The only thing that matters to live a happier fuller life.

A 70-year study from Harvard has identified what separates the happiest fullest lives from the least successful and it can be summed up in one word: love.

Our relationships with other people matter, and they matter more than anything else in the world.

Loving strong relationships helps us live longer, and increases our happiness and our resilience.

Our relationships help us bounce back from setbacks faster, accomplish more, and feel a greater sense of purpose.

Research has proven that our relationships matter more than anything else.

Yet, especially for women, our relationships are usually the first to go with things get stressful…when we actually need them most.

Every year around this time, I reflect on the past year and spend time planning out the new one.

Last year, after reflecting on the previous year I’d had, I realized how isolated and lonely I’d felt. My husband was away a lot for work and I was at home a lot by myself with a baby.

It’s not like I don’t have friends, I’ve got tonnes of women I love to hang out with.

But in my struggle to balance everything (especially on my own), I had pushed away the very thing I needed most: my girlfriends.

Our girlfriends are the ones who get our stupid jokes, encourage our crazy dreams, and tell us honestly when we’ve messed up. They love us even when we’re ugly crying, and give us loving advice when we need it.

They are the ones who remind us that we are worthy, and we are deserving, and that we matter.

When you’ve found good girlfriends, even long distances and time don’t stand a chance of breaking that bond.

Last week on the night before New Year’s Eve, I had a dream that I was out for coffee with one of my oldest and dearest friends who I haven’t seen in almost 5 years since she moved to Paris.

I dreamed that it was summer, and we were sitting at a sidewalk table outside a coffee shop in shorts and tank tops. Our tanned legs sprawled out catch the sun as we leaned back in our chairs, heads back laughing about something silly in the sunshine.

Just like we had countless times before.        

When we got up to leave, I was so happy and felt so filled up. Better than I have felt in a long time.

I gave her a huge hug and I can still vividly remember the feeling of hugging her like she was here.

When I woke up I almost cried I missed her so much.

So later that morning on New Year’s Eve, I FaceTimed her in Paris. She was making dinner and we laughed and cried and caught up like nothing had changed.

I felt so happy and filled up.

This is the power of girlfriends.

I’ve seen my best friends go through all of life’s challenges. Big moves. New love. Lost love. Babies. Parenting. Empty Nesting. Retirement. Maternity leaves. Starting over again. Illness. Loss. Entrepreneurship. Marriage troubles. Kid troubles. Life.

You name it. This is life, and it has it all.

We can survive and thrive through anything when we have each other.

If you’re feeling stressed, isolated, lonely, or need a pick me up: call one of your besties. Make a plan to see them (even if it’s just virtually) and fill yourself up.

Then, tell me about it in the comments below. 🙂

Why I apologized to my husband.

I apologized to my husband today.

I started to feel a bit under the weather earlier in the week, but by sleeping in an hour and taking extra vitamins I was over it in a few days.

Towards the end of the week my husband started feeling sick. He was moaning and groaning about his head, and stayed in bed for 3 days.

Man cold, I said to myself.

We had company over during the weekend. My brother had come out with his family and I took care of all the meals and entertaining while my husband slept and only came out for the briefest moments to say hi or take a quick shower.

On one occasion he got up just to change the sheets because he said he sweated through them.

Woah, he’s laying it on thick I thought.

Then on Monday, I couldn’t get out of bed.

I had a splitting headache, hot stuffy sinuses, and exhausted like I couldn’t believe.

After getting my son up and ready, I asked my husband how he would feel if I went back to bed.

He looked at me like I was crazy for asking, and said, “I don’t care. Do what you need to do.”

What? I don’t care? His response woke me up.

Why did I care so much, if he didn’t? He didn’t look at soldiering on through sickness as a badge of honor or an alter to die on. In fact, he didn’t think about it at all.

It was ME who was asking permission from him to be sick and take care of myself.

Why?

Here’s the thing about beliefs: we don’t see them, we just believe them.

This belief that I don’t get sick days has gone on since I can remember.

