in the illusion that we are guaranteed more time, and it’s a lie.

It is the most insidious lie because it keeps us from sharing our gifts, keeps us small, and robs us of our happiness.

You have one life, and it passes by faster and faster with each coming year.

Why spend one more moment of your short precious life unfulfilled, unhappy, or uninspired?

Everything you need is already within you, all you need is to shift your focus from later, to now.

There is no “right” time. This is the time.

Right now.

I want 2016 to be your best year yet.

I want for you to feel that “spark” every day of your life. I want for you to KNOW your purpose and feel courageous to go for it confidently.

The Soul Strategy Sessions are a fun way to connect with other amazing women like yourself while taking dedicated time to work just on you, and how you want to be spending your precious life.

Join us on Tuesdays for 6 weeks beginning February 2nd from 5:30 to 7:30pm.

Your life matters. Your happiness matters. Stop waiting, your time is now!

Click here for registration and to learn more.

I want to hear from you now: what have you been putting off that you are going to start doing now? What have you been too scared to do, so you’ve been waiting for the “right” moment? Share with me in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Is it possible that your dreams are holding you back?

I want to tell you about one of my most important dreams.

When I first started coaching, I was gung-ho to get my business started. I enrolled in a business building course for coaches and did my homework diligently. I spent hours in front of my computer (this is before the days of social networking) writing and figuring out systems for my business.

I was thoughtful and deliberate with everything I did while trying to make connections to expand my business.

And guess what?

Nothing happened.

Well, not really nothing, but not much, it was mostly crickets.

The one thing that I really needed to do to build my business I was resisting: putting myself out there and asking for the sale.

I would gladly talk about coaching all day long, even coach you for free to get the practice, but I was too nervous to ask people to hire me.

There was no reason for this. I have an internationally respected coaching certificate, my clients got great results, and I was passionate with big dreams of becoming a professional coach.

And that my friends, was the problem: I was passionate with big dreams.

Often the thing we want most, is the very thing that holds us back.

I was eager and happy to do the things in my business that kept me busy, giving me the feeling of moving forward without having to really put myself out there.

But when it came down to actually doing the stuff the would make an impact, I resisted like crazy.

It was too scary, so I created every reason in the book not to move ahead:

I was too young so I had to prove myself first because all the coaches I knew were 50-year-old women in suits.

I was too new, I needed more practice first and more clients under my belt.

Once I knew what I was doing with my business, I could put myself out there.

I hadn’t narrowed down my “ideal client” so I should wait until I figure them out before putting myself out there.

I wasn’t clear on my business model yet, once I got clear I would move forward confidently.

Can you see what I was doing?

I was creating objections to the very thing I wanted most.

I was saying no.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, and it definitely hasn’t been the last.

I have done this with every single thing that I really wanted but was too scared to admit. Thankfully, now I see it sooner and act faster.

We all do this to some extent.

I was talking to someone last week about their dream job, and as they were describing it to me they were simultaneously explaining to me why it wasn’t possible for them.

Really? It’s not possible?

This is what fear looks like in action.

It looks like resistance, even rational resistance, but it stems from the fear that the one thing you want most might not work out…and what then?

The fear of failing at something we want so badly is often enough to stop us dead in our tracks and create every excuse we can so we don’t have to try.

Isn’t that sad?

If you are wrestling with fear right now, I want you to try this:

  • Imagine your worst case scenario. Yes, I want you to go there. Most of us have a generalized fear, whether is of failure or worrying, and don’t look at what the worst outcome is. When you know what your worst outcome is, you can deal with it. When it’s a vague scary looming “something bad” you can’t face it which makes it feel that much worse.
  • Pay attention to how strongly you feel resistance. Resistance is good news! The stronger you resist, the more you want it. Your fear is telling you something, it’s saying “pay attention, there’s something important here.”
  • Let go have having the full picture to get started. Most of us feel like we have things figured out before we get started. This is just another trick from fear telling you need to know more, do more, be more, before you get started, and its bullshit. You can’t see the full picture because it will evolve and change as you take steps towards what you want. Each right action will reveal itself to you from action you’ve taken. So get moving and forget about need to “know” first, it’s just holding you back.

