The Real Reason You’re So Stressed.

Being a woman is hard work.

In fact, we work harder in every area of our lives and then have to prove that we deserve it.

Everything in our culture screams at us that we need to be more:

More sexy, more youthful, more skinny, more assertive, more kind, more compromising, more as a mother, more as a woman, more time at work, more beautiful, more educated, more important, more of a wife/partner, more independent, more available, more involved, more healthy, more active, more inspired, more roles, more open (but only about what others want to hear), more vulnerable, more resilient, more grit, more successful, more ambitious, more of a homemaker, more of a cook, more thoughtful, more of a homemaker, more flexible, more passionate, more vocal, more silent, more understanding, more willing, more wealthy, more compromising…its always more, and it’s too fucking much.

It’s no wonder we are frazzled, overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious.

We have an insurmountable pressure to be all things to everyone AND be all the things listed above. It’s an impossible situation.

This is why I created the programs and tools I offer: to reclaim yourself.

Anxiety and stress are symptoms of a larger systemic problem within our culture. We have too many pressures (umm, did you see the list above? And it’s not even complete!), information overload, longer work days than every before (with constant contact), less free time, and have less face to face connection. And purpose, meaning? Who has time for that?

Our stress is a direct result of the tension between the expectations of others (perceived or real) which are in constant conflict with our inner compass.

We know, deep down that what we are being fed is bullshit.

But we are steeped in it, and then choking down more by the spoonful because we are also trained to be good girls from a very young age.

The tools I teach are universal that anyone can use and they are easy enough to implement for even the most time starved women because they are just simple lifestyle tweaks to make your life better, calmer, and more meaningful.  

It’s not easy to shed the expectations of being the perfect mom when everyone you know is volunteering at the school and you’re working 10 hour days.

Or the guilt that weighs on all women, because we can’t possible be and do all the things expected of us.

Or the insecurity of never feeling like we know enough, are prepared enough, or are good enough. And then that deep secret that so many of us carry: that really we’re a fraud.

So how do we change this?

It takes a brave decision: to be more conscious in how you live and work. Here’s how to start now:

  • Start questioning why you do the things you do and if they are really serving you on any tangible level.
  • Be more aware of the things that sap your energy and those that revive it.
  • Play more. Do things for the sake of enjoyment and don’t be afraid to get silly. Women start to lose this ability as adolescents and it is a crucial part of our well-being.
  • Be mindful of how much you use devices, set strong limits, and be committed to seeing people in person, or at least on the phone.
  • Decide that you time is non-negotiable, and stick to it.
  • Nourish your body and move it regularly.
  • Be in control of the media you consume. If it doesn’t lift you up, ditch it, life’s too short for that.
  • Love your dear ones fiercely. Undistracted focused time is the most valuable thing you can offer anyone and is essential for lasting loving relationships.
  • And lastly, give yourself a lot of slack. You are a woman navigating a challenging world with impossible expectations, learn to be your own best ally.

I’ve started a YouTube Channel and I’ve got the first two videos already up. They are all quick and easy things that you can use today to lower stress and anxiety and live more authentically.

Click here to watch them now.

If you like them, subscribe to my channel and share these videos so more people you care about can have access to this great content too.

Lastly, I’d love to hear from you now: what would you add to the “more” list? What pressures do you feel the most as a woman? Is it true that time flies faster when you have kids?

I can’t wait to read what you have to say in the comments below!

If this post spoke to you, please share it. Let’s help each other live better more honest lives together. <3

Love and Light,

t

How to stop overthinking…everything.

When I first started my coaching business over a decade ago, I spent hours and hours feverishly writing and creating systems for my non-existent clients.

I wrote content for pamphlets that were never printed, a website that didn’t exist, and information about coaching that never left my hard drive. I believed that I had to have all these little pieces in place before I could actually start coaching clients.

I also spent hours and hours planning what I would do, how I would do it, and the systems I’d need in place. It made me feel like I was being productive, proactive, and even responsible for thinking about all these moving pieces and how I would use them.

When I really dove into my business, I realized that all that writing I had done was a complete waste of time. I never used any of it.

And all my plans? Useless. It was all garbage.

I had spent so much time thinking about my business but almost no time doing the work that would get me paying clients.

My plans were a diversion and a big distraction that kept me busy with being unproductive.