I started examining my twenties when I worked 2 jobs, or worked full time and went to school full time, and the fact that with ALL of my jobs if I didn’t go to work, I didn’t get paid.

Or in the case of being self employed in the past decade: if I don’t go to work I don’t get paid AND have to pay someone else out of pocket to cover me.

But this isn’t all.

As women, we are tough. We can self sacrifice like nobody’s business. We will put everyone else first at all costs regardless of how shitty we feel…and if we become mothers, that amplifies times a hundred.

We tell ourselves that no one else can do what we do and that we are too needed to ever slow down.

So, we look at self-care as luxuries to pamper ourselves, instead of the gritty unsexy necessities of life like listening to our bodies when they are sick and resting when we need to.

That’s REAL self care.

I realized that I have drunk a Kool-Aid I am no longer interested in.

I want to feel like my husband.

He didn’t ask my permission to be sick, he didn’t feel bad about staying in bed when he felt like garbage and needed to take care of himself, and I can promise you that he did not think that it made him any less of a man, father, husband, or anything else.

He was sick, so he went to bed. End of story.

And when I was sick, he told me to do what he would do: go to bed, AND he was way nicer about it. He made me meals, rubbed my back, started my car for me when I had to go out, and made me feel cared for.

My belief around what I am allowed with sick days is bullshit, and not only that, it’s bullshit I was trying to push onto my husband.

I believed that if I’m not allowed to be sick, he sure as hell isn’t allowed to either, hence “the man cold.”

It’s not fair.

Our unrealistic expectations about ourselves is exactly that: unrealistic and they are keeping us small.

They encourage us to put our needs last, reinforcing that we are less worthy, less deserving, than those around us.

These subtle beliefs, the ones that we are constantly swimming in, are the ones which can wake us up the most because they are the foundation of all the others.

When I realized all this, I apologized to my husband.

I’ll be honest here, I felt a lot of resistance, but I also know that real connection requires a vulnerability to show up in ways that aren’t always comfortable.

I didn’t know if he was going to say, “I told you so,” or if it would start a long discussion of all the things I’ve done wrong, or really what he would do at all.

So while he was feeding my son I approached him placing my hand on his shoulder and said, “I’m sorry.”

I apologized for not being more understanding when he was sick, and explained my realization to him.

He looked at me surprised, and said, “Don’t worry about it. Go get some sleep, it was the only thing that made me feel better.”

So I went back to bed.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you allow yourself sick days? And how sick do you have to be? Why do you think we’ve believed this nonsense for so long? Tell me in the comments below!

What we all really want, and why we aren’t getting it.

Last week I saw a video posted on someone’s timeline that made me pause.

I don’t usually comment on videos like this, because I know my opinion won’t be popular and I’m not interested in arguing with someone I don’t know about something they will never change their mind about.

It was a video of a man obviously messed up on something acting erratically. Truthfully, it was kind of scary because he acting so far out of the norm, pushing on his hands to get around rather than walking, and talking nonsense.

The caption of the video was something like this:

This is what my dad had to deal with outside of his carwash this morning.

I know what this video was meant to do. This man was meant to shock, entertain, creep out, and create sympathy for the carwash owner for having to deal with such a vile human being.

I couldn’t help but comment how sad I was for the “scary” man in the video, that he is somebody’s child, and how much he must be suffering.

Someone responded to my comment about how he’s a grown up not a child, that he doesn’t feel sorry for him for his choices, and that he is responsible for fixing his life.

I didn’t bother responding back.

Here’s the thing, it’s so easy to judge each other. We see the result of where someone is, and judge them on it like that’s all they are.

Whether they are an addict, famous, thin, fat, whatever, we judge at face value.

Aren’t we all more complex than what can be seen?

Don’t you have a whole history that is invisible to the world, but alive in every choice you make and everything that you do?

The problem with judgement is that it comes from a view that the person we are judging has had the same life as us, and therefore would have the same perspective as us, same experiences as us, and the same opportunities as us.

If you were never taught that you mattered, would you still think you did?

