I was at a yoga workshop led by the fabulous Ryan Leier a few years ago and he said something that has stuck with me ever since.
“There’s the fear that keeps you alive, and the fear that keeps you from living.”
Whoa, mind blown.
Fear is totally healthy.
We should be afraid of things that can be harmful to us and use caution when they are near.
However, how many of us live with the fear that keeps us from living?
I want to tell you about how I fell in love with my husband.
My relationship to my now husband, Dave, started out completely differently than any other I’ve ever had.
I had RULES, you know?
I never made the first move. I made them wait. I wouldn’t get too close too fast. They had to say I love you first. They had to chase me. I kept my hand close and protected my heart. I was in control of how things were going to go.
Sounds like fun to date me, huh?
When I met Dave, all those rules went out the window.
We met while he was visiting friends in Calgary, and I knew within days that he was going to be my husband and that I was now learning who he was.
It was thrilling, exhilarating, and it made me bold and fearless.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel the pressure of needing to “know where this relationship was going.”
It didn’t matter.
If he was truly meant to be my life partner, there was no rush because we were meant to be. If not, it was the most alive I’ve ever felt and I wouldn’t regret a damn thing.
I was able to be open with my heart and vulnerable with my feelings. I said I love you first. I was completely myself all the time. I didn’t hold back, and loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.
If I had held on to my fear, and my fearful rules, I may never have had the guts to let myself be seen and pursue our relationship.
I would have been too concerned with keeping myself safe.
Keeping ourselves safe from things that we want is where fear keeps us from living.
Fear of failure fear of rejection fear of the unknown fear of judgement fear of being seen and heard fear of intimacy fear of success fear of happiness fear of letting go fear of starting.
All of these fears hold us back from who we are meant to be and shining our lights out into the world.
Imagine if I had held onto my silly fear-filled rules?
I wouldn’t be having a baby in a few weeks with the greatest man I have ever known.
I wouldn’t have moved to Regina and created a life and business that makes me jump out of bed every morning because it makes me that happy.
And most importantly: I wouldn’t be who I am now.
It takes guts to grow.
And it’s uncomfortable, inconvenient, and often painful.
Yet the only way to escape fear is go through it.
And you will emerge on the other side, promise.
I’d love to hear from you now! When have decided to move past your fear and do it anyways? What nuggets of wisdom did you get from it? How did you meet your partner?Let me know in the comments below.