What do the President and I have in Common that will make your life better?

Hello Gorgeous,

I was lucky enough to work with an incredible woman last Friday for a 3 hour Mastermind around her business.

She is like a lot of women I work with that have their own service based business.

It starts off as an inspiration with no plan, and then the business takes over and starts running their life.

I do these on Friday mornings, and make a yummy breakfast and snacks for us to enjoy as we work.

They are an intensive where we pick apart the business to see exactly what’s working and what’s not, mindsets of how you view money and your business, and how to design a business that works for you, instead of a business that has taken over your life.

Most of us start out in the work force working for someone else making an hourly wage.

Once we start working for ourselves it can be difficult to shake that idea, even though all entrepreneurs work way more “unpaid” hours than working with actual clients.

As small business entrepreneurs, we are responsible for our admin, marketing, bookkeeping, social media, product development, and a slew of other tasks depending on your business and its size.

The other challenge is that we often undervalue what we offer and undercharge for our work resulting in 60 hour work weeks for minimal pay.

So we try to work with more clients for little money hoping that will make up for it. Guess what? It doesn’t.

We need to work smarter, not harder.

I truly believe this is why so many businesses fail, not because of lack of hard work, but because of limiting belief systems and lack of planning that results in burnout.

You may not have a business, but you can easily translate this into almost every other area of your life.

Most of us feel like we are treading water trying to keep up with the life we’ve created, chasing after the dream of “once I  do X, I can relax and be happy.”

However if we don’t ever stop and take time and care to plan how we want to live and work, life will decide that for us, and we will continue to just try and keep our head afloat.

I’ve used these same systems with women in daily life and corporate jobs, just as much as those who are self-employed.

Whether you work with me one on one, in a 3 hour mastermind, or a group coaching session there are a four things we will always cover:

1) Clarity – What do you actually want?

Some people worry that they aren’t ready to work with a coach because they don’t know how to answer this. Most of us, if we’re really honest, know what we want. It’s often based on a feeling like: I want to be happy, I don’t want less stress and anxiety, I want more energy, I want to feel more connected. These are not only valid things to want, this is what our lives are based on!

Although many of us strive for money and things, they have no inherent value except the feelings and experiences they give us. That’s why we want stuff in the first place. They might give us status, make us feel like somebody we want to be, give momentary happiness or sense of accomplishment. It’s all based on feelings we want.

Sadly those feelings are short lived when we expect them to come from stuff. It makes way more sense to build your life upon how you want to feel and doing things that support those feelings, rather than accumulating things that lose their value almost the moment you get them.

2) Systems – What systems do you need in place to support what you want? I remember reading that the American President has a personal chef, and maybe that’s not surprising to you, but I found the reason why intriguing. The President has a chef so he doesn’t have to waste his energy thinking about what he eats every day. His mental energy is too precious to be wasted on deciding on Cheerios or Cornflakes.

This is one thing the President and I definitely have in common, not the personal chef, but I have a full life and cannot waste my time deciding on what to eat every day. For any of you who know me, I eat the same thing A LOT. I make a big batch of something (often the same thing every week) and eat it all week. I like variety, but I also don’t want to think about it. I want to heat up my breakfast and get to other stuff instead of spending my time looking up recipes, cooking, and then eating. I want to eat, and move on.

The White House apparently feels the same way. See, we all have a finite amount of mental energy, and it’s up to us to decide how we want to use it. This is an example of a system that buys the President (and me) more mental space to focus on what we deem important.

Systems are the routines and rituals that support our life, and if you are a business owner, the life of your business. They often are the small mundane routines that will eventually be the backbone of your life and business. They include time management, your physical and mental health, and automation.

3) Plan – What obstacles might get in your way?

For most of us we get inspired with a plan that is idyllic and are gung ho to start…until the following morning when you have to follow through with it. Sound familiar? Like going out for a 10km run every day at 6am when you have never run before and you are not a morning person. Or meditating every night for an hour even though you’re exhausted by the end of the day and you just fall asleep trying.

Asking the question, “what might get in your way?” will have you look at your intentions critically so you can make a plan that you will succeed at. Our aim is not to do a drastic overhaul on your life in a day, because it’s not possible. You are still you.  Aim to make small easily doable adjustments which make a bigger impact on your life. Small achievable goals lead to big (and even more importantly) long term results.

4) Objective – How will you know you got it or did it?

This is the question almost no one asks themselves. They set the goal and set out to do it but have no measureable way of knowing when they’ve completed it. So, they move the bar higher, or to the next thing, which leads to very highly accomplished women often feeling like they’ve never accomplished anything because in their mind, they haven’t. Make sure you answer this question before starting your goals, it is the most important thing to determine besides what you want. Without this, there isn’t any point because you wouldn’t know if you did it anyways.

Time is ticking before baby comes. I’m on the home stretch at 30 weeks and I want to give you an opportunity to work with me before he comes so I have opened up a few more spaces here:

Soul Strategy Sessions in 6 weeks, starting THIS Wednesday.

