My secret for “doing it all”

As you may know or may not know, I’ve been married to a wonderful husband for four years, I’m a mother to an eight-and-a-half-month old son, I teach yoga classes around my city, and I run my life coaching business. On top of that I make homemade baby food, vegetarian meals and treats, and fit in regular exercise.

I’m not sharing this to brag, I’m sharing this with you so you can learn how I do it, so here it is:

I don’t do it all ALL the time.

I do a lot of the things some of the time, a few of the things most of the time, and none of the things the way I did pre-baby.

Here are a few key tips I want to share with you of how you can do the things you want and NEED to do when you are struggling to “do it all:”

Prioritize

I cannot stress this enough. We only have 24 hours in a day and 7 days in that week to do all the things we feel are important. If your days are anything like mine, your attention is constantly pulled in multiple directions and unexpected interruptions are the norm.

If you don’t know what is important to you then you can’t do them. Why? Because we will fill our day with the next most immediate demand instead.

All of us have things in our lives that are important. These are the things we are willing to stand behind and put time into no matter what.

I invite you so spend some time evaluating what those things are for you so you can put them at the top of your To-Do list.

You will feel more in control, a larger sense of accomplishment at the end of your day, and you will be happier for it, I promise.

For me, some of those things are: making my baby’s food and our food, not working when my baby is awake, walking the dog everyday (or some other form of exercise), getting in a bit of work time, teaching yoga, and having a few solo hours with my hubby every evening.

Because I am clear on what is important to me, I can implement the systems and routines that allow me to do them.

My baby needs to nap and sleep well for a lot of the above to happen, so we worked with a sleep consultant early on. I leave the house to teach yoga, so I found reliable childcare with someone I trust. My husband has picked up some of my previous tasks like grocery shopping so we can spend the evenings together once Magnus has gone to bed.

Being clear on your priorities will make it easier to plan your day around them, instead of trying to fit them in. Because as we all know, things we try to fit in don’t happen.

Create a “Semi”-Structured Routine

Habits are what run our lives.

Imagine if you had to think about throwing your feet to the floor when you got out of bed, and then placing one foot in front of the other as you walked to the bathroom, only to concentrate on each brush stroke as you brushed your teeth? You’d be fucking exhausted before you even left your house!

Habits allow us to do things automatically so we can use our energy and brainpower elsewhere.

This also means that habits use the least amount of energy and are the easiest to maintain. Routines, are a few habits grouped together in a sequence.

For example, my mornings look like this: Magnus and I get up at 6am. He nurses and cuddles until 6:30am we have a story and then I get in the shower and eat while he plays. He eats again at 7am and then I wear him as we take the dog for a walk. We get home around 8am, he eats again and then he has breakfast. 9am is his naptime.

He naps usually from 9am to 10:30am which is “my time.” I typically use this time to work, however, some days I go back to bed for a nap myself or do laundry, make food, or other domestic shit.

My whole day is cut up like this with chunks of time devoted to specific things, and specific days also have specific task during “my time.” For example, Mondays I write my blog, Tuesdays I prepare for upcoming events, the end of the week I most likely am doing laundry.

Routines are the secret for high productivity.

As an entrepreneur, I learned early that if I didn’t have a regular routine I would get jack shit done.

Needless to say, routines have been a part of my life for a long time and they are how I make sure I work, exercise, and most importantly, have focused time with my baby an family.

What routines can you implement in your own life to do the things that are most important to you?

Be Flexible

This is where being a yogi has been a huge help for me, because it has taught be not to be too rigid and to be willing to make space for things as they come up.

Sometimes this requires me to let go of my plans, like if Magnus doesn’t nap well or he’s sick.

Sometimes, like when my husband is home, it opens up space for me to go for a run or get in a workout.

And a lot of times, it means letting myself have a break and laying down for a guilt free nap.

Everything is in constant change, and being stuck on things having to be only one way doesn’t allow us to see the opportunities available to us now.

(Also, if you have or had a baby, you know that routines are always changing anyways. Good luck fighting it!)

These three principles are what have allowed me to be a fulltime mom and work part-time at the jobs I love AND take care of me and my family the way I want to.

I’d love to hear from you now: Do you feel like you have to do it all? How do you juggle all your demands?  What are your “most important things?” I’d love to read them in the comments below, or in the Soul Sisterhood.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward this email to anyone who might benefit from it.

Thank you for letting me be a part of your life. <3

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Why your goals don’t make you happy.

I pretty lucky that I tend to attract incredible women, and you are one of them if you are reading this.