It was clear that I was far more comfortable thinking about my business than doing the work to build it.

We can’t possibly plan or foresee things we haven’t yet experienced. In other words: we can’t know what we don’t know. We can only truly know what needs to come next once we’ve taken action.

I wish I could say that I stopped overthinking after that, but I’m a slow learner.

It’s taken me many years to teach myself to switch from:  think first (of allllllllll the possible scenarios repeatedly, just in case I missed something) and act later, to acting first and thinking later (which is so much better, btw!).

Some of my most popular offerings have come out of a split-second decision and a quick email invite. I’ve also saved myself a lot of time by learning quickly what offerings my tribe isn’t interested in before I invest too much developing them.

Learning how to fail fast is one of the best skills you can cultivate.

Essentially, it’s taking action and then seeing what to do next. It will give you insight you could only get by doing the work: how to proceed or maybe to scrap it.

Failing fast a huge time saver, but most importantly, its also a proven way to increase confidence. Since overthinking is a HUGE confidence killer, failing fast is definitely worth trying on.

I’ve broken it down into a simple 5 step method (that you can use with just about anything) to help you stop overthinking:

  • Be clear on what you want.

Most of us have no idea of what it is we really want. We might have an inkling, but no real clear picture. If you don’t have a clear “what” defined, it’s very difficult to create an effective “how” (which is where we get caught overthinking). Once you are clear on what you want, your how will be easier to see.

  • Decide what actions are going to get you there the fastest.

Rather than spending your time thinking about all the possible scenarios that might-never-happen-but-should-think-about-every-detail-of-each-scenario-anyways, cut the chase and figure out what might be the best actions that would get you there the fastest.

  • Ask yourself if spending time planning it is going to help you get there.

Make it a conscious decision to plan, instead of a diversion from what you actually need to do. Maybe there is some planning that needs to be involved, great, then be strategic in it. If you know that planning isn’t going to make a huge difference, other than your brain desperately wants to do it, then let that shit go.

  • If you need think about it write it all out and give it a deadline.

Do NOT think about planning, write that shit down. When we allow things to roll around in our heads they get cluttered, are hard to prioritize, and are impossible to sort out clearly. Once it’s on paper you free up valuable head space and have power over your thoughts. Give yourself a deadline of how much time you are willing to devote to planning, and then stick to it so you don’t continually get sucked in.

  • Take action before you’re ready.

This is the MOST important step (besides number 1). If you wait until you feel ready, you may be waiting a long time, even years maybe. Do not waste anymore of your life waiting for a feeling, decide, and then jump in. There are very few decisions in our lives that have the weight and power we give to most of them. You will never know the next steps until you take action, no matter how much planning you do. It is the only way to move forward.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned (very slowly, like I said) is to focus on progress rather than perfection…and progress requires doing something other than thinking about doing something.

(Otherwise we’d all be sitting on the couch eating chips thinking about eating better to get healthier, am I right? But, if you ever figure out how to do it though, tell me, I’d love to get in on it!)

I’d love to hear from you now: which step resonated with you, and why? Do you eat chips on the couch thinking about eating healthier too, or is it just me? Are you sick of overthinking everything? Then get on the list for Fearless, by clicking here to get early bird access.

Sending you so much love and light,

t

3 Simple steps to energizing your day (even when you’re overwhelmed)

As a small business owner, I have my hands in most things in my business.

I am responsible for the daily running of the business, and I also do all my own marketing, graphic design, product creation, social media, and strategic planning. Did I mention that I’m also the primary caregiver to my toddler?

Yes, things are full on, and there are days when I feel so overwhelmed it would be easy to get stuck from weight of so much to do.

So, I’ve started doing a few things differently which have transformed my work into being more focused, energized, and productive.

If you came into my office right now, you’d see organized chaos.

I have stacks of papers, files, and stickies all over the place. It may not look like the most calm and energizing place, but I have a secret weapon that helps me stay Zen despite the mess.

Here’s my routine to stay energized even when I’m totally overwhelmed…which can feel like most days!

  • Start the day with a few minutes of meditation. I cannot tell you how essential this is to get your mind in a productive mindset. It clears the clutter and will open you up to be a vessel for creativity, service, and focus.
  • Set your intention. Journal about 3 things you are grateful for and feeling the positive feelings associated with them, and then write down your goals for the day.
  • Conclude your work day by writing down all your successes for the day (work related or not) this will give you a feeling of completion and satisfaction. Follow that with your goals for the following day (this means you will be writing the same ones down twice. Once today, and then again tomorrow morning.).