These classes will be condensed from 90 minute 8 week classes to 2 hour 6 week classes. This is your last opportunity to join us in this fun supportive community. Women love these classes because they are fun, and they work. Don’t worry if you aren’t clear right now on what you want, that’s what the class is for! I promise you will learn so much and have a great time doing it with amazing women just like you. I love the women so much that come to the Sessions, that I often say I want them all to be my best friends! Only 1 day left to sign up! Sign up now to save your space here.

3 Hour Mastermind

I have opened up a few more Friday mornings to work with me. If you are like so many women who offer a service based business and feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and starting to get resentful of the business you love, let’s chat. Together we can design a business that works for you, instead of you being a slave to your business. You can do this, and I can help. Set up an alignment call with me by clicking here to see if this is your next best step for you and your business.

I’d love to hear from you now: are you like the President, and if so how? Share your comments in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group or in the comments below.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to a friend who could use it!

I hope you have an incredible week ahead of you and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Love and Light,

t

What’s it all for?

If you are anything like me, you can get really focused on “doing” by putting your head down and pushing forward.

I’ll get something in my head, and push towards it at all costs focusing solely on getting it completed.

And yes, sigh, I teach yoga and meditation, and should be “in the moment.”

I’m also incredibly human.

I’m driven, ambitious, and I love the learning that comes from challenging myself.

Sometimes though, I realize that something feels off.

I’m no longer enjoying what I’m doing. I feel like I “have” to do it.

I get resistant, procrastinate, and just want to stay in bed or clean the house to avoid it.

Other times it feels off because I almost feel manic.

It consumes me and I am obsessed with getting it done. I will eat, sleep, and breathe it.

When I feel off, my tool to get a clearer perspective is to ask myself a very simple question which gets to the heart of things very quickly:

What is this all for?

It’s similar to “why” which is what I blogged about last week, but with a perspective that’s closer to home for me.

What it’s really asking, me is: is this worth it?

I get the most joy and renewal from connection because I genuinely love and am interested in people.

If what I’m focused on disconnects me, I suffer.

I lose interest and motivation. I can get irritable and even feel depressed because I need a certain amount of contact to be well.

Maintaining balance is a big part of juggling a business and living a fulfilling, meaningful, and joyous life.

The real benefit of all the years of yoga and meditation isn’t that I’m Zen-like all the fricken’ time, it’s that I know myself well enough to see clearly when my behavior isn’t matching my intentions.

I notice sooner when I feel off, and am able to take a step back and re-evaluate what I’m doing, and why I’m doing it.  This has a lot of value for 2 reasons.

1) I might commit even stronger if it’s worth it but I’m losing momentum.

Resistance shows up within me as procrastination. So, it’s helpful for me to be clear that I’m resistant because I’m sick of doing it, but know that pushing through it will be worth it in the end. I will then recommit to my larger “why” and reignite the spark of inspiration to continue.

2) I might decide to change course, stop, or shift how I’m doing things.

The resistance might actually be a sign that what I’m doing isn’t right, or sustainable, so don’t continue like this any longer.

So how do I know when it’s time to shift gears or stop?

I look at my deal breakers:

  • My core values are my north star. They serve my highest good and always steer me in the right direction. (Take the free Clarity Crash Course to find yours by clicking here.) If what I’m doing brings me out of alignment with them, it’s time to change things up or stop.
  • Another, is if I’ve lost sight of my “why.” If I no longer can attach it to my bigger vision, and am just doing it to get done, it’s time to shift gears.
  • Lastly, if I feel I am sacrificing my quality of life such as: exercise, eating well, family, friends, learning, personal goals, it’s not worth it.

I believe our lives are meant to be lived and lived well. If I can’t balance my life with what I’m working on, my life will NOT be what is compromised.

So, I’d love to hear from you now: What are your deal breakers, and how do you know when it’s time to slow down, stop, or shift gears? Share your comments on the blog below, or feel free to share in the Soul Sisterhood!

If you liked this post, please share it! Share with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, or forward it to someone who might need to read this.

I hope you have an incredible week ahead of you and I look forward to hearing from you soon!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

How to get unstuck now.

Hello gorgeous,

If you aren’t from Saskatchewan, or have never visited, you should know that we have incredible summers, and the week ahead is no exception.

We have consistently perfect blue bird days around 30 degrees. That’s why so many of us have a lake to go to, or a family cabin, to beat the heat.

Don’t ask me about the winters, but the summers are truly glorious!

I have been thinking about a few lovely clients I’ve worked with over the years who had big dreams of creating their own money as an entrepreneur but had an impossible time getting started.

I often saw a pattern like this:

They really need to start bringing some money in right away. They have a great idea, and are capable of launching it, but never really get it off the ground.

Often they are paralyzed with fear, and worried that they aren’t good enough, qualified enough, or know enough, to make it work. They also are overwhelmed because they have a To-Do list a mile long, and have no idea of where to actually start.

Now, you might not be an entrepreneur but perhaps you can relate to this in another area of your life.

The details may be different, but I’ve been in that stuck “not enough” place enough times to see it when it’s in my face.