If you were never taught that your choices will have consequences, would you think twice before acting?

If you were never treated with kindness, would you believe the world to be kind or would you be afraid of it?

If you were never taught you were worthy of love, would you choose relationships that reinforced that or would you respect yourself?

If you were never taught accountability, would you blame the world or would you change yourself?

If you were raised around addiction, would you know that it’s not “normal” behavior and learn other methods of coping or would you do what everyone else in your family and/or community is doing?

If you were raised with shame, would you take the risk of shining brightly or would you try to hide yourself so no one could see you?

We often think that our way of seeing ourselves and the world are universal, but they aren’t. They are taught to us through our families of origin, culture, communities, and experiences.

I have a world inside of me that no one has seen but me.

I have a history that no one lived but me.

I have hurts that no one has experienced but me.

I have strengths that grew from the dark places no one knows about but me.

We all do.

To judge another at their current state is to dishonoring the history that got them there, whether it’s the strong confident person we see, or the desperate one we want to turn away from.

And it is this very judgment that sabotages the one thing we all really want:

Connection.

From birth on we are dependant on each other. None of us came out of the womb driving a car and taking car of ourselves.

Everything around us is the fruits of someone else’s labour. Our roads, our computers, our clothing, our houses, our food, our education. Everything.

We cannot exist without each other and we are also desperate to belong to each other.

We exist because we belong not in spite of it.

Judgement destroys our sense of connection by separating ourselves from others which ultimately causes pain not only to the judged, but to ourselves.

I get it.

I don’t necessarily want to belong to the messed up man outside the carwash either.

But we already do.

If my life had a few different turns, maybe that man could be me.

(Minus the man part of course!)

What I saw was a life that was very sad, and a person who lacked the skills or support to cope with it.

He needed compassion, not a pointed finger.

That also goes for the person of a different size than you, different ethnicity than you, different socioeconomic status than you, different way of life than you.

In the end, we all want the same thing:

To love and be loved. To be connected.

And that begins with compassion.

I’d love to hear from you now: Would you have commented on that video? When you hear other people judging, do you join in, speak up, or ignore it, and why? Are you going to bring me cookies, and when? Share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

If you liked this post, then please share it! Share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this today.

Thank you for being a constant source of love and inspiration. You are a part of my tribe, and I am a part of yours.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The new (old) thing, that puts my heart at rest.

This morning as I was nursing Magnus I almost started crying because he’s growing so fast.

As I watched his little jaws moving I could almost see into the future of the 5 year old who I will hold close to me because he lost his toy, the 10 year old who is fighting with his best friend, and the 16 year old who lost his first real girlfriend. Time is already moving too fast and he’s only almost 5 weeks old.

He will never be as small as he is today, and I want time to: Slow. The. Fuck. Down.

Last week one of my dear friends Kim came over and as we were chatting she said to me, “You are doing a great job. You’re so relaxed you wouldn’t think this is your first baby at all!”

I laughed, “Really? I don’t know what the fuck I am doing. But I can keep him fed, alive, and cuddled.”

And that leads me to my greatest fear: not being able to keep him alive.

I am scared shitless of him dying.

As I type these words, there has been nothing truer in the world.

I cannot bear to lose him and I am terrified that he will die of SIDS or some other awful thing and that I will never be able to hold him again.

I didn’t even know this kind of feeling could exist until he came along.

So I’ve started doing something that has surprised me:

I started praying.

Now, I don’t typically share my religious beliefs (primarily because I don’t have any), but this has been a source of real solace for me and I thought it might help you too.

I wasn’t raised with religion, and ironically enough, the only things I know about the bible are what I learned in public school.

Yet I am very spiritual.

I believe in something, but I can’t pray to “something,” and “higher power” or “life force” are too cumbersome to say even in my own mind so I use the word “God.”

It’s the most familiar to me, even if it may mean something a little different.

Every night now I pray in my own clumsy way.

As I go to sleep I pray for the health, happiness and safety of my family (among other things), and for Magnus to stay alive.