Fear is scary, and no one wants it, that’s why so many of us stay in a comfortable place where nothing grows and our lives lose their lustre.

But you are meant for more lovely, and you don’t have to do this alone.

You can join 15 other amazing women, just like you, who are all ready to courageously take action to become happier and more confident through the newly revamped Soul Strategy Sessions!

Here’s what other women have to say about it:

Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life. I have found my inner power through the encouragement and compassion from Tina and the wonderful women that I journeyed with during this session. When we find our inner power we truly ROCK as women.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

“Implementing Tina’s techniques throughout the 8 week strategy session has resulted in positive and healthy changes in my life.  Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.  I look forward to more of Tina’s coaching in the future.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology

 

“Tina has a special way of leading the way through the maze of tough questions and answers that often stand in the way of being the best that we can be.  I appreciate Tina’s inquiring nature, her courage in being able to ask the tough questions in a safe and sensitive way.  “– Lynn Armstrong, Sky Magazine

The Soul Strategy Sessions run Tuesdays, from February 2nd to March 8th from 5:30 – 7:30pm.

Space is limited to 15 amazing women and these always fill up fast!

I want to hear from you now, when has resistance stopped you from moving forward? What did you do to get into action? Share your comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Thank you for being the light that you are!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

I have something important to tell you…

You may have noticed that I was absent from your inbox last week. Or maybe you didn’t, but I in any case, I was, and I am excited to tell you why:

My best friend flew in to surprise me this weekend (yes, I am so lucky!) and I decided to hang out with her on Monday morning instead of writing to you.

Sometimes you just have to roll with what’s given, you know?

The best part of her visit, is that she also inspired this post for you today, so you can thank Nioka for this one!

One of the side effects of being pregnant is that you are often the topic of conversation.

People ask me frequently how I’m doing, I often get advice (solicited or not, all well-meaning of course), and I’m told multiple times a day how great I look (the BEST part of being pregnant for SURE!).

While Nioka was here we were chilling on the couch and discussing my pregnancy, my life, my fears, and all the other stuff that is in transition.

She listened intently and then she wrapped her arms around me and said:

I’m proud of you for doing this.

There have been no words that have touched me more deeply.

It validated my experience, made me feel seen and understood, and I really felt supported and even held up by that one simple sentence.

I can’t remember the last time someone has said to me that they were proud of me, and it made me think maybe you haven’t heard it in a while either.

So here it is, I’m proud of you for doing this, whatever THIS is.

I’m proud of you for getting up and making the best of things when days are hard.

I’m proud of you for listening to your heart sometimes, instead of always following your head.

I’m proud of you for constantly striving to live better, happier, and more in line with who you truly are.

I’m proud of you for saying no.

I’m proud of you for doing your best every day, and I’m equally as proud of you for taking breaks because you need it.

I’m proud of you for being a compassionate person in a sometimes cruel and unfair world.

I’m proud of you for saying things that are hard and having those conversations.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be seen and shining brightly.

I’m proud of you for being afraid and deciding to do it anyways.

I’m proud of you for taking risks that challenge you and help you grow.

I’m proud of your honesty and realness in a world that celebrates a carefully constructed veneer.

I’m proud of you for fighting for your family and what you believe is right.

I’m proud of you for making the best decisions you can with what you know is true.

I’m proud of you for choosing love even when it’s the hardest choice you can make.

I’m proud of you for leaving shitty situations so you can thrive.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be heard even when you are scared.

I’m proud of you for being imperfect and allowing yourself be seen anyways.

I’m proud of how far you have come and how far I know you will go.

I’m proud of you for wanting to make a difference, no matter how small because it’s meaningful to you.

I’m proud of you for being the brilliant, beautiful, and miraculous you…weird moles, bad sweat pants, hairy toes and all. J

On this day of thanks I am so thankful for you and the sisterhood of women who are bravely working to create a better world for themselves and each other by choosing to live in alignment with who they are.