I’ve seen it within myself when I wanted to ask for a promotion or raise, applying a new job, building my own business, taking a bit trip, and now I see it occasionally as a new soon-to-be-mother.

The “not enoughs” can affect all of us at different times of our lives and one of the first things I notice is the “why” isn’t big enough to overcome the “not enoughs.”

This is the best time to revaluate and realign with not only what you want, by most importantly to make your “why” big enough to keep you motivated to get you where you want to be going.

Here’s what you need to know to expand your “why”:

  • What do you want? This is the first question I ask every one of my clients, because you can’t get something if you don’t know what it is. Get clear on exactly what you want, how you want to be spending your time, and how you want to feel. Make sure that these all align with each other because if you want to feel free, but then work 80 hours a week, you are not going to feel free guaranteed. Get as specific as you can with what is important to you.
  • Get real with yourself. When you think of what you want, why aren’t you there yet? This isn’t meant to be an exercise to make you feel bad about not being where you wish you would be, but to help you get clear on exactly what is standing in your way of why you haven’t done it yet. What has stopped you from moving forward? Is it fear? Is it lack of action? Is it needing to get a few key pieces in place first? Once you have an idea of what has been holding you back, you can make a plan to work around it, or with it, to start moving forward quickly.
  • Your fear is actually a great sign! It means that this is important to you and that you are on the right track. If it wasn’t important, you wouldn’t feel as though you were risking something to get it. That’s great, keep going!
  • What is your REAL why? If your why is just about money, you’ll never be motivated enough to move through the inertia of fear to go for it. Your why needs to bigger than your fear which is always centered on you. Who, beyond yourself, would benefit? How is you moving forward with this going to change lives? What kind of world are you creating through doing this?
  • Core values. How does what you want align with your core values? The more congruent our wants are with our values the easier it is to go after what you want. If you aren’t sure what yours are, you can do the Free Clarity Crash Course to find out.
  • Now feel it. Imagine yourself having already done it maybe 3 years later. Imagine how it would feel to be there as though it was happening now. Feel it in your body. What does that feel like? Can you name it? What is important about it? This is another important piece of your why. We are always going after a feeling through an outcome.
  • One small step. Of course insight is nothing without action. So, what’s one small step you can take to move towards what you really want? Share it in the Soul Sisterhood so we can cheer you on!

Lastly, I have been thinking of creating one last offering for you before I go away on mat leave in November and this one is for the entrepreneurs out there:

Soul Strategy for Business

What you will get:

  • A business based on what is most important to you.
  • Get unstuck, and get moving faster than if you were trying to figure this out on your own.
  • Design your lifestyle rather than be a slave to your business aaaand still making money.
  • A plan of how to get where you want to be.
  • Feel confident in your offerings and services to execute sales with ease.
  • Accountability to create momentum.
  • Support and wisdom from like-minded women who truly want you to succeed.
  • No more overwhelm, know what to do and when.

Who this is for:

Women who are either just starting, overwhelmed, shit scared, and feeling like they have no idea how to start getting momentum.

Or…

Women who have a business, but are feeling stuck, overwhelmed and need support realigning their business so that it serves THEM instead of the other way around.

What it looks like:

Group coaching for 10 women for 5 weeks, September 2nd -30th from 2-3:30pm.

If this interests you, email me and I’ll get something together to make it happen. I haven’t decided if I will do this in person, or via video conference yet, so your location isn’t an issue. If you want in, let me know, (also let me know if you live in Regina or not) because I’ll base my decision on demand.

Now, I’d love to hear from you: What has been holding you back? What’s your first step, and what’s your “why?” If you liked this post, then please share it on Facebook, tweet it out loud, and forward it to your friends. We all need a little light in our lives and you may be that for someone who needs you!

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

8 Reasons why missing out is a good thing.

Today my cup is overflowing with gratitude.

This weekend has been another busy weekend for me. I have been busy finishing up the last details of 21 Days to Calm, and today 18 beautiful women are starting the course with me! Hooray!

I cannot express how excited I am to be sharing this with them, and to be able to help so many people struggling with anxiety. So blessed.

I also am a kind and loving wife. Yes, sometimes it happens.

My husband is away with a few of his besties (I’m sure he would use that word, no?) enjoying Kimberly’s finest. So, me being the exceptional wife I am, repainted and re-decorated the basement bathroom to take one more reno off his list! Please, go on, tell me how amazing and thoughtful I am. 😉

What did you get up to? Did you enjoy the beautiful sunshine? Eat ice cream outside? Tell me about it!

Okay, enough about me, here’s today’s post:

There’s this word out there called FOMO, perhaps you’re heard of it? It means “fear of missing out,” (I mostly like the word because it reminds me of MOFO), but apparently it’s a real thing.

It means: anxiety brought on by the constant influx of information from social media informing you that your friends are doing something way more fun than you are.