There is solace in prayer that I didn’t know before.

To me, it’s a combination of a loving kindness practice where I am well wishing for those I love, and also a way to give my worries to something bigger than me so I can let them go, even for a short while.

I also love that my last thoughts are loving my family and wishing them the best, while allowing me to sleep without running into my son’s room every 5 minutes to make sure he’s still breathing.

I’d love to hear from you now, what do you do with your worries? Do you pray? What helps put your heart at rest? Please share in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Thank you for being a continued source of strength and inspiration. You are the light of the world, never forget what you are capable of.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

When should you listen to fear?

I was at a yoga workshop led by the fabulous Ryan Leier a few years ago and he said something that has stuck with me ever since.

“There’s the fear that keeps you alive, and the fear that keeps you from living.”

Whoa, mind blown.

Fear is totally healthy.

We should be afraid of things that can be harmful to us and use caution when they are near.

However, how many of us live with the fear that keeps us from living?

I want to tell you about how I fell in love with my husband.

My relationship to my now husband, Dave, started out completely differently than any other I’ve ever had.

I had RULES, you know?

I never made the first move. I made them wait. I wouldn’t get too close too fast. They had to say I love you first. They had to chase me. I kept my hand close and protected my heart. I was in control of how things were going to go.

Sounds like fun to date me, huh?

When I met Dave, all those rules went out the window.

We met while he was visiting friends in Calgary, and I knew within days that he was going to be my husband and that I was now learning who he was.

It was thrilling, exhilarating, and it made me bold and fearless.

For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the pressure of needing to “know where this relationship was going.”

It didn’t matter.

If he was truly meant to be my life partner, there was no rush because we were meant to be. If not, it was the most alive I’ve ever felt and I wouldn’t regret a damn thing.

I was able to be open with my heart and vulnerable with my feelings. I said I love you first. I was completely myself all the time. I didn’t hold back, and loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.

If I had held on to my fear, and my fearful rules, I may never have had the guts to let myself be seen and pursue our relationship.

I would have been too concerned with keeping myself safe.

Keeping ourselves safe from things that we want is where fear keeps us from living.

Fear of failure fear of rejection fear of the unknown fear of judgement fear of being seen and heard fear of intimacy fear of success fear of happiness fear of letting go fear of starting.

Fearfearfear.

All of these fears hold us back from who we are meant to be and shining our lights out into the world.

Imagine if I had held onto my silly fear-filled rules?

I wouldn’t be having a baby in a few weeks with the greatest man I have ever known.

I wouldn’t have moved to Regina and created a life and business that makes me jump out of bed every morning because it makes me that happy.

And most importantly: I wouldn’t be who I am now.

It takes guts to grow.

And it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, and often painful.

Yet the only way to escape fear is go through it. 

And you will emerge on the other side, promise.

I’d love to hear from you now! When have decided to move past your fear and do it anyways? What nuggets of wisdom did you get from it? How did you meet your partner? Please share it in the Soul Sisterhood or in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share the shit out of it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to someone who might need to read this today!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

I have something important to tell you…

You may have noticed that I was absent from your inbox last week. Or maybe you didn’t, but I in any case, I was, and I am excited to tell you why:

My best friend flew in to surprise me this weekend (yes, I am so lucky!) and I decided to hang out with her on Monday morning instead of writing to you.

Sometimes you just have to roll with what’s given, you know?

The best part of her visit, is that she also inspired this post for you today, so you can thank Nioka for this one!

One of the side effects of being pregnant is that you are often the topic of conversation.

People ask me frequently how I’m doing, I often get advice (solicited or not, all well-meaning of course), and I’m told multiple times a day how great I look (the BEST part of being pregnant for SURE!).

While Nioka was here we were chilling on the couch and discussing my pregnancy, my life, my fears, and all the other stuff that is in transition.

She listened intently and then she wrapped her arms around me and said:

I’m proud of you for doing this.

There have been no words that have touched me more deeply.

It validated my experience, made me feel seen and understood, and I really felt supported and even held up by that one simple sentence.

