This morning I have started and stopped roughly four different blog posts and none of them are speaking to me.
They start off like a good idea, and then, well they don’t. I’m just not feeling any of them today.
So I’m going to tell you about Magnus the Magnificent, my beautiful 3-month old baby.
He has the most dazzling smile and he has started babbling endless stories to our delight!
I am also going to tell you about how I’ve been learning how to manage my new life with a baby.
It’s so easy to get consumed by his needs and let everything else fall away because he needs so much.
It also doesn’t help that I have such a strong desire to be with him ALL THE TIME because he’s so much fun to be around! I am crazy about that kid!
I’ve also learned that I don’t function very well when I do that. I am not very kind, generous, happy, or nice.
Yes, it’s true, ask my poor husband…on second thought, don’t.
The worst side effect was that I was losing the ability to enjoy the amazingness of my new family because I was so exhausted and depleted.
It didn’t take me too long to realize that I still needed a few pieces in my life for me.
Most days now I go to the gym for an hour to do something good for me and have an outlet. I teach a few yoga classes a week to stay in touch with what I love and my fabulous students who I love so much. I also work a few hours a week to feel like “me” and contribute to the world in my own way through my passion.
I don’t call this balance because that word insinuates that there is a final state where it all just falls together, and that doesn’t exist.
I like to use the word homeostasis which is a continued process to maintain equilibrium, and that is a better expression of how life actually works.
Everyday is working towards harmony, even though it might look different day to day, and even moment to moment…and its not perfect (as I write this I’ve got a baby on my boob to meet my deadline and get to class at noon). I also know it will change as my baby’s needs change.
As a new mom, I’ve realized that that mommy guilt starts early, and it doesn’t matter what I choose I’m going to feel something about it. I’ve also realized in a short period of time that if I don’t take care of me, I’m not very good at anything, and no good to anyone else.
Some days I feel terrible for leaving my smiling baby to run on the treadmill. Other days I feel great about it because he gets one on one time with daddy.
Some days I feel awful that he’s going to take a bottle because I’ll be teaching a class instead of being there when he wakes up to offer him a breast. Other days I’m so glad that I’m teaching him to take a bottle early so he can spend time with family sans mamma.
Some days I feel selfish for thinking about my business and what I want to create next for you. Other days I let the inspiration flow and know that I’m teaching my son the value of following your dreams.
My life is as it always was:
A work in progress.
Approaching this new chapter with the same compassion, kindness, and understanding as I would any other part has allowed me to enjoy ALL the parts of my life.
This approach has allowed me to be present with whatever I am doing, without feeling like I should be doing something else. I am now able to love it all, with only a “sprinkling” of guilt.
And truthfully, some days are just hard.
Some days I’m late for appointments, I miss deadlines, I’m distracted, and totally sucking at life.
So be it. There’s always tomorrow!
I’d love to hear from you now: If you’re a mom, how do you deal with mommy guilt? If you are child free, how do you manage all the different areas of your life? If you know how to be totally guilt free, share your secrets with us in the comments below.
Thank you for letting me be a continued part of your life.