You are probably the type of woman who knows that your happiness and wellbeing are up to you. You want more positivity and love in the world, and you know it starts from within.

You might be a woman who is also goal driven and ambitious like so many of us.

You might want to know your purpose and live with meaning. You want to feel like you know your way and have more clarity about your path. You want to feel that spark in your life, and the confidence that you can handle what’s coming.

You might also be one hell of a goal crusher.

Many of the women I work with are high achieving, successful, smart, and driven women. They can accomplish a lot, and have accomplished a lot.

Yet so many of them are still not happy.

We are taught that if we do certain things our lives will matter and we will be happier.

We are taught that our happiness is OUT THERE so we set extrinsic goals that are motivated by reward or avoiding negative consequences.

My first extrinsic goals had to do with education.

I went back to school five times hoping to find the right fit that would have the status I craved and the happiness I wanted. Apparently commerce was not that fit, shocking I know.

I loved learning when I leaned into what I was interested in, instead of chasing a title.  

I also thought my happiness relied on a partner.

As a woman, we are taught that our relationships and their milestones will make us happy. Once we find that special someone we can finally let go and just be happy right? Yeah…not so much.

I learned I could be just as unhappy in a relationship, and until I learned to be happy alone no one could make me happy in a relationship either.

As an aside, do you know many people about to get married that are happy? It becomes such a shit show that most couples find this to be one of the most stressful times of their relationship. If you are engaged, here’s my advice: forget about making the day perfect. The perfect part is not in the details, it’s the fact that at the end of the day you will be married to the love of your life, and that’s fucking awesome. Let that shit go.

Then there’s kids.

I honestly had people tell me that I HAD to have kids!

I’m thrilled to be a mom now and wouldn’t change a thing, and I also would have been happy being child free.

Creating a family to BE happy isn’t a great reason to start one because it puts the responsibility of your happiness onto your family’s shoulders instead of your own.

And that shit is scary.

Those are the parents that live through their children’s achievements. Pageant moms anyone?

We’re taught that if we get more status or more stuff we’ll be happy, and sure there is a grain of truth to that.

Last fall I got a new car, and it was awesome.

I’ve never had a car newer than 8 years old ever, and when I got into my new Rav 4 and it smelled all chemically and new, I was happy.

Really happy.

And now four months later it’s dirty and full of shit because it’s now just my car.

Happiness from external stuff fades.

We have an immediate sense of happiness and then it’s done, until we get the next shiny thing.

Why do you think so many people shop to “treat” themselves, or to relieve stress? They do it to get that brief happiness high.

Maybe stuff isn’t the thing for you though, maybe it’s status, promotions, more education.

These are goals that often relate to validation, whether it’s for yourself or how you are seen by others.

None of these will make you happier either.

Your happiness can totally be goal driven by choosing goals that are intrinsic.

Intrinsic goals are motivated by self interest and personal growth. They are goals we choose because they make us happy to do them.

How many of us make time for intrinsic goals?

We make time for the second degree, online shopping, and dating, so why don’t we make more time for sitting in nature? Maintaining our current relationships? Meditating? Reading? Hell, any hobbies? Learning something just for the hell of it? Or being present with our lives?

I believe we all know on a deep level that our happiness cannot be found out there, yet maybe it’s easier for us to rationalize putting our time into those types of activities.

Most women don’t spend time on intrinsic goals for these reasons:

  • Lack of time. Who isn’t time starved these days? Many of us are so time starved that we want to feel like we’ve accomplished something even if we know it won’t contribute to our happiness.
  • We believe that we’ll have more time later. You know, when the kids are grown, after this promotion, after we’ve lost 10 more pounds. We imagine our happiness is somewhere in the future.
  • It seems too extravagant. For real, I’ve heard this, and I’ve done this. We are so busy looking after everyone else’s needs first that we feel it’s too luxurious to spend any of that time on own happiness.
  • It feels selfish. Looking after our own needs and happiness can feel selfish because that means also saying no to somethings to say yes to ourselves.
  • We may not know where to even start. You might feel like things are unsettled, and that you know something needs to change but you don’t know where to start.

I’ve been all of the above.

When I started on this path I was either in school full time and working full time or working two full time jobs. I put off my happiness to push through one more year, until I made more money, or until I figured out what I was “supposed” to be doing. It felt way too extravagant to spend any time on me because I was in survival mode ALL THE TIME, and if I had any time shouldn’t I be taking care of other things that are more important? I was stuck and I had forgotten who I was and what made me happy. I was looking out there, instead of putting the time to look inside and ask the questions that make our lives meaningful.