I love and admire you for all that you are…and gorgeous…know that I’ve got your back.

I’d love to hear from you now! Tell me who you are proud of and why in the comments below or the Soul Sisterhood and then share it with THEM. We are beacons for each other my dear, shine your light to illuminate the darkness.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to anyone you think would benefit from reading this.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

A simple trick to ride the waves of tough times.

Hello gorgeous,

I just got in from a walk with my puppy in the fresh fall air. I love this time of year. The cool mornings that bite my pink cheeks, the warm afternoons where I can smell the sun warm the fallen leaves, and the bright gold and amber leaves against a bluebird sky, it’s all magical!

The changing of the seasons is a wonderful reminder to reflect and take stock of what is also changing within ourselves.

As I’m getting more and more pregnant (I’m officially 34 weeks now), I notice I’m also in transition. I’m getting slower, more fatigued, and also craving being at home more as I’m preparing for my son to arrive.

Most of us are also uncomfortable with change, myself included.

A few weeks ago I was totally overwhelmed.

I felt like there was ALL the things to do, and it was never going to get done.

The To-Do list felt a mile long, and with baby coming, I definitely felt a deadline, or at least a very limited time to do things and the progress felt slow and overwhelming with my declining energy.

I had also been feeling this way for a while, so the anxiety was climbing every day my due date got nearer.

It felt like this was going to go on forever and I was starting to panic.

Maybe you can relate to something in your own life?

Like when it seems like one thing after another keeps piling up and you can’t seem to get a break?

Or maybe you’re in the midst of learning something new and it all feels hard and it’s like trying to learn string theory in Chinese?

Sometimes it all feels overwhelmingly too much and never ending.

In Shawn Achor’s book The Happiness Advantage he states that when we:

“…start to “overestimate the significance and permanence of the problems they encounter,”(it’s) the fastest route to depression and anxiety…”

Isn’t this the truth?

We tend to view our problems as significant and permanent, which can quickly encourage invasive thoughts leading to anxiety and depression.

Buddhist philosophy believes that the only constant is change.

Just like the constant changing of the seasons, our lives are in a constant state of change, and we too are a part of that because everything is temporary and shifting.

So you can take comfort that even the most uncomfortable times are temporary too.

Just like my rib that’s been out for almost two months.

Just like my To-Do list.

Eventually it will be over and there will be something else in its place.

A beautiful child.

Other things to focus on.

So if you are going through something right now like overwhelm, grief, anger, confusion, stuckness, depression, anxiety or frustration:

“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

This too shall pass, as they say and soon enough you won’t even remember this moment because you will already be onto the next.

Learning to get comfortable with change, even simply accepting it, makes it easier to deal with the challenging times and appreciate the good ones.

One of the easiest ways I know how to do this is just to name it and acknowledge that this is now I’m feeling right now, for example:

This feels overwhelming for me right now.

Instead of: I’m overwhelmed.

I’m feeling exhausted with this right now.

Instead of: I’m exhausted with this.

I’m feeling frustrated right now.

Instead of: I’m frustrated.

There’s a few language cues that are important here:

“I’m feeling”, “I’m experiencing”, “this is” rather than “I am.”

When we use“I am,” it implies that this is a way of being which is permanent, fixed, or a part of your identity. This increases our feelings of and helplessness to the situation.

Adding “Right now” instead of ending the sentence as fact.

“Right now” acknowledges that this is being experienced in the moment, and therefore not a persistent situation. We can have confidence that the situation will change and that this is truly temporary (because it is!).

Both of these language cues shifts our perspective to feel more in control and empowered by riding the waves of what is.

This moment may be uncomfortable, but don’t panic, everything is temporary.

I’d love to hear from you now! What’s your best tip for managing tough times? Please share it in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood. I love hearing from you!

If you liked this post, then please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to someone who could use some love today. We are all a light for each other.

I hope you enjoy this glorious fall day and I look forward to reading your comments!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t