This simple routine will help energize you by: clearing the internal clutter, establishing a grateful and focused mindset, and finishing your day with success and satisfaction.

I have been using this strategy for a while now, and I can’t imagine a day without it. I’d love to hear what your favorite routines are to stay energized, please share your best tips in the comments below.

3 questions you should ask yourself every morning

Like you, I have limited time and a lot of stuff to do.

My days start at 6am shuffling into my toddler’s room for snuggles and stories, followed by a day juggling work, childcare, and all the other things that come with managing a family and business.

The biggest challenge I’ve had to overcome since having my son is how to get a lot more done on way less time.

Early on, I decided that I wanted a clear division between work and family time. I know that if I’m trying to “squeeze things in” or trying to multitask, nothing gets done and if it does, it’s definitely not going to be done well.

Not too long ago, I felt like I was running from one task to another and constantly putting out fires trying to stay on top of my life.

I’d drop my son of at the babysitters and eat in the car on my way to my next appointment. Then I’d run up the sitters driveway to pick him up on time to get him home for his nap. Once he was down, I’d quickly tidy up, then try to get some work done in the half our I’d have left while he slept. And on and on it went, running from one thing to another, and feeling like I was sucking at everything.

I was spread out, scattered, and overwhelmed with life.

I realized that what I wanted most was to be present with what’s most important to me. I had to shift my energy from trying to “fit it all in” to prioritizing what’s most important right now, and committing to being fully present with it.

So, I now choose to be present with my family when I’m with them so I can be the best wife and mother I can be. I choose to be focused on my work without distraction so I can fully devote myself to making women’s lives better. I choose to take care of myself because my well being is important for all the reasons.

But I’m also the primary caregiver to my son, which means I have way less time to work and just as much stuff to do.

I learned quickly that I needed to figure out a system to support my choices and my time, so I developed a simple but powerful strategy to help me get more done in less time without the guilt. These are the questions I began to ask myself daily:

  • What do I want to accomplish?
  • What can I leverage to get there faster?
  • What do I need to let go of to make it happen?

These questions help me choose what to focus on to make the biggest impact, in less time, without adding more stuff to do.

Absolutely I use this for my business, but I ALSO use this strategy in all aspects of my life, whether it’s how I’m going to structure my day, how I want to feel, resolving conflicts (seriously, read the questions again, they really do work if your aim isn’t only to win), and taking care of myself.

I can’t control all the circumstances of my life, but I can control how I approach them. Using these 3 simple questions has allowed me to have more control, clarity, and freedom.

I have stopped treading water. As a result, I have time for the things that are most important to me: my family, my work, and what fills me up.

It started with asking myself a few simple questions to clarify my focus, leverage the time I have, and do the things I want, and do them well.

3 Easy steps to stop stress in it’s tracks

All of us seem to have too much to do, with never enough time, while dealing with the challenges and unpredictability of life.

Stress is unavoidable and it’s important to learn tools to manage it so we don’t get rocked every time life kicks us in the pants. 

A few important things you should know about stress can make all the difference in how you deal with it.

First, stress starts in your mind from thoughts.

This might sound obvious, but what we think about affects our bodies. When we think about things that cause us stress it affects our bodies, such as raising blood pressure.

Second, stress and anxiety are future based thoughts.

They are characterized by worrying, planning, and playing out possible scenarios. All of them are based on the future, rather than what’s happening in the moment.

Third, stressful thoughts are invasive.

They tend to run through our minds over, and over, and over again, making us feel overwhelmed, and even cornered by them.

When you start to feel the weight of stress on your body, or the busy cluttered mess of your racing mind, here are 3 easy steps you can take before it spirals out of control:

  • Take a deep breath – I know this isn’t revolutionary, but taking a few deep breaths have a lot of positive benefits.
  • It creates space in your mind so you’re not overwhelmed by invasive thoughts.
  • It stimulates the vagus nerve which calms the nervous system down.
  • It gets your attention out of your head and into your body.
  • It brings you into the present moment.
  • Get out and move – When stress feels overwhelming leave your environment and get your blood moving. Changing locations helps your mind change gears, and exercise moves stress out of your body while increasing feel good neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine. As they say, “move a muscle, change a feeling.”
  • Meditate – All meditation is good, but Mindfulness Meditation is particularly helpful in lowering stress and anxiety because teaches you how to be with uncomfortable thoughts without buying into them.