Everything shifted for me when I stopped looking outside for approval and started getting real about what was going to make me happy.

I spent time asking myself the big questions and started living aligned to my values.

I put me ON the list and took care of me first. I still do this with a newborn baby. (Magnus gets a way better mommy when she has a little bit of exercise.)

I surrounded myself with likeminded supportive women who cheered for each other.

But the most important thing I did was START.

Imagine how shifting a small amount of your time and energy to your own happiness and wellbeing would change your day? Transform your relationships? Your energy? How you impact the world around you?

Most of us don’t have an allotted time to focus on ourselves. It’s true, we are time starved, too busy to focus, and have a bajillion things on our plates.

One of the best ways to create that focus is to have a set time to focus just on you, and it’s even better when you can do it with a tribe of awesome women who also totally get it.

The Soul Strategy Sessions start in just over a week, and I don’t want you to waste one more minute on things that are sucking your energy instead of creating it.

I want you to feel the joy of knowing your purpose, living from a place of authenticity, and have the confidence to choose happiness every day.

Over 100 women have gone through this program and continue to refer their friends and colleagues because it works. Here’s what a few of them have to say:

Tina tells it like it is, but more importantly, she helps you figure out what “it” is for yourself. What is it that is giving you strength? What is it that is holding you back? What is it that you need to do today to be happy and peaceful, to live with ease and well-being? If you yearn for the answers, Tina is the life coach for you. “ – Faye Dokken-Bouchard, Plant Pathologist, Saskatchewan Ministry of Agriculture

“Tina and my ‘Soul Strategy Sisters’ have been there for me and helped support, challenge, and make me accountable for positive changes. Tina’s unique approach to coaching has pushed me to find clarity, strength, and happiness in my life again. The very first night I met her she told me “change has to happen somewhere” and I’ll never forget that because that was exactly what I needed to hear to move forward one step at a time. “ – Danielle Ash

 

“I found the Soul Strategy sessions to be very enlightening. Being a part of such a supportive community with a common goal of becoming healthier, happier and fulfilled women was unlike anything I’ve experienced. I found the courage to fulfill my goal coming into the session- to make choices for myself and to stop being controlled by those around me. Tina gave me the skills to live a more balanced, happy life. I would highly recommend taking part in the Soul Strategy sessions, you won’t regret it.” -Makenzie, Student

You can learn more about the Soul Strategy Sessions and register by clicking here.

I’d love to hear from you now: What types of goals do you normally set? How are you going to make more time for what makes you truly happy? Please share in the comments below, or in our super supportive Facebook group The Soul Sisterhood.

Did you like this post? Then please share it with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to anyone who might need to read this today.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

Click here to find your true purpose.

Hi Gorgeous,

So, did you bite? Do you want to find out your one TRUE purpose in life?

If you’re anything like I was, you might be desperately trying to find the RIGHT thing.

The perfect job, the perfect path, the perfect cause that would be your life’s purpose.

That thing that you are meant to devote your life to.

Here’s what I said in this last week’s Soul Strategy Sessions that was followed by silence and then cheers:

Fuck your purpose.

Okay, so that might sound harsh, but hear me out.

Why would we believe that we have only ONE true purpose in life?

What if we didn’t figure it out, does that mean that our whole life was meaningless, that we missed the point?

Or that it was somehow wasted?

I call bullshit.

It’s crazy to believe that we are hardwired for one thing, and one thing only, and then have the impossible task of also having to figure out what it is.

Our purpose is simple: to be happy.

“I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. I don’t know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies, stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.” – Dalai Lama

We are most content and happy when we are living in alignment with our values, and there is not just one, but hundreds of ways to do this.

Whether our values are integrity, freedom, love, learning, or any of the many others, we are always trying to fulfill them in our lives.

When we allow our values guide us to happiness, our lives become meaningful and we feel most fulfilled.

We are most unhappy, disconnected, and unfulfilled when we are living out of alignment with our values.

For example, if one of your values is acceptance, you might notice how happy you feel when you reach out to others and make them feel welcome.

Conversely, you might feel more terrible than others whose value is not acceptance, if you engage in gossip because it goes directly against your values.

We as humans are meaning seeking animals.

We try to make sense of a world that seems random and makes no sense, so we add meaning to it try to understand it the world around us.

Meaning is subjective not objective.

It is completely dependent on the viewpoint, not events.

It’s the same with our lives.