I can’t remember the last time someone has said to me that they were proud of me, and it made me think maybe you haven’t heard it in a while either.

So here it is, I’m proud of you for doing this, whatever THIS is.

I’m proud of you for getting up and making the best of things when days are hard.

I’m proud of you for listening to your heart sometimes, instead of always following your head.

I’m proud of you for constantly striving to live better, happier, and more in line with who you truly are.

I’m proud of you for saying no.

I’m proud of you for doing your best every day, and I’m equally as proud of you for taking breaks because you need it.

I’m proud of you for being a compassionate person in a sometimes cruel and unfair world.

I’m proud of you for saying things that are hard and having those conversations.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be seen and shining brightly.

I’m proud of you for being afraid and deciding to do it anyways.

I’m proud of you for taking risks that challenge you and help you grow.

I’m proud of your honesty and realness in a world that celebrates a carefully constructed veneer.

I’m proud of you for fighting for your family and what you believe is right.

I’m proud of you for making the best decisions you can with what you know is true.

I’m proud of you for choosing love even when it’s the hardest choice you can make.

I’m proud of you for leaving shitty situations so you can thrive.

I’m proud of you for letting yourself be heard even when you are scared.

I’m proud of you for being imperfect and allowing yourself be seen anyways.

I’m proud of how far you have come and how far I know you will go.

I’m proud of you for wanting to make a difference, no matter how small because it’s meaningful to you.

I’m proud of you for being the brilliant, beautiful, and miraculous you…weird moles, bad sweat pants, hairy toes and all. J

On this day of thanks I am so thankful for you and the sisterhood of women who are bravely working to create a better world for themselves and each other by choosing to live in alignment with who they are.

I love and admire you for all that you are…and gorgeous…know that I’ve got your back.

I’d love to hear from you now! Tell me who you are proud of and why in the comments below or the Soul Sisterhood and then share it with THEM. We are beacons for each other my dear, shine your light to illuminate the darkness.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to anyone you think would benefit from reading this.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Top 20ish rules to live by.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week was a whirlwind.

Dave’s family had three birthdays and two anniversaries last week, PLUS we worked on the basement most of the weekend. I’m getting super sick of working on that damn thing I have to say, but we are soooo close now to being finished that I can finally see the end is near.

THANK. YOU. GOD!

I won’t keep you in suspense any longer about the top 20ish list though, so here it is:

  1. Don’t wait for permission before you act, or it may never come.
  2. Choose to see the light in others, and they will start to see it in themselves.
  3. Approach your life as though it matters, and it will.
  4. You are one of the few creatures in the whole world that can change their world simply by their will. Don’t forget that.
  5. You may never be totally free of fear, but you will always have enough strength to go through it.
  6. You were born already whole. There is nothing you need to do or get to earn it, it’s a done deal.
  7. It’s okay not to know. You don’t have to decide right now.
  8. There is a reason why you love what you love. If you follow it, you will always live with passion and sparkle.
  9. The greatest gift you can give another human being is to make them feel safe.
  10. Doubt is a natural part of the creative process. Keep going.
  11. The greatest gift you can give to another human being is to accept them exactly as they are.
  12. It doesn’t matter how long the dark has been there, once the light is on, it’s on.
  13. Your life is your message, make your choices count.
  14. Sitting for a few minutes quietly every day will change your life.
  15. Surround yourself with people you want to be like, because you become who you hang out with.
  16. Give freely and generously without expectation and it will feel like giving blessings. If you can’t, then don’t.
  17. Never forget that the BIG questions are not only your questions, they are OUR questions. They are humanity’s questions, we’re all trying to figure this thing out.
  18. You don’t need to know it all to start. The path is created by walking it.
  19. Forgive yourself a lot and apologize if you hurt someone. Making mistakes is a part of learning.
  20. It’s not our job to save each other, it’s our job to love each other as we awaken ourselves.
  21. Listen for life’s sweetness.
  22. You belong, you matter, and you are loved.