I’d love to hear from you now: Which of these tips are you going to try first? What is your go-to tip for stopping stress? Please share in the comments below.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

My super simple 3 question year in review…with sprinkles on top.

Well, it’s officially 2017 as of yesterday and I’m still trying to figure out where 2015 went.

Last year was a doozy for me and I’m SUPER excited about this year! When I reflected on what my word would have been for 2016, it would have been “expectations,” because fuck did I have a lot of them, and they sure kicked my ass right back to Sunday.

If you’re new to me and my blog, I have a new(ish) baby, and have been working on balancing being the primary caregiver and running my business.

Well, it ended up that I couldn’t do both very well with full attention, so I have been spending less time on here and more time with my cute, adorable, sweet, funny, and now walking (how did that happen????) little baby.

This year, I will have more time to devote to YOU (hooray!), and I couldn’t be more stoked!

I missed you and have been planning like mad of how we are going to spend more time together, and then it occurred to me that you might be interested in how I plan my year ahead.

Like you, I get excited about fresh starts so New Year is one of my favourite times to take stock, revisit the past year, and set my sites on shaping the year ahead.

I don’t do resolutions, but I do something else that I’d love to share with you.

It’s a super simple 3 question year in review with a little strategy sprinkled on top, and it’s a beautiful way to move into a fresh year.

Click here to read the rest over on the blog…

  • What worked?

List all your achievements (no matter how small, it all counts), what made you proud, your wins, and what made you feel happiest and most satisfied.

We can often get focused on fixing things that aren’t working, and this is a great way to shift that mindset. We can only build upon our successes, and choosing to acknowledge and celebrate them gives us a solid base to expand upon.

  • What didn’t work?

List all the things that held you back, sucked, and left you feeling unfulfilled.

To move past the things that didn’t work, we need to first see them through a compassionate lens. Then ask yourself: what lessons can I leverage moving forward? We can’t change what we don’t see, looking back gives us freedom from continuing patterns that aren’t working for us so we can create new ones that do.

  • What can I do differently next time? What am I willing to let go of?

Now that you have your achievements to build on and you are aware of what was holding you back, you can choose how you are going to move forward. What strategies do you need to consider, and most importantly, what do you need to let go of to move forward? Are there some embarrassments, failure, stories that need to be flushed down the 2016 toilet? Is it time to start building a new habit? What small steps can you take that will give you the biggest results?

Well, that’s it. My quick and dirty 3 questions to start your year off right.

Now I’d love to hear from you: what were your proudest moments of 2016? What was your biggest a-ha for what didn’t work? (Mine was that I didn’t make enough time for friends. Totally changing that this year!) What is the teeny tiniest little thing you can do to start moving towards what you want? Please feel free to share it in the comments below, or over in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

I hope you continue to feel the joy of hope and possibility throughout the year, and that it is filled with loving connections, meaningful moments, and the most delicious eats with people who fill you up!

To you, and 2017!

Love and Light,

t

Easy Button Anybody?

It’s been a while.

As some of you already know, I am juggling my business and teaching yoga with being the primary caregiver to my almost one-year-old baby (can somebody tell me where the hell time has gone?).

Which means I get to prioritize what I do with the little bits of time I have for working and I’ve had some WONDERFUL things that have been prioritized over writing my blog as of late.

I’ve started an online meditation class (which is freaking amazing, I must say! You should totally sign up for the next one!), I’m working with incredible clients, and yesterday I was the keynote for the Pink Earth Angels breast cancer support group’s event The High Tea of Hope.

The High Tea of Hope was a girly event with triangle cut sandwiches, a yummy lunch, and beautiful little dainties. We got to dress up and I met some of the most wonderful women!

What I want to share with you this morning though, is how I almost wrecked my speech, and a simple tool (that you too can use) which saved it and made it great.

I’m one of those funny people who really loves public speaking.

I love bringing people together and sharing ways to inspire them and make their lives better.

I do this daily as a yoga teacher, and also through group coaching, workshops, and the few speaking gigs I’ve had.