Well, here’s a list 8 reasons why missing out is a good thing and you totally should do it:

Specifically for the Soul Strategy Sessions which is the LAST one and starts tomorrow:

  1. You don’t have to worry about creating a meaningful life.
  2. You can let go of having clarity.
  3. You can keep being overwhelmed, being everything for everyone, and become more resentful for it.
  4. You can stay in a rut.
  5. You won’t have to meet some of the best women in the city who want to make their lives incredible.
  6. Tuesday’s won’t have to the best day of the week.
  7. You can keep your low confidence.
  8. You’ll never have to be clear on what truly makes you happy and actually go for it.

Yup, these are all things you WON’T be getting if you don’t join the Soul Strategy Sessions.

Now, if that gives you FOMO, then GOOD! It means its time.

Time for you to know what a meaningful life looks like, feels like, and how it would transform your life.

“Tina’s Soul Strategy Sessions helped me take action in my life and increase my vision for what I want my life to be.” – Lia Skaar

Time to get clear on what is most important to you.

“The Soul Strategy Sessions have empowered me to pursue my goals with focus and confidence. With the support of your soul sisters and Tina’s guidance and teaching you are able to uncover a clear path to success and live life to the fullest.” –Carly Graham, Graduate Student

Time to let go of the things that no longer serve you and streamline your life so you can be truly happy.

“Tina provided me with the much needed help to find ways to reduce the stress in my life, let go of things that really are no longer important and drive clarity to my goals and plans.  After 8 weeks, I left a much happier and confident person with a greater sense of clarity with my future vision.” – Tami Mitchell, Access Communications

Time to get into action and feel inspired about life again.

“Implementing Tina’s techniques throughout the 8 week strategy session has resulted in positive and healthy changes in my life.  Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology   

Time to meet cool women (yes, I only attract the best women in these groups, it’s true.), who are on this path WITH you.

“Being a part of such a supportive community with a common goal of becoming healthier, happier and fulfilled women was unlike anything I’ve experienced.” – Mackenzie, Student

Time for Tuesdays to be full of connection, laughter, and learning!

“During the Soul Strategy Sessions, I have been surrounded and encouraged by a room full of individuals who, like myself, want to be fully engaged and enjoy all that life has to offer.  The dynamics of our group discussions have brought about so many revelations for me and Tina’s approach to coaching has allowed me to see my aspirations with much more clarity, have stretched me to dream big and have given me the needed push and tactics to take steps towards my dreams each and every day.”  -Colleen Wruth (working mom of three young girls)

Time be the confident woman you are meant to be.

“Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

Time to know, deep down in your soul, what makes you happy and actively go for it!

“Every time I leave I am feeling inspired and excited about life again.” – Krista Culling, Corporate Sales – The Wireless Age, Owner/Teacher – Mind Body Soul Yoga

You have today ONLY to sign up and there’s only 3 spots available. Click here and start this fall with more clarity, confidence, and happiness than you ever have before!

Don’t hesitate to share this with the incredible women in your life. We rise together by sharing the good stuff, and sharing our light.

Enjoy your Monday and I look forward to connecting with your gorgeous self next week!

Love and Light,

t

What a monk can teach us about tigers

Hello Gorgeous,

 

Today I’m going to tell you an old teaching story that I love, and have said to my classes many times over the years and the message always serves as a good reminder.

It starts with a monk in India…

This monk was a very happy monk. He noticed how the world generally took care of itself.

He believed that everything happened for a reason and things would always work out the way they were supposed to.

He would notice his philosophy in action, smile, and nod his head wisely as it confirmed his trust in letting things be as they are.

Then monk traveled to a hermitage for a month. As he unpacked his few belongings, he looked out the window and the scene caught his attention.

He saw an injured deer limping into the clearing followed by a tiger.

He held his breath as he waited to see what would happen.

The deer laid down in the clearing, completely surrendering to the tiger.

Then the tiger sat down, and watched over the injured deer for the whole night.

In the morning, the deer was healed and they went their separate ways.

The monk smiled, and nodded. Yes, everything happens for a reason, and everything works out exactly how it should in the end.

The next evening there was a wild thunderstorm.

The night sky was lit up with lightning and the thunder roared over the thatched huts of the hermitage.

As the monk watched the storm from his window, he saw one of the huts was hit by lightning and lit up on fire.

The monk continued to watch the action, waiting to see what would happen, knowing that all would be fine in the end.

He continued to watch as the fire jumped from roof to roof, and eventually burning down the hermitage.

As he was running from his own hut to safety, he saw the abbess of the hermitage.

The abbess asked him: Did you see how this fire started?

He said, “Yes, lightning hit one of the huts.” He then continued to explain wisely about the deer and the tiger and how everything is meant to be and it all will work out in the end.

The abbess exclaimed, “You fool! There is a time to be a deer, but there is also a time when you need to stand up and be the tiger who watches over the deer!

However, for some of us it’s easier stand by and watch, blame our circumstances on something else, or continue to wait until the “right” time to take action.

The tiger represents action and courage, and one of my favorite definitions of courage is this:

To sense what truly matters in life and live from that place.

This is what I love, and so many women love, about the Soul Strategy Sessions because it is all about taking action in your life.

