I’m exposing myself to you

Hello Gorgeous,

I hope you had a beautiful sunny weekend! My parents came for a visit and we did the tour of Regina and had a great time together.

Most importantly though, our dog behaved with them. A 15 month old lab is a handful, and he was really sweet, calm, and loving which made our visit a LOT different than the last time they came!

Today as I’m writing I’m going to break some rules.

I’ve been told to never teach, or write about anything that you aren’t actually over.

Well, today I’m going to share with you some insight into my own vulnerabilities and fears.

However, I’m NOT going to say this is my most vulnerable post because I read that everywhere and I think it’s tacky.

Yes, this is vulnerable, and I feel exposed, because I’m an “expert” and people pay for my help with this stuff.

Yet I would feel like a fraud if I didn’t share some of my own shit with you, because I have mounds of it…and the days I don’t get sleep because of pregnancy (looooove all these wonderful symptoms, ugh), I have great big ass MOUNTAINS of it to swim through.

Maybe you can relate?

So, here it is:

I’m scared…a lot.

Especially since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve been really scared.

This is the first thing I’ve done in a long time that I am involved with something I cannot control, reverse, or walk away from…and that scares the living SHIT out of me.

At first my fear started within a few weeks when I started to worry that maybe there was something wrong with my baby, because the statistics say that the risks exponentially increase when moms are over 35.

Then I was scared of giving up my life. I love my career, I love teaching yoga, I love the freedom and flexibility of my life and I am terrified of losing everything that I have created.

I’m scared of the strain children put on marriages and I love my husband and my marriage.

I’m scared of my body never being the same, and the mean sounding comments of a few other moms who laugh and say “of course it won’t be” as though they HOPE it won’t be.

I’m scared of labour. I have a low lying placenta, and now am trying to get used to the idea of a higher risk of a C-Section even though I’m terrified of surgery. (I’m also terrified of vaginal birth, the whole fucking thing I want nothing to do with at this point.)

I’m terrified of falling in love to deeply with this child, and losing myself completely into him.

I’m scared of being lonely and desperate for adult conversations.

I’m scared of having a household of two self-employed parents and the uncertainty it brings.

I’m scared that I’m too selfish, and that I won’t be a good enough mom.

I’m also scared that I don’t want this enough. I mean most of my mom friends have ALWAYS known they wanted to be a mom. I’ve been indifferent until last year.

I’m often scared that I’m a bad person because I don’t particularly like being pregnant other than the fact that I don’t feel like I have to suck my tummy in for the first time in my life.

I’m scared of every single unknown there is, because it is ALL unknown. I have never done this before and I have zero control over most things regarding this little human right now. This scares the bejeezus out of me.

So why am I sharing this with you?

Because this is what anxiety looks like masked as fear. We ALL have anxiety at some points in our life at varying degrees.

Anxiety overestimates the significance and permanence of our problems.

Say that with me: anxiety overestimates the significance and permanence of our problems.

The truth is that they will change, and they will pass.

Eventually my pregnancy will be over and I will have a son in my arms and start a whole new beginning that I will get to design and create again.

It will be different for sure, but my life would be different a year from now anyways because that’s what life does, it keeps on life-ing. And seriously, at times don’t you think: “thank GOD it does,” right?

I’m scared yes, and I have a shit-tonne of tools that support me the nights I lay awake or the times it almost takes my breath away.

Over the 8 years I’ve been doing this, most of the people I have worked with have anxiety (whether diagnosed or not, or medicated or not) and I have had tremendous results in helping my clients become happier and calmer.

It saddens me so much that anxiety is an epidemic in our society so I have been inspired to create an accessible course to transform anxiety and help you live a calmer happier life.

21 Days to Calm

As a way to celebrate my new online course 21 Days to Calm, I want to invite you to join me on July 29th at 6pm in a free webinar with my best tool for being with anxiety when you are in the thick of it. It is a process I use with my clients, and one I use regularly with myself to work with my own fear.

I’d love to hear from you now: Am I crazy or can you relate to my fears? What are the ones that are bothering you right now? Are you unbelievably excited to join the webinar and the course? Share in the comments below or in the Soul Sisterhood Facebook group.

We are the light for each other, please feel free to share this with all of your friends on Facebook, Tweet it out loud, and forward to anyone who might need this right now.

Thank you for being such an inspiration to me.

#daretobeyou

Love and Light,

t

6 replies
  1. Calynda
    Calynda says:

    My Dear Tina,

    Thank you for being you.

    First mom fears are always so overwhelming… and they will vanish the moment you hold your perfect bundle. There is no doubt life changes, it’s a lot of hard work and there are days…. but one smile, one hug, one moment rocking that baby to sleep will make all the tough moments worth it.

    P.S. I hated every moment of pregnancy. We won’t discuss deliveries. I had all of those fears and I promise, I wouldn’t change a single thing.

    If I learned anything, it is that the human mind is so much more cruel than reality. If life brings you to it, you will get through it and I know that many will benefit from your class.

    Reply
    • Tina
      Tina says:

      Thank you Calynda, and thank you for sharing lovely. I love getting reassurance! Where are you at 3am though? 😉 I miss your face and hope to see your beautiful self soon! xoxo

      Reply
  2. Michelle
    Michelle says:

    Just breathe Tina! It will all be ok…the pregnancy, body change, birth (vaginal or c-section)..it’s all natural! A new life, with more love than you could ever imagine will unfold. Trust us. ?

    Reply
  3. Bree
    Bree says:

    I definitely agree, new mom anxieties are so overwhelming. Unfortunately, mine did not diminish once I had my new little bundle, but I did utilize some tools (mainly excessive nesting and over-the-top organization of baby clothes) to help me to feel like I had maintained SOME resemblance of control over the situation while I was preggo. Postpartum, I gradually regained some control and took great comfort in a solid routine.

    Pregnancy is brutal – I enjoyed none of it. I remember the movie ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ and how accurately it showcases a few of the difference experiences, and it made me laugh. Also Sally does a great job of scaring the absolute shit out of you with those birthing videos, fantastic as she is!

    Thanks for sharing, it’s always nice to know that there are more mamas out there who haven’t quite gotten the ‘I feel so lovely being pregnant and am so ready to be a Mom!’ thing down (although I am not HAPPY that you are scared!).

    I hope you take comfort in the fact that you are so wonderful, and that you have all of these tools that you use with others to employ with yourself.

    Reply
    • Tina
      Tina says:

      Awww, thank you Bree!

      Lol, after every class I look at Dave and say “I’m not fucking do that!” (meaning giving birth, of any kind, in any way), and then a few days pass and I think “I”m good, I’ve totally got this.” I don’t know it if it’s shock at first, and thats what causes the initial resistance or what, but I DO actually come around pretty quick…until the next video at least. 😉 xoxo t

      Reply

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