But I gave myself a LOT of pressure for this talk, and it didn’t take long for this talk to spiral out of control into the abyss of awful-dom.

I wanted to be sooooo good for these women.

I wanted to inspire them, support them, and make them laugh. I wanted this talk to be perfect.

I also didn’t want to offend anyone by being too careless with my language. I wasn’t afraid of cussing so much, but I didn’t want to say something well meaning that could be interpreted as callous, if you get my drift.

(That being said, I was reminded SEVERAL times NOT to drop an f-bomb…and yes, I am pleased to report that no f-bombs were dropped during this talk. However, “shit” definitely was.)

I spent all my work time and free evenings writing, and rewriting, and then researching, and then researching and writing, and ended up with this big disjointed, mess of things I didn’t really know about and didn’t flow, like at all.

It sucked.

The talk was Sunday, and that mess hot sticky mess was Thursday.

And then Friday morning, I had a moment of insight:

How can I make this easy?

Immediately I realized that in my efforts to make this talk good enough, inspiring, and (hopefully) funny, I blasted me away to an unknown third dimension and away from what I knew best.

I needed to talk about what I know.

I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “no shit, Sherlock.” In my desire to make it great, I went to other sources, as though somehow my knowledge wasn’t enough.

Ping!

This was a lightbulb moment for me, because this isn’t the first time I’ve done this.

I also did this on my very first talk I did, The Hero’s Journey. I did a bunch of research, but a bunch of random stuff together, and although it was a great learning experience for me to speak, it wasn’t a great speech by any means.

I wasn’t asked to speak at the High Tea of Hope to talk about other people’s stuff or ideas, I was hired to share MY knowledge, MY experiences, and MY expertise, because I really know my shit.

I’ve been doing this work for a decade, and I STILL struggle sometimes with owning that, and it was obvious to me when I was writing this speech.

As soon as I made it easy, it poured out of me like chocolate in a hot lava cake.

I had it written in under an hour, and it was great.

I rehearsed a few times to make sure it flowed, and that there were no gaps in the information, and by the time Sunday arrived, I was SO excited to speak to these 130 beautiful women.

I put on my favourite coral lace dress, with sapphire blue shoes. I spent a whole hour curling my hair and putting on make up and finished it off with a cranberry lip. I felt beautiful, confident, and ready.

When I walked up to the stage I felt a good nervous, excitement coursing through me, and genuinely happy to share.

And do you know what? It went perfectly!

I had fun, they laughed, and I had so many women come up to me after to thank me and tell me how much they enjoyed my talk. I couldn’t have been happier!

I had overcomplicated things initially in the interest of making it “better.”

What I’ve learned though, is that when I choose “easy” it’s usually the right way.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you overcomplicate things? Do you sometimes forget that you also know your shit? What are your tools to curb the “I’m not enough” voice? Please share your wisdom below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share the hell out of it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might benefit from this post.

Thank you for being the light that you are. Shine bright lovely.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

3 Quick and Easy Ways to Tackle Overwhelm

Last Thursday my head was spinning. I had way too much stuff on my plate all with a tight deadline, and I’m also the primary caregiver to my baby.

Which means I have less than 3 hours total of mishmashed time to get it all sorted out. This was not even kind of enough time for the projects that I felt needed my attention.

Did I mention that my baby was also teething the night before and decided 4am was as good a time as any to start the day?

I was overwhelmed AND exhausted. Not the best combination for sure.

I could feel my head becoming more and more crowded and the heat of panic rising.

You know that feeling when you almost start vibrating, because it’s like all the stuff inside is trying to race out of you at once?

Yeah, that was happening.

I should tell you that overwhelm and I go waaaaay back, we have a long history together.

We used to date for years. I used to be a chronic work-aholic and I spent most of my 20’s either working two full time jobs or working full time and going to school full time.

(Somehow I still managed to party my ass off in between…)

Now that I’m a recovering work-aholic, overwhelm and I only have a quick make-out sesh before I’m done playing and onto the next thing.

I want to share with you my 3 super quick and dirty tips to get your own overwhelm under control:

1) Get back to homeostasis, asap.

One of my coach’s said to me years ago, “Overwhelm is one or two things over homeostasis.” Meaning, that if I can get one or two things off my plate quickly, I will immediately feel better. This means either delegating, finding something that can be completed quickly, or taking something(s) off the list altogether.

