Do as I say, not as I do!
Have you ever heard that one before?
I’m not totally sure if I ever actually heard that come out of my mom’s mouth, but it was definitely implied.
It was probably more like, my mom smiling at me in a loving way and saying:
“You’re so much smarter than your old mama, so you wouldn’t do this.”
As I sat in my naturopath’s office last week, she repeated back to me the words I had used to describe my life right now (FULL of should’s, have to’s, and need to’s).
At first I was frustrated with myself, I mean wasn’t I past this shit already?
Then my naturopath reminded me of that voice, the “should” voice, and to be kind to myself.
Gawd, I’m lucky to have women like this on my team!
It reminded of how important it is to model WHAT to do, and not so much what we say.
Let me tell you something: my mom worked her ass off.
She had the pressure of the world on her shoulders while she struggled to support our family. I remember her saying “but I HAVE to do this” more than any other sentence other than “I love you.”
Apparently I learned very well how to do that too.
I want you to know that this isn’t about placing blame, it’s just what I happened to pick up.
(FYI, I don’t have kids, so for me this isn’t about parenting.)
I share this to illustrate how we can significantly show other people what’s possible.
To shed light in a dark space.
To become a lightmaker.
Now, as we all know, it doesn’t work to tell people to do one thing and then do another.
To make a meaningful impact we can only walk our talk. Not because it’s what you SHOULD do, that poisons it, but because it feels really good to act in alignment with our beliefs.
When we are aligned with what we believe, say, and act, life becomes easier and we can let go into the flow of life.
When we say one thing and then do another, there’s always going to be friction.
So, what did I do to shift this predicament?
I’m starting with the easiest thing I know of:
Be mindful of what I say.
It’s quite difficult to “see” our beliefs because we don’t see them, we just believe them.
Most of us have no idea what we actually believe, we just assume things to be true and that everyone sees the world the way we do.
When you listen to what you say it gives you a clue to how you ACTUALLY see that world…and it may surprise you.
So, want to try this with me today?
Listen to what you say.
What do you find yourself saying most often? What do you complain about? What are you noticing? Is there a trend?
Keep a mental note of what you hear yourself saying.
Later today spend some time journaling the phrases you heard.
Reread them as though you were reading someone else’s journal through your most loving and compassionate self.
What do you think this person believes about themselves or others? How do they see the world? What are they afraid of? What do they long for?
Afterwards, from this loving self, imagine that you can give the person who wrote the journal entry exactly what they need in the most compassionate loving way.
Write to them. Tell them you understand.
Tell them you understand how hard they try, how much they want to succeed, to be loved, to be kind. Then congratulate them what a great job they are doing and how much you love them and will be there for them.
We could all use a little more kindness and a LOT less judgement.
The inside work changes our outer reality. You can do this.
I see you, and I know what you can do.
You can change the world with your light.
After you do the exercise join me in comments below and share what you learned! We are all meant to lead, inspire, and teach.
If you liked this post, I’d love it if you share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to all of your friends.
We are lightmakers.
Dare to shine.
Love and Light,