I have this best friend who is honestly my soul mate, but not the life mate kind if you know what I mean.
I was living in 100 year old house separated into suites in Calgary, and Nioka was moving into the top floor. Once she settled, I asked her if she wanted to go for some Vietnamese, and that my friends, is how we fell in love…over peanut satay soup!
To this day, she is the person I want to be like most.
When I don’t know what to do, I ask myself “What would Nioka do?” Nioka is the most beautiful, kind, thoughtful, funny, silly, generous, gentle, loving, and wise person I have ever had the joy of knowing and I love her with all my heart.
It’s like that with great relationships though isn’t it?
Whether it was my best friend Nioka, or my now husband Dave, it was almost love at first sight for both of them. There are some people who come along in your life that just “get” you, and you just “get” them. It’s always easy, we laugh until we pee, hold each other during the tough stuff, and are always on each other’s side. It’s a privilege to have her as my friend, and a privilege to have a friendship like ours. I am so SO lucky. I hope with all my heart that you have someone as wonderful as I do in your corner. I’d love to hear your BFF story, and you can share that below.
I can’t remember specifically what happened anymore because it was so long ago.
But I DO know I was going through a rough spot (back then, probably boy trouble) and I didn’t know what to do. I was totally stuck and agonizing over this or that when Nioka said to me:
“You don’t have to decide right now.”
Immediately I relaxed.
My mind relaxed. I could actually think straight again, and really, I didn’t need to decide RIGHT NOW. It didn’t mean that I don’t have to decide EVER, it just meant that I didn’t have to decide right now. It created space to let the emotions pass through me, and room to make a choice that could be made from wisdom and not panic.
I always credit her for giving this advice first, but she claims it was from me.
We have given each other this advice a lot over the years, and it is always useful.
I’ll invite you to try it out this week.
Instead of forcing something, or trying to figure out the right thing to do when you are worked up: give yourself permission to not have to decide right now. Leave it for a few hours, a night, or even a week. Permit yourself to let a wonderful solution to come to you, rather than forcing one in the moment.
Here’s a little bit of why:
Notice the quality of your mind when you are relaxed and peaceful.
It feels open, spacious and there could be many great possible solutions.
Then notice the quality of your mind when you are upset and focused on solving the problem.
Your mind becomes contracted, cluttered, and myopic because it is trying to find the “one” perfect answer. Which of course there isn’t.
Sometimes the best answer is just to sleep on it, give it some time, leave it alone, and take a look at it later with fresh eyes.
I use this for the big stuff in my life and smaller things within my business. For example, I usually write my blog posts a week before I publish them for this exact reason. I write. Then leave it for a few days and come back to it to tweak it and make sure I’m clear on my message.
I’d love to hear from you now: what do you do when faced with big decisions and you aren’t sure what to do? Please share your comments below.
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