This is like a huge exhale and I can tell you that I instantly feel better.

2) Clear my headspace.

It is impossible to think clearly, make wise decisions, or access creativity when our minds are cluttered…and that’s exactly what overwhelm is: too many thoughts competing for our attention.

I sit quietly for a few minutes and connect to my breath. My thoughts may or may not slow down, it doesn’t matter, I still sit.

Then I lay a hand on my heart to access my inner wisdom and listen as though I’m waiting to hear an answer.

Sometimes I get an insight into exactly what needs to be done next. Sometimes I hear nothing at all, but almost always things have quieted down enough for me to move forward without spinning out or running around my ottoman in circles.

3) Take strategic action.

My coping mechanism for overwhelm, pressure, and stress is procrastination…and you can guess how effective that is…it’s the WORST!

I know that taking action is the only way to keep me from falling into that trap, and being strategic ensures that I am effective with my time.

A quick tip to know what your next best steps are, is to shift your perspective from YOU (the one in the middle of shit), to the larger you, or the “fly on the wall” (the one looking down at the shit).

This is like the old adage, “you can’t see the forest for the trees.”

Instead of looking at the trees, expand your perspective to see the whole forest, and this will give you a better insight of what might be some great possible next steps.

I’d love to hear from you now: What are your best tips for overcoming overwhelm? Do you run around your ottoman like a crazy person too? Tell me I’m not alone here! You can comment here on the blog, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook Group.

I hope you found these tips helpful, and if you did, please share this with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to someone who could use it right now.

I want you to know that I love you and I think you are amazing. Thank you for being you!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

The one quality you need to make any meaningful change, and it’s not what you think.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week my live video on Facebook was about the one quality you need to create meaningful change (feel free to watch it here), and because it is such an important topic I felt it warranted a little more explanation.

Many of us are into personal development and truly want to become better versions of ourselves.

We buy self help books and go to seminars and hope that some of it will sink in and then FINALLY we will become the person we want to be.

I want to tell you something really important:

You can’t perfect yourself.

As Jack Kornfield says, “You can’t perfect yourself, you can only perfect your love.”

And news flash my beautiful friend: there’s nothing WRONG with you!

Yes, you might have some not so skillful behaviors like yelling at other drivers on perfect blue sky afternoons when you should be happily basking in the sunshine and enjoying your commute.

Or your impatience with your little one because you’ve asked them ten times to put on their shoes, and you’ve given them tonnes of warning, and now your happy lilting voice is turning into a gritted tooth monster voice and you are ready to lose your lid any second.

Or the fact that every single day you vow to squeeze in some exercise, eat more vegetables, and get to sleep earlier. And everyday you guzzle down a gallon of coffee, work through lunch, and drag your ass to bed far too late.

Or maybe there’s just not enough time in the day, and it’s a constant battle to frantically fit in “one more thing” resulting in you being late for everything. All. The. Time.

But these are just behaviors, they’re not who you really are.

All spiritual practice ultimately comes down to knowing ourselves.

It is by turning our gaze inward that allows us to understand our inner workings, beliefs, and motivations.

When we can see our unskillful behaviors and understand them, we can then work with them.

Often the action of simply looking is enough for some of those unskillful patterns to drop away from us.

But we can’t change what we don’t see, so the willingness to look is super important.

If we don’t, we continue to sleepwalk through life wondering why things keep happening to us, not realizing that we are making them happen through our unconscious thoughts, words, and behaviors.

Now back to the important quality, because it’s not enough only to turn inside.

The HOW we turn inside is just as important and it’s with…dum-dum-dadummmm…drumroll please….

Compassion.

No, I’m sorry to disappoint you, it’s not willpower, self-control, or discipline (although they have their place too).

Compassion is the super power which allows you to look at yourself without judgement.

Judgment kills any possibility of real growth and understanding.

Try this: Imagine a time when you were at a place with a group of people where you felt people were judging you. Were you able to be yourself in that situation? Were you able to be relaxed or open?

Probably not.

It’s the same thing within ourselves.

When we judge what’s happening within ourselves we contract making it difficult to see what’s really going on.

Compassion encourages curiosity and an attitude of openness allowing us to relax to see more deeply.

It is nurturing and loving, and growth can only take place with love at it’s core.