No more wondering what your purpose is, or how to make your life more meaningful.

“Tina’s Soul Strategy Sessions helped me take action in my life and increase my vision for what I want my life to be. I have found renewed direction and certainty and have seen some exciting opportunities take shape as I have worked my soul map. Soul Strategy Sessions, for me, have been a great catalyst for change and personal growth. Highly recommend.” – Lia Skaar

No more waiting on the sidelines of your life as you watch another year go by.

“Implementing Tina’s techniques throughout the 8 week strategy session has resulted in positive and healthy changes in my life.  Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.  I look forward to more of Tina’s coaching in the future.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology

No more uncertainty and feeling like you’re the only one going through this.

“If you aren’t prepared to know who you are, what you stand for and how to start living more authentically don’t sign up for the Soul Strategy Sessions. Tina has a unique gift of bringing out concepts and thoughts right at the time you are ready to receive and action them. She creates an environment that allows people to workshop their path and spit ball ideas. It is truly beautiful, watching strangers transform into close, non-judgemental confidantes over 8 weeks.” – Jill, Provincial Government

You will feel happier, more focused, and more powerful in your life.

“Soul strategies for me was about the building of a safe and supportive community of woman so we could explore the issues that hold us back from being the successful and the confident women we can be. Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life. I have found my inner power through the encouragement and compassion from Tina and the wonderful women that I journeyed with during this session. When we find our inner power we truly ROCK as women.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

Being the deer can feel more natural for some of us. It might feel easier to wait for the next opportunity, better timing, or when we feel like we’re in a “better” space.

Being the tiger can feel riskier, messier and even…dare I say: uncomfortable?

Yet everything we want lies on the other side of fear and resistance.

Yes, it takes some courage, and I know you have it in you.

There is a time to be a deer, and this is your time, and your LAST time (with me anyways) to really jump in and start creating your life based on what is important to you.

Next session will begin early 2016. 

I’d love to hear from you now! Do you want to share with me a story of when you were a tiger? You can share either in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook Group, or in the comments below.

If you liked this post, then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to your loved ones. We can be the light for each other.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,
t

Top 20ish rules to live by.

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week was a whirlwind.

Dave’s family had three birthdays and two anniversaries last week, PLUS we worked on the basement most of the weekend. I’m getting super sick of working on that damn thing I have to say, but we are soooo close now to being finished that I can finally see the end is near.

THANK. YOU. GOD!

I won’t keep you in suspense any longer about the top 20ish list though, so here it is:

  1. Don’t wait for permission before you act, or it may never come.
  2. Choose to see the light in others, and they will start to see it in themselves.
  3. Approach your life as though it matters, and it will.
  4. You are one of the few creatures in the whole world that can change their world simply by their will. Don’t forget that.
  5. You may never be totally free of fear, but you will always have enough strength to go through it.
  6. You were born already whole. There is nothing you need to do or get to earn it, it’s a done deal.
  7. It’s okay not to know. You don’t have to decide right now.
  8. There is a reason why you love what you love. If you follow it, you will always live with passion and sparkle.
  9. The greatest gift you can give another human being is to make them feel safe.
  10. Doubt is a natural part of the creative process. Keep going.
  11. The greatest gift you can give to another human being is to accept them exactly as they are.
  12. It doesn’t matter how long the dark has been there, once the light is on, it’s on.
  13. Your life is your message, make your choices count.
  14. Sitting for a few minutes quietly every day will change your life.
  15. Surround yourself with people you want to be like, because you become who you hang out with.
  16. Give freely and generously without expectation and it will feel like giving blessings. If you can’t, then don’t.
  17. Never forget that the BIG questions are not only your questions, they are OUR questions. They are humanity’s questions, we’re all trying to figure this thing out.
  18. You don’t need to know it all to start. The path is created by walking it.
  19. Forgive yourself a lot and apologize if you hurt someone. Making mistakes is a part of learning.
  20. It’s not our job to save each other, it’s our job to love each other as we awaken ourselves.
  21. Listen for life’s sweetness.
  22. You belong, you matter, and you are loved.

I’d love to hear what you’d add to the list! What’s do you live by, and what’s most important to you? Share it in the comments below, or feel free to join the conversation in the Soul Sisterhood and tell me what you’d add.

Did you like this post? Then please spread the love and share with your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward to someone you love by clicking one of the buttons below.

Until next week, my friend…

#Daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

When everyone has an opinion, how do you decide among all the noise?

Hello Gorgeous,

This morning as I was running I was thinking a lot about why we don’t go after what we really want, or why we often say that we don’t know what we want.

Since I broke the news of our pregnancy, I’ve been getting a TONNE of advice.

Some solicited, and much of it unsolicited advice.

I’m an older mommy so I’m one of the last of my friends and peers to have a child and I regularly see my feeds plastered with mommy blogs, parenting advice, and people sharing their challenges.

There is a lot of noise when it comes to parenting because everyone seems to have an opinion.

In the weeks leading up to our 20 week ultrasound, I got a lot very strong opinions on if we should find out the sex or not.