I’d love to hear what you’d add to the list! What’s do you live by, and what’s most important to you? Share it in the comments below, or feel free to join the conversation in the Soul Sisterhood and tell me what you’d add.

Did you like this post? Then please spread the love and share with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward to someone you love by clicking one of the buttons below.

Until next week, my friend…

#Daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How Oprah taught me integrity

Hello Gorgeous,

To be honest, I had a totally different post planned for today, but I’ve decided to postpone it for next week because it will follow this one beautifully anyways.

When we know better, we do better.

That is what Oprah said to me as a child watching her show and it changed my life.

In its simplicity, the above statement says something beautifully.

We don’t all know better.

When we do, it’s our responsibility to change our behavior. Ignorance no longer counts.

It inspired compassion in me for people who may not have the same skill set as I do, and gave me the seeds of personal responsibility defining what it meant to act with integrity.

It didn’t take me very long to cultivate the compassion part, but responsibility is still something I am constantly practicing and working to getting better at.

Here’s a few ways I practice Oprah’s words:

1) Everyone is doing the best they can with what they got.

This is probably something else I heard on Oprah and I absolutely believe this to be true. Not everyone has the same life skills, yet everyone is doing the best they can whether you understand it or not.  Be compassionate for people on their journey to do better, we are all walking the same path.

2) Eliminate try and maybe from your vocabulary.

You don’t try to sit down, right? You sit do or you don’t. Same thing with maybe. This type of language usually means no or that you don’t want to do it, so just be honest and say no. It will save you from the resistance and others from being disappointed.

3) The first time you do it it’s a mistake, the second time it’s a choice.

If you keep making the same mistake, and know it’s a mistake, it’s no longer a mistake, there is some part of you that is choosing it. If you are constantly late, not following through on what you say you’re going to do, saying yes to everyone and then feeling resentful about it, repeatedly staying too long in the wrong relationships, you are choosing this. You can choose differently.

I know, I know, I learned integrity from Oprah, what are you going to do about it?

I would love to hear from you!

What are your best tips to act with integrity? Did Oprah change your life too? What words of wisdom changed your life? I love hearing from you, please share in the comments below.

Thank you for letting me into your life and your inbox, I am so grateful to have you in my life!

Share the light lovely: share this on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to all of your friends. We are beacons for each other.

Dare to be you. 

Love and Light,

t

you should totally do this

Do as I say, not as I do!

Have you ever heard that one before?

I’m not totally sure if I ever actually heard that come out of my mom’s mouth, but it was definitely implied.

It was probably more like, my mom smiling at me in a loving way and saying:

“You’re so much smarter than your old mama, so you wouldn’t do this.”

Right.

As I sat in my naturopath’s office last week, she repeated back to me the words I had used to describe my life right now (FULL of should’s, have to’s, and need to’s).

At first I was frustrated with myself, I mean wasn’t I past this shit already?

Then my naturopath reminded me of that voice, the “should” voice, and to be kind to myself.

Gawd, I’m lucky to have women like this on my team!

It reminded of how important it is to model WHAT to do, and not so much what we say.

Let me tell you something: my mom worked her ass off.

She had the pressure of the world on her shoulders while she struggled to support our family. I remember her saying “but I HAVE to do this” more than any other sentence other than “I love you.”

Apparently I learned very well how to do that too.

I want you to know that this isn’t about placing blame, it’s just what I happened to pick up.

(FYI, I don’t have kids, so for me this isn’t about parenting.)

I share this to illustrate how we can significantly show other people what’s possible.

To shed light in a dark space.

To become a lightmaker.

Now, as we all know, it doesn’t work to tell people to do one thing and then do another.

To make a meaningful impact we can only walk our talk. Not because it’s what you SHOULD do, that poisons it, but because it feels really good to act in alignment with our beliefs.

When we are aligned with what we believe, say, and act, life becomes easier and we can let go into the flow of life.

When we say one thing and then do another, there’s always going to be friction.

So, what did I do to shift this predicament?

