Sometimes we are faced with impossible choices. The ones that bring us to our knees and make us wonder how we can ever find a “right” answer when it all feels hard and impossible.
The sun was setting through the floor to ceiling windows blanketing my students in Shavasana with a pink and golden light. I fingered through my journals looking for a reading to end the class when something I wrote made me stop.
My journals are where I keep my favourite poetry, stories, and bits of epiphanies and insights that I’m compelled to remember.
I like the cardboard journals in deep browns that are embossed to look like old bound leather books with gold trim. I like them even more if they have an envelope in the back to keep printouts in and a magnetic flap in the front to keep it shut.
I don’t remember where I heard this advice (maybe a Ted Talk years ago), but it was good enough to write down then and still powerful enough that I want to share it with you now.
When choices are hard and seemingly on par, neither option is especially attractive, or obvious, then ask yourself this: What do you want to stand behind?
This reframes the question from “what should I do?” to “what do I want to stand behind?” It’s a braver stance and often a clarifying one. It reflects what you want to put your agency behind and what you stand for.
You become the author of your life, rather than a drifter who lets the world author for you.
Whenever I ask myself, “what do I want to stand for?” the choice becomes clear.
For example, someone I love is going through a tough time and is being less than kind to me. Do I let it go and practice loving kindness for them hoping they get through it, and if so, for how long? Or do I say something knowing that they’re already going through a lot and potentially risk our relationship?
What do I stand for?
The answer becomes clear because the question aligns me with my values, and the world I want to live in. Even if it means I have to be braver than I’m feeling in the moment. It’s still what’s true for me.
I want to hear from you now, what is the best advice you’ve received on making hard choices? Tell me about it in the comments below.
This is great advice. Something I have been working on is listening to my body and intuition more. Taking a moment in silence, alone to really feel what my body is telling me in a hard decision. When I think about option A how does my body react, and same for option B. I think this question is another helpful tool for that process. Another helpful tip that was shared with me was “If your inner child perceives that following your intuition will cause you to lose safety or love, it will try to convince you it not the right decision.” So when I am flip flopping, I will also ask myself – am I afraid to lose something or someone here and is that blurring my decision making.
I LOVE these tips! Paying attention to how something “feels” in your body helps bypass conditioned mind of expectation or what you “should” do, to the wisdom of what you actually know to be true. And the second tip is so wise. A codependent choice is often one made when we are afraid to lose something or someone, rather than what you authentically want for yourself. Such great advice, and thank you for sharing them Chelsea!