We had decided early on that we wanted to know the sex if we could, and are proud to say that last week we found out that we are going to be the proud parents of a little BOY!

But it’s not just parenting, people have opinions on everything: what you should eat, what’s healthy, how you should exercise, the best kind of yoga, how to find a partner, what you should wear, how to have good relationships, a good sex life, how you should think, and really everything you should, or even could do. Right?

With so much noise out there in every aspect of our lives, how does one navigate the waters, especially when everyone seems to have an opinion, and often a REALLY strong opinion?

Read on my friend…

Do you know what do you want?

Aaaaaand HOW do you really know what you want?

Have you ever made a decision because you knew someone expected you to do it?

Whether it’s what to major in school, or what jobs to apply for? How did that make you feel, and looking back, how happy are you with that decision now?

Have you ever agonized over what to do because you knew deep down what you wanted, but felt you needed to ask everyone else first to validate your choice?

Did that empower you, or disempower you?

Have you ever purchased something at the store because the sales help were oohing and ahhing at how great you looked in it, even though you didn’t feel it was quite right?

Then once you got it home asked yourself: what was I thinking?

Or here’s a big one: when you look back on your life now, are there things you wish you hadn’t done but did anyways because others expected you too, or encouraged you too?

We are so easily influenced by each other because we are mammals which are emotionally driven creatures.

We are naturally tribal creatures who depend on each other for our well being and there is no worse punishment for us than not belonging.

We will do almost anything to be accepted.

There’s a reason Time Outs are so effective for disciplining children. Or if you have ever trained a dog, turning your back to them will stop an undesirable behavior. There is nothing more painful than not belonging to us and we will correct our behavior to be in good graces once again.

So, what about the big stuff, like your own hearts desires? Your right path? How do you make those choices without being drowned out by all the noise of what other’s want you to do?

Here are 3 things you need to know about how to deal with the noise around you:

1) Other peoples advice is a gift…and I’ll tell you why.

When people offer you advice (solicited or not), they are sharing something important and personal about themselves with you. They are sharing their model of the world, and what is important to THEM. It is not about you. If you can look at it from this perspective it’s easier to not get charged or influenced by the advice offered. Most often advice is well meaning, and is based on THEIR personal experience from their life’s history. It has nothing to do with what is right for you and your life’s circumstances, even if you decide to consider it when it aligns with your own beliefs.

2) If you don’t know about something, it’s useful to research it.

I often ask people I respect for their opinions and advice on things I know nothing about. Choose to ask with the intention of collecting information to understand the topic better and have more data to make a decision that fits with your life. I want to be clear, that this is different than asking what to DO, it is asking for the sake of collecting information only, not to influence what is inherently your decision to make.

3) Follow your inner compass.

There is a part of you that already knows the answers because everyone of your resources are within. Your life will not be answered by more money, status, or stuff. You already know this. This is the hardest one of all because it is entirely internal and it takes a lot of trust to follow through with choices that may be unpopular even when you know it is the right thing for you.

It takes courage and confidence to live authentically.

It’s not always easy or comfortable to stand in your truth and not to be drowned by the noise of expectation and the wants of everyone around you. It’s so natural for so many of us to want to be, and try to be, all things to all people….and it’s impossible and exhausting.

“The Soul Strategy Sessions have empowered me to pursue my goals with focus and confidence. With the support of your soul sisters and Tina’s guidance and teaching you are able to uncover a clear path to success and live life to the fullest.” –Carly Graham, Graduate Student

You can start living more authentically now.

“Soul strategies for me was about the building of a safe and supportive community of woman so we could explore the issues that hold us back from being the successful and the confident women we can be. Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life. I have found my inner power through the encouragement and compassion from Tina and the wonderful women that I journeyed with during this session. When we find our inner power we truly ROCK as women.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

The Soul Strategy Sessions offers tools to get clear on your inner compass and is the basis of how to live a more meaningful and happier life. This is the last Soul Strategy Session for 2015, and possibly ever, I’d love for you to join us. Read more about it here.

I sure hope I get to see you there!

Thank you for being the light that you are.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

What’s your REAL dream life?

Hi Gorgeous,

What’s your dream life?

If you are planning on hiring a coach (or mentor for that matter), it’s recommended that you hire someone who’s already at where you want to be.

Everyone (at least in my coaching world) talk about 2 things that they are constantly trying to sell you:

  • Your dream life.
  • Creating a 6 figure business.

They are often sold with images of a luxurious lifestyle that include a LOT of money, plenty of travel, and a laptop lifestyle.

My problem with that, is that often these “dreams” are contingent on externals and having the “right” things, and THEN finally you can be happy.

I call bullshit.

Not only that, but most of these coaches that I know work 80 hour weeks and have a large support team to pay for so they only take home a fraction of what they say they do. Don’t even get me started on the happiness part of it, because I don’t see a lot of balance there.

I’ve been doing this work for 8 years, and never, and I mean NEVER have I had a client become happier once they got more stuff, better stuff, or more money.