One of my favorite definitions of compassion also comes from Jack Kornfield:

Empathy + Love = Compassion

We seek with the intention to understand, rather than to judge or fix ourselves.

I have said this many times, and I’ll say it again:

You cannot hate yourself better.

The very nature of hate is diminishing. The practice of looking in with compassion and love is the invitation to become the fullest version of ourselves.

You may have heard of people becoming “more of themselves” and that’s what happens when we look inward with compassion:

We shine brighter.

Now I’d love to hear from you: Do you struggle with judging yourself? How do you maintain a compassionate heart? What’s your favorite personal development book, seminar, course? Please share in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this to someone who needs this right now.

Thank you for being a constant source of joy and inspiration.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

4 Tips for a Better To-Do List

This week, I’m going to share with you how I do my own To-Do lists. This is not only how I do my To-Do lists, but also how I coach my lovely clients to do theirs.

I LOVE lists, and I love crossing off my lists, and I love making more lists. I love listing, and I love finding more ways to feel accomplished and successful.

The great thing about To-Do lists is the sense of immense satisfaction and accomplishment of crossing things off as they are completed. I’m super visual, so I LOVE crossing things off.

However, until I learned this important shift of how to do my To-Do’s, I often felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. It felt there was always so much more to do than was accomplished each day.

Maybe you are as zealous about lists as me, and in your excitement of creating lists, never really seem to complete them.

At the end of the day, all the things that weren’t completed were moved onto the next day, and then those things, get moved onto the next day, and it goes on and on.

Soon, you start to feel the anxiety of ALL the things that aren’t done and more unsuccessful than satisfied. Am I right?

This is the dark side about To-Do lists (particularly the ones that keep growing and morphing into some huge crazy uncontrollable hungry monster):

They never seem to be DONE.

So how do we create a To-Do list that we can feel successful, accomplished, and satisfied at the end of the day?

Start creating lists that we can accomplish.

It sounds crazy right? To good to be true?

Once you start doing them this way I promise you will never want to go back because not only will you feel better, you will complete MORE, and more of the things that will make a difference in your life.

Tip #1 – Be realistic about how much you can do in one day.

If you don’t do anything else, do this: only choose 3 things to put on your To-Do list per day, and they MUST be 3 things you can accomplish within your day with ease.

Having unfinished items that we move over to tomorrow’s list is a confidence crusher and creates unnecessary stress and anxiety. And over what? Nobody died over unfinished items on a To-Do list, unless you’re maybe a brain surgeon that uses To-Do lists in surgery. In that case, please finish ALL the things!

Tip #2 – Break it down.

Break big tasks into smaller manageable chunks.

A long time ago, I actually had “website” as one of my tasks. Seriously, like that was something I would be able to do in even a month! It became this huge daunting thing that I was super resistant to tackle. I felt like I was never getting anywhere with it no matter how much time I spent on it.

If I were to approach that again, I would divide it up into little bitty pieces like this:

  • Write home page first draft.
  • Choose colours.
  • Choose fonts.

Breaking the big stuff into smaller stuff adds up really quickly. It helps push through resistance, and builds momentum and confidence.

Tip #3 – Edit your list.

Do you ever notice that some things are way more important to do on your list than others? In fact, some of those things are on the list for no good reason other than you are obsessed with lists and doing things and you like to cross off lists so you just keep adding more? Good, so am I!

Choose the items that are going to make the biggest difference in your life/work. Prioritize, and let the other stuff go.

Or, you can do what I do with things that I want to do but aren’t important now: make a separate list for later. The great thing about this, is that I can write those ideas down somewhere, and then later when I go back to it, I can check to see if they are still relevant without losing them.

Tip #4 – Remember what the list is for.

If you are like me and are obsessed with To-Do lists because of the immense joy and satisfaction you get from crossing items off, then remember the point of the list is not just DO things just for the sake of doing them.

This attitude not only contributes to the disease of busyness, but creates unnecessary stress and anxiety, creates more resistance, and does the very opposite of what the list is intended for.

The point of a To-Do list is that awesome feeling you get crossing it off while getting the important things done.

Now, I’d love to hear from you: Do you love a good To-Do list? What are your best tips for a great list? What tip are you going to try today? Please share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your besties. You never know who might benefit from this!

Thank you for shining your light, beautiful.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t