How much stock do you put into your history? Does it define who you are, and does it have to?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately…
We have the capacity to create anything we can imagine for our lives, completely transform the environments we live in, and recreate ourselves just by changing what we believe.
Many of us choose our histories to define us.
Even getting one poor mark on a test score can define who we believe ourselves to be. Instead of believing we got one poor mark, it becomes: I’m not good at math. I’m not smart enough. I’m not good enough. We make the score mean something about US.
The sad thing is once we internalize a belief, we make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
On a bigger scale, it could be how you grew up, or a difficult event in your life that you may have allowed to define you.
My childhood was a messy one growing up in an alcoholic home.
It’s not unique, but it did happen and for a long time the challenges affected how I felt about myself, the choices I made, and the way I lived.
I decided relatively early to save myself and moved out of province to get space but also to create a new life and identity for myself.
My past followed me in my low self-esteem, tentativeness, and not feeling like I was good enough to even apply for the jobs I wanted or have the will to go for the kind of success I craved in life.
Yet there was always this quiet voice urging me on.
It had faith in me, confidence in the life I wanted, and was unshakable.
As long as I kept walking the path, I knew I would become who I wanted to be in the life I wanted to be living.
And here I am!
On the path to get here I have been many things: straight A student, child of an alcoholic, runner, failing student, victim, unreliable, wild child, ashamed, barista, waitress, bookkeeper, store manager, receptionist, party girl, girlfriend, inspired, straight A student again, yoga teacher, ambitious, creator, artist, generous, coach, wife, driven, writer, loving, speaker, yoga teacher trainer, trusting, thriver, boss lady, me.
The perspective that changed me was: life happens.
The events in my life were not good or bad, they are just what happened.
I have also developed a lot of compassion both for myself and others, and it has allowed me to keep getting up when I fall down, or try again if I make mistakes.
My power is in the knowing that my history is a part of my story, yet it does not have to define me or be the whole story.
I define me and I create my story.
I define myself by the choices I make and how I choose to show up in the world, and this is possible for you too.
It’s never too late to be who you might have been. – George Elliot
Here’s 3 steps to support you in becoming the woman you want to be:
1. Decide who you want to be from your highest self.
Make your life a choice, not a default to unskillful behavior patterns that have hardened into habit. Imagine how this woman behaves, the choices she makes, what matters to her, and then start doing what she does. Let her be your guide.
2. Choose what you want your life to be about that’s bigger than what happened to you or the way you have been in the past.
I always knew that I wanted to make a difference and make this world a better, happier, and more loving place. This was the seed that has continued to bear fruit for years through inspiration, motivation, and courage to keep going.
3. Lastly, growing is uncomfortable, so surround yourself with loving people who understand and support you.
I’d love to hear from you now! Do you have a story of creating yourself or your life? Do you believe your history has defined you? Please share it in the comments below, I love hearing from you!
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