Where I HAVE seen clients become happier is when they stopped looking at what they were missing, and started looking inside at what makes them feel happy and fulfilled and did more of that.

(If you haven’t done the Clarity Crash Course, Click her to get this great FREE resource to help you get clear on what actually makes you happy, and it doesn’t have anything to do with a new Marc Jacobs bag.)

Happiness is what we are all after when we are dreaming about our dream life. We want to feel inspired, content, at ease, confident, and like we are making a difference.

The problem is that happiness can’t be accomplished through stuff, or getting “somewhere” in life.

In fact, it’s the opposite.

Happiness comes from the inside out.

Looking to externals is looking to the outside to fill the inside, and it just doesn’t work. We’ve all tried it, and we don’t need to go there.

Happiness comes from what we give, not what we get.

Last night I completed a powerful group coaching session with women that I love and genuinely care for, had a cuddle with my sweet dog, and while I was brushing my teeth I could hear my wonderful husband downstairs working on renovations.

It was then that I had an insight that kind of rocked me: I was living my dream.

No, it’s not a 6 figure business that has me travelling glamorously around the world while I sipped expensive wine.

It’s not a high status job that has a tonne of people working under me.

It’s also not fancy, with luxurious stuff.

But it is MY dream, and absolutely my version of success.

I am blessed to have found and married the greatest man I have ever known. I adore, admire, and am truly crazy about him. He is more than everything I could have hoped for, and the best part is: he loves me just as much back and now we’re starting our family together.

I feel like I make a meaningful difference for people every day so my heart overflows and I go to bed every night feeling blessed.

I love my career so much that it rarely feels like work and it consistently inspires and delights me…aaand pinch me: I get paid to do it.

I have time to do things that are important to me, like spending time with friends, reading books, fitness, yoga, meditation, and learning about anything that peaks my curiosity.

I am 100% authentic every single day. What you see is what you get and I never try to be someone else for anybody.

I live aligned with my values and what’s most important to me. I never compromise and never feel I have to.

My life is balanced with healthy boundaries and I am truly joyful.

I do what I want. This is HUGE for me!

I understand and love myself unconditionally and wholly. I am on my own side and am a great cheerleader for myself.

Every day I feel like I have meaningful interactions with people. Whether it’s with friends and family, my clients, or the server, I feel connected.

I remember daily, that I am also connected to something greater and that it is my privilege to serve others because we are all one and the same.

Is it glamorous? Probably not.

Am I so happy that I have a shit eating grin every night that I go to bed?

Absolutely. I feel like I’ve won.

Why do I share all this with you? It’s not to boast about how awesome my life is (although if you want to tell me that I won’t argue with you), but it’s to give you another perspective of success.

Is success really about having the right title, the right bank statement, or the right stuff?

Some people will tell you that. Go ahead and try it, I haven’t met a person yet who achieved happiness that way.

I’m going to ask you to go deeper.

When you really think about what a perfect day would look like to you, what comes up for you? Who would be there? What would you be doing? How would you be feeling? What values are being honored there?

THIS is where you access your key to happiness. This is how you start to work from the inside out.

So, I want to hear from you: tell me about your perfect day and what about it is different than your current life? Then share with me one thing that you are going to do to move towards it below or in the Soul Sisterhood (click here to join us!)

Before I go, I have a few other quick things you might be interested in:

FREE Webinar for Anxiety Wednesday June 24th 7pm. Click here to register. 

The Soul-O-Preneur Course is up for sale for only $47. Click to learn more.

The LAST Soul Strategy Sessions of 2015 is open for registration: Tuesdays August 4th to September 22nd, 5:30 – 7pm. Click to learn more before it’s sold out!

Thank you for being the incredible light that you are! Keep shining and #daretobeyou.

Love and Light,

t

How to find your direction when you’re stuck.

Hello Gorgeous,

I hope you enjoyed some sunshine this last weekend and had a chance to do something fun for yourself.

I’m officially 18 weeks prego yesterday and am finally starting to gain some energy back to move my body and get outside. Hooray! Damn it feels good to get out and MOVE again!

Since I’ve announced my pregnancy, I’ve got a LOT of responses…thank you so much, you sure know how to make a gal feel loved! Making a baby is a miraculous and scary thing and I’m so over-the-moon thrilled to have your support.

Last week was also the beginning of the Summer Soul Strategy Sessions, and wow, we have an incredible group of women once again! They have inspired this post, so thank you beautiful ladies.

One thing I heard over and over again last week was regarding direction and feeling stuck.

This post isn’t going to be about the whole process of finding direction and clarity, you can do that in my free Clarity Crash Course, but it is about the next most important step:

Action.

How many of us believe the answers lie outside of ourselves?

We get another book, take another course, watch another webinar, or some other self-improvement nonsense?

Don’t feel bad, I’ve done it too.

We all do, and when we’re stuck we’re ready to do just about anything to get unstuck…except get moving.