I was generously sent to take the Landmark Forum 2 years ago by Lululemon. (If you aren’t familiar with it it’s a 4 day personal development course in Vancouver.) At one point the facilitator announced:

Life is empty and meaningless.

Half of the audience gasped and started crying.

He continued to explain further that the only meaning this life has is the meaning we attribute it, so choose wisely.

Meaning can be found anywhere if you connect it back to your values.

You don’t need to find a different job, or path, all you need to do is understand how you can fulfill your values in what you are already doing.

Now, if one of your values is honesty, and your job relies on lying to people you may have a problem.

But most of our values can be fulfilled in jobs, paths, and roles that we are already in.

For me, when I was young I loved being a server.

Not because I liked working long hours late into the night, or that I thought it was my life’s purpose to wait tables, but because two of my main core values: connection and freedom were satisfied.

I love connecting with people, and serving for me was all about building relationships so I truly enjoyed doing it.

I also had a lot of autonomy, and tipped out more than my wage every night knowing that how much money I made was up to me.

I felt like an entrepreneur and that satisfied my value for freedom.

As Martin Luther King Jr. said:

“If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as a Michaelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, ‘Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

If you aren’t sure of your own core values or you want to learn more about them, I’ve got a FREE tool for you called the Clarity Crash Course.

Once you are aware of your values, they become your North Star guiding you to your happiness and ultimately will make your life more meaningful.

I’d love to hear from you now: what are your core values, and how do they impact your life? How have your values shown you that you were out of alignment? Do you like cookies? If so, what’s your favorite kind, and when are you bringing them over? Share your comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood on Facebook.

Did you like this post? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to those who could use some light in their lives.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

born through fire

Hello Gorgeous,

Last week I shared on my blog a quote from J.K. Rowling: Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

So in the last round of Soul Strategy I shared a little bit of my history, my story of what shaped me into the woman I am today.

Just like your life, mine has scars, tragedies, and challenges…and for me some of it wasn’t pretty.

As Carl Jung famously quoted: I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

I am definitely not what happened to me, I created the woman I am today and I am proof that you can too.

It surprised women in the group, and a few of them said to me: I thought you would have been born this way, happy, positive and confident!

Not a chance.

In fact most people I know who are confident, positive, and resilient, are that way because they’ve faced things that were hard and fought their way to the other side.

Confident strong people are born through fire, not through the womb. Click to Tweet that if you like.

The science behind confidence (and happiness for that matter) is 50% nature or genetic, and 50% nurture or within your control to change.

What that means for you is that by changing your behavior you will change how you are, and you will change your life.

In the Soul Strategy Sessions you will learn specific mindsets, coupled with behaviors to start creating the woman you want to be in a life you want to live.

Just imagine how your life would be different if you could say no without guilt, be clear on your purpose, have tools to get you moving when fear rears its ugly head, or even just have a set time to ask yourself the big questions about life and understand what you really want?

You will stop just thinking about it and get into action, and truly that’s the only way change happens and where confidence is born.

“Tina’s coaching gave me the tools to turn thoughts into action.” – Lucinda Taylor, B.Sc, Information Technology 

You will uncover your true core values and become laser focused.

“The Soul Strategy Sessions have empowered me to pursue my goals with focus and confidence. With the support of your soul sisters and Tina’s guidance and teaching you are able to uncover a clear path to success and live life to the fullest.” –Carly Graham, Graduate Student

You will my best tools for moving past fear and into confidence.

“Because of this community, I was able to face my fears, challenge my limited thinking as well as my behaviors that do not help me attain my goals in life. I have found my inner power through the encouragement and compassion from Tina and the wonderful women that I journeyed with during this session.” – Suzanne Hehn–Social Worker

You will be more confident, focused, and more supported than ever with an incredible group of women who are just like you.

I absolutely loved my Soul Strategies class that I had taken with Tina and 15 lovely women that I am now proud to call my Soul Sistas. It was an empowering experience that I’m forever grateful for.
Calynda Triffo, The Wireless Age

“I have learned to set accurate goals for myself, set deadlines, and think in a more positive way, a more courageous way. I was able to see that if I desire something and I express it in words, set deadlines, think positively, and take action steps, anything is possible.” Sarah Wells- BSW

The next session starts June 2nd and it’s already half full!

The Soul Strategy Sessions work because it’s not about theory.

You’ve probably already read lots of books of how to live better, watched TED talks, and done some work on your own.

So why hasn’t it worked so far?

Theory and insight is nothing without action.

The Soul Strategy Sessions shifts your mindset and changes how you think while getting into action.