I’m starting with the easiest thing I know of:

Be mindful of what I say.

It’s quite difficult to “see” our beliefs because we don’t see them, we just believe them.

Most of us have no idea what we actually believe, we just assume things to be true and that everyone sees the world the way we do.

When you listen to what you say it gives you a clue to how you ACTUALLY see that world…and it may surprise you.

So, want to try this with me today?

Listen to what you say.

What do you find yourself saying most often? What do you complain about? What are you noticing? Is there a trend?

Keep a mental note of what you hear yourself saying.

Later today spend some time journaling the phrases you heard.

Reread them as though you were reading someone else’s journal through your most loving and compassionate self.

What do you think this person believes about themselves or others? How do they see the world? What are they afraid of? What do they long for?

Afterwards, from this loving self, imagine that you can give the person who wrote the journal entry exactly what they need in the most compassionate loving way.

Write to them. Tell them you understand.

Tell them you understand how hard they try, how much they want to succeed, to be loved, to be kind. Then congratulate them what a great job they are doing and how much you love them and will be there for them.

We could all use a little more kindness and a LOT less judgement.

The inside work changes our outer reality. You can do this.

I see you, and I know what you can do.

You can change the world with your light.

After you do the exercise join me in comments below and share what you learned! We are all meant to lead, inspire, and teach.

If you liked this post, I’d love it if you share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to all of your friends.

We are lightmakers.

Dare to shine.

Love and Light,

t

the fear that holds all of us back

Hi Gorgeous,

All of us have one big fear that holds us back from living fully.

It stops us from getting the intimacy and connection that we crave from each other.

It dims our light from shining brightly.

It shuts down our ability to be our most authentic selves.

It cripples us in almost every single area of our lives.

What I’m talking about is being seen. Really being seen. Letting ourselves be raw and open and beautiful and shimmery.

Our biggest fear is:

Each other.

Here’s the thing, we are ultimately mammals.

This means that unlike reptiles which lay eggs and then leave their young to fend for themselves, we nurture our offspring for a long time and build strong connections and emotional bonds with both our family units and our tribes.

It is essential to our survival to care for and be cared for by each other.

So it’s not surprising that one of the most painful experiences for humans is to be judged, alienated, and separated from each other.

We are built to connect.

It’s no wonder we are so terrified of being seen because there is so much at risk.

What if others don’t like what they see? What if they judge our most authentic self? What if they leave us?

So many of us censor ourselves and only let pieces of ourselves be seen:

The funny part, the generous part, the loving part, the strong part, the quiet part. The multiple parts go on and on depending on who we are with and what’s going on.

When you censor yourself though, a few yucky things happen:

  • They never know who you really are, so you deny others the opportunity to love YOU.
  • You rob yourself of the intimacy that you crave, because connection comes from seeing and being seen deeply.

And here’s the amazing things that happen when you DO let yourself be seen:

  • Being real is super sexy. People want to be around people who are authentic. It’s like a magnet, because we all want to feel connected.
  • You no longer have separate versions of you. You will to lose: the “work” you, the “friend” you the “daughter” you, and all the other “you’s” and you get to just be YOU.
  • Worrying about what other people think of you starts to become irrelevant because you’re not going to be someone else for them anyways.
  • You will genuinely like and accept yourself.
  • When you allow yourself to be seen, you give other people permission to do the same. We become beacons for each other.

You my beautiful friend, are already enough. 

The Soul Strategy Sessions are coming up! Join us in a community of supportive women who believe that the best investment they can make is in themselves and really get that changing our lives comes from changing our beliefs. Click here to read more on how Soul Strategy can improve your life. 

You were born whole and there is nothing you need to fix before you let yourself be seen. In fact, you can start right now. In the comments below, share with me one small thing you can do to share your incredible light. I can’t wait to hear what you have to say!

If you know anyone who needs to hear this message today, please feel free to be their light and share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your friends.

We are beacons for each other. By shining our light we bring each other home to their own.

Shine on my beautiful friend. We need your brilliance. Xoxo

Love and Light,

t