It’s easier to hope some guru has the magic answer of what to do with your life and then follow their step by step process to “live-your-dream-life-where-nothing-bad-will-ever-happen-ever-again-because-there’s-a-picture-of-a-young-beautiful-woman-smiling-with-her-arms-spread-wide-in-a-field-with-beams-of-sunshine.”

But it’s a crock.

You are a unique special individual and there has only ever been one of you in all of time.

So, how could a one-size-fits-all solution possibly work?

Direction is a verb that’s done by taking action.

Where we often get stuck, is we believe that there IS a singular solution and our job is to figure out what that ONE way is to be happy.

It sounds a lot like perfection doesn’t it? The belief that there is one perfect way only and you have to keep striving until you find it even though it doesn’t even exist.

It’s kind of crazy.

It would be a very sad joke from the universe if we were born with one shot at a short little life to go after our one possibility of happiness or it was all wasted.

The truth is there are many wonderful and fulfilling directions any of us could take that would lead to happiness and contentment.

You will find which ones resonate with you but getting out there and DOING stuff, not PLANNING to do stuff.

We don’t even know what makes us happy in the first place until we’ve done it.

If there’s one general statement I can say about finding your direction it’s this:

Chase your happiness.

Happiness will lead you to your passions and your purpose.

Chasing it means that you are actively taking action and moving in that direction.

There is no one right direction, no matter what Kool-Aid someone is trying to sell you. That’s just based on scarcity and fear, and we already have enough of that.

So here’s my challenge for you:

Tell me what makes you truly happy, and share with me what 3 things you are going to do to fulfill that happiness either below in the comments, or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

*Don’t forget to schedule that shit in, or it won’t happen, and why wait another week, year, or decade? Do it now.

So, I want to hear from you now! Do you know your direction? Do you even believe in a direction? Or do you just want to talk more about my pregnancy? That’s cool too! Tell me all about it below.

Make today a good one, and don’t forget to #daretobeyou!

Love and Light,

t

What do handstands and qualifications have to do with each other?

As a yoga teacher, I will often throw in challenging poses like handstands that I know are going to be too difficult for most of the people to master easily.

No, not because I’m mean and I want to see them fail, but because I think it’s good to get used to the feel and prep of harder poses so eventually they will be able to do them.

Almost every time though, there’s a few students who sit on the floor and just watch no matter how many beginner steps I give them.

They sit there contentedly smiling and cheering students on who are trying and failing, but never actually attempting it themselves, believing it’s not for them.

I believe that to grow we must be willing to try things that challenge us and see what we can do even if we suck at it, and yoga is no exception.

So when I ask the students on the floor why aren’t they trying, it’s rarely because of an injury, it’s because they believe they aren’t qualified yet.

These are the most common excuses I hear:

I’m not strong enough yet.

I don’t think I can do it.

I’m not ready to try it yet.

I’m scared.

No shit, so is everyone else.

But instead of even testing to see if they can, they wait on the sidelines until they’re going to feeeeel ready for it.

Here’s the thing, we will never feel ready or qualified enough for the things life throws at us.

Ready is a myth, and a shitty excuse for not participating in your life.

I am also willing to bet my car (don’t be too excited, it’s not that awesome) that these same people live their whole lives sitting on the sidelines waiting, and we are all the person at different times in our lives.

We watch opportunities slip through our fingers to protect ourselves so we don’t have to be uncomfortable or get hurt.

But then we never fully engage with life, and will be left with regret and a whole pile of should haves.

We want our dream vacation to be perfect so we put it off until all the details are just right and everything is all figured out and it may be YEARS before that happens. But at least it will be perfect, right?

We put off sharing our skills until we hone them to perfection so we don’t make a mistake so no one finds out that we don’t actually know enough and don’t really deserve to be doing it.

We don’t take the first steps in building a business because we need to get the right website up first even though we don’t know what that would be but at least it would make us look like we know what we’re doing.

We don’t take the training we want because we don’t know enough first and are afraid of looking stupid in front of others believing of course everyone else would know more than us.

We want to say no, but not yet, because even though we’re exhausted and spread way too thing already, we don’t want to burn any bridges or piss anyone off.

We don’t start working out because we don’t know what we’re doing and certainly don’t want everyone else to know that we’re new at this.

We don’t go for the promotion because we don’t have 100% percent of the skills yet so there’s no point even trying.

The deepest learning from life is not from a book explaining theory, it’s from jumping in and figuring shit out.

You don’t have to do this recklessly, but it does mean getting your hands dirty, understanding that failure is not a character flaw, and being a little vulnerable.

Aaand the rewards? Emotional resilience (one of the markers for happiness), confidence (which can only be attained by doing things that are hard), and acquiring abilities faster than your peers (you will be ahead of the game).

You are not put on this earth to make people like you, or even to not look stupid, you are here to make a dent in the universe and its impossible watching from the sidelines.

Go on, jump in and see what you can do!

I want to hear from you now. Do you like handstands, and what did it take for you to try it? What have you done that was hard, but you jumped in anyways? Where have you been waiting in your life until you were “ready”? Tell me all about it below!

Dare to be you.

Love and Light,

t