THAT is where long lasting results happen, and where you become the boss, the creator, and the architect of your life.

In addition to the incredible transformation above, you will also be invited to join us in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group, become a part of an 8 week private Facebook group with your Soul Sisters, and have a chance to win some of my favorite things!

Want to learn more? Click here for the rest of the goods.

Growth is uncomfortable, and you don’t have to do this alone. You can have support, learn tools that really work, and get lasting results while having a blast along the way!

Dare to be you.

Love and Light,

t

where magic lives

Not long ago I had a magical experience when I drove home from the gym.

It was that time of morning when the shadows are deep and the sun is bright and warm overhead. Driving was almost blinding as my eyes were adjusting to the darkness of the shadows and brilliance of light.

As I drove up to the curb, I noticed the large puddle in front of our house that always turns up after any amount of rain.

It was supposed to get fixed when the city repaved the street last year. It was still there afterwards so my husband Dave asked one of the city workers why it was still heaved, and he replied: “You can’t polish a turd.”

Anyways, instead of pulling up behind my husband’s truck through the puddle, I stopped short because I noticed a group robins bathing in it on the road.

I was reminded of a line from one of my favorite poets:

“The whole world keeps whispering or shouting to you,
Nibbling your ear like a neglected lover.”
-Alison Luterman 

I sat in my car for a few minutes watching the golden light streaming through the leaves over the birds while they bathed in shifting sunlight.

Sometimes they were splashing and fluffing their feathers and resembled little puff balls, and sometimes they would chase each other in the puddle before flying to catch each other in the air. They looked joyous, reveling in their good fortune to play and bathe in the sunshine.

Beauty is everywhere, and when we take the time to notice it we have positive physiological effects.

Just watching the robins, I could feel my heart rate slow from previously rushing to get home. My breath become steady, and felt a visceral sense of peace, delight, and well being, simply by slowing down and noticing the wonder, beauty, and magic of the world we belong to.

You don’t have to wait for moments like this, you can create them, and here’s how:

  1. Schedule it.

For most of us, we don’t naturally look for beauty randomly. So schedule it. Set a time, or a reminder for you to look out your window, or better yet get outside, with the intention of being present for beauty. I’ve had many clients that think it should just “happen” and be spontaneous, but if you’re mind isn’t already inclined to look for beauty and wonder it will require support to become an automatic habit.

  1. Look without trying to “see” something.

Take the pressure off. You don’t need to see something specific. Allow your eyes to wander with the attitude of appreciating the world around you. Your attitude will change how you see things, and I promise you that if you give yourself enough time, they will start to see wonder and beauty everywhere!

  1. Appreciate.

The more you are able to appreciate the world, yes, even the man-made one, you will see the magic of your life. Man-made stuff is pretty amazing. Everything you see around you, whether it’s an airplane, an office tower, your computer, came from someone’s idea and will to bring it into being. It’s actually pretty awe inspiring, and they were all created by people no smarter than you.

As for the natural world, notice the way the light shines, the feel of the grass under your feet, smell the air, soak it up with all of your senses and let yourself fall into the richness of it all. There’s a reason why we feel so at home in in nature. It reminds us of who WE are and that we are not only a part of the mystery of this world, we belong to it.

  1. Focus on how you feel.

Savour what it feels like as you bask in the moment. Feel the air on your skin. Smell the air, and sense what it feels like as it moves through your nose and into your body. Notice what emotion might be here in the moment without judgement, just feel where it lives in your body to get to know it. Feel yourself right here, connected to the earth, exactly as you are and let it be enough as it is.

  1. Look through new eyes.

It is not the world that needs to change to be more wondrous, magical, or beautiful: it is the eyes that view it. Beauty is everywhere and goodness is everywhere. Magic and wonder are everywhere. Most of us are used to seeing only what we look for, and have forgotten to see that we belong to something infinite, complex yet incredibly simple, breathtaking, and life affirming.

It takes practice to look for something you may not have seen before, or very often.

But I know, you have had those moments of clarity where everything feels exactly how it should be and you feel totally connected to the world around you in a profound and meaningful way. We all have, maybe not often, but we have, and if you practice the steps above you will have more of them, I know it!

Did you find this post valuable? Then please share it on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward it to all of your friends. Good stuff is meant to be shared so we can elevate each other!

Do you believe in magic? I’d love to hear your responses below.

You are a powerful, inspiring, and incredible human being capable of changing your life, and your world…just in case you forgot!

Love and Light,

t